Wedding Invitations & Paper

How to word the invitation

We are paying for a majority of the wedding ourselves, although my parents have also contributed  (i'd say about a 75/25% split)   His parent's haven't offered anything, which is fine.  Honestly I didn't want to accept anything from my parents either but they insisted.   Do I then only mention my parents in the invitation?  Or can I include his as well, such as "together with their families"     I personally don't think it matters who is paying...but that seems to dictate proper etiquette on wording....right?   

Re: How to word the invitation

  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2013
    jenni1221 said:

    We are paying for a majority of the wedding ourselves, although my parents have also contributed  (i'd say about a 75/25% split)   His parent's haven't offered anything, which is fine.  Honestly I didn't want to accept anything from my parents either but they insisted.   Do I then only mention my parents in the invitation?  Or can I include his as well, such as "together with their families"     I personally don't think it matters who is paying...but that seems to dictate proper etiquette on wording....right?   

    Not necessarily.  The hosts are listed on the invitation and hosting does not always mean paying for.  So, you could just have both of your names, just your parents' names, or "Together with their parents"/"Together with their families".
    image
    vmj23
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited December 2013
    Paying doesn't equal hosting, and who is contributing financially is not your guests' business.  For purposes of wedding invitations, those persons who act as "point persons" are the hosts.  The invitation is not a playbill that lists all the funders.  It does not meant to "honor" anyone but the guests.

    So the main question is, who will be the "point persons" at the wedding?  These would be persons who issue invitations, receive replies, greet guests at the wedding, and make sure their needs are taken care of.  It's possible to be a contributor of funds without being a point person.  If someone is a point person, then they should be listed as host.  If the only point persons are you and your FI, you would issue the invitation as:

    The honour of your presence (if the ceremony is taking place at a house of worship)/
    The pleasure of your company (all other ceremonies) is requested
    at the marriage of
    jenni1221
    and
    FI
    Day, Date
    at Time
    Venue Address
    City, State

    If your parents are acting as point persons, then you could list their names or use "Together with their families."
    melbelleupvmj23
  • Jen4948 said:
    Paying doesn't equal hosting, and who is contributing financially is not your guests' business.  For purposes of wedding invitations, those persons who act as "point persons" are the hosts.  The invitation is not a playbill that lists all the funders.  It does not meant to "honor" anyone but the guests.

    So the main question is, who will be the "point persons" at the wedding?  These would be persons who issue invitations, receive replies, greet guests at the wedding, and make sure their needs are taken care of.  It's possible to be a contributor of funds without being a point person.  If someone is a point person, then they should be listed as host.  If the only point persons are you and your FI, you would issue the invitation as:

    The honour of your presence (if the ceremony is taking place at a house of worship)/
    The pleasure of your company (all other ceremonies) is requested
    at the marriage of
    jenni1221
    and
    FI
    Day, Date
    at Time
    Venue Address
    City, State

    If your parents are acting as point persons, then you could list their names or use "Together with their families."

    Great, thanks for clarification!  I just started looking into wording yesterday and was find examples based on who paid...which i didn't think should be pointed out in the invitation.     I prefer to say together with our families, as I think both set's of parents woudl apprecated beign included in that way.  
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited December 2013
    It is not an honor to be on an invitation.  Putting "together with their families" does not "include"  anyone.  It just clutters up the invitation.

    You should talk to your parents and see if they are expecting to be named as hosts.  If they are not, then you should use traditional wording:

    The pleasure of your company is requested
    at the marriage of
    Bride's Full Name
    and
    Groom's Full Name
    Day, date
    time
    Venue
    City, State

    When my daughter was married, she married into an old southern family, and we paid for the wedding traditionally.  Her MIL was shocked at the idea that she should be named on the invitation when she was not acting as hostess.  This is traditional etiquette. 
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    vmj23KittyKaty20
  • @CMGragain-

    You have returned in the nick of time! I just posted on another board about a similar situation, and there was some very incorrect advice on there!

    My parents are hosting the event; they'll be on the formal invitation.

    His parents are hosting the rehearsal dinner; they'll be on the dinner invites.

    Thank you!!

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • CrazyCatLady3CrazyCatLady3 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited December 2013
    CMGragain said:
    It is not an honor to be on an invitation.  Putting "together with their families" does not "include"  anyone.  It just clutters up the invitation.

