Pretty Annoyed - Bachelorette Rant

MrsMarende · January 2014

LowerEastSiiide said:

If you are a bridesmaid, you should be splitting the cost for bride- not just the two that planned it. Unfortunately, if you plan to take part in the event, you have to suck it up, pay and be done with it. If you can't do it, don't go. It's like when you go to a group dinner and complain that you only had one glass of wine and others had more. Being a grown up means splitting the bill and accepting that this is what you signed up for

I am not a BM just invited to the event. If I was a BM I would expect to be included in the planning and would also be happy to split the Brides cost if we discussed it ahead of time.

sarahufl · January 2014

MrsMarende said:

LowerEastSiiide said:

If you are a bridesmaid, you should be splitting the cost for bride- not just the two that planned it. Unfortunately, if you plan to take part in the event, you have to suck it up, pay and be done with it. If you can't do it, don't go. It's like when you go to a group dinner and complain that you only had one glass of wine and others had more. Being a grown up means splitting the bill and accepting that this is what you signed up for

I am not a BM just invited to the event. If I was a BM I would expect to be included in the planning and would also be happy to split the Brides cost if we discussed it ahead of time.

I am a grown up and I don't understand this policy. Why are we EXPECTED to share the cost as a BM? Isn't that just something nice you do if you actually agree to it?

The problem at hand is that it wasn't discussed. I would be pissed, too!

nsweare · January 2014

I like Applebee's and ate there last week. That is all.

Maggie0829 · January 2014

Just because you are in the wedding party does not mean that you automatically have to split costs on things or even be involved in the planning of parties.

When I was in my friends wedding her MOH asked everyone if they would be interested in helping to plan her shower. I said sure. She then asked us what we would like to do/help with. I told her I would do the favors and a tasty punch. But I could have said no to everything and then just went as a guest.

Same with bach parties. Budgets should be discussed and if you want to provide input then be involved, but if you don't care then you can certainly say no even if you are a BM.

Amyzen83 · January 2014

LowerEastSiiide said:
If you are a bridesmaid, you should be splitting the cost for bride- not just the two that planned it. Unfortunately, if you plan to take part in the event, you have to suck it up, pay and be done with it. If you can't do it, don't go. It's like when you go to a group dinner and complain that you only had one glass of wine and others had more. Being a grown up means splitting the bill and accepting that this is what you signed up for

Under your shitty logic guess poor people should never participate in anything! Or go into massive debt. I think you'd be a shitty friend if this is how you treat your friends! Are you for real???!?!

MrsMarende · January 2014

PPs- yes I committed to attending before knowing the cost, because I can afford it and knew I would want to attend and still do.

Mostly I was annoyed by the hosts being inconsiderate while planning and also imposing additional costs that should be their responsibility as hosts on the guests.

I find it rude and was offended by that rudeness. I can afford the extra cost, but that really isn't the point.

If the MOH and BM that are planning this hosted a Bach Party at their home and I was invited would I be expected to give them money for food, drinks, game, gifts? No they would be expected to cover the cost.

Because this is DT I understand I will be responsible for my portion of the events, but they should be responsible for the Bride and the girl that dropped out should pay for what she had committed to.

If I had to drop out last minute I wouldn't stick the other guests with my hotel and limo bill.

Maggie0829 · January 2014

PPs- yes I committed to attending before knowing the cost, because I can afford it and knew I would want to attend and still do.

Mostly I was annoyed by the hosts being inconsiderate while planning and also imposing additional costs that should be their responsibility as hosts on the guests.

I find it rude and was offended by that rudeness. I can afford the extra cost, but that really isn't the point.

If the MOH and BM that are planning this hosted a Bach Party at their home and I was invited would I be expected to give them money for food, drinks, game, gifts? No they would be expected to cover the cost.

Because this is DT I understand I will be responsible for my portion of the events, but they should be responsible for the Bride and the girl that dropped out should pay for what she had committed to.

If I had to drop out last minute I wouldn't stick the other guests with my hotel and limo bill.

While that is nice of you, that girl shouldn't have to pay for anything. She said she would go, something came up, and honestly I think once she saw the prices she ran far away, and now she can't go. She shouldn't have to pay for something that she is not going to nor did she really agree on since no one knew the price until recently. This is why finding the price out ahead of time is so important. To prevent this shit from happening.

