Relationship Timelines...spinoff

Pepperally · December 2013

So, the other thread talks about certain "milestones" of a relationship. What about all of those other timelines...like the first time you/your partner farted in front of the other...always a dreaded first. The first time you farted during sex. The first time you were forced to do number 2 at his place. I'm sure you can think of more momentous occasions.

I do remember the first time I heard him fart. We had just finished the deed, we were lying there in bed at his house. He got up and practically ran all the way to the other side of the house, opened the screen door which I could hear, and farted the loudest fart ever. I started giggling as I laid there in his bed, but I pretended I hadn't heard a thing when he came back in the room. Poor guy!

First time I overflowed the toilet (at my place) with him there. Oh, that was fun. I was panicking and yelling for him to help me...he really didn't want to...but he said the expression on my face was priceless and he knew it must be love that he was helping me clean up the mess.

With my first boyfriend, we met online, long-distance relationship. The first time he visited me I kept running to the other end of my apartment to fart. Then he woke me up out of a sound sleep with the smell alone of his.

audrewuh · December 2013

I was really sick the first 8 months of our relationship, upper respiratory stuff. We'd been "together" 2 weeks and were napping. I woke us both up by sneezing a nasty wet one all over his arm.

I still catch shit for that one.

I'm going to be real open here, so deal with it: I peed the bed about a year into our relationship. It was a twin sized mattress that we were sleeping on (thank you college dorm rooms), and I woke up in a sheer panic, soaked through. It hadn't reached him yet, so I quickly got up, ran to the (community) bathroom to clean up, came back in and put a towel down on the bed. I started sobbing, so much so that he woke up. He didn't know what was going on because I wouldn't tell him. I was so utterly embarrassed. He got up, helped me change the sheets, and we slept on his roommate's bed the rest of the night. (We saw his roommate a total of three times the entire semester. The guy didn't even have sheets on his bed.)

[Deleted User] · December 2013

This is so embarrassing but yesterday was a first for H and I. We were in the car on the way back from a concert last night and we were talking about these girls that were sitting in front of us at the concert. They were super drunk and one of them almost sat on the poor soul sitting next to them. So in the midst of all our laughing, I laughed so hard I accidentally farted. I was mortified and I looked straight at him and he smiled because he knew what I just did lol. At least it didn't smell but seriously I wanted to cry. At least now I won't be as embarrassed if it happens again.

Second most embarrassing thing to happen to me in front of H which seems to revolve again back to me laughing and something happening. My nose is all jacked up from breaking it so many times then having surgery...rinse repeat. So whenever I have a runny nose, it just goes...it doesn't slowly run and you know it's coming, it literally comes out like a waterfall. So, H got me laughing again while I had this runny nose issue going on and I blew a snot bubble in front of him at the dinner table. Gross.

ShallowSeas · December 2013

I can't remember the first time he farted in front of me. It was probably either right before we moved in together or right after. Either way, it obviously didn't make a big impression on me and I didnt care too much because I can't even remember it happening. Thank God neither of us have ever farted during sex.
The first time I was forced to do a number 2 at his house was horrible. I hate pooping at other people's houses. Usually, when I stayed the night at his place, I would wake up, get changed, eat a quick breakfast with him and then leave. This particular time, he wanted to take me out for breakfast. I had to poop so bad so I tried to hold it in while I was getting ready, but my stomach started making that awful whale-sound and I was like, "Shyann, you just have to do it. Everyone poops." So I did, and I was embarrased/worried at first because I didn't want it to smell or I didn't want him to hear it...but it was fine. Wow, TMI. Sorry for that.

The first time I puked in front of him was pretty humiliating. We came home from the bar; I was drunk off my ass. I laid in bed because I was tired but got the bed spins really bad and felt sick to my stomach. I ran to the bathroom and hugged the toilet. FI came in and held my hair for me the whole time. I was so embarrassed because I have never puked in front of anyone other than my family before. He didn't mind luckily.

