Etiquette

Should I be offended of honored?

2

Re: Should I be offended of honored?

  • I thought it was pretty crappy when my mom asked me to serve the cake at her informal post-wedding shindig, but I bit my tongue and did it anyways.

    It's really up to you.  Do you *want* to serve cake to 250 people?  I wouldn't.
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
    image
    melbelleup
  • Sounds like someone is trying to avoid her cake cutting fee. As pp said, say you're sick. Or say you're not comfortable cutting such an expensive cake. The whole situation is bizarre.
    image
  • Personally I think cake cutting fees suck and are just another way for the wedding industry to suck up more of your hard earned $ with that said though I'll cut my own damn cake before paying another stupid fee but I would never ask any guest to do it unless they offered,
    grumbledore
  • I would respond back to her prior to the wedding, using Arianna's wording.

    Assume that she is misguidedly trying to include you (even if she isn't), and politely decline the task.

    At every wedding I've been to, serving staff cut and serve the cake. I didn't realize there was an extra charge (ours isn't- it is part of our package price), and that people would pawn this task off.

    If I had spent $$ on a gorgeous wedding cake, I don't think I want your "average" person cutting it. All I envision is it making a mess of the cake, a mess of the floor, a mess of that person's expensive clothing, etc. etc. 
    dramamonkeychibiyui
  • image

    Do you watch the IT Crowd??? I love that show!
    KeptInStitchessouthernbelle0915
  • My extended family is ALWAYS helping at events like weddings, grad parties, etc.  The difference is - when an event is being planned, they offer to help.  My aunts and uncles are amazing in that way, and everyone takes a short shift (30-45 minutes) to help with food or drinks or something during the party.

    But... they offer to help and really like doing that with each other.  I would never ask someone (especially someone I wasn't THAT close to) to do something like cut cake.  Giving a reading or playing music or being in the BP is an honor.  Being asked to cut cake (if help like that wasn't offered) stinks.  

    OP, you can absolutely decline.  
  • Just a thought... At some point in the past did you ever casually say anything to her like "Congradulations on your wedding! If you need any help let me know!"

    I just know sometimes people throw that out there with out really thinking they are going to be taken up on it in the future.
    image
  • I once read on here that a bride was asking all her close friends apart from one to be bridesmaids, then she felt bad for the left out girl so she was going to ask her to be a cake cutter!

    I have never heard of it before that but it seems people consider it as a consolation prize for not being in the bridal party. TBH I don't think I would be honored to be asked.
    Amyzen83
  • I feel like the poor left out girl got the shaft!
  • I think what gets me most about this is that she asked you via Facebook message. While it has given you time to think about a response, and it is much easier to decline, I feel like she did that because she knows it's not an honor. If you feel like you are honoring someone with a job, then I would think that you would call that person and ask them personally, not type it over a social networking site. She knows it's bitch work.  I would use the illness excuse.
  • Does she not have servers?  I'm pre-cutting my second cake (I have one "fancy" sheet, and then another in the back), and the servers will serve.  No cake-cutting fee at my venue.  I'd hate to ask someone to do a task like this when they can be enjoying themselves at the wedding at one of the best parts - eating the cake!

    Slightly unrelated, but someone mentioned guarding the guest book as a job.  Why does this exist?  Is the guestbook covered in a 14th century book-cover encrusted in semi-precious gems and a couple pounds of gold?  Because Vikings love that kind of thing, so it would then need to be guarded heavily.  Anything less . . . I don't see the point?

    KeptInStitchesAmyzen83hikebikebemerry[Deleted User]
  • arrippaarrippa Sam Adams Craft Commonwealth member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    kerbohl said:
    Does she not have servers?  I'm pre-cutting my second cake (I have one "fancy" sheet, and then another in the back), and the servers will serve.  No cake-cutting fee at my venue.  I'd hate to ask someone to do a task like this when they can be enjoying themselves at the wedding at one of the best parts - eating the cake!

    Slightly unrelated, but someone mentioned guarding the guest book as a job.  Why does this exist?  Is the guestbook covered in a 14th century book-cover encrusted in semi-precious gems and a couple pounds of gold?  Because Vikings love that kind of thing, so it would then need to be guarded heavily.  Anything less . . . I don't see the point?
    It's not so much guarding it as reminding people to sign it. Why someone needs to be reminded to sign it is beyond me. I say this as a two time guest book attendent, please don't give this job to anyone. It's boring and a little humiliating.

  • I've gotten this task many of times as a pathetic consulation prize... Just put me in the dang wedding or let me enjoy it as a guest.
  • Okay, I see - so being on the guest book duty is completely useless.  That's what I thought, but I thought maybe I was missing something. 

    Amyzen83
  • Cudos- another superb thread. Oh, and I would decline, I like the one about enjoying the party.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • This was kind of a tradition where I grew up, including cousins, aunts, uncles, anyone really that you wanted (or were obligated) to include in your wedding. As a kid/teenager I thought it was cool. As an adult I realize that it's sorta lame. She needs to find someone that would be truly excited to do it. Younger cousins/nieces/nephews totally go for this kind of thing.
  • Eh I'd personally feel uneasy about a kid cutting my wedding cake because they seem tricky to cut and the pieces need to be the right size to ensure that everyone gets one. Why not have the wedding coordinator do it?
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Being a month or so older than most of you I do remember this being asked of people.  And.....yep I asked someone for my first wedding back in 1980.

