Pretty Annoyed - Bachelorette Rant

arrippa · January 2014

Amyzen83 said:

I'm sorry but I hav a hard time getting past the part where not wanting to spend hundreds of dollars = being lazy poor crappy friend

Not just a poor crappy friend but a tacky, low class and lazy poor friend.

Chipmunk415 · January 2014

...my brain has asploded from the claims of "cover your plate," "you're a bad friend if you don't shell out a ton of money for the bride's bachelorette," etc and the comments that I'm praying were sarcastic in their agreement...I guess I should send follow up thank you notes to those who sent us wedding gifts (already sent out appropriate ones) saying "your prezzie wasn't large enough to cover the cost of your meal and booze, please send a check immediately for the following amount"

lyndausvi · January 2014

This took an interesting turn. Cover your plate is alive and well in DH's family and friends circle (Long Island NY).

Inkdancer · January 2014

lyndausvi said:

This took an interesting turn. Cover your plate is alive and well in DH's family and friends circle (Long Island NY).

Honest question: how do you know how much to spend?

lyndausvi · January 2014

Inkdancer said:

lyndausvi said:

This took an interesting turn. Cover your plate is alive and well in DH's family and friends circle (Long Island NY).

Honest question: how do you know how much to spend?

Well lucky for me I came into the family later in DH's life so far there has only been 2 weddings since most people (except his siblings) are married. Both times we just gave $250. Seems standard in their family. They all talk about that kind of stuff with each other or people must do their own research. It's weird.

Inkdancer · January 2014

lyndausvi said:

Inkdancer said:

lyndausvi said:

This took an interesting turn. Cover your plate is alive and well in DH's family and friends circle (Long Island NY).

Honest question: how do you know how much to spend?

Well lucky for me I came into the family later in DH's life so far there has only been 2 weddings since most people (except his siblings) are married. Both times we just gave $250. Seems standard in their family. They all talk about that kind of stuff with each other or people must do their own research. It's weird.

That does sound weird. No way am I letting my guests know that I am getting awesome food stations for less than $40pp!

Amyzen83 · January 2014

I'm not sure I want my guests knowing how much my wedding costs because 1. It's none of their damn business 2. The foods going to be amazing whether it was 500 per plate with beluga caviar and steak and lobster or a yummy BBQ! 3. All that stuff is superficial fluff what's important is that I'm committing to the love of my life and we want to celebrate with all our close friends and family.

lyndausvi · January 2014

Inkdancer said:

lyndausvi said:

Inkdancer said:

lyndausvi said:

This took an interesting turn. Cover your plate is alive and well in DH's family and friends circle (Long Island NY).

Honest question: how do you know how much to spend?

Well lucky for me I came into the family later in DH's life so far there has only been 2 weddings since most people (except his siblings) are married. Both times we just gave $250. Seems standard in their family. They all talk about that kind of stuff with each other or people must do their own research. It's weird.

That does sound weird. No way am I letting my guests know that I am getting awesome food stations for less than $40pp!

It's not like the couple goes around telling people their per person rate. People attend a lot of weddings and other banquet events, they themselves have might have planned a wedding or another event at the venue in the area so they just generally know the costs.

Maggie0829 · January 2014

You know, I never really figured out the per person cost of our wedding. That breakdown really never mattered to us much. As long as we kept within the grand total my parents set they didn't really care what it cost to have each person there.

sarahufl · January 2014

I find this "cover your plate" thing to be absurd. Give me a gift that you feel you can afford, I already covered your plate FOR YOU. Better yet, skip the gift altogether if you feel like you have money constraints.

I would rather you be at my wedding, eating the meal I bought for you, than get an expensive gift and have you feel like you can't afford it.

I care more about people I care about being there than I care about what they are bringing me.

lyndausvi · January 2014

Maggie0829 said:

You know, I never really figured out the per person cost of our wedding. That breakdown really never mattered to us much. As long as we kept within the grand total my parents set they didn't really care what it cost to have each person there.

