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Are we too old?

wandajune6wandajune6 member
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in Wedding Party
I will be 35, my fiance 38 by our October wedding. It will be my first marriage and my fiance's second. His first marriage was a courthouse ceremony when he was very young. In the wedding party, he wants his son (who will be 15 at the wedding), his 2 brothers, and his best friend. I have an identical twin sister who will be my MOH (I was hers, we're usually very close, and I just can't imagine her not being in that role), my fiance's sister, and a group of close girlfriends.

My fiance wants 4 people on his side. I think he'd actually like a 5th but keeps going back and forth on that. I can happily find the same number of girls. My sister keeps telling me that because we're so old, it's inappropriate/pathetic. She's got this idea that it should be smaller, less formal, etc. She got married at 30, had 175 people, and did the big hotel wedding. Most of the girls I've been friends with for decades got married in their late 20's/early 30's but my friends from later years (grad school and after) are either single or got married in the last year.

So all of that said: are we too old for such large bridal parties? I know my sister gets bitter and bitchy when I'm happy (yeah, identical twins aren't always best friends) but I'm also second-guessing myself now and worrying about looking pathetic. My instinct is to say f*** it, but I want more opinions!

Thanks!
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Re: Are we too old?

  • ei34ei34 member
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    Your sister is wrong.  Age doesn't dictate the kind of wedding you can have.  (And you and your fiancé' don't have to have the same number of attendants.)
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    First off you two are not old by any means.

    Age has no bearing on how big or small your wedding should be.  Wedding parties consist of your nearest and dearest and if there are certain people that you want to honor then have them.

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  • SlothGoalsSlothGoals member
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    Ditto PPs.

    You are by no means old and age has absolutely zero things to do with the size of your wedding party.

    Also, you and your FI don't have to have the same number of people in your parties, uneven sides are perfectly fine.
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  • JennyColadaJennyColada member
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    I know that feeling.

    I just turned 30 recently and Fi is turning 33. I've already seen most of my girl friends throw the big lavish multiple-hundred guest weddings.

    I feel like I've missed the boat.

    But also, I know that I'm the only one feeling this way (as in, my friends are not thinking this). It's just our own insecurities, it's not reality. If you want a big wedding then go for it! You only get it once (well, in theory).
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    I was almost 39 when I got married, and I didn't feel old at all. Certainly not "too old" to have a large bridal party. We didn't have a large one, but our ages did not factor into that at all. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
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    Your sister is wrong. Have whomever you'd like in your wedding party. But don't add people just to have even sides. You can have 3 and your fiance can he 5. The sides don't need to match.

    image

    Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:

    http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/

    http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html

    http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/

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  • wandajune6wandajune6 member
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    Thank you all. I needed someone to tell me that!

    I'll have my sister, his sister, a childhood friend, and my best friend from grad school. It's a great group of girls that represent different parts of my life. My instinct was to do a smaller wedding party but the idea of leaving any of them out feels weird. Plus, I feel so lucky that I have so many great friends!
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  • MillyLHMillyLH member
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    PDKH said:
    Unless you're too old to have friends, you're not too old to have a bridal party. 
    Fantastically well put!
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  • wandajune6wandajune6 member
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    PDKH said:
    Unless you're too old to have friends, you're not too old to have a bridal party. 
    I love it. Thank you. And really, that's what I needed to hear!
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  • mysticlmysticl member
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    I was 35 (almost 36) and DH was 36.  My first marriage, his second.  He had a best man.  I had a maid of honor and two bridesmaids.  We also had a ringer bearer and two flower girls.  The only difference I really saw was that I had less friend attendance than the weddings of my friends who got married in their early to mid 20s.  I chalked that up to it was much harder for them to get away for the weekend with kids and jobs than it used to be.  Their kids were invited but we had a November wedding so I'm sure that was a factor.   We also used to live much closer to each other but life has taken us all in different directions.  
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    You're not too old! If you want a wedding party, do it! 

    I'll be 34 when we get married next year and my FI will be 41. It's his first wedding too. In fact, most of my close friends aren't even married yet. I probably have another 5 weddings I'll be in. 
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  • wandajune6wandajune6 member
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    We're also going to have 2 flower girls: his niece and my niece. I've never actually seen flower girls in action before but they're both so cute that we thought it was worth it. We're also laid back enough to assume that something funny will come of it!
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  • mysticlmysticl member
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    wandajune6 said:
    We're also going to have 2 flower girls: his niece and my niece. I've never actually seen flower girls in action before but they're both so cute that we thought it was worth it. We're also laid back enough to assume that something funny will come of it!
    Ours didn't throw flowers due to church rules.  The older one had a miniature version of the bridesmaids bouquets and the younger one carried a basket that had a set of bride and groom teddy bears that MIL gave us as an engagement gift (they also came with a bottle of champagne, they weren't the only gift).  I am told that part way through the ceremony she sat down and started playing with the bears but I was too busy getting married to notice.  
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  • wandajune6wandajune6 member
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    His niece will be 5 and mine will be 2. Mine is the kind who will wander around and sit down in the aisle somewhere. His is very determined and we can see her trying to push mine into submission. The entire idea is kind of hysterical to us!

    We're not going to bother with throwing flowers either. If we can do outdoors (it's October in Chicago...), we'll give the girls bubbles guns (much cleaner than bottles). If it's indoors, I'll give them those little balls of fake flowers on a stick. A wand, I guess? I want to avoid making too much of a mess.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    Your sister is the one coming off as bitter and bitchy, not you.

    Best wishes and congratulations!


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  • wandajune6wandajune6 member
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    Thank you!
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  • GinnaNGinnaN member
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    Certainly not! I'm having three attendants, FI's having four or five. I'll be 35 at the time we get married and my FI will be 29.
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