This has probably been asked before, but...

EarthToChelsea · January 2014

I'm kind of in an awkward position.

What does one say when a person assumes they're invited to your wedding, even if you weren't planning on actually inviting them?

Several of my coworkers have been making comments recently that insinuate they are coming to my wedding. My fiance and I both have HUGE families though, so we're really kind of limited to how many people we can invite that fall outside of the absolute-closest-family-and-friends realm. I don't want to be rude at all (and would sincerely love to have them there if we had more room/etc.!) but I don't know how to politely bring up the invite issue. I've already mentioned that we're trying to keep it smaller, but I don't think they've really taken the hint.

Any advice? Like I said, I'm not one to be rude or outright with things, so this is kind of difficult! :P

Thanks!!

AddieCake · January 2014

If they ask if they are invited, tell them you are not able to invite everyone you'd like and then change the subject. Don't talk about your wedding around them.

MNVegas · January 2014

Just tell them the truth. You have limited space and you are unfortunately not able to invite everyone that you would like. Agree w/Addie to keep wedding talk to minimum at work if you are not able to invite people.

Jen4948 · January 2014

As PPs have said, you tell them, "I'm sorry, but we were not able to invite everyone we'd like to our wedding. Unfortunately, you were among those whom we are not able to invite."

Then minimize all wedding talk at work.

Amyzen83 · January 2014

AddieL73 MNVegas Jen4948 suggested because this could make things awkward at work. Plus, once your invites go out, they'll figure it out and they'll look like fools. Also, your co-workers are being extremely presumptuous and rude assuming that they are automatically invited. I would only be direct and tell them they flat out aren't invited only if they keep hounding you after invitations go out.

When it comes to hierarchy of people invited, for us it's family, then close friends, and then co-workers if space and budget allow for it.

HisGirlFriday13 · January 2014

Ditto PPs. Just say you're keeping the list to close friends and family, and you're not able to invite everyone you'd like, then change the subject.

It will never cease to amaze me that people will just ASSUME they're invited to the wedding just because they know/work with/went to school with/whatever someone.

phira · January 2014

Minimize wedding talk around people who won't be invited. Minimize just means that you should avoid talking about it unless it's directly relevant to the conversation (e.g. someone is also planning a wedding) or if someone asks how wedding planning is going. Even then, you don't have to offer up too many details.

If you can get a chance, next time your coworkers start talking about the wedding in such a way that you know they're assuming they're invited, say something like, "Actually, planning has been very stressful lately. [Fiance] and I just had to cut our guest list down a lot, and we can't invite a lot of people we wanted to."

"We want to keep it small" isn't a bad thing to say, and it's something I've said in similar situations. But for a lot of people, 100 people is a very small wedding, and for a lot of people, if you're inviting 100 people, you have plenty of room to invite lots of friends and acquaintances.

In our case, we had to push the limits of our budget so we could afford to invite 130 people ... because we have to invite 80 family members. Usually, that's enough of an explanation for people when we explain that we can't cut our guest list anymore and can't invite everyone we want to.

BlueBirdMB · January 2014

Simply say that you are having a "small wedding" and that "you hope they understand. "Small" is relative. My in laws think our 120 person wedding was SUPER small, while my family thinks that is large. You don't need to go into detail.

phira · January 2014

I like @BlueBirdMB's wording--by saying, "I hope you understand," you're VERY STRONGLY implying that they are not invited.

Jen4948 · January 2014

Amyzen83 said:

AddieL73 MNVegas Jen4948 suggested because this could make things awkward at work. Plus, once your invites go out, they'll figure it out and they'll look like fools. Also, your co-workers are being extremely presumptuous and rude assuming that they are automatically invited. I would only be direct and tell them they flat out aren't invited only if they keep hounding you after invitations go out.

When it comes to hierarchy of people invited, for us it's family, then close friends, and then co-workers if space and budget allow for it.

The bold is exactly why these particular co-workers need to be told directly. If they hadn't been extremely presumptuous and rude to assume that they are automatically invited, it wouldn't be necessary to say anything at all. But that's not the case here. They need to drop it.

This has probably been asked before, but...

Re: This has probably been asked before, but...

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