Wearing White

Jessa617 · January 2014

I am trying to decide if I should get in the middle of this, or just not even say anything...

I have a friend, let's call her Jen, who attended my wedding and wore a white dress. It didn't bother me at all but my other friend, we'll call her Sara, couldn't believe that it didn't bother me. Well it turns out that Jen and Sara attended another wedding together and Jen wore white again. Sara, again, was in disbelief that Jen wore white to someone else's wedding. Sara has come to me and said "I hope Jen doesn't wear white to my wedding!". I try to tell her that it won't matter, nobody will notice...you know, the usual. Sara is very opinionated and has a strong personality, I really don't want to see what happens if Jen shows up wearing white to her wedding.

I am also really good friends with Jen's FI and I see him a lot. Is it appropriate for me to plant the bug that maybe he suggest Jen wear something else if she picks out a white dress for this next wedding? I know it's not a big deal in retrospect, and I wouldn't care (I didn't), but I know Sara will.

So... stay out of it? Or plant the bug?

grumbledore · January 2014

dupe

grumbledore · January 2014

As much as it's not really an issue, if I went to a wedding as a guest and a friend was there as a guest wearing white, I would say something to the tune of, "Are you seriously wearing a white dress to someone else's wedding har-har-har," because I wouldn't be able to help myself. Especially after a few drinks.

Maggie0829 · January 2014

I am kind of surprised that your friend Sara, who you say is very opinionated, didn't say anything to Jen about the fact that she wore white to not just one but two weddings.

If I were you I would stay out of it.

Jessa617 · January 2014

@Maggie0829 Sara doesn't really care for Jen, but she is friends with Jen's FI so of course she has to be invited along with her SO.

It's not an issue for me, and I don't care when people wear white to weddings. I just know Sara would be really bothered it. I just want to make sure her day goes as smoothly as possible, especially if there was something I could do about it, you know?

KatWAG · January 2014

I have a family friend who I have seen wear white to at least 4 weddings including mine. Its a little weird but not a huge deal. If Sara cares so much then let her deal with it. Its not your issue.

Maggie0829 · January 2014

Jessa617 said:

@Maggie0829 Sara doesn't really care for Jen, but she is friends with Jen's FI so of course she has to be invited along with her SO.

It's not an issue for me, and I don't care when people wear white to weddings. I just know Sara would be really bothered it. I just want to make sure her day goes as smoothly as possible, especially if there was something I could do about it, you know?

Eh, I still wouldn't say anything. I think by you saying something will just go badly. Jen will probably be like "Oh so you have been pissed at me all this time that I wore white to your wedding and you are just now telling me!?" And even though you didn't care she probably won't believe that and then she will probably be all "So Sara is so fucking special that me wearing white is going to ruin her wedding day? Fuck that!"

I would be more apt to keep reminding Sara that people wearing white to a wedding really isn't a big deal and just how she side-eyed Jen for doing it so will her some of her guests if Jen decides to wear white to her wedding. Hopefully Sara won't go all crazy on this girl if she does wear white in the middle of her wedding reception because that will just make Sara look like the crazy one.

Jessa617 · January 2014

Maggie0829 said:

Jessa617 said:

@Maggie0829 Sara doesn't really care for Jen, but she is friends with Jen's FI so of course she has to be invited along with her SO.

It's not an issue for me, and I don't care when people wear white to weddings. I just know Sara would be really bothered it. I just want to make sure her day goes as smoothly as possible, especially if there was something I could do about it, you know?

Eh, I still wouldn't say anything. I think by you saying something will just go badly. Jen will probably be like "Oh so you have been pissed at me all this time that I wore white to your wedding and you are just now telling me!?" And even though you didn't care she probably won't believe that and then she will probably be all "So Sara is so fucking special that me wearing white is going to ruin her wedding day? Fuck that!"

I would be more apt to keep reminding Sara that people wearing white to a wedding really isn't a big deal and just how she side-eyed Jen for doing it so will her some of her guests if Jen decides to wear white to her wedding. Hopefully Sara won't go all crazy on this girl if she does wear white in the middle of her wedding reception because that will just make Sara look like the crazy one.

This is what I am hoping won't happen! I'll just have to continue to reassure her that it won't matter and nobody will be looking at Jen. If they do, they'll be saying "I can't believe she wore white!"

Maggie0829 · January 2014

Well if Jen does wear white to Sara's wedding you could accidentally trip and spell red wine all down the front of her so that way she will be in a red and white dress instead of just all white.