    Karma has a way of coming to visit you and I remember being at a wedding 7ish years ago (over 400 people at this reception, venue was trashy in the bride's eyes but they got double booked at the nice one and lost the war on keeping it.  It was the only one around that could hold that many people and it all happened when the bride was at an Army school several hundred miles away.  Her MIL booked and paid for it, complete with a cash bar for my diet coke.  They did NOT cut cake for their clients).

    I saw the MOG go up and start cutting the cake and I thought it wasn't appropriate for her to do that so I volunteered since I know how to cut them.  Yeah, that Karma is a bitch because I had frosting all over me and they had NO plastic gloves.  I was balancing a couple of knives quite well to keep from touching the cake.  The 6 yo RB was my cake runner.

    This was done WAAAY back in the day - I know for a fact that it was, but I also know that it is an inappropriate thing to ask anyone now.  Maybe the bride's Grandma or Great Aunt suggested it as that is how they might think things are still done.  It was common at those church basement receptions way back when.
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Honestly, at one point in history, this was considered an honor. You got a cottage and a thank you note and your pictures taken for the album. At least in the south it was. I think in some areas they cling to this as tradition, even though it's considered improper most everywhere else. Just don't do it. I have been asked once, right out of college. Ended up with navy blue frosting all over me and my clothes, was the only one doing it for 150 people, had only a plastic knife to work with, and no one to show me how to do it. I didn't get a thank you note and the marriage lasted less than 6 months .
  • This was kind of a tradition where I grew up, including cousins, aunts, uncles, anyone really that you wanted (or were obligated) to include in your wedding. As a kid/teenager I thought it was cool. As an adult I realize that it's sorta lame. She needs to find someone that would be truly excited to do it. Younger cousins/nieces/nephews totally go for this kind of thing.
    Exactly. I did my cousin's guest book when I was 12 and thought it was great. Let me repeat - I was 12. :)
    PrettyGirlLostAmyzen83
  • UPDATE!

    I never saw some of these responses until just recently. You all are truly amazing! 

    So what happened? 

    I tried playing that I didn't feel good. Didn't matter. Upon walking into there ceremony someone found my FI and I and we were handed some pin on corsages and instructed we would. not be cutting cake anymore. But making and serving the 'secret recipe punch'. But don't worry, they did give me an apron to cover my new dress. So yes, I was a bit ticked that we got stuck doing this. Nothing like standing 5 feet from the dance floor and missing out. About 45 minutes in however a serve from her caterer, came over and asked. "So, how did you land this job?" To which we shrugged (and mumbled.) The kind woman then decided to help us fill up several glasses to leave sitting ton the table then sent us on our way with a promise that she herself would fill up more glasses should the stock get low.

    So in all, crap job but a lesson for all of us! Don't be like this bride! (Oh and if someone is nice enough to offer help, for God's sake don't refer to them as a minion - but that's another story and another bride)
  • sockmiser said:
    UPDATE!

    I never saw some of these responses until just recently. You all are truly amazing! 

    So what happened? 

    I tried playing that I didn't feel good. Didn't matter. Upon walking into there ceremony someone found my FI and I and we were handed some pin on corsages and instructed we would. not be cutting cake anymore. But making and serving the 'secret recipe punch'. But don't worry, they did give me an apron to cover my new dress. So yes, I was a bit ticked that we got stuck doing this. Nothing like standing 5 feet from the dance floor and missing out. About 45 minutes in however a serve from her caterer, came over and asked. "So, how did you land this job?" To which we shrugged (and mumbled.) The kind woman then decided to help us fill up several glasses to leave sitting ton the table then sent us on our way with a promise that she herself would fill up more glasses should the stock get low.

    So in all, crap job but a lesson for all of us! Don't be like this bride! (Oh and if someone is nice enough to offer help, for God's sake don't refer to them as a minion - but that's another story and another bride)
    At least the server took pity on you all. 

    Also, aren't people able to get their own damn punch? I would have been more pissed about punch than cake. Boo. 
    Amyzen83
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    She made you serve the punch?? You can't be serious!!

    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    grumbledorePrettyGirlLostAmyzen83
  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited January 2014
  • InkdancerInkdancer The Shire member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I like evil Chipmunk. We can be friends.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
    PrettyGirlLostAmyzen83hellohkb
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    sockmiser said:
    UPDATE!

    I never saw some of these responses until just recently. You all are truly amazing! 

    So what happened? 

    I tried playing that I didn't feel good. Didn't matter. Upon walking into there ceremony someone found my FI and I and we were handed some pin on corsages and instructed we would. not be cutting cake anymore. But making and serving the 'secret recipe punch'. But don't worry, they did give me an apron to cover my new dress. So yes, I was a bit ticked that we got stuck doing this. Nothing like standing 5 feet from the dance floor and missing out. About 45 minutes in however a serve from her caterer, came over and asked. "So, how did you land this job?" To which we shrugged (and mumbled.) The kind woman then decided to help us fill up several glasses to leave sitting ton the table then sent us on our way with a promise that she herself would fill up more glasses should the stock get low.

    So in all, crap job but a lesson for all of us! Don't be like this bride! (Oh and if someone is nice enough to offer help, for God's sake don't refer to them as a minion - but that's another story and another bride)

    No word of a lie, if someone did this to me I would literally just roll my eyes and walk away, apron dropped to the floor.
    Exactly.

    I'd laugh and say "Bless your heart." And walk away.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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