NWR: Can we talk about baby shower/registry etiquette?

monkeysip · January 2014

Hi ladies,

I'm only 4 months pregnant, so I know it's early and I'm definitely not registering or having a shower yet, but just thought it doesn't hurt to think about this stuff now. I wasn't sure where to post this on the bump, and I'm always confident in the etiquette advice given here, so I thought I'd post here instead of there.

H's sisters already offered to throw a shower later, and my sister probably would if they didn't. Either way, I'm not asking them of course, but seeing as how someone probably will, when do couples typically register? I hear showers are normally given a month before the due date (or even after birth sometimes), so should we register at 6 months? 7 months? What's normal?

Also, I just wanted advice on what kinds of things are okay to register for and what are not okay. We'll be buying our own crib, but should we register for a car seat or other large item? Is that a no-no?

Should we just stick to onesies, blankets, bottles and little stuff like that? I just want to make sure we're not registering for anything weird.

Also, I know for bridal showers, it's ok to register at 2-3 stores. Is that normal for baby showers too? Or just one store? I'd probably prefer to keep it one store for my own sanity.

Thanks for any advice! I just don't know anything about baby showers or registries at all.

pinkshorts27 · January 2014

I don't know the answers, but I wanted to say Congrats!! That is so exciting and I'm happy for you!

OliveOilsMom · January 2014

Congrats on the baby!

While I'm not a mom myself, my friend registered at Babies R Us around the 6 month mark. I also don't think registering at more than one store is a bad thing either.

I know that my friend and for other baby showers I've been to, car seats, strollers, high chairs, and other "big ticket" items were included. I have never seen the crib or other large furniture (not counting a rocking chair), on a registry though. But just like a wedding registry, make sure there is a wide range of differently priced items.

banana468 · January 2014

I think you can register for whatever you want as long as it's in a variety of price points.

We registered when I was about 6 mos and it was mostly equipment with little to no clothing. We did add the crib and mattress but were prepared to buy them.

I wouldn't add clothing or towels/wash cloths unless you're specific with taste and I also wouldn't register for receiving blankets. I have so many I may make them into a quilt!

monkeysip · January 2014

Lol, good to know! Yeah, I'm sure clothes and blankets are things you'll just get a lot of anyway.

I'm a baby-dummy so I don't even know all the stuff babies need anyway. I think the Bump has a good checklist though I can go off of for ideas.

Thanks for tips!

KeptInStitches · January 2014

Congratulations! (Sorry, I have nothing helpful to add.)

LizM61409 · January 2014

I think big-ticket items are okay, as several people may want to get together to get you something big (I've seen this done before). Just make sure there are plenty of less expensive options too

chibiyui · January 2014

Congrats!

From previous showers I've attended, car seats and strollers are totally cool to register for. I'd avoid changing tables and such, but I know a lot of people put gliders/rockers on.
Yoy can also put some decor items, portable changing pads, pack and plays, breast milk pumps, and all sorts of other baby plethora items

Best of Luck!

BlondieBia21 · January 2014

My shower was at 7 months and another at 8 months. We registered at 6 months.

Register for what you want and what you need. If you register at Babies R Us/Buy Buy Baby/Target, you will get a completion coupon after your due date/a month before and that will get you 15-25% off the rest of your items on your registry, just an fyi in case you didn't know.

Before our showers, we had the car seat/stroller, diaper bag, bottles we wanted to use, diapers we wanted to use, not too many clothes because people are going to buy what they think is cute anyways, some random decorations, wipes in the brand we wanted to use, and soaps/bath stuff on our registry. We also registered at BRU and Target because we live in a different state than the showers were and not all people had both stores near by so we gave them a choice. After the showers were all done, we went back and edited our registry to the items that we still needed/wanted and wanted to use our completion coupons on.

With the big ticket items, I had a few friends all go in together and buy our stroller/car seat combination. Also, don't be too surprised if people don't follow your registry or even look at it. People get what they think is cute for babies.

Congratulations!!

banana468 · January 2014

Definitely don't be surprised if people completely ignore your registry.

Unlike with a shower for a wedding, people will go, 'Oh I think that's just so adorable so I HAD to get it!,"

That logic works great up until you're unwrapped the bajillionth towel / washcloth set and you still need to get some other items. We wound up returning a few duplicates so we could get things on our own.

Viczaesar · January 2014

First, congratulations!

Feel free to register for big-ticket items as well as smaller items. Even if nobody buys them for you (and I've frequently seen people go in together for a big gift on a baby registry) you can use the registry completion discount to buy it yourself, just like with a wedding.

Expect lots of clothing, and definitely not from your registry. Hopefully people will give you clothes in a variety of sizes, but you might get a ton of adorable newborn clothes that your baby will grow out of before he/she gets a chance to wear them.

