Wedding Etiquette Forum

NWR: UPDATE - another one? Begging is not a good look

lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
edited April 2014 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I posted on another thread about an FB friend who posted a gofundme-type fundraiser to pay for her car repairs.

Today, I logged onto FB and find a post from a friend saying that a $1,500 tuition bill is due on Monday and asking for "sponsors."

Really? If you can't pay your own tuition, don't go to college! Why ever do people think it's ok to beg on Facebook for money to cover expenses that are a part of adult life? I will never understand it.

UPDATE:

Hey guys.  Sorry to bump this thread, but I thought you might like to know what happened.

Somehow, she got the money or else she managed to negotiate a later payment date because she is still going to school there this semester.  I don't know how that happened, though.  I wish she would have posted something about it.  Seriously, you ask people for money, somehow, you get the money and then you won't even let people know who may have taken the time to think about you, wish you well, pray for you, etc even if they didn't say anything?

Also, I just looked at this girl's Facebook page and she has shared a post from another person asking for money to pay her bill and a gofundme from someone else trying to pay her bill!!  It's an epidemic!!!

The post my friend shared from someone else said blah blah about her situation and then "Pray for a miracle.  To contribute, call xxx and give student ID number xxx."

I'm a Christian, so I am definitely NOT harping on religion, and I fully believe in God's ability to work miracles.  But I also believe that God doesn't just drop money in your lap when you're not being wise about spending.  And going to a college you can't afford just isn't wise in my opinion.

SMH

UPDATE:

So, it's nearing the end of the semester and this girl is posting again. And it's a NEW gofundme. She needs about $3k apparently. She posts almost every day with "check out my site! Any amount is greatly appreciated!"  The past few days have been "First donation! $50 raised so far!" "$75 raised so far!" and then "$150 raised so far!"  Right now, she's at $175.  All posts complete with "God is so good" "God is faithful" "Please share this on your page" and about five exclamation points per sentence.
melbelleupJCbride2015KPBM89Peaseblossom55PrettyGirlLostMrsDeRuyter87SP29
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Re: NWR: UPDATE - another one? Begging is not a good look

  • yuck. Probably because they know people willing to help pay. I would never give a cent.
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • Vomit. I always tell my students that in college, I never called my parents to put money in my bank account. I worked 3-4 work study jobs to be able to afford all non-tuition expenses like rent, food, etc. I was very proud of myself. I guess I don't understand people who don't have that sense of independent pride. 
    Liatris2010grumbledore
  • I had a scholarship go bust right before the last semester of my senior year (the company paying it miscalculated how much money they had, I guess?), and was faced with about 2k of tuition that wasn't covered. This was 11 years ago, so 2k was HUGE (not that it isn't now, but inflation and whatnot). What did I do? I didn't call my family and beg for money. I didn't try to get other people to pay it for me. I went to the financial aid office, tried in vain to get additional loan money, and ended up paying the entire amount on my credit card. I worked my ass off and cut out any activities that weren't work-related, and paid my bill off before graduation. I don't understand why it's so hard for some people to own the situations they're in and work through them.
    ~*~*~*~*~

    thisismynickname2ShellD13
  • I feel like it's another special snowflake thing. What makes these people think they're not like the rest of us who have to WORK our car/wedding/college/honeymoon debts off?
  • asking for sponsors and donations is getting a little out of hand.

    That said, people seem to like to donate so I guess there is a market out there.   ::shrugs::


    For the record, I don't have a problem with asking parents for help that you plan to payback (with the understanding that they might not be able to help you) or taking money from them that has been OFFERED without re-payment. Going online to solicit money is tacky.   






