Chit Chat

The Most Annyoing Questions

The Most Annoying Questions People Ask When You're Engaged

1. "When's the wedding?"
Why it's annoying: Do people really expect you to have the entire wedding planned the moment he pops the question?! Plenty of couples simply enjoy their engagement before jumping into any planning, and there's nothing wrong with that — yet if you admit that you have no idea, people either act like you're not serious about getting married or try to pressure you into setting a date (cue Grandma's plea: "I'm not going to live forever, you know!").
How to respond: If you genuinely have no idea (or just don't want to share that info yet), tell the person that you’re considering a few options right now and will let them know when you do set a date. If you want, you can divulge which season you’re considering.

2. "How big is your ring?"
Why it's annoying: First of all, most brides have no idea — it's not like you asked for the 4 Cs before saying "yes." Second, you can't help but wonder why the person is asking — does she think it's tiny? Or obnoxiously big? Is she planning on robbing you and is trying to figure out how much she can get for the rock?
How to respond: "It's the perfect size for me; I love it!"

3. "How are you paying for the wedding?" or "How much are you paying for X?"
Why it's annoying: Because really, it's no one's business. It’s always rude to ask about money, but for some reason, many people seem to think weddings are an open book when it comes to finances.
How to respond: "Why do you ask?" This will typically lead to some sputtering about how he or she was "just curious"... Or maybe you'll get lucky and the person will offer to pay for the entire wedding (hey, it could happen). The exception: If a close friend who's also engaged asks how much you're paying for your DJ, help a sister out and give her the scoop. Since you're in the same boat, you can save each other some trouble when it comes to finding vendors that fit your respective budgets.

4. "Are you inviting X and Y?"
Why it's annoying: When you're in the just-engaged phase, never give a solid answer to this question. You could fall in love with a venue that only seats 75 guests, forcing you to slash your guest list. Or, if you're planning a longer engagement, you may not be close friends with X and Y anymore when the time comes.
How to respond: "We haven't finalized our guest list yet" — even if you have, and there's no way X and Y are making the cut. The exception: X and Y are family members you definitely don't want to invite, but you have a feeling your mom is going to try and force you to put them on the list. It's best to broach this subject directly and as early as possible.

5. "Are you sure he's the right one? Ha ha!"
Why it’s annoying: It’s a cliché "joke" that really, no one finds funny.
How to respond: Don’t feel like you have to defend your relationship here. Just brush it off; “Yep, I’m pretty sure, otherwise I wouldn’t have said yes!”

6. "You know 50% of marriages end in divorce, right?"
Why it’s annoying: Ah, the cynic. Often, this question stems from jealousy, and it can definitely put a damper on your newly-engaged bliss — if you let it.
How to respond: Again, don’t fall into the trap of feeling like you need to justify your relationship and explain why you’re getting married. Simply say, “Well, we’re counting on being in the 50% that make it work," and change the subject.

7. "So when are you having kids?"
Why it's annoying: Can we focus on the wedding first, please? Unfortunately, this question tends to start right after the engagement and continues until you actually do have a baby — and then the question changes to, “When are you going to have another baby??”
How to respond: “When we’re ready." Or, if this isn’t the first time the person has bugged you about it, try: “When people stop asking me about it.”

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Re: The Most Annyoing Questions

  • @HaileyDancingbear I could have written your post.  My mom used to get angry at my because there are some people in the world who can't have children, and somehow me not having them is offensive to them.  I don't understand that logic, but whatever.  Or the ones that say "oh, wait a couple years and you'll change your mind".  And then they figure out that I'm 27 and the likelihood of my mind changing is getting less and less. 