Pepperally · December 2013

@southernpeach89 - so you are married and that was the first time you farted in front of him? wow!

It's painful if I hold mine in...I can't imagine not doing it in the 3.5 years we've been together. I do know that there is a double standard with farting in my home...see, when he does it, it's the most hilarious thing ever...and when I do it, it's the rudest, most disgusting thing ever. Not fair!

ShallowSeas · December 2013

Can I also just say that my biggest fear is sleep farting in front of FI. I have never farted in front of him. Sleep farting would be the worst. I probably already have and he just hasn't told me

[Deleted User] · December 2013

@Pepperally- Haha, this is the first time I farted in front of him and he knew what I did lol. In the past, I've usually just gone to the bathroom so he wouldn't notice but this time came unexpectedly unfortunately.

Blackbird230 · December 2013

FI and I are so relaxed and ourselves all the time. We really don't care when the other farts or anything else. It's natural bodily functions.

buddysmom80 · December 2013

So here's a good one. We go to Mexico every summer for vacation. The rooms are open-concept so there really isn't a door to hide sounds if you KWIM. We started dating in 2011 so this is how the poooping went down.

2011: We'd be on the beach and one of us would go "Oh I forgot something in my room" or "Oh I'm going for a walk" or whatever when we were really in the room shitting up a storm.

2012: Same thing except we'd be like "Hey I'm going to the room to take a dump, order a drink for me"

2013: We would just shit while the other person was in the room.

Before we moved in together, I would spend the weekend at his house and try not to fart, shit, etc. So on Sunday when I would leave, I would get into the car and let out the loudest, longest fart. Well, one time BF was standing right there and my passenger window was down so he heard that.

ShallowSeas · December 2013

buddysmom80 said:

So here's a good one. We go to Mexico every summer for vacation. The rooms are open-concept so there really isn't a door to hide sounds if you KWIM. We started dating in 2011 so this is how the poooping went down.

2011: We'd be on the beach and one of us would go "Oh I forgot something in my room" or "Oh I'm going for a walk" or whatever when we were really in the room shitting up a storm.

2012: Same thing except we'd be like "Hey I'm going to the room to take a dump, order a drink for me"

2013: We would just shit while the other person was in the room.

Before we moved in together, I would spend the weekend at his house and try not to fart, shit, etc. So on Sunday when I would leave, I would get into the car and let out the loudest, longest fart. Well, one time BF was standing right there and my passenger window was down so he heard that.

I'M DYING.

Pepperally · December 2013

buddysmom80 said:

So here's a good one. We go to Mexico every summer for vacation. The rooms are open-concept so there really isn't a door to hide sounds if you KWIM. We started dating in 2011 so this is how the poooping went down.

2011: We'd be on the beach and one of us would go "Oh I forgot something in my room" or "Oh I'm going for a walk" or whatever when we were really in the room shitting up a storm.

2012: Same thing except we'd be like "Hey I'm going to the room to take a dump, order a drink for me"

2013: We would just shit while the other person was in the room.

Before we moved in together, I would spend the weekend at his house and try not to fart, shit, etc. So on Sunday when I would leave, I would get into the car and let out the loudest, longest fart. Well, one time BF was standing right there and my passenger window was down so he heard that.

I can't stop laughing at this entire post!!! Great illustration of the evolution of shitting in your relationship.

Pepperally · December 2013

Kait said:

FI and I are so relaxed and ourselves all the time. We really don't care when the other farts or anything else. It's natural bodily functions.

We are pretty much tolerant yet offended by each other's farts/bodily functions. He gets really mad when I don't "announce" that I will be farting before I fart. I'm not doing it to be sneaky, just in denial that my fart will actually smell and be noticed.

audrewuh · December 2013

Pepperally said:

Kait said:

FI and I are so relaxed and ourselves all the time. We really don't care when the other farts or anything else. It's natural bodily functions.
We are pretty much tolerant yet offended by each other's farts/bodily functions. He gets really mad when I don't "announce" that I will be farting before I fart. I'm not doing it to be sneaky, just in denial that my fart will actually smell and be noticed.