As for a bach party at home. If I were invited to something like that you can bet your butt I would be asking the hosts if they wanted me to bring anything or I would just bring a dessert and some booze just because you can't have too much of either of those. Bach parties are pay for yourself and maybe help cover the bride type parties.

As for you being told you have to help cover the bride I would tell them that you can't do that but I would buy the bride a drink or two while you were there. I also believe that for bach parties the bride should never assume that her costs are being taken care of, especially for a destination party.

phira · January 2014

scribe95 said:

I would never have bought a plane ticket for an event without knowing the full costs.

P.S. the discussion about splitting the meal reminds me of an old Friends episode when Joey and Phoebe wanted to only pay for what they ordered. Makes perfect sense to me.

And Rachel, too! Love that show.

lyndausvi · January 2014

I'm glad destination b-parties really weren't around when I was in my 20's. I would have gone broke. Besides I have a hard enough time planning a vacation with my own family who I have no problem calling out. Can't imagine planning with a bunch of women, some who might not even know each other?

Amyzen83 · January 2014

I've been to one destination b party in New Orleans and had a blast but bride paid her own way and we all had a say on what we did what we could cut out.

MrsMarende · January 2014

The girl who backed out did so because it interfered with her cycle. She is trying to get pregnant and has been going to a fertility specialist.

@ Maggie I would also offer to bring something to a hosted party, but offering and being told it is a requirement to attend are different things.

Maggie0829 · January 2014

The girl who backed out did so because it interfered with her cycle. She is trying to get pregnant and has been going to a fertility specialist.

@ Maggie I would also offer to bring something to a hosted party, but offering and being told it is a requirement to attend are different things.

I know that being told and offering are two different things.

Amyzen83 · January 2014

I hate being told what to spend my money on when it's not bill related or something that effects my fi

kgd7357 · January 2014

To the OP. I think you just need to say that you are down with pitching in for x costs for the bride, but not okay with y costs. It's common for the costs on dest bach parties to vary slightly, although you should have gotten an estimate before agreeing to this. You should not have to pay any costs for the bride you did not already agree to.

Mine is in March in NYC (I live in DC), since NYC was the only location where everyone could stay with someone, thus eliminating hotel costs. I am paying to get myself there and back, and for all my meals/drink except for Saturday night, which is being split among everyone else evenly. To avoid the bill splitting confusion at dinner and the bar, my MOH selected a price fixed meal, and is doing a pre paid all-you-can drink event. It comes out to everyone tossing in about $10 to cover me.

To those hating on Lower East Side, I think this is just how things go in her social circle. It is very common in my circle to split bills evenly, as many restaurants in NYC and DC will not allow personal checks. We do encourage our friends that plan to drink/eat less to bring cash, which we'll take off the top then split the rest evenly on the cards.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

kgd7357 said:

To those hating on Lower East Side, I think this is just how things go in her social circle. It is very common in my circle to split bills evenly, as many restaurants in NYC and DC will not allow personal checks. We do encourage our friends that plan to drink/eat less to bring cash, which we'll take of the top then split the rest evenly on the cards.

See how you explained something without insinuating that people who only pay for what they consumed are somehow declasse and tacky? Yeah that was the opposite of how LES posted. You also never claimed to think that the centers of all class and the Universe itself reside in either LA or NYC.

arrippa · January 2014

kgd7357 said:

To the OP. I think you just need to say that you are down with pitching in for x costs for the bride, but not okay with y costs. It's common for the costs on dest bach parties to vary slightly, although you should have gotten an estimate before agreeing to this. You should not have to pay any costs for the bride you did not already agree to.

Mine is in March in NYC (I live in DC), since NYC was the only location where everyone could stay with someone, thus eliminating hotel costs. I am paying to get myself there and back, and for all my meals/drink except for Saturday night, which is being split among everyone else evenly. To avoid the bill splitting confusion at dinner and the bar, my MOH selected a price fixed meal, and is doing a pre paid all-you-can drink event. It comes out to everyone tossing in about $10 to cover me.

