I got called a bridezilla....

crisscrossKG · December 2013

Shockingly, a lot of people have never done anything like be a bridesmaid before. They don't know what to expect, don't really think about deadlines, and they don't really realize till too late when it costs them more money to get it rushed altered.

I think it would be even better if they have a written down copy of this stuff like on email. The tone of it is respectful but also you can tell you're excited and emphasizing it from the exclamation marks. It is a lot of information but it is relevant and important. Pretend like you've never done it before and ask what information you would want to have--because some of your bridesmaids will be doing all of this for the first time.

You are giving them your expectations of what you need them to do and that is fantastic. You're communicating with them and letting them know what is important. Clearly you had tried to do things without deadlines but life got busy for them so you needed to give deadlines because if it doesn't get done, the whole bridal party is impacted and most of all you because you have to help scramble to pick up the pieces. Good job @hlvonb!

crisscrossKG · December 2013

I know I keep posting a ton on here, but I keep rereading it because I don't see how a lot of people are bent out of shape about it. You sound like an excited friend with lots of details to share about a lot of different things relating to being a bridesmaid.

I just want to point out how un-bridezilla it is that you are explaining clearly the financial situation (like alterations not being included in original cost), giving them so many options with their look (the "depending on the style they pick" parts with the hair and nails), the fact that you aren't telling them when they have to go do alterations but are letting them know the latest date they can do it so that there's still time to fix an inevitable hiccup (cause you KNOW someone will have an issue and it will take a little extra time). Obviously it's relevant for them to have the same shoes as for the big day..a lot of people don't think about that and it's important so good thing you said it. And then giving a price range options for hair and nails because some people may want to pay lots of money for nails and hair but some are going to have more financial challenges. You're giving them options.

All of these are completely un-bridezilla things. I seriously can't figure out why there are so many people thinking it was out of line.

Final thought: Based on what you said, clearly you tried doing it the super laid back way with no deadlines, and it didn't work!! So you put up some boundaries so that someone else's bad planning doesn't interfere with your big day and cause more stress on everyone else. You sent the information to everyone and didn't single people out which is even better.

You're doing great.

CLI242009 · December 2013

crisscrossKG said:

Shockingly, a lot of people have never done anything like be a bridesmaid before. They don't know what to expect, don't really think about deadlines, and they don't really realize till too late when it costs them more money to get it rushed altered.

*stuck in the damn box*

I have read some interesting horror stories in bridal mags. Some of the bridal party even forgetting when the wedding was.....so to me sending reminders or "hey have you gotten the chance to...." like once a month (or depending on how close you are to the wedding date) every other week should be fine. I know to some that could be really bossy, but life can get in the way and a reminder (for me) is very helpful

Kauris · December 2013

I think the information you sent was good, the delivery was off. You might want to type up an email, wait a day before sending and then re-read before, just to make sure you are not coming off as bossy. I am an overly sensitive person, admittedly, and I would be a little off put by your email.

HisGirlFriday13 · December 2013

CLI242009 said:

crisscrossKG said:

You. Sound. Awesome! You have things under control and know what's going on and are able to communicate that to the people who have responsibilities. That is all *really* important information for them to know for them to do what they need to do and the deadlines (it's not like you're telling them "on this day you have to do this and this and this and we all have to be literally matching in every single possible way and if your kid gets sick TOO BAD!" kind of thing.).

Them knowing that information will save them time, money, and headache and will also save you time, money, and headache.

I agree. Yes it could of came out wrong. Instead maybe OP should of underlined it or highlighted it instead of the caps? Or to avoid all of this OP should of just said it to them. I think reading this I would of reacted kind of hurt and annoyed but once she explained what her intent was I would of been like "oh great thanks!"

yeah important info like this shouldn't be said via text or facebook or email, not if you can actually call them and talk to them. That's just my opinion. I don't think the OP is wrong she just did it the wrong way maybe?

Should HAVE, not should of. Never should of.

Pet peeve.

hlvonb · December 2013

megan8305 said:

The alterations rules, was that set by you or the peopledoing it? Cause those time lines could vary depending on the shop so i understand letting them know that and i agree with the reminder to wear the right bra and shoes esp if they are busy and might be stopping during other chores they might forget to bring shoes and the right bra

@megan8305

The shop made those deadline and rules.

hlvonb · December 2013

Thanks to everyone who commented. I did call each of the bridesmaids and found out that only 1 of the girls had an issue with it because she didn't understand that alterations could not be done the week before. Everyone else was fine and we talked it out and moved on from it.

CLI242009 · December 2013

HisGirlFriday13 said:

crisscrossKG said:

You. Sound. Awesome! You have things under control and know what's going on and are able to communicate that to the people who have responsibilities. That is all *really* important information for them to know for them to do what they need to do and the deadlines (it's not like you're telling them "on this day you have to do this and this and this and we all have to be literally matching in every single possible way and if your kid gets sick TOO BAD!" kind of thing.).

Them knowing that information will save them time, money, and headache and will also save you time, money, and headache.

I agree. Yes it could of came out wrong. Instead maybe OP should of underlined it or highlighted it instead of the caps? Or to avoid all of this OP should of just said it to them. I think reading this I would of reacted kind of hurt and annoyed but once she explained what her intent was I would of been like "oh great thanks!"

yeah important info like this shouldn't be said via text or facebook or email, not if you can actually call them and talk to them. That's just my opinion. I don't think the OP is wrong she just did it the wrong way maybe?
Should HAVE, not should of. Never should of. Pet peeve.

LOL Sorry His Girl I'll try not to do that anymore. I don't want you irked by me ^_~ you're one of my fave posters on here.

HisGirlFriday13 · December 2013

CLI242009 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

CLI242009 said:

crisscrossKG said:

You. Sound. Awesome! You have things under control and know what's going on and are able to communicate that to the people who have responsibilities. That is all *really* important information for them to know for them to do what they need to do and the deadlines (it's not like you're telling them "on this day you have to do this and this and this and we all have to be literally matching in every single possible way and if your kid gets sick TOO BAD!" kind of thing.).

Them knowing that information will save them time, money, and headache and will also save you time, money, and headache.

I agree. Yes it could of came out wrong. Instead maybe OP should of underlined it or highlighted it instead of the caps? Or to avoid all of this OP should of just said it to them. I think reading this I would of reacted kind of hurt and annoyed but once she explained what her intent was I would of been like "oh great thanks!"

yeah important info like this shouldn't be said via text or facebook or email, not if you can actually call them and talk to them. That's just my opinion. I don't think the OP is wrong she just did it the wrong way maybe?

Should HAVE, not should of. Never should of.

Pet peeve.

LOL Sorry His Girl I'll try not to do that anymore. I don't want you irked by me ^_~ you're one of my fave posters on here.

Thank you!! I correct that at least once a day in my real job and it just drives me batty...

hlvonb · December 2013

scribe95 said:

I don't think the idea behind the email was bad but the tone obviously came off bitchy. Also, some of the stuff you mentioned in there - undergarments and shoes for alterations - is pretty detailed and makes it sound like you think your bridesmaids are idiots who don't know basic things. I can see that wasn't your intent. A quick apology will do wonders.

@scribe95

I talked to them yesterday and everything is fine now

I got called a bridezilla....

Re: I got called a bridezilla....

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