This, but only so he has time to move himself out of the way so I don't fart on him.

I had some real GI issues when we started dating (thanks dorm food). To not fart in front of him was impossible. I was able to pass the first few off on his friends. That was great. Now H is the one with the major GI issues.

smalfrie19 · December 2013

We are really open people...we pee in the shower next to each other.. poo with the door open...he will kiss me while I'm on the toilet..we fart on each other in bed...we have puked in front of each other (he hold my hair) ...there is NO mystery going in to this relationship and I like it that way....he tries to avoid seeing me remove my feminine products and I would be really pissed if he farted while I was going down on him..but otherwise..I can't even remember the firsts of any of those things.

Pepperally · December 2013

I am actually more open about all of these things than he is, he is much more the prude. He thinks a girl shouldn't really do these things, but he accepts it. I try not to intentionally fart for sport, but if I have to, then I have to. I had stomach surgery before I met him and it has increased my gas and other issues. I'm not going to "hide"...but I'm not going to be all "haha, I farted" either.

phira · December 2013

I have inflammatory bowel disease, and for the first year and a half of our relationship, I was SUPER sick. I had to get used to farting in front of my partner very quickly. As someone who had never farted in front of a boyfriend before, it was mortifying at first. Now we kind of announce it when we do it. Like, one of us will fart and say, "I farted." I have no idea why we do that.

labro · December 2013

buddysmom80 said:

So here's a good one. We go to Mexico every summer for vacation. The rooms are open-concept so there really isn't a door to hide sounds if you KWIM. We started dating in 2011 so this is how the poooping went down.

2011: We'd be on the beach and one of us would go "Oh I forgot something in my room" or "Oh I'm going for a walk" or whatever when we were really in the room shitting up a storm.

2012: Same thing except we'd be like "Hey I'm going to the room to take a dump, order a drink for me"

2013: We would just shit while the other person was in the room.

Before we moved in together, I would spend the weekend at his house and try not to fart, shit, etc. So on Sunday when I would leave, I would get into the car and let out the loudest, longest fart. Well, one time BF was standing right there and my passenger window was down so he heard that.

OMG I was laughing at your entire post. Pretty sure my cubemates think I'm insane.

BF and I don't have too many stories like that. We've both farted in front of each other although we try not to out of politeness I guess. I don't think either of us has farted during sex. If he has I haven't noticed. Our dog farts frequently and rather loudly at times so usually I try to pass it off on her. Once during our first few months of dating I locked him out of the bathroom while I was sick after a party. I didn't want him to see me throwing up. Also, really on during our dating period when we weren't living together I used to try and hold it all in until I got home but sometimes I just had to go. Usually I would just get up ridiculously early and go to the bathroom. BF sleeps like a dead person so he never even noticed that I got out of bed. I think we're about in the place where @buddysmom80 was in 2012. We generally prefer to take our dumps in private although he usually has to go right after he gets home from work so I'll occasionally go sit outside the bathroom and talk to him through the door.

GoldenPenguin · December 2013

We fart in front of each other all the time. I fart more than he does, actually. At least once a day, he'll side-eye the shit out of me and ask me if I need to check my pants. Or "Are you SURE that was just a fart?"

It took me a while to do it in front of him though. Several of the girls here were shocked at how long it took me - I'm kind of known as "the farter" in these parts.

Luckily neither of us have ever farted during sex.

Vintagelove4 · December 2013

We're pretty open about everything. Though we have a rule of if you're going number two shut the door and lock it. H just turns the bathroom toxic for the next twenty minutes or so.

I remember the first time H saw me sick. I had no makeup on, my hair was a mess, and I was in my full-of-holes comfy pjs. When he came in and saw me, he kissed me and told me I was beautiful. Then made me soup. I love him.