  • kerbohl said:
    @HaileyDancingbear I could have written your post.  My mom used to get angry at my because there are some people in the world who can't have children, and somehow me not having them is offensive to them.  I don't understand that logic, but whatever.  Or the ones that say "oh, wait a couple years and you'll change your mind".  And then they figure out that I'm 27 and the likelihood of my mind changing is getting less and less. 
    If I wanted kids, and couldn't have them, I'd be more offended by people having kids they don't even really want just because they felt it was expected of them, than I would by people who just didn't want kids. I also hate the "Wait a couple years" thing, because it's like they're implying it's just hard-wired into me to want to have kids and I have no choice- excuse me, I have a choice.  And I am always irritated in the sexism of it all-nobody tells the guy in the relationship to wait a few years or that him not wanting kids is insulting.  
    image
  • The kids question is the worst for me as well but for a different reason. I love kids and would love to have some of my own but because of certain health things my doctor says I have less than a 20% chance of conceiving and if I get that lucky the chance of being able to safety carry the baby to term is even less than that. So every time someone ask me it is like being kicked in the gut.
  • @Hisgirl

    I Loooooove that you used the word fecundity. I may have a crush on you now.
  • hlvonbhlvonb member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    edited January 2014
    The kids one is what annoys me the most.  I've never been much of a kid person.  I think motherhood is a wonderful, beautiful thing, for other people.  I don't really like being around kids (Although of course when I'm around kids I'm always nice.  I don't get it when people who don't like kids are nasty to them.  It's not their fault they're a kid.)  The closest I'll ever get to being a mom is taking care of my bird, and she's pretty much all I can handle as far as that goes.  Despite not liking kids much, I currently work with kids (Family business) and while I can certainly tolerate them and be super nice to them at work, most days I come home and want to OD on birth control.  It's just absolutely not my thing at all, when a kid starts getting upset and crying I am a total deer in the headlights.  I am a very logical person, and the fact that kids are not even remotely logical makes it really hard for me to understand them.
    So I hate when people assume that just because I'm a girl, I must be planning on popping out a bunch of kids.  I hate it even more when after I explain I don't want kids, whoever I'm talking to acts like somehow I'm less of a woman for it, or it's my "Job" to have kids and I'm a failure for not wanting it.  I absolutely hate it when a mom asks me this, then gets offended when I say I don't want kids.  Just because I don't want to live the exact life you have, does not mean I'm insulting it!  


    **STUCK IN BOX**

    @HaileyDancingbear

    At least you can admit that motherhood is not for you. I know some people who don't like kids but think that having a kid will change that.....

    I also hate how people think that I am disrespecting them or their lifestyle just because I choose to do something different. 
  • @HaileyDancingbear
    "OD on birth control" made me lol! Love that phrase almost as much as I love my BC.
  • I get question 1 ALL THE DAMN TIME. Thankfully I haven't gotten much of the rest (not much into kids myself, thankfully neither are my parents and FSIL has 1 kid. So both set of "grandparents" are happy).
  • kerbohl said:
    @HaileyDancingbear I could have written your post.  My mom used to get angry at my because there are some people in the world who can't have children, and somehow me not having them is offensive to them.  I don't understand that logic, but whatever.  Or the ones that say "oh, wait a couple years and you'll change your mind".  And then they figure out that I'm 27 and the likelihood of my mind changing is getting less and less
    I wish this were the case for me.  I'm 34 and they still think I'm going to change my mind.  
  • The first one is annoying, mostly because I told my family we were waiting to save up the money to get hitched the way we want, then his family offers to pay for it if we get married in the next 6 months. I'm sorry, is there an expiration date on this engagement ring? Maybe I wanna be half way stable before leaping into marriage... idk. That's just me.

    Number two is annoying because I love my ring but it's pretty unique and not to everyone's taste. So I'm always getting, "Oh, that's interesting...". Awesome, thanks. What, because it's not a cookie-cutter super special princess diamond of splendor with sparkly bits all over the place, it's not a ring? Screw you.

    The last one peeves me because I just recently got the FI around to admitting that he might, possibly, at some point sorta kinda consider kids. Which was a big step for him, he's always been against it. But when someone brings it up and starts badgering us... oh lawd, it turns into an ordeal. And I'm standing behind FI silently "OMG STOP, HE'S GONNA TAKE IT BACK WTF ARE YOU DOING?!?!"... just knock it off, he's a stubborn mule. Plus, I don't know that I ever want to birth my own brood, I'd much rather adopt because there are so many unwanted children in this country that don't have homes.