I would register in the next couple of months.

Don't be like my nephew and his girlfriend, who had 4 high chairs, 3 strollers, 3 car seats, 2 cribs, and a bunch of $80 onesies! It was a ridiculous registry (actually several registries). Basically you should have one of every big ticket item if you need them, smaller needed items like bottles, bouncy chairs, etc., and put clothes and washcloths on there mainly to give an idea of what kind you like (colors, nursery theme, etc). Like Banana said, a lot of people will buy off registry but many will also look to see what your general baby style is.

jdluvr06 · January 2014

Congrats! I agree with what eveyone else said but I'm going to add that if you are comfortable with this, try not to tell the majority the sex of the baby. When my sister was pregnant she told everyone she was having a boy and all she got was blue stuff. When she got pregnant a second time she was scared of having a girl because she would have to buy all new stuff. Also try to register for more neutral big ticket items, like strollers, high chairs, car seats, ect so you can reuse them.

MobKaz · January 2014

Oops....

Viczaesar · January 2014

I like knowing what sex the baby is, and I don't generally buy gendered clothing.

This thread reminded me about a faux-baby shower I'm invited to in a couple of weeks. It's definitely not etiquette-approved, but it's not unusual in my department. We're all grad students. Basically there is no RSVPing, and the party is a drop-in thing at our local brewing company. Definitely not hosted, though it's not organized by the parents-to-be. You're welcome to bring something for the baby if you want, but it's not required. I just tried to google her registry and couldn't find anything, so I'll probably just go find some baby clothes that I think are cute in 3 and 6 months, or I might put together a little basket with first aid items.

monkeysip · January 2014

Thanks for all the advice! I was just checking on the big stuff since I read one article online that said to stay away from that stuff (I don't know why...)

I know people will probably go off registry for all those "omg how cccuuttteeee" kinds of things. That's ok. Obviously we're happy to get anything anyone gets us! Just want to make sure we're not registering for the wrong things for anyone who does actually pay attention to it!

monkeysip · January 2014

H's family also has lots of baby hand-me-downs, so we'll probably get some of that too!

EverAfer · January 2014

Larger items are fine, as long as you have a range of prices, you should know your crowd. I wouldn't spend $500 on a Pottery Barns rocking chair for you, but I'd spend $100-$200 for really, really good friends. If you register at multiple places, don't register for the same thing, I.e., 2 similar strollers at 2 different stores. I find that confusing and I wouldn't want you to get a duplicate and return my gift.

dramamonkey · January 2014

Viczaesar said:
I like knowing what sex the baby is, and I don't generally buy gendered clothing.

This thread reminded me about a faux-baby shower I'm invited to in a couple of weeks. It's definitely not etiquette-approved, but it's not unusual in my department. We're all grad students. Basically there is no RSVPing, and the party is a drop-in thing at our local brewing company. Definitely not hosted, though it's not organized by the parents-to-be. You're welcome to bring something for the baby if you want, but it's not required. I just tried to google her registry and couldn't find anything, so I'll probably just go find some baby clothes that I think are cute in 3 and 6 months, or I might put together a little basket with first aid items.

For a family friend, my mom and I put together a box with a starter library...maybe 12-15 books in all

Dr. Seuss, velveteen rabbit, little engine that could... etc etc.
We had a lot of fun putting it together.

themuffinman16 · January 2014

My sister registered at Target and Babies R Us. It is nice to have two stores, in case the guests of your baby shower do not have one of those stores in close proximity. You typically register at the 6 month mark. Most friends or family will throw you a shower, typically, in the seventh month. Go to Babies R Us to kickstart your registry, their staff is KNOWLEDGEABLE in all things baby. They give you a worksheet of all the things you will need, and how much you usually need of each item. If the employees are really nice, they tell you what the minimum amount of an item you can get away with. The guidebook might says you will need 4 fitted crib sheets, and you might be fine with only three fitted crib sheets. You can register for ANYTHING: furniture, bottles, baby gear, baby safety items. The only thing you don't need to register for is clothing, because everybody loves to buy clothes for a baby. ANother good idea when you are looking for items to purchase, look at the user reviews. These are helpful. Say a diaper genie is usually the brand you want, well the new model they have come out with, does not work as well as the previous models. So you might want to go with the Arm and Hammer diaper pail. If your guests do not buy everything off your registry, you will get a percentage off for completing the registry and buying the other items you will need. It is okay to register for more expensive gifts because all of your coworkers could go in on a stroller, while all of your aunts might want to chip in for the dresser. Congratulations on your baby.

themuffinman16 · January 2014

ANd yes, I agree with one of the other PPs here. Register your big ticket items, and bottles in neutral colors, anything that could be used again for the next baby. But, if you want to give each of your children their own bedding , that is a good way to have something gender specific, that guests can think... how cute. A great item to register for is an extra wide-top dresser. Baby changing tables can be quite rickety, and your baby could grow out of the size requirement sooner than expected. Those long dressers are more expensive, but it takes up less room than two furniture pieces, and all of the baby stuff is at hip level and not underneath other shelves.

thisismynickname2 · January 2014

Do you have a friend or sister who is a mom to help you register? That would be helpful.

