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Jen4948 · December 2013

There is no "cute" way to ask for money, or for that matter, any kind of gift, including none at all.

You can register for upgrades for things for your house, but you cannot politely use your wedding as a fundraiser. If you get a gift you don't want (and it's probably a very safe bet you'll get at least one), then you can discreetly dispose of it and use the proceeds as you see fit, provided you graciously thank the giver and don't let them know that you are disposing of it. But you cannot short-circuit the process by telling them to give you cash.

CoreylovesKiersten · December 2013

We don't need much either, so all I'm registering for is stuff for my bridal shower for the few things we do need. We are going to Sandals Montego Bay for our honeymoon and decided to register for that. You can check it out online. You can just register for trip contributions or for special things like a couples massage. Basically how the trip contributions work is you pay for your trip then you will get the money deposited to a specified account for the money people paid towards your trip. You can then actually use this money for your trip or for something else. Problem solved. We are going to use it to put a new roof on our house (shh don't tell).

Natjune · December 2013

My fiancé and I have been going thru the same dilemma. We are both a little older and have lived on our own for quite a while. So combining our stuff after I moved in with him, we found that we have MORE than we need.
So, in doing some research, I found a genius website called www.honeyfund.com

You can register there. You can aske guests to contribute to your honeymoon, first home, or anything else.

ehodges22 · December 2013

honeyfund.com *also can be used for down payment on a house, etc. Classy and personable way to register for non-traditional gifts.

CoralRobinsEgg · December 2013

We are in a similar predicament. We’ve been living together for almost 4 years and really we don’t need anything + we have no place to store anything new as well. Honestly money toward a downpayment of a house would be awesome, but I find asking for money to be tacky and rude. (I realize in some cultures it’s actually traditional to give money to the bride and groom. If you are old school Italian American I doubt you’ll even need to let people know you want money as that’s a traditional gift. But you might need to walk around with a crisp, new and white pillow case to receive it).

There are a number of other options that might work otherwise, that you can register for.

Websites like Honeyfund.com - allow you to register for honeymoon items. (If you are paying for your own honeymoon, you can let others buy you cocktails or dinner out as part of your experience and squirrel away that money instead. Of if your parents are paying, I’m sure you can agree that the money they would have spent go to something for your future.) There are also sites that allow you to register for classes, dinners, gallery openings etc around town. (Once again if these are things you regularly do you can save the money, if not. Find things that would be an awesome experience for the two of you to have.) I think we will do some of the above as I have been informed by family members that they’d rather give us money. However, I am also registering for smaller things I need/want replaced -> like those awesome cast-iron skillets I just can’t get myself to splurge on, or new cutting boards.

Two other suggestions to consider: 1) As someone who is more crafty but has limited funds, I like to give people things like their wedding album, or do the wedding makeup. I have substantial skills in both and it cost me nearly nothing to pump out a product that most of my friends cannot. You should consider how it will make your friends feel if you ask for money. Some might decide they can’t afford to come, esp if your wedding is in another town and they have to pay for travel and accommodations.

2) If you have friends who have talents like baking, or playing an instrument, or have amazing calligraphy skills. You can ask them to help you out on your wedding day in lieu of a gift. Having a friend bake you a cake (even if you pay for the ingredients) costs them nearly nothing and saves you a bundle of money. Same thing with having people play the music at your ceremony. It makes the whole thing more personal and it probably saves both you and your friends a bit of money. (More money to save toward your dream home.)