  • #1 annoys me because the people who have asked are all people that presume they are going to be invited but aren't going to be. The people who need to know when the wedding is already know it since we decided the date pretty much immediately after the proposal. The biggest issue I have is that FI is kind of a blabbermouth so he's been telling everyone and their mother when and where our wedding is going to be, even after I told him to stop. I don't need any family rifts forming because we were very selective about who we invited (the racists, biggots, and crazies are NOT welcome).

    #2 bugs me because there is a presumption about our incomes because FI is an engineer. We waited a long time to get engaged, so he had A LOT of time to save for my ring, so yea, it's bigger than most of our friends' and family members' rings. It's also a high setting so the stone looks bigger. Because they assume they know how big the stone is and how much it costs, it leads to lots of people asking #3 and getting downright rude when we don't answer or say we're paying ourselves and having a relatively small, budget-friendly wedding. I get a lot of "Well, if he could afford a ring like that, you should be able to afford a big blow-out!" Just UGH.

    I answer #7 with "Have you seen the size of his head? (He wears a 7 3/8 or 7 3/4 size hat - he has a big noggin!) It was that big when he was born. I'd never be able to push that out!" Since it's mostly family that asks that and they remember how big he was as a baby, that usually shuts them the hell up.

    ~*~*~*~*~

  • I think #7 is the worst. FI's family all has monster size babies. Like the smallest one was a whopping 10 lbs. 14 oz. You are crazy if you think little me wants to be pushing something that size out!
  • Can we add "Was it a surprise?"  Everyone asked me that. Well I didn't know the ring, the date, the style, etc. But we did talk about marriage because we are a team!

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • "Was he being cheap?" - Say what now?! My fiance chose moissanite because I did not want tons of money spent on a ring that could go towards a house. We also love the story behind moissanite. So we feel more "connected" to it then having a huge diamond I don't care about. I have tried to explain to this to people who ask because they immediately assume he was being cheap and bought me a "fake" stone. No I do not try to pass it off as a diamond. If someone asks, I immediately tell them it is moissanite and why we wanted it. A lot of people think it's romantic once I have explained but I have had a few people say "oh, so he was just being cheap." How rude!
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • The kids one is what annoys me the most.  I've never been much of a kid person.  I think motherhood is a wonderful, beautiful thing, for other people.  I don't really like being around kids (Although of course when I'm around kids I'm always nice.  I don't get it when people who don't like kids are nasty to them.  It's not their fault they're a kid.)  The closest I'll ever get to being a mom is taking care of my bird, and she's pretty much all I can handle as far as that goes.  Despite not liking kids much, I currently work with kids (Family business) and while I can certainly tolerate them and be super nice to them at work, most days I come home and want to OD on birth control.  It's just absolutely not my thing at all, when a kid starts getting upset and crying I am a total deer in the headlights.  I am a very logical person, and the fact that kids are not even remotely logical makes it really hard for me to understand them.
    So I hate when people assume that just because I'm a girl, I must be planning on popping out a bunch of kids.  I hate it even more when after I explain I don't want kids, whoever I'm talking to acts like somehow I'm less of a woman for it, or it's my "Job" to have kids and I'm a failure for not wanting it.  I absolutely hate it when a mom asks me this, then gets offended when I say I don't want kids.  Just because I don't want to live the exact life you have, does not mean I'm insulting it!  
    Same here!

    Worst think people say to me when I say I don't want to have kids: "Are you just saying that because FI doesn't want kids? Did he force you to make this decision?"

