Yes we both have her blocked now. But she has called from random phone numbers before to try and reach him.
Any suggestions for a sentence that is polite that basically says "don't contact us ever again"?
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_crazy-ex-sent-wedding-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:ec410a43-23e3-4ed2-bec2-e8c27d57fd4bPost:4943a2f8-f383-473a-bac0-dceddf5b6d01">Re:Crazy Ex sent wedding gift</a>: [QUOTE]Yes we both have her blocked now. But she has called from random phone numbers before to try and reach him. Any suggestions for a sentence that is polite that basically says "don't contact us ever again"? Posted by sarah8smack[/QUOTE]
a legally worded restraining order from the court system?
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_crazy-ex-sent-wedding-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:ec410a43-23e3-4ed2-bec2-e8c27d57fd4bPost:4943a2f8-f383-473a-bac0-dceddf5b6d01">Re:Crazy Ex sent wedding gift</a>: [QUOTE]Yes we both have her blocked now. But she has called from random phone numbers before to try and reach him. Any suggestions for a sentence that is polite that basically says "don't contact us ever again"? Posted by sarah8smack[/QUOTE]
<div>OMG. Are you not listening?</div><div> </div><div>Any communication with her,<em> regardless of the actual content of that communication</em>, is going to reinforce her idea that it is OK for her to contact you.</div><div> </div><div>You say, "Please don't call us again."</div><div>She hears, "They answered me! They love me! I will call them always!"</div><div> </div><div>You say, "Thanks, but we can't accept your wedding gift."</div><div>She hears, "They love me! I will go to their wedding."</div><div> </div><div>You say, "Stay far, FAR away from us for the rest of time!"</div><div>She hears, "Call us every day!"</div><div> </div><div>Do. Not. Reply. To. Her.</div>
Listen to DG. To a normal person "do not contact me" means "do not contact me."
It doesn't seem like you're dealing with a normal person. Any communication/response from you or your FI, no matter the content, will give her the idea that she still has a chance.
Here is what you do:
1. Grab that gift. 2. Drive to BBB. 3. Tell them you are refusing the gift from your registry. 4. Let them handle the return/refund of crazy girls' money. 5. Drive home.
You (or your FI) do not contact her. At all. Done.
You know, I really hate it when people say "I just want cash [for a honeymoon, toward a downpayment on a house, you name it], not a bunch of stuff we don't need."
News flash: you don't need other people's cash any more than you need a chip and dip set.
Also, listen to DG on this stalker thing. If you insist on responding in any way, then you are willingly feeding the drama. DG's guy wrote a book, but my undergrad major was animal behavior, and a) she will see any attention as positive reinforcement, so you'll only encourage her to continue this behavior, and b) the only thing more powerful than positive reinforcement is intermittent positive reinforcement. See also, why some people will stuff quarters into slot machines for hours on end. Ignoring her for a while and then eventually responding is actually the worst thing you can do if you want to discourage her.
Maybe you need to have a face to face convo with this EX, because it sounds like she's looking to get back into his pants. He's brushing you off, he probably wants to get some last mminute banging in if he hasn't already done it! I'd reconsider marrying someone who is probably cheating on you and this is the EX's way of letting oyu know that something is going on.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_crazy-ex-sent-wedding-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:ec410a43-23e3-4ed2-bec2-e8c27d57fd4bPost:98bd91fe-b35f-4176-a977-725100e0e8c4">Re: Crazy Ex sent wedding gift</a>: [QUOTE]Maybe you need to have a face to face convo with this EX, because it sounds like she's looking to get back into his pants. He's brushing you off, he probably wants to get some last mminute banging in if he hasn't already done it! I'd reconsider marrying someone who is probably cheating on you and this is the EX's way of letting oyu know that something is going on. Posted by FlaNYtattoogirl[/QUOTE]
<div>Flany, have you always been a troll or is this a new hobby for you? I thought you used to be a normal poster.</div><div> </div><div>To the OP, keep us updated on crazypants. Despite it being drastic, you may be safer with a restraining order at this point--I believe she can't contact you at all (without getting in trouble) that way? I also vote for wedding security of some sort, so you and FI won't be worrying about her crashing the day of. </div>
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_crazy-ex-sent-wedding-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:ec410a43-23e3-4ed2-bec2-e8c27d57fd4bPost:02ed30cd-3ca8-4c1c-a7e0-fa3cbb79804e">Re: Crazy Ex sent wedding gift</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Crazy Ex sent wedding gift : Flany, have you always been a troll or is this a new hobby for you? I thought you used to be a normal poster. To the OP, keep us updated on crazypants. Despite it being drastic, you may be safer with a restraining order at this point--I believe she can't contact you at all (without getting in trouble) that way? I also vote for wedding security of some sort, so you and FI won't be worrying about her crashing the day of. Posted by missfrodo[/QUOTE]
I had a crazy ex once who sent me letters and gifts on various random occassions that were not traditionally celebrated holidays, like Boxing Day even though I live in USA. It was funny but then started going on for years. It stopped when I started returning to sender but it took a long time and happy am I that nothing was scary in the packages. It was mostly gum and Hanes 6-pack underwears. No dead mice or poop, so that was good.