Kidding of course!

thelastdreamer · January 2014

Just wear white to Jen's wedding.

climbingsingle · January 2014

I'd stay out of it.

But I'm totally one of those people that will snark on a girl that wears white to a wedding.

cmiles89 · January 2014

This happened at a friend's wedding, the FSIL wore this godawful white monstrosity with billowy sleeves and sparkly bits... it didn't take away from the bride at all, obviously. It just made her look AW-ish. So instead of dealing with Jen (who clearly is a bit oblivious, this is a big no-no for a lot of people), deal with Sarah. If she's worried about it, just remind her that JEN is the one who will look like a tool and get all the snide remarks, it won't reflect on Sara at all. And if Jen does wear white... here's hoping Sara can kill her with kindness rather than start a girl fight haha.

[Deleted User] · January 2014

stay.out.of.it

MrsDeRuyter87 · January 2014

I say stay out of it. Like PP's have said...if Jen wears white people will side eye her all night long. My H's cousin wore white to my wedding and my SIL's wedding and both times I had people approach me to comment on it. If Sara is really that upset about it (she wont be because she probably wont notice and if she does it will be the last thing on her mind) then she needs to personally tell Jen she has/had a problem with it. Maybe this is where Jen will learn her lesson.

margaritaaa · January 2014

Someone could wear a wedding-style gown/dress that's not even white and be mistaken for a bride. I saw it this past weekend actually; the bride's friend wore a chiffon-like soft peach gown, strapless, with crystals on the front and a slight train. I had to do a double take whenever I saw her because she looked like the one getting married...

I honestly wouldn't even say anything. If your friend has an issue with it, then she can do that herself.

thisismynickname2 · January 2014

Stay out of it.

Confession: I wore white to a wedding. It was the summer after college, I was broke, and I had one dressy, summery dress in my closet: knee length, white chiffon with black ribbon empire waistband and black straps. I figured that little bit of black would help.

Now then, I don't think wearing white in an obviously-non-wedding dress is as big a sin as something else I once saw. I was a guest at a wedding that was very formal albeit not black tie. One woman wore a fire-engine red cocktail dress with a knee-length, poufy skirt with sky-high matching red high heels. In a crowd of subdued pastels and black/gray suits, she stood out in an AW-ish way. It was very, "LOOK AT ME" in a not-good way.

Just... don't upstage, or draw attention from, the bride, please?

Jessa617 · January 2014

Stay out of it it is!

HisGirlFriday13 · January 2014

There is a fabulous expression in Polish: "Not my circus, not my monkeys."

This ain't your circus, and these ain't your monkeys. Stay away from the crazy.

cruffino · January 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:
There is a fabulous expression in Polish: "Not my circus, not my monkeys."

This ain't your circus, and these ain't your monkeys. Stay away from the crazy.

Excellent quote. I'm gonna use that!

Amyzen83 · January 2014

cruffino said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:
There is a fabulous expression in Polish: "Not my circus, not my monkeys."

This ain't your circus, and these ain't your monkeys. Stay away from the crazy.
Excellent quote. I'm gonna use that!

I just died laughing right now! I must find a reason to use this!

AshleyNicole1218 · January 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:
There is a fabulous expression in Polish: "Not my circus, not my monkeys."

This ain't your circus, and these ain't your monkeys. Stay away from the crazy.

My phone is spazzing so I can't 'love' your post, but you definitely made me giggle after a loooong day!

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

thisismynickname said:

Stay out of it.

Confession: I wore white to a wedding. It was the summer after college, I was broke, and I had one dressy, summery dress in my closet: knee length, white chiffon with black ribbon empire waistband and black straps. I figured that little bit of black would help.

Now then, I don't think wearing white in an obviously-non-wedding dress is as big a sin as something else I once saw. I was a guest at a wedding that was very formal albeit not black tie. One woman wore a fire-engine red cocktail dress with a knee-length, poufy skirt with sky-high matching red high heels. In a crowd of subdued pastels and black/gray suits, she stood out in an AW-ish way. It was very, "LOOK AT ME" in a not-good way.

Just... don't upstage, or draw attention from, the bride, please?

I don't understand how this is even a possibility at all anyways, unless someone shows up buck ass naked.

No one can really upstage the bride on her wedding day- she's the bride! So what if someone else wears white or red or a gorilla suit? Most guests will look at said person, have a WTF moment, side eye them, and then go back to paying attention to the bride.