    WTF?! No, it's something we decided on together. We never force any decision on one another and to assume that is just plain rude.
  • Reading all your posts makes me want to vent a little. FI and I are planning to adopt but no one else knows this except my mom and his parents. However, a lot of people in my family have adopted and I've heard people say this to my cousins ALL the time. When they were going through the process and just starting to tell people, whenever someone would ask them the kids questions they would say that they are adopting. Well several people have said something along the lines of "why are you adopting? Are you scared of childbirth? You shouldn't be it isn't that bad". I mean seriously?
  • @jdluvr06 There's a long history of adoption in my family, and that's an option FI would consider if we ever wanted to have children (we currently don't). I've mentioned it in passing before, and I get a lot of "oh, but it's not the same, it's not really YOUR child!" Like, wtf is that supposed to mean?!
    ~*~*~*~*~

  • @jdluvr06 There's a long history of adoption in my family, and that's an option FI would consider if we ever wanted to have children (we currently don't). I've mentioned it in passing before, and I get a lot of "oh, but it's not the same, it's not really YOUR child!" Like, wtf is that supposed to mean?!
    That really pisses me off too. We have a history of adopting in my family as well and that is one of the worst things you can say to a parent of an adopted child IMO.
  • jdluvr06 said:
    @jdluvr06 There's a long history of adoption in my family, and that's an option FI would consider if we ever wanted to have children (we currently don't). I've mentioned it in passing before, and I get a lot of "oh, but it's not the same, it's not really YOUR child!" Like, wtf is that supposed to mean?!
    That really pisses me off too. We have a history of adopting in my family as well and that is one of the worst things you can say to a parent of an adopted child IMO.
    Not to mention that it is one of the worst things you could say around someone who has been adopted. That is so rude!
  • jdluvr06 said:
    @jdluvr06 There's a long history of adoption in my family, and that's an option FI would consider if we ever wanted to have children (we currently don't). I've mentioned it in passing before, and I get a lot of "oh, but it's not the same, it's not really YOUR child!" Like, wtf is that supposed to mean?!
    That really pisses me off too. We have a history of adopting in my family as well and that is one of the worst things you can say to a parent of an adopted child IMO.
    Seriously! Everyone talks about how it's such a miracle to feel the baby grow inside you and stuff, but just because you don't get to experience that, it doesn't make a child you adopt any less YOUR CHILD. It's not like you can return it, right? You will still love, care for, parent, and guide that child into adulthood! It shouldn't make a difference whose DNA that child contains or whose womb it emerged from.
    ~*~*~*~*~

  • cmiles89 said:

    The first one is annoying, mostly because I told my family we were waiting to save up the money to get hitched the way we want, then his family offers to pay for it if we get married in the next 6 months. I'm sorry, is there an expiration date on this engagement ring? Maybe I wanna be half way stable before leaping into marriage... idk. That's just me.

    Number two is annoying because I love my ring but it's pretty unique and not to everyone's taste. So I'm always getting, "Oh, that's interesting...". Awesome, thanks. What, because it's not a cookie-cutter super special princess diamond of splendor with sparkly bits all over the place, it's not a ring? Screw you.

    The last one peeves me because I just recently got the FI around to admitting that he might, possibly, at some point sorta kinda consider kids. Which was a big step for him, he's always been against it. But when someone brings it up and starts badgering us... oh lawd, it turns into an ordeal. And I'm standing behind FI silently "OMG STOP, HE'S GONNA TAKE IT BACK WTF ARE YOU DOING?!?!"... just knock it off, he's a stubborn mule. Plus, I don't know that I ever want to birth my own brood, I'd much rather adopt because there are so many unwanted children in this country that don't have homes.

    @cmiles89

    I was adopted and I am thankful for that everyday. FI and I are thinking adopting one and having 1 of our own.

  • Can we add "Was it a surprise?"  Everyone asked me that. Well I didn't know the ring, the date, the style, etc. But we did talk about marriage because we are a team!

    @blueeyes90

    I got that one a lot too. I usually responded with "why? Are you?" and they get a deer in the headlight look. Lol

  • "Was he being cheap?" - Say what now?! My fiance chose moissanite because I did not want tons of money spent on a ring that could go towards a house. We also love the story behind moissanite. So we feel more "connected" to it then having a huge diamond I don't care about. I have tried to explain to this to people who ask because they immediately assume he was being cheap and bought me a "fake" stone. No I do not try to pass it off as a diamond. If someone asks, I immediately tell them it is moissanite and why we wanted it. A lot of people think it's romantic once I have explained but I have had a few people say "oh, so he was just being cheap." How rude!