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    Amyzen83
  • I'm so sick of these fundraisers.  It's a generation of me-me-me out there.  Work hard and pay for your own shit.  
  • I have neve seen anyone do this. At least not for something like that. I did help when one of my highschool friend's brother was in a serious car accident that paralyzed him. However I think that asking for help for medical cost after a tragedy or something is way different than asking for help with a car or tuition or something like that.
  • Fundraisers for medical bills like that are pretty common, but still it is someone else heading up the fundraiser (not the victim/patient). No one should ask for money for themselves like that!
    MrsDeRuyter87Blue_Bird
  • In Ontario, Canada we have stuff like OSAP (Ontario Student Assistance Program).  Does the USA not have anything like that?
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  • doeydo said:
    In Ontario, Canada we have stuff like OSAP (Ontario Student Assistance Program).  Does the USA not have anything like that?
    While there's no arguing post-secondary education in the US can be outrageously expensive, there's tons of financial aid out there - ranging from loans, scholarships, work study, or you know, a part-time job.
    image
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited January 2014
    PDKH said:
    doeydo said:
    In Ontario, Canada we have stuff like OSAP (Ontario Student Assistance Program).  Does the USA not have anything like that?
    While there's no arguing post-secondary education in the US can be outrageously expensive, there's tons of financial aid out there - ranging from loans, scholarships, work study, or you know, a part-time job.
    There is tons of financial aid available in the US.  However, this girl is going to a non-accredited school, which means there is no assistance available at this school except for a few privately funded scholarships, most of which she isn't eligible for (not a minority, not a foreign exchange/international student, etc.) or only cover less than half of her costs.

    Mitch617 said:
    Fundraisers for medical bills like that are pretty common, but still it is someone else heading up the fundraiser (not the victim/patient). No one should ask for money for themselves like that!
    This.  H and I give money to help people.  We give to global, national and local organizations that help people who are truly in trouble.  A fundraiser for a family where the primary breadwinner got in an accident and is in the hospital, yes, I'll help.  Your car broke down or you can't pay for college, sorry.  I didn't beg for money when H and I were literally living paycheck to paycheck, barely making rent, had let our car insurance lapse (didn't even have health insurance) because we couldn't afford it (I know, bad) and had an overdrawn account for the last several days, if not a week, before the next paycheck came in.

    I feel sorry for people who run into trouble, I really do, but I'm not giving money to solve your first world problem.  If you can't afford college, you should save money until you can afford it, work at the same time or go to an accredited school where you can get financial aid.  If your car breaks down, you live without one or move on-campus so you can get more financial aid or bike the five miles to work.
    ETA: and for the record, I have no problems with going to your parents for a loan. I have a problem with people acting like a charity case to everyone they know when they clearly aren't.
  • I have a coworker whose daughter recently had a baby. Said baby has been in and out of the hosptial for severe acid reflux. Now they've diagnosed her with malrotation. :(
    The daught started a fundrasier on facebook. I'm torn if I should give, how much, if I should mention ito the church.

    I feel bad for the baby, but the daighter has shown a lot of poor financial judgement in the past.
    image



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  • chibiyui said:
    I have a coworker whose daughter recently had a baby. Said baby has been in and out of the hosptial for severe acid reflux. Now they've diagnosed her with malrotation. :( The daught started a fundrasier on facebook. I'm torn if I should give, how much, if I should mention ito the church. I feel bad for the baby, but the daighter has shown a lot of poor financial judgement in the past.
    When I see situations like that and am torn as to whether the recipient will be responsible, I find different ways to show support.  I might consider a gas card if they are travelling back and forth to the hospital, or a gift card to the local grocery store.
    MrsDeRuyter87ShellD13
  • She didn't check to see if the school was accredited? Oh that's all on her, any shred of sympathy I might have had (and it was a shred) is gone.
    manateehuggerHaileyDancingbearJCbride2015SP29
  • So she's begging people for money to pay for a piece of paper that's virtually useless?
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    HaileyDancingbear
  • Just today my 18 year old cousin instagrammed and Facebooked a gofundme link for his tuition to an expensive, private music college.

    His parents both posted it also! It rubs me so wrong. I have my own student loans I'm paying for, I can't help you pay for his college too. And their wording makes it seem like if they don't raise enogh money he cannot attened. As if those of us that know them should feel guilty for not helping. Yuck.
  • Yuck indeed.  I can't stand this kind of stuff.  I'm graduating with a huge pile of non-dischargeable law school debt, but I made that adult decision going in.  I planned for that.  I'm taking a very specific job after graduation so I can pay that back within about 10 years.  If you can't afford $1500 for tuition at your unaccredited college.... don't attend.  The degree will probably be useless anyway.