FoxandBunny · December 2013

Pepperally said:

Kait said:

FI and I are so relaxed and ourselves all the time. We really don't care when the other farts or anything else. It's natural bodily functions.
We are pretty much tolerant yet offended by each other's farts/bodily functions. He gets really mad when I don't "announce" that I will be farting before I fart. I'm not doing it to be sneaky, just in denial that my fart will actually smell and be noticed.

My BF is the same way! He doesn't care that I fart, just so long as I tell him I'm about to. Sometimes when I try to be sneaky it backfires big time because it will be guaranteed to be one that smells awful. He then complains in a funny and not mad at all way. BF normally tells me he farted after the fact, or just waits until I confront him about it.

In the beginning of the relationship,probably for almost the first year, I held in my farts. Now I don't care as much. I still hate to poop with BF where he can hear me, and he likes to make me agonize over it. He'll come open the door and start talking to me and I'm like, "I'm on the toilet! Leave me alone!" and try to shoo him away. Normally he laughs and leaves me alone after a minute or two.

I do have a couple of bad stories. for most of our relationship, up until earlier this year actually, I always had a very bad upset stomach every time we ate out. Like, in the bathroom for 30-45 minutes bad. So the night of our senior prom, we went out to eat, and it hit me right as we were walking out the door of the restaurant. So I ran to the bathroom, in my floor-length dress and all, him following right behind me in his tux. I was in there for an hour, BF sitting outside. I felt so bad. He apparently looked like a dejected puppy, because two girls came in after about 45 minutes and were talking about him, not knowing I was in there. They were debating if he had gotten stood up or not and if they should go talk to him. I spoke up from the stall and said he was my date and that shut them up pretty quickly. I told BF about it once I was out and he laughed. I have never lived this down.

Multiple versions of that story have happened all throughout our relationship. It has gotten to the point that he expects it, and he will either go to the car or wait at the table if I have to go to the bathroom. He doesn't mind, just that the feels awkward waiting for me. It's gotten better since this summer though, thank goodness.

ETA: I have farted during/right after sex, but I don't think BF has ever noticed. If he hears them and asks, I play them off as vaginal air bubbles or something like that.

Pepperally · December 2013

FoxandBunny said:

ETA: I have farted during/right after sex, but I don't think BF has ever noticed. If he hears them and asks, I play them off as vaginal air bubbles or something like that.

The thing is, I have the worst timing and I have on occasion had to fart during...so then I sometimes lose it and start snickering because I'm laughing at myself inside...trying NOT to fart. Then the whole mood is ruined, not by me actually farting, but by me starting to laugh at myself trying to hold it in. Then, once we have pretty much stopped because I ruined it by laughing, then I can fart.

Swazzle · December 2013

I don't remember the actual first time I farted in front of H but it was within a month. I'm not shy. He isn't either. We still giggle or do the (joking) stare of death when the other person farts even after 6.5 years together.

We both pee with the door open and will be in the bathroom together with no problem. The only time we'll poop in front of each other is if the other person is in the shower (we have 1 bathroom).

The one time the line was crossed (not really) was when I left poop in the toilet all day and he came home to it. When I was growing up, you could not flush the toilet before you got in the shower or the water was very unpleasant. So even to this day, I'll use the bathroom, take a shower, and then flush when I'm out. This particular day, I forgot to flush after my shower. H had already left for work so it just sat there until he got home about 10 hours later. The text messages went as follows:

Blah blah blah talking about health insurance........... And then:

H: Can you start flushing the toilet. Thanks.

Me: It was Lucy.

H: :::angry emoticon face::::

FoxandBunny · December 2013

@Pepperally - Yeah, I could see that happening. Sometimes, just because of how our bodies are, we make weird farting sounds that aren't actually farts. Many times this makes us (more of me, BF is always way into the sexy times) dissolve into laughter, and it takes us (again, me) a couple of minutes to get back into it. I'm sure that if I actually farted really loud, I might laugh uncontrollably. BF would not be amused

blabla89 · December 2013

I guess BF and I are very prim and proper because after a year and a half neither of us has farted in the other's presence. I still turn on the faucet while I use the bathroom at his place (judge me).