To those hating on Lower East Side, I think this is just how things go in her social circle. It is very common in my circle to split bills evenly, as many restaurants in NYC and DC will not allow personal checks. We do encourage our friends that plan to drink/eat less to bring cash, which we'll take of the top then split the rest evenly on the cards.

I understand what you are saying but a lot of restaurants here also don't do personal checks yet we still only pay for what we consume. With one check, we can all figure out how much to put on on our cards or how much cash to put in.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

moemacWed30594 said:

kgd7357 said:

To the OP. I think you just need to say that you are down with pitching in for x costs for the bride, but not okay with y costs. It's common for the costs on dest bach parties to vary slightly, although you should have gotten an estimate before agreeing to this. You should not have to pay any costs for the bride you did not already agree to.

Mine is in March in NYC (I live in DC), since NYC was the only location where everyone could stay with someone, thus eliminating hotel costs. I am paying to get myself there and back, and for all my meals/drink except for Saturday night, which is being split among everyone else evenly. To avoid the bill splitting confusion at dinner and the bar, my MOH selected a price fixed meal, and is doing a pre paid all-you-can drink event. It comes out to everyone tossing in about $10 to cover me.

To those hating on Lower East Side, I think this is just how things go in her social circle. It is very common in my circle to split bills evenly, as many restaurants in NYC and DC will not allow personal checks. We do encourage our friends that plan to drink/eat less to bring cash, which we'll take of the top then split the rest evenly on the cards.
I understand what you are saying but a lot of restaurants here also don't do personal checks yet we still only pay for what we consume. With one check, we can all figure out how much to put on on our cards or how much cash to put in.

Yeah, exactly this too. Smartphones have calculators and if a restaurant tells you they can't split the bill onto multiple cards, they are lazy or lying. Whether they prefer to do it is another thing.

kgd7357 · January 2014

I'm not saying the even split is the only way to do things. It's just such a pain in the ##s to add up random numbers, and ya know that friend that ALWAYS forgets tax and tip...

Amyzen83 · January 2014

I get that logic and family style dinners or pizza it make sense to split the cost evenly but there was a time I was out with friends and I literally ordered just water because I was flat broke but wanted to hang out with my friends.

lyndausvi · January 2014

Amyzen83 said:

I get that logic and family style dinners or pizza it make sense to split the cost evenly but there was a time I was out with friends and I literally ordered just water because I was flat broke but wanted to hang out with my friends.

I'm pro-split checks evenly. Someone always doesn't add up the tax or tip correctly and it's just annoying the more people you have. Plus I've been a server before. Multiple-checks with the same amount is way easier then multiple checks with different amounts.

Our family and friends often drink/eat similar priced items. We also go out often enough that it evens out. However, on the rare occurrence we have the side salad water only person with us we adjust the check accordingly. That is the right thing to do in my opinion. Actually, more often than not just cover the cost and divide by one less person.

zitiqueen · January 2014

kgd7357 said:

To those hating on Lower East Side, I think this is just how things go in her social circle. It is very common in my circle to split bills evenly, as many restaurants in NYC and DC will not allow personal checks. We do encourage our friends that plan to drink/eat less to bring cash, which we'll take off the top then split the rest evenly on the cards.

Not accepting personal checks isn't exclusive to restaurants in NY or DC.

MrsMarende · January 2014

shrekspeare said:

MrsMarende said:

The girl who backed out did so because it interfered with her cycle. She is trying to get pregnant and has been going to a fertility specialist.

@ Maggie I would also offer to bring something to a hosted party, but offering and being told it is a requirement to attend are different things.

How dare she back out because she has the possibility of having a baby and spent thousands of dollars already at a fertility specialist. The nerve of some people.

Also, I'm not sure this is a real thread.

I was not insinuating that it was an illegitimate reason, I only noted it because several people mentioned that the girl may have backed out due to the cost of the trip. I understand that her becoming a parent is more important than some silly party.

sarahufl · January 2014

Generally, when dining with friends, we split the bill evenly. Especially if it is a couple we go out with frequently. Maybe one time my meal will be more and other times theirs may be more. It tends to even out.