    I think a lot of this springs from the "me me me" "I deserve everything without having to work for it" attitude so many parents instill in their kids.  Not everybody has to go to college, and that's okay.  And if it's so important to you, make an adult decision on how to pay for it.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

    ShellD13
  • So she wants donations so she can attend a school that isn't accredited so she can spend all that money and not even get a degree that anyone is going to take seriously???? 
    Geez might as well just post "I was gonna burn a pile of money, but it's not big enough, anyone have some money to throw in?"  It's one thing to waste your own money, but why waste other people's money?
    image
  • I'm stuck w a pretty hefty student loan but school is expensive and I chose to go to a private one because it offered me more than a state school. But this was my choice And u know what? That just further motivates me to be successful in my field to really get the most out of my degree! Begging for other peoples money is out of the question!
    SP29
  • I'm........just.........stunned
    Amyzen83
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited January 2014
    @KeptinStitches @HaileyDancingBear @PDKH  

    About the non-accredited school.  It's a Bible school and there are a lot of non-accredited ones in the US.  I have several friends who have gone to them.  With these, a lot of the people doing it are people who want to go into missions so a Bible school degree from a non-accredited but reputable school in Christian circles still holds weight.

    A lot of these Bible schools are started by missions organizations.  So a graduate from, say, New Tribes Bible Institute could go straight from his/her degree there into a career as a missionary with New Tribes Missions.

    In addition, a lot of these non-accredited schools have agreements with accredited Christian/Bible colleges who will accept their degrees/classes (usually, the accredited school has looked at the curriculum/had students from there/observed classes/etc. of the non-accredited school and so knows that the teaching a student is getting from there is good) if a person wants to continue on at an accredited school.  Non-accredited schools are generally much much cheaper than accredited ones so this option will save money.

    There are various reasons why schools like this are non-accredited.  Getting accredited is costly.  A lot of these schools teach strictly Bible classes - no math, science, english or other core classes.  Generally (I think, correct me if I'm wrong), in order to be accredited and have actual bachelor, masters, PhD, whatever degrees that hold weight as being from an accredited school, there has to some form of core curriculum in place and a lot of these non-accredited Bible schools don't have that.

    Anyway, so I hope that clears it up a little bit.  It's not a completely crazy thing to go to a non-accredited school.
    Blue_Bird
  • I'm all for people who want to get into mission studies, become pastors etc. but usually there are scholarships available for that. My church's American Baptist Women's ministry usually has a few luncheons that raise money for scholarships for women who decide to go into the ministry, and I'm sure there are many other organizations that provide similar financial aid, yes it does involve a little essay writing but seriously if that means saving thousands of dollars, suck it up and write the damn essay and stop trying to guilt your friends into paying for your education. Many people accrue some kind of student debt that's life!
  • Amyzen83 said:
    I'm all for people who want to get into mission studies, become pastors etc. but usually there are scholarships available for that. My church's American Baptist Women's ministry usually has a few luncheons that raise money for scholarships for women who decide to go into the ministry, and I'm sure there are many other organizations that provide similar financial aid, yes it does involve a little essay writing but seriously if that means saving thousands of dollars, suck it up and write the damn essay and stop trying to guilt your friends into paying for your education. Many people accrue some kind of student debt that's life!
    Yea, I don't know.  I looked at the website of the school she's going to and there are only a handful of scholarships listed.  I suppose it's possible she could find ones from outside the school but I really don't know.  I know it can be really really hard to get scholarships when you're white and your parents are middle class.  Unfortunately, it's kind of a thing - parents pay for their kids college, so if your parents are middle class or appear to be, scholarship people assume you don't need money.  It sucks.
    Amyzen83
  • The important thing to remember in these situations: what you ask from someone in PRIVATE should be different than what you ask from people in PUBLIC.
    Amyzen83
  • I have a facebook friend (friend of my FI from vet school) who regularly posts gofundme to ask for money to help pay her way for the summer trip she chooses to take to volunteer in Nicaragua as a vet. It is a voluntary school trip that she should pay for herself.

    I just clicked on the link because I was curious. It shows how much each person donated. She had six people donate about a total of 355 dollars. 

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    Amyzen83
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