Bubblegum5586 · January 2014

I would NEVER wear white to a wedding, and always notice when someone does, and usually make a snarky comment to hubby (actually he usually beats me to it!).

Someone wore white to my wedding..... and I did not care at all! I noticed for a split second and thought "meh who cares! I am clearly the bride!" I felt like such a smokeshow that night I could have cared less about what everyone else wore!!!

If it bothers Sara so much she could have said something to Jen at your wedding or the 2nd wedding. But that time has passed and I say do not get involved. (Maybe Sara will surprise herself and realize on her wedding she doesn't really care!)

hellohkb · January 2014

I wouldn't really mind either, but I do find it strange that she did it not once but twice.

And I agree with others who say simply wearing white doesn't upstage the bride.

Amyzen83 · January 2014

Maybe it's the nicest dress she owns

JennyColada · January 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

unless someone shows up buck ass naked.

Wait, this isn't a thing?

Damnit now what am I gonna wear?!

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

Jennycolada said:

unless someone shows up buck ass naked.

Wait, this isn't a thing? Damnit now what am I gonna wear?!

Coconut bra and a fig leaf?

Amyzen83 · January 2014

It's all about the assless chaps ladies!

thisismynickname2 · January 2014

I really want to agree that no one can upstage the bride... but I can't. Out of the dozen or so weddings I've attended I've only noticed that one woman in the flashy red dress and it was beyond side-eying. She was really drawing the eyes. Plus, I'm wearing a sheath dress with some intricate details, but if someone shows up in a gold dress worthy of a Miss America pageant, yes I'll be upstaged. Would it still be a day to celebrate me and FI? Of course! Would I actually care? Surely not! But... I'm never the prettiest woman in the room. On my wedding day I'd like to at least pretend I am. I know that sounds a bit low self esteemish, but Miss America can show up in a regular party dress instead of gold sequins, mmmkay.

Or a fig leaf and coconuts, that's cool too.

NavyBlue143 · January 2014

I'm curious; fellow brides who didn't wear white, do you care if someone wears the same color as your dress? I honestly don't understand the hangup. If someone wears a white prom or wedding dress to your wedding, yeah that's kind of messed up, but the color itself means nothing. If wearing a certain color steals attention from a bride, then that rule should apply regardless of the color the bride wears, IMO. I don't think it matters, it's just clothes. And the white thing is fairly new anyway, I imagine before white was the color for weddings, there was a lot of bride/ guest color overlap.

I wore red, and a guest wore a red dress. I only noticed this because the dress was skin tight and strapless, and she wore a bra with straps, and not a pretty or well fitting bra either. Boobage everywhere. I'm fairly certain other guests wore my color, but I didn't notice because nobody else had their tits hanging out. In fact, the only other guest whose attire I noticed was this girl's friend who was wearing a white shirt without a bra underneath, and you could see her nipples. She was also wearing an underbust corset, so I imagine the nipplage thing was intended. Which is funny to me. They both knew our entire families would be there, so of course it was an appropriate occasion for nipples!

Bubblegum5586 · January 2014

NavyBlue143 said:

I'm curious; fellow brides who didn't wear white, do you care if someone wears the same color as your dress? I honestly don't understand the hangup. If someone wears a white prom or wedding dress to your wedding, yeah that's kind of messed up, but the color itself means nothing. If wearing a certain color steals attention from a bride, then that rule should apply regardless of the color the bride wears, IMO. I don't think it matters, it's just clothes. And the white thing is fairly new anyway, I imagine before white was the color for weddings, there was a lot of bride/ guest color overlap. I wore red, and a guest wore a red dress. I only noticed this because the dress was skin tight and strapless, and she wore a bra with straps, and not a pretty or well fitting bra either. Boobage everywhere. I'm fairly certain other guests wore my color, but I didn't notice because nobody else had their tits hanging out. In fact, the only other guest whose attire I noticed was this girl's friend who was wearing a white shirt without a bra underneath, and you could see her nipples. She was also wearing an underbust corset, so I imagine the nipplage thing was intended. Which is funny to me. They both knew our entire families would be there, so of course it was an appropriate occasion for nipples!

biggest pet peeve ever!

Also, I have heard (don't really remember where) that you are also not supposed to wear red to a wedding because its a "sexy color" and can upstage the bride. Not as common as the white rule... but I also no longer wear red to weddings. I know its not a big deal, but the last thing I would want to do is upset a bride on her wedding day. There's still plenty of colors left over even when you take out the options of red and white!

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