I was this close to giving a serious answer to OP before I noticed the date :P
Speaking of crazies, and this is worth a read, FI has this chick who was friends with some of his friends in high school, who still sends him NOVELS on Facebook about how she wants to be part of his life and misses him- they were never even friends, they only had friends in common! The only time he ever responded was because she had called me a bitch in front of my MOH at a party (Hadn't even met me, just figured I was a bitch because I was with FI now) and when I told Fi that, he just replied on FB with "Never call my fiancé a bitch again" and didn't respond to her tangent about how she should have been informed about something so important blah blah blah...
Of course the messages are nothing compared to the box this girl sent him a few years back (He's moved since then so she no longer knows where he lives)
Oh god. This box. This horrible box. Lemme tell you guys a story about this box. First, a stack of photos. Taken of him in public places, when he thought he was alone. Next, like fifty pages, single spaced, detailing every single time they had ever been in the same place, wether he was aware of that or not, with handwritten notes in the margins like "BUT I GUESS YOU NEVER LOVED ME" or "I HATE THAT BITCH" (Referring to his gf at the time) But the scariest part- an instruction manual to the exact lava lamp he bought at a garage sale. Either she went through his garbage, went into his house, or watched him buy the thing, bought one of her own, and took out the manual. Either way, what the actual fuck.
Anyways she works at the mall nearby and I didn't realize this until I was in a certain beauty supply store and MOH pointed her out. She recognized MOH and came over. When she realized who I was she described how she and Fi used to date on and off until he drove up to massachusetts to break up with her on her birthday- they never dated, ever, and FI can't even drive. How the fuck do you stalk someone like that and not realize they can't fucking drive???? Bad stalker. Apparently MOH heard something similar from her at the party, but slightly different. I think there's like 3 different versions of that story that she tells people. Anyways I don't shop at that store anymore :P
Re: Crazy Ex sent wedding gift
[QUOTE]Yes we both have her blocked now. But she has called from random phone numbers before to try and reach him. Any suggestions for a sentence that is polite that basically says "don't contact us ever again"?
Posted by sarah8smack[/QUOTE]
a legally worded restraining order from the court system?
[QUOTE]Yes we both have her blocked now. But she has called from random phone numbers before to try and reach him. Any suggestions for a sentence that is polite that basically says "don't contact us ever again"?
Posted by sarah8smack[/QUOTE]
<div>OMG. Are you not listening?</div><div>
</div><div>Any communication with her,<em> regardless of the actual content of that communication</em>, is going to reinforce her idea that it is OK for her to contact you.</div><div>
</div><div>You say, "Please don't call us again."</div><div>She hears, "They answered me! They love me! I will call them always!"</div><div>
</div><div>You say, "Thanks, but we can't accept your wedding gift."</div><div>She hears, "They love me! I will go to their wedding."</div><div>
</div><div>You say, "Stay far, FAR away from us for the rest of time!"</div><div>She hears, "Call us every day!"</div><div>
</div><div>Do. Not. Reply. To. Her.</div>
It doesn't seem like you're dealing with a normal person. Any communication/response from you or your FI, no matter the content, will give her the idea that she still has a chance.
Here is what you do:
1. Grab that gift.
2. Drive to BBB.
3. Tell them you are refusing the gift from your registry.
4. Let them handle the return/refund of crazy girls' money.
5. Drive home.
You (or your FI) do not contact her. At all. Done.
News flash: you don't need other people's cash any more than you need a chip and dip set.
Also, listen to DG on this stalker thing. If you insist on responding in any way, then you are willingly feeding the drama. DG's guy wrote a book, but my undergrad major was animal behavior, and a) she will see any attention as positive reinforcement, so you'll only encourage her to continue this behavior, and b) the only thing more powerful than positive reinforcement is intermittent positive reinforcement. See also, why some people will stuff quarters into slot machines for hours on end. Ignoring her for a while and then eventually responding is actually the worst thing you can do if you want to discourage her.
DITTO.
[QUOTE]Maybe you need to have a face to face convo with this EX, because it sounds like she's looking to get back into his pants. He's brushing you off, he probably wants to get some last mminute banging in if he hasn't already done it! I'd reconsider marrying someone who is probably cheating on you and this is the EX's way of letting oyu know that something is going on.
Posted by FlaNYtattoogirl[/QUOTE]
<div>Flany, have you always been a troll or is this a new hobby for you? I thought you used to be a normal poster.</div><div>
</div><div>To the OP, keep us updated on crazypants. Despite it being drastic, you may be safer with a restraining order at this point--I believe she can't contact you at all (without getting in trouble) that way? I also vote for wedding security of some sort, so you and FI won't be worrying about her crashing the day of. </div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Crazy Ex sent wedding gift : Flany, have you always been a troll or is this a new hobby for you? I thought you used to be a normal poster. To the OP, keep us updated on crazypants. Despite it being drastic, you may be safer with a restraining order at this point--I believe she can't contact you at all (without getting in trouble) that way? I also vote for wedding security of some sort, so you and FI won't be worrying about her crashing the day of.
Posted by missfrodo[/QUOTE]
Not Me!