Guest List Question

krismcparland · January 2014

My fiance and I are paying for our wedding completely on our own, yet others are telling us whom to invite, including neighbors I've never met. Should I feel bad about pushing back on these types of requests, especially considering we are paying for this on our own?

phira · January 2014

This isn't a guest list issue--it's a fiance issue. It sounds like there's no room for compromise here (either this couple is invited or they're not invited), so honestly, I'd recommend counseling.

misssunshine17 · January 2014

Since you're paying on your own, you get final say in the guest list. Do you even really want any of their neighbors there?

That said, DO NOT only invite the wife. The husband could wonder why and open up a serious can of worms.

ETA: Re-read. Why is your FI on his parents side? And what do you mean by not going through with it anymore?

Jen4948 · January 2014

Yikes. I don't blame you.

I think first you have to get on the same page as your FI-and if he can't understand why it's not okay with you to invite a wife-beater to your wedding, you have bigger problems to solve than whether or not you should or shouldn't invite anyone. No wife-beater should ever be invited to a wedding-they're violating their own marriage so badly that it's a travesty to invite them to witness and celebrate any marriage. They should be in jail instead.

As for his parents, I'd have your FI tell them that they're not entitled to invite all their neighbors on your dime just because they're worried about it being "suspicious." Not everyone they know deserves to be invited.

KickAssMOH · January 2014

No one here is going to say "yes, invite him" or "he's a wife beater and you should fight your FI tooth and nail until you get your way". If you're reconsidering going through with your marrige, then your issues probably run deeper than your guest list. You have to talk to your FI and work together to figure this one out. My FI and I invited a childhood friend of his who I have seen use cocaine in public before. It made me uncomfortable at the time, but we invited him to our wedding trusting that he would leave the drug use at home and respect our event. If it sickened me to see this person and invite him to witness the most important day in my life, then we would've left him off the guest list.

MyNameIsNot · January 2014

Outside of the abuser issue, I don't understand why you would want to invite all of your FIL's neighbors. Are you inviting all of your own neighbors? How about your parents' neighbors?

This is a decision where you and your FI need to sit down and work out a line. Personally, unless you and your FI regularly socialize with these people, I see no need to invite them at all. Rather than approach it about this abuse situation, I would have a conversation with him about limiting the number of friends that parents get to invite at all.

AddieCake · January 2014

I don't even know my neighbors. I only know one side's name b/c we sometimes get their mail. Why would his parents' neighbors even be on the guest list? Do you or your fiance even know them remotely, let alone well?

misshart00 · January 2014

Why did you change your original post?

AddieCake · January 2014

Yeah, it's not cool to change your post. Are you embarrassed that your fiance doesn't back you?

indianaalum · January 2014

phira said:

This isn't a guest list issue--it's a fiance issue. It sounds like there's no room for compromise here (either this couple is invited or they're not invited), so honestly, I'd recommend counseling.

nevermind..I realized the OP changed her post...oopsie

huskypuppy14 · January 2014

Boo no one quoted

Jen4948 · January 2014

Recap of original OP: The FILs want to invite several neighbors, including a wife-beater, because "it would look suspicious" if they don't. The FI agrees with them. The OP does not.

The OP and FI are paying for the wedding.

krismcparland · January 2014

By creating an account on The Knot that will be actively posting in the community, you must commit to the following:

THE RULES:

1. Zero Tolerance for Bullies (aka- how to get banned)

We know you are all adults, and no, we’re not going to ban you for using profanity, sarcasm or sharing your opinion in conversation. However, we are going to ban you if you’re malicious towards another user.

Malicious, petty and/or personal attacks of any kind are unacceptable, so please be mindful of the way you address and discuss others.

Personal attacks include, but are not limited to: starting a thread with a user’s name as the topic/title to “bash” them, linking to a thread to call out a user on their post, thoughts or beliefs (not a topic), calling a username out maliciously, starting a malicious or derogatory poll/question about a user, using images (memes, gifs, etc.) in a direct attack/vicious manner, etc.

The Knot encourages you to share your opinions while respecting others’ thoughts and feelings as well. Feel free to share, but be ready to hear and accept other opinions that you may not always agree with. Because you do not agree with someone, does not mean this is the place to attack anyone else’s beliefs.

“Trolling” The Knot boards by posting inflammatory or off-topic messages with the intent of provoking members/disrupting normal discussion is not permitted and will lead to warning/banning from the boards.

Cyber bullying is not just a “teen thing” – it is very real for every age group and will not be tolerated.

If for any reason you are suspected of bullying, there will be consequences that may eventually, if not automatically, lead to banning from the community.

Read more: The Knot Community Rules - Rules for The Knot Community http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-tools-help-center/the-knot-about-us/articles/knot-community-rules.aspx#ixzz2pNGxhFPS

KeptInStitches · January 2014

Absolutely nothing posted here violates TOS.

delujm0 · January 2014

krismcparland said:

By creating an account on The Knot that will be actively posting in the community, you must commit to the following:

THE RULES:

1. Zero Tolerance for Bullies (aka- how to get banned)

We know you are all adults, and no, we’re not going to ban you for using profanity, sarcasm or sharing your opinion in conversation. However, we are going to ban you if you’re malicious towards another user.

