Wedding Etiquette Forum

Pretty Annoyed - Bachelorette Rant

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Re: Pretty Annoyed - Bachelorette Rant

  • If it was decided by bride and wedding party that these ladies would plan it - then you let them plan it and go or don't go.

    As for paying for what you ordered - incredibly tacky. That's cool to do in college but not as an adult. A box of pasta costs like a buck- you are paying for the experience of being out, not for actual food.

    If she has budget issues, and should have stepped up and offered to help plan. But, she didn't. If you can't afford , don't go.



  • If you are a bridesmaid, you should be splitting the cost for bride- not just the two that planned it. Unfortunately, if you plan to take part in the event, you have to suck it up, pay and be done with it. If you can't do it, don't go. It's like when you go to a group dinner and complain that you only had one glass of wine and others had more. Being a grown up means splitting the bill and accepting that this is what you signed up for
    LowerEastSiiide
    I think you are incorrect. it is no bridesmaid's obligation to pay for food/drinks/whatever for the bride at any event. The hosts of the party can't just send an unsolicited bill to everyone. A bridesmaid should only pay for something if its within her budget and she wants to. If no one else offers any help, it's on the hosts.

    ...now, that said... At the bach parties I've gone to (besides my own), I always gave the one throwing the party some money to cover some of the bride's expenses. It was never asked of me, but I do it because I want to for the bride, and because I appreciate the hosts' efforts. But it's not a "ZOMG! You are standing next to the bride at her wedding so you MUST buy her booze!!!!"

  • Just glad I didn't have bridesmaids like you guys lol
    I look at it as all the bridesmaids are co-hosting the event for the bride. If you have budget concerns, get in there and be a part of the planning. Don't sit on your laurels, having someone else plan then come in and be the asshole cheapskate singing "woe is me". If you don't want to cohost, don't go.
  • If it was decided by bride and wedding party that these ladies would plan it - then you let them plan it and go or don't go. As for paying for what you ordered - incredibly tacky. That's cool to do in college but not as an adult. A box of pasta costs like a buck- you are paying for the experience of being out, not for actual food. If she has budget issues, and should have stepped up and offered to help plan. But, she didn't. If you can't afford , don't go.
    OMFG, did you lurk on these boards AT ALL before you started posting? Seriously?! The bride doesn't get to 'decide' who plans her shower or bachelorette party. She doesn't get to assign that -- or any -- task to people. As for deeming perfectly acceptable behaviour 'incredibly tacky,' I urge you to consult Miss Manners on the subject, who says it's both polite and acceptable to do so. When DH and I go out to eat with friends, we get our own cheque and pay it and tip off our bill, as does everyone else at the table. That's normal behaviour among adults. (And then I ask myself, 'Why do I feed the troll by arguing with it, because it wants that validation of its own irritating behaviour??')
    This.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • If it was decided by bride and wedding party that these ladies would plan it - then you let them plan it and go or don't go. As for paying for what you ordered - incredibly tacky. That's cool to do in college but not as an adult. A box of pasta costs like a buck- you are paying for the experience of being out, not for actual food. If she has budget issues, and should have stepped up and offered to help plan. But, she didn't. If you can't afford , don't go.
    What?  I'm an adult and when I go out with friends or H and I go out with a group, we never ever say "just split the check x ways."  We always say, yea split it and then say that H and I are together and all the other couples tell the waitress that they're together and a solo person says that it's just them on their check.  

    Maybe splitting the check evenly is what you do in your social circle, but saying it's tacky for adults to pay for what they ordered is an extreme generalization.  It would be extremely weird to suggest just splitting it x ways to my social circle.  My parents and their circle pay for what they ordered individually as well.