I think there are a lot of great, and classy ways to indirectly ask for money without letting people know you are holding open your pocket-book. Have a chat with your fiancé and see what you guys can come up with. I’m sure you’ll find some great ideas. (And you can still alway register for those new cutting boards and steak knives for those people who just can’t help themselves. Seriously, register for something, because otherwise you’ll get stuff you don’t want and probably can’t return. And worst might be stuck with to be polite).

beatrix0810 · December 2013

Asking for $$ towards a house fund or honeymoon fund is fine. The fact is that nowadays couples are paying for their weddings rather than relying on one or both sets of parents to pay for it. Thus, they probably can't also fund a honeymoon or a down payment on a house. The economy is in the garbage and the requirements on buying a first home are now more strict than they have been in a long time. The purpose of a wedding gift is to help get the new couple set up for life together. If you have pots and pans and furniture, helping the couple get set up for their future likely means helping put money down toward buying a house. If you think about it, whether with a registry or not, YOU ARE ASKING FOR MONEY FROM YOUR GUESTS. Unless you think they are somehow getting these towels for you for free. Ask for what you need. Those offended can opt to not attend and not buy you anything.

Times have changed and the view that you can't set up a house fund is old fashioned. Most young people are graduating college in a MOUNTAIN of student loan debt that their parents and grandparents didn't have to worry about. It's much harder to save up the kind of money necessary to put down on a house. I have been to two weddings where the couple asked for money for a house fund. I want to see them buy a house and start a family so I contributed what I could. It felt good knowing my hard earned cash is going toward something real and not towels or bedsheets that will wear out and fade with time.

Tell your guests a gift is not necessary, but if they'd like to contribute to your house fund you'd be over the moon. It's your wedding and your life and those who think it's rude don't have to come.

antibride2013 · December 2013

CoreylovesKiersten said:

We don't need much either, so all I'm registering for is stuff for my bridal shower for the few things we do need. We are going to Sandals Montego Bay for our honeymoon and decided to register for that. You can check it out online. You can just register for trip contributions or for special things like a couples massage. Basically how the trip contributions work is you pay for your trip then you will get the money deposited to a specified account for the money people paid towards your trip. You can then actually use this money for your trip or for something else. Problem solved. We are going to use it to put a new roof on our house (shh don't tell).

Uh-this is VERY tacky and extremely fucked up that you plan on lying to people. Shame on you!!!!

antibride2013 · December 2013

ehodges22 said:

honeyfund.com *also can be used for down payment on a house, etc. Classy and personable way to register for non-traditional gifts.

NO NO NO NO NO!!!! There is NO classy way to do this!!! These PP do NOT know what they are talking about. STOP with the horribly BAD posts!!

kigerse · December 2013

It seems that the idea of a honeyfund is getting a lot of slack from people as being "rude". I too am setting up a honeyfund and I don't see it as being rude at all. We are including a small registry of items as well for those who like to give tangible gifts. I have had numerous friends use this and it is received very well. Also, your guests do not pay any fees, it simply goes to a pay pal account and when you buy something and use pay pal, you do not pay any fees to do so. Of course, you will more than likely have to spend the money ahead of time to book your honeymoon, but that does not mean that the money that is given to you through the honeyfund would not be used for the same in the end. Take pictures on your trip and then create an album and share it with all those that contributed as way of sharing with them the fun you had.

MRSreadcomicbooks · December 2013

JulieMcG303 · December 2013

I think that getting gifts of pots and pans and towels and such is outdated. As you said, you guys have lived together for two years and have gotten along so far with what you have. These days, people who are getting married aren't just leaving their parents' house and therefore need an entire household worth of stuff. Times are changing and wedding gift trends should respond appropriately.

Apparently I'm in the minority here, but I think asking for money can be done in a nice way. How did it become acceptable to, instead of taking heartfelt gifts from people. tell them EXACTLY what they should buy you off of a website? You know what you'll get, you just don't know who will buy it for you. How is a toaster a more heartfelt gift than some money?

Just because it's the way everyone does it currently, doesn't make it better or more right than trying something new. The trend will change, because they way it happens now doesn't fit how people live these days.

antibride2013 · December 2013

MRSreadcomicbooks said:

Get with the times, people. It's 2013. Things are different now.

Uh sorry but good manners & proper etiquette never change. Begging for money, which is what a HR is, is VERY TACKY and extremely POOR MANNERS. Everyone will say "what a great idea" to your face, then I will bet the farm there WILL be people talking about the rude thing you are doing behind your back. There are a millions posts like that on here.