Malicious, petty and/or personal attacks of any kind are unacceptable, so please be mindful of the way you address and discuss others.

Personal attacks include, but are not limited to: starting a thread with a user’s name as the topic/title to “bash” them, linking to a thread to call out a user on their post, thoughts or beliefs (not a topic), calling a username out maliciously, starting a malicious or derogatory poll/question about a user, using images (memes, gifs, etc.) in a direct attack/vicious manner, etc.

The Knot encourages you to share your opinions while respecting others’ thoughts and feelings as well. Feel free to share, but be ready to hear and accept other opinions that you may not always agree with. Because you do not agree with someone, does not mean this is the place to attack anyone else’s beliefs.

“Trolling” The Knot boards by posting inflammatory or off-topic messages with the intent of provoking members/disrupting normal discussion is not permitted and will lead to warning/banning from the boards.

Cyber bullying is not just a “teen thing” – it is very real for every age group and will not be tolerated.

If for any reason you are suspected of bullying, there will be consequences that may eventually, if not automatically, lead to banning from the community.

Read more: The Knot Community Rules - Rules for The Knot Community http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-tools-help-center/the-knot-about-us/articles/knot-community-rules.aspx#ixzz2pNGxhFPS

????? I just read every single reply here and not even one of them seems to fall into this category...in fact this was one of the tamer threads on this board. i'm so confused.

AddieCake · January 2014

Who is bullying?

AddieCake · January 2014

This turn of events gets my signature WTF.

misshart00 · January 2014

I'm very confused. People answered your question. Then you changed your question and people asked why. Then you c and p'd the bullying rules. Huh?

BlueBirdMB · January 2014

Nothing violated the TOS at all. You simply don't like that people have given advice you don't like or agree with.

I believe you are being overly sensitive because deep down, you know that this is an issue you have with your FI, not with other people, and it hurts to admit it. Marriage is the most important decision of your life. People were simply saying that you have issues with your FI that you should address before making that decision. That's called advice, not bullying.

rajahmd · January 2014

Damnit. This is why we have a quote feature people.

OP, deleting your post after people have taken the time to give you input is considered rude. Other posters nay benefit from hearing your situation. And now the rest of us can't give you good advice because the situation is unclear.

OnionBreath · January 2014

I don't see a clause in the TOS preventing members from telling you what you don't want to hear.

Weesh · January 2014

I was immediately confused after reading the initial post. No one violated the TOS, and it seems like you have a different issue.

Might as well close the thread--just a waste of time & confusing.

AddieCake · January 2014

The full moon isn't for a couple weeks yet....

huskypuppy14 · January 2014

Just because you don't like the responses doesn't mean it's bullying. Not one person was mean or malicious to you. And it's a disservice to people who experience real cyber bullying.

manateehugger · January 2014

How in the world is saying "you should talk this issue out with your FI" bullying?!

JCbride2015 · January 2014

krismcparland said:

The Knot encourages you to share your opinions while respecting others’ thoughts and feelings as well. Feel free to share, but be ready to hear and accept other opinions that you may not always agree with. Because you do not agree with someone, does not mean this is the place to attack anyone else’s beliefs.
Stuck in box.
And just because someone is telling you something that you don't agree with or is hard to hear, does not mean you are being bullied. I thought OP got some pretty constructive and thoughtful responses, absolutely no bullying.
And FWIW, this seems like a Fi issue to me as well. OP even said she was thinking about not going through with the whole thing (too bad we didn't quote), so obviously she is aware on some level it's a Fi issue.

misshart00 · January 2014

Maybe she wasn't saying anyone was a bully. Maybe it was just coincidence that she posted the TOS in the same thread where she DD.

Or maybe not.

misssunshine17 · January 2014

Gahhh, I feel like such a quoting failure!

photokitty · January 2014

3. No Soliciting.

There are some incredibly talented Knotties in our community with great ideas, but our boards are here for members to share ideas and hold discussions without feeling like they are being bombarded by promotions and solicitations. This applies to all sorts of businesses - photographers, graphic designers, Etsy shops, etc.

What does that mean exactly? No posts about your business, at all.

If a member asks for a business recommendation, you cannot respond with yours.
In your signature, you cannot mention your business whatsoever, or link to it (ebay, etsy, etc.)

You can, however, link to your personal blog.

If you are unsure about what's allowed (this can be confusing), just follow one general rule: other members should not be able to guess that you are a vendor of any sort.

Read more: The Knot Community Rules - Rules for The Knot Community http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-tools-help-center/the-knot-about-us/articles/knot-community-rules.aspx#ixzz2pNVaFGrz

Because I think this one should be posted more often and that's what this thread is about - randomly posting parts of TOS…right??? If not, my bad :-(

Viczaesar · January 2014

The fuck?

AddieCake · January 2014

OP, if you ever come back, I recommend changing your screen name b/c you appear to be using your real name, and that's not safe on the interwebz.

Guest List Question

Re: Guest List Question

Choose Another Board

Search Boards