    In addition, my parents do not drink at all.  They have friends to do.  Alcohol with dinner can add half again the price of your meal to your bill, or double your bill.  Frankly, I think suggesting splitting a bill evenly among couples when one couple doesn't drink, or only had one drink, but the rest have all had two or three glasses of wine or a few beers or cocktails is extremely rude to the people who don't drink/don't drink as much.
  • As for paying for what you ordered - incredibly tacky. That's cool to do in college but not as an adult. A box of pasta costs like a buck- you are paying for the experience of being out, not for actual
    LOL. What? When I go out to dinner with my friends, some girls will eat an app, some will order an entire bottle of wine, one might decide to skip wine altogether, someone may go for fillet mignon over a salad, and there are various amounts of money being spent on food and drinks. I mean, I guess if you and your friends go to Appleby's and don't drink alcohol, splitting evenly could be fair, but really? We easily have some people spending about $60 with tax and tip and another spending $12 with tax and tip. Why should she have to spend more to help cover alcohol and apps she didn't drink/eat? That's silly.
  • I don't understand why/how you were able to agree to go without costs. If you did, I don't think there's anyone else to be mad at.
  • a destination B-party is totally different from a regular, in town, night out.  And it requires much MUCH better planning and budgeting.

     

    I just had a destination B-party in Disney World (we drank around the world in Epcot).  i completely understood that because we were going that route, there would be people that wouldn't be able to make it - but my closest friends are far-flung, so there wasn't anywhere i could do it where no one would have to travel.  One of my BMs did the planning, but i did use my time share for the lodgings to cut down costs for everyone.  i also paid for my own flight and most of my own meals while we were there, as well as my park tickets.  The only thing that was covered for me was the night of the main event - my dinner was purchased for me and all of the girls took turns buying the rounds of drinks.

     

    Before the invitations went out (i invited about 12 people and 7 attended), my BM sent an email detailing costs and telling everyone what to expect as far as budget (for example my BM told the girls how much park tickets would cost - she's a military wife so she was able to get everyone a really good deal on them).  Again, this was before invitations, so everyone had this information before they accepted or declined the invite.  If it was too much, they could easily decline, no questions asked.  This is how this needs to be done - costs should be discussed ahead of time.  The girl probably backed out because she didn't realize how expensive it would be before hand.

     

    I agree with the earlier poster that pointed out if there are only 8 people now it seems like you could easily do 2 hotel rooms instead of 3 which would reduce everyone's costs quite a bit.  It sounds like the people planning this don't really know what they're doing.  You're not expected to pay for anything, even as a BM.  If you can't afford it, dor you just don't like the way it's being run, don't go.

  • What a sucky situation OP!  Especially since you've been trying to get the planners to share the cost for a month now.  They are definitely in the wrong.  You could back out, either because you can't afford it or on principle (both are fine reasons).  If you'd really like to go, I feel you're well within your rights to email the two who planned it and say "my budget is $___, I'm happy to contribute that to this weekend".  I was my sister's MOH last summer, and when it came time for the bach party, the very first thing I did was ask each BM individually what her budget was before I even thought about planning anything.

    Also, I'm not a math person, but the brilliant PPs who broke down the new budget are correct- one girl dropping out shouldn't have affected the numbers the way it did.  I agree that there's some shady math going on!

  • missnc77 said:



    As for paying for what you ordered - incredibly tacky. That's cool to do in college but not as an adult. A box of pasta costs like a buck- you are paying for the experience of being out, not for actual


    LOL. What? When I go out to dinner with my friends, some girls will eat an app, some will order an entire bottle of wine, one might decide to skip wine altogether, someone may go for fillet mignon over a salad, and there are various amounts of money being spent on food and drinks. I mean, I guess if you and your friends go to Appleby's and don't drink alcohol, splitting evenly could be fair, but really? We easily have some people spending about $60 with tax and tip and another spending $12 with tax and tip. Why should she have to spend more to help cover alcohol and apps she didn't drink/eat? That's silly.
    This is so embarrassing for you... I'd keep this to yourself - eek.
  • Personally, i think of a bride wants a destination bachelorette party she should pay her own way. I think it is rude to expect everyone else to pay for thier airfare, hotel, excursions, food & drinks, and incidentals on top of hers. I would offer to buy her dinner and drinks, but if you want a vacation you should pay for it, not expect your friends to bc your a bride. It's not to far from asking your wedding guest to pay for your honeymoon via a registry IMHO.
    I agree with this. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I don't understand why/how you were able to agree to go without costs.
    I am also wondering this. How was this weekend planned out and agreed to if nobody knew the cost yet? I would never have agreed until I knew how much it was going to cost me. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • scribe95 said:

    I would never have bought a plane ticket for an event without knowing the full costs.