    You should talk to your parents and see if they are expecting to be named as hosts.  If they are not, then you should use traditional wording:

    The pleasure of your company is requested
    at the marriage of
    Bride's Full Name
    and
    Groom's Full Name
    Day, date
    time
    Venue
    City, State

    When my daughter was married, she married into an old southern family, and we paid for the wedding traditionally.  Her MIL was shocked at the idea that she should be named on the invitation when she was not acting as hostess.  This is traditional etiquette. 
    I just had to deal with this issue with my invitations.  My mom wanted her name listed as sole host.  My fiance thought his parents would be offended if they were left off.  I did some googling and found some old Knot threads where MOGs came on stating that they were crushed (their words, not mine) that they were not listed and saw it as a slap in the face.  I also found that the tradition of only the bride's parents' being listed comes from this:  The tradition of not naming the groom’s parents on a wedding invitation is (in addition to the fact the bride’s parents are usually the paying hosts) based upon the assumption a man capable of becoming a husband is independent of his parents and does not need their permission to do so, nor their monetary backing. 
    I hate perpetuating this tradition, so we ended up putting all parents' names on the invite, as ""CrazyCatLady & FI, together with their parents, Jane and John Smith, Mary and Jim Jones, request the pleasure of your company at their wedding."  I tried to explain to everyone that being named on the invite is not an "honor," as CMG stated, (and I wanted to leave all parent names off), but some people don't understand that and place emotional value on it.

  • Have you ordered the invitations yet?
    There is no tradition about the bride's parents being on the invitation.  The HOSTS are on the invitation, not the parents.  Are your parents hosting?  Who is hosting?  That is the only question that matters on wording.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • I'm making my own invitations, and haven't printed them yet.  Both of our parent's are very traditional in terms of the wedding. I don't want anyone to be offended in anyway if I word it incorrectly.    I'm pretty much doing everything myself, so i'm not quite sure if either would be considered a host?
  • CrazyCatLady3CrazyCatLady3 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited December 2013


    CMGragain said:
    Have you ordered the invitations yet?
    There is no tradition about the bride's parents being on the invitation.  The HOSTS are on the invitation, not the parents.  Are your parents hosting?  Who is hosting?  That is the only question that matters on wording.
    double post, TK keeps eating my replies.
  • CrazyCatLady3CrazyCatLady3 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited December 2013

    I am the point person planning everything, sending out invites, getting rsvps etc.  I am paying for certain things.  My mom is contributing a generous sum.  My fiancé's parents have not yet offered anything, but my FI thinks that they will want to contribute something at some point (we are not asking, of course).  So it was just easier to put everyone on.  Plus no one would listen to reason.  It was just not possible to word it otherwise without WWIII breaking out, unfortunately.  If it was that important for them to be on there, it wasn't worth my energy to fight it.

  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited December 2013
    Mr. and Mrs. John Brideparents
    Mr. and Mrs. James Groomsparents
    request the pleasure of your company
    at the marriage of
    Bride's Full Name
    and
    Groom's Full Name
    Day, date
    time
    Venue
    Address
    City, State

    It isn't necessary for someone to pay for your wedding to be listed as a host.  If they all want to host your wedding, then let them.  Here is an alternative:

    Mr. and Mrs. John Bridesparents
    requests the pleasure of your company
    at the marriage of their daughter
    Bride's First Middle
    to
    Groom's Full Name
    son of Mr. and Mrs. James Groomsparents
    (etc.)
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • CMGragain said:
    Mr. and Mrs. John Brideparents
    Mr. and Mrs. James Groomsparents
    request the pleasure of your company
    at the marriage of
    Bride's Full Name
    and
    Groom's Full Name
    Day, date
    time
    Venue
    Address
    City, State

    It isn't necessary for someone to pay for your wedding to be listed as a host.  If they all want to host your wedding, then let them.  Here is an alternative:

    Mr. and Mrs. John Bridesparents
    requests the pleasure of your company
    at the marriage of their daughter
    Bride's First Middle
    to
    Groom's Full Name
    son of Mr. and Mrs. James Groomsparents
    (etc.)
    I considered these options, but I also felt that we (B&G) should be shown to be hosting as well, since we are the main point people for everything and we are planning.  That's why I did "together with their parents."
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited December 2013
    Actually, the bride and groom are supposed to avoid directly inviting people to their own wedding.  If the bride and groom are the hosts (which is not uncommon these days), they should word the invitation like this:

    The pleasure of your company is requested
    at the marriage of
    Bride's Full Name
    and
    Groom's Full Name
    (etc.)

    The idea is that you are not supposed to directly invite people to an event that is being held in your own honor.  It is much more proper to either phrase it like this, or to give the hosting honor to a relative - or several relatives.  A modern wording is like this:

    Together with their families
    Bride's Full Name
    and
    Groom's Full Name
    request the pleasure of your company
    as they are united in marriage

    This is not traditional, but it does solve some family problems like you are having, and it avoids the awkwardness of the bride and groom taking sole credit for their own wedding.  I, personally, think it is a last resort, but I do understand difficult families.  I had one!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    mrsjohnbarret
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