CoralRobinsEgg · December 2013

PS: I actually don’t think that honeymoon registries are tacky provided you also give people the option to buy you something tangible. Just make sure to write appropriate thank you cards with pictures of that event for the people to paid for it and aren’t being deceitful. People really don’t want to give you things you won’t want/need. If you already have everything because you have been living together, I think people will get that helping you have a very special honeymoon is an awesome gift. (I come from a very practical family though, where we were giving a couple hundred dollars from an aunt so we could treat ourselves to wedding planning meals out of the home - in order to make the whole process special.)

MRSreadcomicbooks · December 2013

antibride2013 · December 2013

JulieMcG303 said:

I think that getting gifts of pots and pans and towels and such is outdated. As you said, you guys have lived together for two years and have gotten along so far with what you have. These days, people who are getting married aren't just leaving their parents' house and therefore need an entire household worth of stuff. Times are changing and wedding gift trends should respond appropriately.

Apparently I'm in the minority here, but I think asking for money can be done in a nice way. How did it become acceptable to, instead of taking heartfelt gifts from people. tell them EXACTLY what they should buy you off of a website? You know what you'll get, you just don't know who will buy it for you. How is a toaster a more heartfelt gift than some money?

Just because it's the way everyone does it currently, doesn't make it better or more right than trying something new. The trend will change, because they way it happens now doesn't fit how people live these days.

Gross. Absolutely Gross. Don't listen to these PP lurkers.

antibride2013 · December 2013

MRSreadcomicbooks said:

What DOES change is the fact that people don't need things anymore when they get married - for the most part they already have things and they want to buy homes or go on a honeymoon. It's outdated to expect people to supply your household necessities for you.

Well if you don't need anything-DON'T FUCKING REGISTER.

sahar86 · December 2013

In the end the wedding is a beautiful day celebrating yours and your fiance's commitment to each other. Your guests are there because they love you and want to support you. Each couple is different with varying needs, thus cookie cutter rules do not apply to everyone. You can argue it any way you please:

---Creating a registry implies you expect a gift and expecting a gift is... rude.

---Going to different stores and scanning gifts to put on a list to share with your guests to buy you...rude.

---Making a small registry knowing/hoping your guests will get the point and give you cash anyway... rude.

Ask for what you want because in the end those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind

AngieDeren · December 2013

We added a little strip of paper inside our paper invites and posted this on our wedding website as well. I think it lets folks know what we need in case they want to give us a gift. That way they don't feel pressured to give us anything at all.

"The pleasure of your presence at our wedding weekend in Vegas is all that we ask. However, if you wish to give a gift, gift cards to Home Depot and IKEA would be helpful to assist with our kitchen upgrades. Thank you!"<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

MobKaz · December 2013

I have never seen a thread filled with more first time posters. I have never seen a thread filled with so much misguided, ill mannered "advice". I can't decide whether to cry or vomit.

MobKaz · December 2013

CoreylovesKiersten said:

We don't need much either, so all I'm registering for is stuff for my bridal shower for the few things we do need. We are going to Sandals Montego Bay for our honeymoon and decided to register for that. You can check it out online. You can just register for trip contributions or for special things like a couples massage. Basically how the trip contributions work is you pay for your trip then you will get the money deposited to a specified account for the money people paid towards your trip. You can then actually use this money for your trip or for something else. Problem solved. We are going to use it to put a new roof on our house (shh don't tell).

Why anyone would accept your "advice" is beyond me. If you are comfortable, actually amused, to lie to your closest friends and family, your words would be worthless to me.

ohannabelle · December 2013

CoreylovesKiersten said:

We don't need much either, so all I'm registering for is stuff for my bridal shower for the few things we do need. We are going to Sandals Montego Bay for our honeymoon and decided to register for that. You can check it out online. You can just register for trip contributions or for special things like a couples massage. Basically how the trip contributions work is you pay for your trip then you will get the money deposited to a specified account for the money people paid towards your trip. You can then actually use this money for your trip or for something else. Problem solved. We are going to use it to put a new roof on our house (shh don't tell).