    P.S. the discussion about splitting the meal reminds me of an old Friends episode when Joey and Phoebe wanted to only pay for what they ordered. Makes perfect sense to me.

    This.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • I think the wedding industry is trying to convince brides and BMs that it's not a "real" or "good enough" bach party unless it's over-the-top and expensive.

    Mine was me, my MOH, my two cousins, and a local friend going out for lunch (hibachi!! -- I got to pick lunch!!), and then we toured three local wineries. I had a blast, I got to hang out with my friends, we had a fun afternoon, and no one was forced to spend tons of money. The total cost, per person, was $20, because they all chipped in to pay for my lunch. 
    I think the movie "The Hangover" has something to do with it, too
  • As for paying for what you ordered - incredibly tacky. That's cool to do in college but not as an adult. A box of pasta costs like a buck- you are paying for the experience of being out, not for actual
    LOL. What? When I go out to dinner with my friends, some girls will eat an app, some will order an entire bottle of wine, one might decide to skip wine altogether, someone may go for fillet mignon over a salad, and there are various amounts of money being spent on food and drinks. I mean, I guess if you and your friends go to Appleby's and don't drink alcohol, splitting evenly could be fair, but really? We easily have some people spending about $60 with tax and tip and another spending $12 with tax and tip. Why should she have to spend more to help cover alcohol and apps she didn't drink/eat? That's silly.
    This is so embarrassing for you... I'd keep this to yourself - eek.
    Why is this embarrassing? Someone doesn't have a great paying job like her friends so she should be ashamed and should absolutely not hang out with them because she can't afford a $60 meal? That's seems pretty hateful on your part. 

    A few years ago while I was still in college, I couldn't work during the school year and whatever money I made was to go towards the apartment I was living in off campus. My friend was celebrating her birthday and her fiance invited us all to a restaurant. I went knowing I couldn't afford much and I asked for water and a filling appetizer that kept the bill under $20. My friends weren't hateful and saying I shouldn't have come along because I couldn't afford the entire hibachi meal. I still had a great time with them and was able to give my friend a card. She understood and still wanted me there. She valued my friendship more than my money. 
    It has NOTHING to do with having a great-paying job! You could make a million dollars a year and that doesn't mean you should HAVE to split the cost with someone on their personal meal in the name of politeness. You're already paying for "the experience" by paying for the tax and gratuity on your meal (not to mention the gross markup on whatever beverage you drink, whether it's pop or wine). 

    Also, she's only embarrassed by the fact that someone would actually eat at Applebee's. This troll really looks down on Applebee's and their patrons.
  • As for paying for what you ordered - incredibly tacky. That's cool to do in college but not as an adult. A box of pasta costs like a buck- you are paying for the experience of being out, not for actual
    LOL. What? When I go out to dinner with my friends, some girls will eat an app, some will order an entire bottle of wine, one might decide to skip wine altogether, someone may go for fillet mignon over a salad, and there are various amounts of money being spent on food and drinks. I mean, I guess if you and your friends go to Appleby's and don't drink alcohol, splitting evenly could be fair, but really? We easily have some people spending about $60 with tax and tip and another spending $12 with tax and tip. Why should she have to spend more to help cover alcohol and apps she didn't drink/eat? That's silly.
    This is so embarrassing for you... I'd keep this to yourself - eek.
    I am actually embarrassed for YOU! You forgot to take your troll clothes off-ooppss-eeekk!

    G'byee troll!

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