Canceled wedding twice, feeling hopeless

Re: Canceled wedding twice, feeling hopeless

• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  January 2014 edited January 2014

  beam20062010: just ignore @TiaTea. Blessherheart, she's just a nobody and SO not worth your time or energy.
  

  
  

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  January 2014

  TK won't let me edit so, ETA: 

  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• beam20062010 member

  

  January 2014

  @HisGirlFriday13: Yes, I completely agree! However, responding to all of the ignorance in that post was actually very therapeutic. In that, I realized WHY having a wedding is so important to me and that's because it does, will affect so many aspects of my families life together. Growing up, I was not the least bit interested in having a wedding and never gave it one thought, but after having my daughter that all changed. Honestly, I was getting really down after realizing I was going to have to postpone the wedding again and I think I lost sight of just why it was so important to me. 

  
  

  @Angusaur: Thank you so much for taking the time to share your story! I am so glad you are finally getting the wedding you have been waiting for and dreaming of. I hope that my family and friends will again get excited as we finally get closer to having my wedding. This has also made me realize that maybe, just maybe, because we have had to wait so long and make sacrifices that our wedding days will be more cherished.   

  
  

  Thank you to everyone that gave positive, supportive comments! I sincerely appreciate every single one of them. I never thought I could actually find such comfort from an online forum of complete strangers. It's because of you guys that I am starting to feel much better about my decisions.   

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• JCbride2015 member

  

  January 2014

  beam20062010 said:

  TiaTea said:

  I can't tell you how to feel. But I can tell you how I feel about being invited to a wedding like that: confused and not really exited.
  A second cousin of mine lives with his GF for a very long time. They have a 5yo kid ( adorable girl) and a second one (  a boy) on the way. They'll get married   after the boy is born.
  While I am happy for them, I don't see anything exciting. I mean , nothing changes. They already live together . They maintain a household together.  They even have children. They are living the married life . All they will change is the legal status. But unlike some couples for whom it might be some victory ( as in a gay couple who was prevented until now to liegally marry) theirs is a matter of choice. And not much will change since they have things arranged ( legally)  the way they would have been if they were married on the first place. The custody of the children, the ownership of the house, who gets what in case of... I mean, if you get married , it's by law, but you can arrange those things with other documents, and they did.
  
  IMO , if you get married at this point , it will be a waste, if you do all the  "dad walks me down the isle", "first dance", "first kiss", "first look", etc. All those first things. Also a bachelor/ette night is kind of forced. If you have children already , it should be a parent's , ( a single parent's?) night.
  The gifts usually associated with weddings are generally to help you put a home together. You already have ( after all those years) all the dishes and toasters. If I were a guest , I would probably give you a cash present. But even that feels strange, since you are not starting anything together. It feels like " You are so many years together! Here , have some cash!" Just doesn't sound right.
  
  Other than that, I am all for having any party for anything you want. And if you feel "pricess-y", wear this big puffy princess gown, by all means. But if you feel like the independant, decision making, already resposible for other people ( your kids) person, you might feel silly.
  
  You are already up to the more important stuff in life. You are not going to miss it ( the wedding festivities)  more than you are going to miss not going to a prom night , for example.
  
  Good luck and enjoy, no matter which way you decide.
  

  @TiaTea, While I can certainly respect your opinion, I can not for the life of me understand how an intelligent person could possibly come to these conclusions. 

  
  

  "I can't tell you how to feel. But I can tell you how I feel about being invited to a wedding like that: confused and not really exited."
  

  
  

  However, I do agree with the fact that you are confused, which does not make you stupid, it just means that on this subject matter you are ignorant. If I am reading this correctly, you are confused why two people, whom are in love, would have a wedding after living together for many years and/or have kids.  

  
  

  First of all, do you realize the divorce rate in the U.S. is 50%?! This means that, regardless of the couples history together, every time you attend a wedding there is a 50/50 chance the couple will actually stay together. I think it's pretty safe to say the majority of those getting a divorce are probably NOT the couples, which have already established, successful families that have withstood the test of time.  
  

  
  

  "The gifts usually associated with weddings are generally to help you put a home together. You already have ( after all those years) all the dishes and toasters. If I were a guest , I would probably give you a cash present. But even that feels strange, since you are not starting anything together."
  

  
  

  If you want to be "confused" about something, be confused why so many couples having weddings and receiving gifts/cash to help "put a home together," still can not make it as long as the unmarried couples, which were not as fortunate.  

  
  

  In my opinion, I would much rather give gifts to a couple that I know won't be dividing them up within a few years. In fact, I can think of three different weddings that I have attended and given a gift, only to find out 2-3 years later they are getting a divorce. How can you possibly determine the material and financial needs of a specific couple based solely on the number of years they have lived together?

  
  

  "I don't see anything exciting. I mean , nothing changes.They already live together . They maintain a household together.  They even have children.They are living the married life . All they will change is the legal status."
  

  
  

  Unfortunately, I am unable to find any intelligent reasons why you would claim in one sentence "nothing changes" only to immediately discredit this fact by stating, "All they will change is the legal status." Then, adding insult to injury, you proceed to list some of these legal changes, which includes home ownership and children. 
  

  
  

  So, what you are saying is that getting married ONLY "changes the legal status" of, in my opinion, some very important things in a couple's life, such as their home and children? Therefore, wouldn't it stand to reason that the couples whom have both children and an established home will be the ones most affected by the changes of a marriage? 

  
  

  I do not know how a wedding could get any more exciting than watching two people that love each other share such an intimate moment, which will completely change their entire family, home, and futures.    
  

  Tell 'em, girl.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  
  

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• beam20062010 member

  

  January 2014

  ktjanesmom said:

  Im curious as to how much money you would spend on a wedding.  You have 3 kids I am sure you have many many ways to spend thousands of dollars. You say you can afford a wedding but couldnt you spend that money more wisely or better yet, save it for the future. Feeding, clothing, housing, entertaining 3 kids is very expensive.  I just cant see spending thousands of dollars on one day.    Thats not to say you cant have a small, intimate lovely wedding.  Maybe you are people that CAN have it all, I dont know.
  

  @JCBride2014: You are great! I love your response! I agree, if you are planning to have children after you are married, that money could also be saved for your future children. 

  
  

  @ktjanesmom: First of all, your post makes me feel very sad for you because it's obvious you are dealing with a lot of your own issues. 

  
  

  Unfortunately, todays culture as created individuals like yourself, whom feel it their right to comment on everything, regardless of whether their opinion was requested and without consideration for how it might affect others.

  
  

  However, your post, as unneeded and ridiculous as it was, further strengthened my belief that I am so incredibly blessed! So, for that I thank you. 

  
  

  Of course, as an adult, you already know an individual's wedding budget is none of your business. My advice to you is to decide what "having it all" entails for you personally. Next, make yourself a budget, put some money away each month after all of your expenses and don't spend money you don't have. 

  
  

  Also, try figuring out where you are able to cut costs each month. For example, we don't eat out, I grow a garden and stock my freezer, cut out cable, rarely buy clothes for myself etc., which has allowed us to do things like college savings accounts, private school and paying for a wedding.

  
  

  My dad always told me, it's not what you make, it's how you spend it. Good luck!  

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