With people you don't go out with frequently, I think you have to know your crowd and pay attention to what others are having. From my personal experience (as someone who rarely drinks or orders expensive entrees) I bring cash. It is a lot easier to just throw in cash for your portion without looking like a jackass.

jdluvr06 · January 2014

Usually when we go out everyone pays for what they order. I've never been to a restaurant where they wouldn't put different orders on different checks.

kiwikiss56 · January 2014

I also think the "split the check" thing varies by circle. 95% I go out we out to eat split evenly. Usually I'm the one doing the check if there is cash involved and if I notice that one person ordered significantly less than everyone else like others have suggested I've just taken it off the total bill. Seriously every single time I've gone out where people throw in cash for what they owe...it's never enough money. I always throw in extra and we always end up short (this has happened with multiple different groups). Especially when drinking it just gets over complicated. I've never asked for multiple checks before ordering at a (nice) restaurant.

For destination bachelorette parties, I absolutely think that the bride (or groom) should offer to pay their share...or at least for airfare! I've always split hotel rooms and dinner among all those attending as a way to honor the bride if you will. I would rather split something by say 10-15 people attending a bachelorette party where the cost ends up being minimal per person than leaving the few bridesmaids on the hook for all the costs even if I'm not in the wedding. I also would never show up to a bachelorette party without alcohol, snacks etc. and always ask the MOH/planners what I can bring or how I can help. Again this is at least how it's been for every bachelorette party I've attended.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

kiwikiss56 said:

I also think the "split the check" thing varies by circle. 95% I go out we out to eat split evenly. Usually I'm the one doing the check if there is cash involved and if I notice that one person ordered significantly less than everyone else like others have suggested I've just taken it off the total bill. Seriously every single time I've gone out where people throw in cash for what they owe...it's never enough money. I always throw in extra and we always end up short (this has happened with multiple different groups). Especially when drinking it just gets over complicated. I've never asked for multiple checks before ordering at a (nice) restaurant.

For destination bachelorette parties, I absolutely think that the bride (or groom) should offer to pay their share...or at least for airfare! I've always split hotel rooms and dinner among all those attending as a way to honor the bride if you will. I would rather split something by say 10-15 people attending a bachelorette party where the cost ends up being minimal per person than leaving the few bridesmaids on the hook for all the costs even if I'm not in the wedding. I also would never show up to a bachelorette party without alcohol, snacks etc. and always ask the MOH/planners what I can bring or how I can help. Again this is at least how it's been for every bachelorette party I've attended.

This is one of the reasons I am very careful about who FI and I split bills with, or I insist on separate checks. . . which has never been an issue in my experience, even at higher end places.

phira · January 2014

I think that when the party is a destination party because the guest of honor (bride, groom) has expressed a desire to have a destination party, the guest of honor should pay their own way. Obviously, I say "I think they should," but I'm not gonna police it. I just think that it takes some of the drama out of the budget for the rest of the guests.

If the destination party ISN'T the idea of the guest of honor, I think that it really should only be on the table if everyone in the bridal party can afford it and is WILLING to pay the money, and other guests should be told the final, maximum costs up front.

Cookie Pusher · January 2014

We've encountered restaurants where they don't do split checks, mostly in cities. What we do then is hand the bill to the former waitress (me) and I do the math and tell everyone what they owe including tax and a 15% tip. Everyone gleefully rounds up and tosses their money in (hence why I don't give them a total with 20% tip, with the rounding up we usually end up tipping closer to 25%). Now that most people have smart phones, it's not hard to figure out how much you owe since there's a calculator built right in. We do occasionally do even splits, but it gets messier when there's a lot of alcohol is involved. It's not fair for the DD to pay for $12 martinis they didn't drink. I also don't think it's fair for the guy who had a single $6 beer to chip in towards someone else's four $10 cocktails.

bunni727 · January 2014

I've never heard of splitting the checks evenly instead of based on what you order.

And my bachlorette consisted of dinner and drinks at Applebee's, where we each paid our own bill, and drunken board games at my place. SO tacky and embarrassing.

grumbledore · January 2014

We never split evenly. We either split based on what we ordered or one person offers to pick up the check.

Pretty Annoyed - Bachelorette Rant

Re: Pretty Annoyed - Bachelorette Rant

Choose Another Board

Search Boards