BF first saw me without makeup about two months into our relationship. I had a cervical biopsy (OUCH) so I spent the evening laying on the couch, in sweatpants, doped up on painkillers. He came over and sat with me and we ate ice cream and watched Mean Girls and he gave me a foot massage. That’s when I knew he was the one.

Swazzle · December 2013

I can't get over how many of you don't fart in front of your SO.

audrewuh · December 2013

@swazzle - I did that with a tampon once. Got the same text. Oops.

@foxandbunny - I routinely lose it during sex because of something ridiculous, usually done by the dogs. H is finally starting to realize that when I laugh, it doesn't mean sex is over, it just means I'm laughing and I'll be back in a sec.

One time, when H was in his new apartment, while we were dating, he farted REALLY loud. Like, I was in the kitchen and came running in to see what happened. He just looked at me sheepishly and said, "it was a duck." I totally started looking around the room for a damn duck. Then he started laughing at me.

GoldenPenguin · December 2013

@swazzle - that story still makes me snort laugh, every time. "It was Lucy."

I also can't believe how many of you don't fart in front of your SOs. Seriously??

buddysmom80 · December 2013

I just farted. So technically I farted in front of all of you guys.

GoldenPenguin · December 2013

audrewuh said:

@swazzle - I did that with a tampon once. Got the same text. Oops.

@foxandbunny - I routinely lose it during sex because of something ridiculous, usually done by the dogs. H is finally starting to realize that when I laugh, it doesn't mean sex is over, it just means I'm laughing and I'll be back in a sec.

One time, when H was in his new apartment, while we were dating, he farted REALLY loud. Like, I was in the kitchen and came running in to see what happened. He just looked at me sheepishly and said, "it was a duck." I totally started looking around the room for a damn duck. Then he started laughing at me.

I "blame" farts on ducks and/or Violet all.the.time. I'll let a really loud one out & just go "VIOLET!!" and BF just shakes his head at me. I'm really lucky he puts up with all my ridiculous shenanigans.

FoxandBunny · December 2013

audrewuh - Ok, so your dog thing reminded me of this. A week or two ago, BF's cat was in the room with us when we started our sexy times. She was across the room, curled up on a blanket on the floor. Suddenly, 5 minutes into sex, we feel this thud on the bed. She had jumped up on the bed and then came to investigate what we were doing. We had the blankets pulled up, and she just walked to the head of the bed like "Sup guys" and tried to get under the blankets with us. We spent a few minutes trying to get her off the bed, because if you try to get her off she doesn't want to go, but if she's on the bed and you move an inch, off she goes into the floor. I don't get it. But she does this every time now if she's in the room when we have sex. She even laid down on our legs once and wouldn't move. It made changing positions very hard.

ETA: The duck thing made me crack up. I'm so glad I'm home alone right now where no one can judge me for bursting out laughing.

smalfrie19 · December 2013

FoxandBunny said:

audrewuh - Ok, so your dog thing reminded me of this. A week or two ago, BF's cat was in the room with us when we started our sexy times. She was across the room, curled up on a blanket on the floor. Suddenly, 5 minutes into sex, we feel this thud on the bed. She had jumped up on the bed and then came to investigate what we were doing. We had the blankets pulled up, and she just walked to the head of the bed like "Sup guys" and tried to get under the blankets with us. We spent a few minutes trying to get her off the bed, because if you try to get her off she doesn't want to go, but if she's on the bed and you move an inch, off she goes into the floor. I don't get it. But she does this every time now if she's in the room when we have sex. She even laid down on our legs once and wouldn't move. It made changing positions very hard.

ETA: The duck thing made me crack up. I'm so glad I'm home alone right now where no one can judge me for bursting out laughing.

My cats are SUCH PERVS they like to watch us...and I'm like you kids are NOT getting up on this bed!

Relationship Timelines...spinoff

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