    @ChemFanatic25

    I got that a couple times because my FI accepted my dad's offer of using my grandmother's engagement ring instead of buying one.

  • jdluvr06 said:
    Reading all your posts makes me want to vent a little. FI and I are planning to adopt but no one else knows this except my mom and his parents. However, a lot of people in my family have adopted and I've heard people say this to my cousins ALL the time. When they were going through the process and just starting to tell people, whenever someone would ask them the kids questions they would say that they are adopting. Well several people have said something along the lines of "why are you adopting? Are you scared of childbirth? You shouldn't be it isn't that bad". I mean seriously?

    @jdlurv06

    I was adopted and my parents were asked that but they always said no they're not afraid but thanks for making my mom think about the fact that she physically can not have a kid of her own so they decided to adopt. I guess a lot of people went dead silent after that

  • @hlvonb That is great, what an awesome thing that you ended up in a good environment.

    I hate that people judge couples for adopting... why would I add another child to our already overpopulated planet when there are plenty of wonderful kids that need a home? Plus I have some hormone imbalances and emotional stuff- if I get paralyzingly stressed over figuring out what to make for dinner, why on earth would I go through 9 months of something that'll probably throw me into a tailspin. It just doesn't makes sense for me personally, people need to butt out.

    I seriously think that some women who have given birth (like my mother) have this need to share that pain and joy with every other women. But just because you don't go through it, doesn't make you less of a women. It's just silly all around.
  • CLI242009CLI242009 member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Answer Name Dropper
    edited January 2014
    hlvonb said:

    The Most Annoying Questions People Ask When You're Engaged

    1. "When's the wedding?" This only annoys me because I have family and friends in the bridal party (who have received their invites too) asking me this damn question. >.> So yeah....that doesn't give me confidence in them at all haha


    3. "How are you paying for the wedding?" or "How much are you paying for X?" I get asked the second one most but it's not annoying. It has only been annoying a few times (very few) in the early stages of planning because I have a few people who are flabbergasted at what is charged for some stuff that have to do with weddings.

    4. "Are you inviting X and Y?" Father's side of the family was a frickin bitch with this!!! To them wedding = family reunion. Just no. They became very snarky when they found out I wasn't inviting the people they wanted. Then they RSVP no anyways because of other reasons. >.> Why did you bitch in the first place then?


    5. "Are you sure he's the right one? Ha ha!" THIS ONE!!!! I get this one from so many fucking people it irks the shit out of me!!! A lot of my female acquaintances are shocked, some even appalled, that I am marrying my FI who is my ONLY intimate partner. Some can't believe I'm "settling" so fast or so soon. Telling me I don't know what I'm missing and that I need to try "other rides" out first.....So i get very disgusted and offended when someone asks this question to me. I know not everyone is the lovey dovey type but my FI and I are and we believe in true love and only 1 person for eternity. Others do not but it just pisses me off when people make jokes about it. 


    6. "You know 50% of marriages end in divorce, right?"
    My response to this: "Either they weren't happy or they were doing something wrong"

    7. "So when are you having kids?" This hasn't started yet for us and I think it's because FI's family knows my mentality when it comes to kids.



    For everyone out there who has to deal with these questions, stay strong =)


    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • CLI242009 said:


    hlvonb said:

    The Most Annoying Questions People Ask When You're Engaged

    1. "When's the wedding?" This only annoys me because I have family and friends in the bridal party (who have received their invites too) asking me this damn question. >.> So yeah....that doesn't give me confidence in them at all haha


    3. "How are you paying for the wedding?" or "How much are you paying for X?" I get asked the second one most but it's not annoying. It has only been annoying a few times (very few) in the early stages of planning because I have a few people who are flabbergasted at what is charged for some stuff that have to do with weddings.