Somebody neglected to teach you things. Lying is bad. Deceiving people is wrong. Taking advantage of people who genuinely want to give you something nice, so that you trick your friends and family into paying for your house repairs, while you spend your own money on a luxury vacation? That is low. It's sneaky, dishonest, and you should be ashamed. I really really wish you were my daughter for 30 minutes, so that I could read you your beads in no uncertain language. Nobody should follow your advice.

MyNameIsNot · December 2013

Cash registries are horribly rude. Even in 2013. It's pathetic that people would even consider this. The fact that anyone thinks it is remotely acceptable is a sad testament to their lack of common manners.

Lying to your guests about the cash registry is disgusting. Anyone who could do that has no conscience.

MNVegas · December 2013

CoreylovesKiersten said:

We don't need much either, so all I'm registering for is stuff for my bridal shower for the few things we do need. We are going to Sandals Montego Bay for our honeymoon and decided to register for that. You can check it out online. You can just register for trip contributions or for special things like a couples massage. Basically how the trip contributions work is you pay for your trip then you will get the money deposited to a specified account for the money people paid towards your trip. You can then actually use this money for your trip or for something else. Problem solved. We are going to use it to put a new roof on our house (shh don't tell).

Seriously you are going to deceive your guests like this!?!? That is pretty disgusting.

chibiyui · December 2013

Wow. This thread went to tacky train wreck hell for no reason all of a sudden.

chibiyui · December 2013

Also, I'll give cookies to the first time poster that admits they work for honeyfund.

AddieCake · December 2013

Good grief.

bbgrlbksmith · December 2013

I dont' think it is rude or anything. I would simply put

"A and B have been living on their own for 7 years and already have acquired many normal house wears. We are, however, in the process of saving funds to purchase a house, and any donations would be appreciated. If you feel better giving a personal gift though we are registered at XYZ"

I would just have a few small things listed for the registry. I don't know why everyone thinks it is soooo rude to ask for a little bit of cash, especially when you have everything you need. People on here can be rude and snoody, so take what they say with a grain of salt.

I hope you get things worked out for your wedding day. I'm sure no one will be offended, and most may feel more comfortable giving a bit of cash instead of being forced into getting something they wouldn't want to give you.

ohannabelle · December 2013

bbgrlbksmith said:

I dont' think it is rude or anything. I would simply put
"A and B have been living on their own for 7 years and already have acquired many normal house wears. We are, however, in the process of saving funds to purchase a house, and any donations would be appreciated. If you feel better giving a personal gift though we are registered at XYZ"

I would just have a few small things listed for the registry. I don't know why everyone thinks it is soooo rude to ask for a little bit of cash, especially when you have everything you need. People on here can be rude and snoody, so take what they say with a grain of salt.
I hope you get things worked out for your wedding day. I'm sure no one will be offended, and most may feel more comfortable giving a bit of cash instead of being forced into getting something they wouldn't want to give you.

I'm sorry, but that's rude and you're wrong. You're asking your guests to a charity fundraiser, and you're the charity. "Donations" are for charities. A gift is meant to be a gesture or token of feeling from one person to another, not a fundraiser for your house. Also, the word is snooty.

huskypuppy14 · December 2013

This thread is filled with ridiculously bad advice. Don't register, people will probably give you money, and if they don't, they probably were not going to give it via a honeymoon fund either. And you probably will offend people who would have given you money and they'll give you less or a boxed gift instead. Just say no!!

MobKaz · December 2013

Is someone busing in these first time posters?

If you are going to make the theme of your wedding, "Entitled and Greedy", let me help you with colors and decor. Here is an idea for centerpieces and color scheme. In addition, you could play a game in which every time someone rings a bell, guests have to empty their pockets of all cash. Why waste your precious little brain cells trying to come up with a clever little rude rhyme when a picture is worth much more than words.

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