In my circle, the family usually splurges on the big ticket items like strollers and car seats, and the friends go for toys, clothes, and other kinds of supplies. The parents-to-be furnish the nursery- I've never seen a crib or rocking chair or changing table on a registry. The absolute essentials you probably should buy yourself.

csuave · January 2014

From what I have seen, most people register at about 2 different stores. High chairs, strollers, car seats and breast pump are larger ticket items I am used to seeing on registries.

misshart00 · January 2014

I registered at target and babies r us. I had big ticket items and several neutral things. I got a few registry items at my shower but mostly clothes and diapers.

I actually disagree with PP. Babies r us does give you a list, but I've found that you don't need half the stuff on there and you're fine without (or your baby doesn't like it). Save gift cards and wait until the baby is born to find out what he/she needs.

Congrats!

monkeysip · January 2014

I don't have a sister or close friend who has had a baby. I might could go with one of H's sisters or his mom, I don't know.

I have been looking at the registry lists and thinking, "Do all parents really buy ALLL this stuff for their baby? Seriously?" lol. Also, we're probably moving shortly after our baby's birth, so we probably don't want to accumulate too much stuff that you don't need immediately after baby's birth. Just the necessities.

I'm also hoping I can get my insurance to cover the breast pump. I know some women have had difficulty with that though!

themuffinman16 · January 2014

When you purchase your breast pump, you are only given a month to return it. Since you can't pump for a little while after the baby is born, I would suggest putting it on your registry right before you have your baby. That way you can get the registry completion discount on it.

misshart00 · January 2014

dmyrick78 said:

When you purchase your breast pump, you are only given a month to return it. Since you can't pump for a little while after the baby is born, I would suggest putting it on your registry right before you have your baby. That way you can get the registry completion discount on it.

Also, you cannot return it if the box has been opened. It's considered a personal hygiene item.

whitjoy · January 2014

Whatever you do...dont do this. Courtessey of Facebook.

monkeysip · January 2014

Oh good grief! Lol

ootmother2 · January 2014

DD had one huge shower (70 odd family & friends) and a million gift from her networks. Advertising wh*res are lucky with that

She registered at several places from Babies R Us to Madison Avenue botiques as their friends and family were mostly from NYC or Boston. They didn't register for anything really outragous but I would guess price ranges were from $2 to $200+

Her father got conned into the super fancy stroller as I flat out refused.

banana468 · January 2014

misshart00 said:

dmyrick78 said:

When you purchase your breast pump, you are only given a month to return it. Since you can't pump for a little while after the baby is born, I would suggest putting it on your registry right before you have your baby. That way you can get the registry completion discount on it.

Also, you cannot return it if the box has been opened. It's considered a personal hygiene item.

And you can probably rent a pump from the hospital or pedi in the interim. I started pumping when DD was 7 days old but didn't buy until she was 1 month.

Viczaesar · January 2014

dramamonkey said:

I like knowing what sex the baby is, and I don't generally buy gendered clothing.

This thread reminded me about a faux-baby shower I'm invited to in a couple of weeks. It's definitely not etiquette-approved, but it's not unusual in my department. We're all grad students. Basically there is no RSVPing, and the party is a drop-in thing at our local brewing company. Definitely not hosted, though it's not organized by the parents-to-be. You're welcome to bring something for the baby if you want, but it's not required. I just tried to google her registry and couldn't find anything, so I'll probably just go find some baby clothes that I think are cute in 3 and 6 months, or I might put together a little basket with first aid items.
For a family friend, my mom and I put together a box with a starter library...maybe 12-15 books in all Dr. Seuss, velveteen rabbit, little engine that could... etc etc. We had a lot of fun putting it together.

I often do that too, as I'm a big book person, and I think it's a great idea! In this particular case she's a fellow academic so I'm sure she has books covered. For my nephew's new baby for Christmas I gave him an infant activity book and a couple of board books that were nephew's favorites when he was a baby.

ETA: One of the books was Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb, and when they unwrapped the book my sister and BIL, the baby's grandparents, both started chanting the refrain. 23 years later and it's still embedded in their brains!

NWR: Can we talk about baby shower/registry etiquette?

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