    4. "Are you inviting X and Y?" Father's side of the family was a frickin bitch with this!!! To them wedding = family reunion. Just no. They became very snarky when they found out I wasn't inviting the people they wanted. Then they RSVP no anyways because of other reasons. >.> Why did you bitch in the first place then?


    5. "Are you sure he's the right one? Ha ha!" THIS ONE!!!! I get this one from so many fucking people it irks the shit out of me!!! A lot of my female acquaintances are shocked, some even appalled, that I am marrying my FI who is my ONLY intimate partner. Some can't believe I'm "settling" so fast or so soon. Telling me I don't know what I'm missing and that I need to try "other rides" out first.....So i get very disgusted and offended when someone asks this question to me. I know not everyone is the lovey dovey type but my FI and I are and we believe in true love and only 1 person for eternity. Others do not but it just pisses me off when people make jokes about it. 


    6. "You know 50% of marriages end in divorce, right?"
    My response to this: "Either they weren't happy or they were doing something wrong"

    7. "So when are you having kids?" This hasn't started yet for us and I think it's because FI's family knows my mentality when it comes to kids.



    For everyone out there who has to deal with these questions, stay strong =)





    I have trouble with #5 too. Just because FI is the first and only guy I have ever dated / been with doesn't mean I'm missing out on life. I found my dream guy on the first try. Sure he isn't perfect but neither am I. It bugs the hell out of me when people say that I should try other guys out first before our wedding so I know what I want. >.<

  • hlvonb said:

    The Most Annoying Questions People Ask When You're Engaged

    1. "When's the wedding?" This only annoys me because I have family and friends in the bridal party (who have received their invites too) asking me this damn question. >.> So yeah....that doesn't give me confidence in them at all haha


    3. "How are you paying for the wedding?" or "How much are you paying for X?" I get asked the second one most but it's not annoying. It has only been annoying a few times (very few) in the early stages of planning because I have a few people who are flabbergasted at what is charged for some stuff that have to do with weddings.

    4. "Are you inviting X and Y?" Father's side of the family was a frickin bitch with this!!! To them wedding = family reunion. Just no. They became very snarky when they found out I wasn't inviting the people they wanted. Then they RSVP no anyways because of other reasons. >.> Why did you bitch in the first place then?


    5. "Are you sure he's the right one? Ha ha!" THIS ONE!!!! I get this one from so many fucking people it irks the shit out of me!!! A lot of my female acquaintances are shocked, some even appalled, that I am marrying my FI who is my ONLY intimate partner. Some can't believe I'm "settling" so fast or so soon. Telling me I don't know what I'm missing and that I need to try "other rides" out first.....So i get very disgusted and offended when someone asks this question to me. I know not everyone is the lovey dovey type but my FI and I are and we believe in true love and only 1 person for eternity. Others do not but it just pisses me off when people make jokes about it. 


    6. "You know 50% of marriages end in divorce, right?"
    My response to this: "Either they weren't happy or they were doing something wrong"

    7. "So when are you having kids?" This hasn't started yet for us and I think it's because FI's family knows my mentality when it comes to kids.



    For everyone out there who has to deal with these questions, stay strong =)


    I have trouble with #5 too. Just because FI is the first and only guy I have ever dated / been with doesn't mean I'm missing out on life. I found my dream guy on the first try. Sure he isn't perfect but neither am I. It bugs the hell out of me when people say that I should try other guys out first before our wedding so I know what I want. >.
    I'm so glad I'm not the only one on here who is marrying their first! FI is the only guy I've ever dated. I hate when people ask if I wonder if I'm missing out, or think I should experiment. No, I am extremely happy to be with someone who loves me just as much as I love him, and is nothing but supportive and compassionate towards me. He's my only because once I started dating him, I never wanted anyone else. Why the f--- would I ditch someone who makes me so happy and is so wonderful to me just to "experiment?" Screw that. Thankfully nobody who knows FI and I we'll asks us this. It's only ever people who haven't seen us together who ask us this, because anyone who has seen us together can tell we are a perfect match
    image
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