We did for curiosity sake, but that was all. Of course, with DH being in the industry he compares costs all the time.

We were grateful for any and all gifts given to us. Never once thought anyone was "cheap" or ungrateful for what we provided them. We hosted people because we wanted to, not because we thought we would get anything out of it.

I think cover your plate is ridiculous. Never the less, it's what DH's family does.

Fran1985 · January 2014

LowerEastSiiide said:

Giving a gift that covers the approximate cost if your plate plus a little extra ... Like, if you invite me to a buffet, I might give you $100 for me and my husband total... But, a sit down dinner in a nice hall, I'll give $300

KeptInStitches made if you brag about how much $$ you have, you probably don't have it. If you aim to cover your plate, you don't have it. Your concerned about how it looks so you are giving more money to your more well off friends, and less to your less well off friends. Talk about tacky.

Amyzen83 · January 2014

Maggie0829 said:
You know, I never really figured out the per person cost of our wedding. That breakdown really never mattered to us much. As long as we kept within the grand total my parents set they didn't really care what it cost to have each person there.

We are that way too

in fact we purposely picked a venue that didn't do per person costs and we did that with all of the costs because we don't want to see our guests as price tags as the wedding industry tends to treat them. We want who we want there and plan around that,

MrsMarende · January 2014

Just to be clear, my complaint wasn't wasn't about not being able to afford it. I make more money than every girl coming on the trip. Affording it doesn't make it less inconsiderate or rude.

lyndausvi · January 2014

MrsMarende said:

Just to be clear, my complaint wasn't wasn't about not being able to afford it. I make more money than every girl coming on the trip. Affording it doesn't make it less inconsiderate or rude.

Ugh, nothing worse than people who like to spent other people's money because they "know" you can afford it. Being able to and wanting to are 2 very different things.

Amyzen83 · February 2014

My sister tried that crap with me for her bachlorette party and gave me problems that I didn't have the money at the time she needed it "3 weeks before actual event" and it was less than a weeks notice. She complained that her other bridesmaids had no problem with paying that week, and they make way less than I do. It so happened that that was the week ALL my large bills were due, and rent and car insurance went up for me. Most of her bridesmaids still live with their parents and don't have the same financial obligations. So just because on paper it looks like there's more, that doesn't mean it's expendable, not everyone's financial situation, nor does it mean they want to spend that much on you.

JellyBean52513 · February 2014

MrsMarende said: Just to be clear, my complaint wasn't wasn't about not being able to afford it. I make more money than every girl coming on the trip. Affording it doesn't make it less inconsiderate or rude.
DONT LISTEN TO LOWEREASTSIDE. Your predicament has NOTHING to do with whether or not you can afford it. It's about how the trip was planned and how it was handled by the people planning it.

And FTR, I don't give even half of a fuck what a person makes versus what they're willing to spend; you can make $5/hr or $50/hr but your money is not for other people to spend, or to guilt-trip you into spending on them. My aunt is a millionaire and she would be the first person to balk at the idea of someone asking her to come out of pocket any amount with less than a week's notice. It has nothing to do with how hard you work or how much you earn. FYI, LowerEastSide: You can pay for a destination B-party but you can't buy class, no matter how much YOU'D like to think you can

Edited to bold my response because the quote box is messed up

Amyzen83 · February 2014

JellyBean52513 said:

MrsMarende said:

Just to be clear, my complaint wasn't wasn't about not being able to afford it. I make more money than every girl coming on the trip.

Affording it doesn't make it less inconsiderate or rude.

DONT LISTEN TO LOWEREASTSIDE. Your predicament has NOTHING to do with whether or not you can afford it. It's about how the trip was planned and how it was handled by the people planning it.

And FTR, I don't give even half of a fuck what a person makes versus what they're willing to spend; you can make $5/hr or $50/hr but your money is not for other people to spend, or to guilt-trip you into spending on them. My aunt is a millionaire and she would be the first person to balk at the idea of someone asking her to come out of pocket any amount with less than a week's notice. It has nothing to do with how hard you work or how much you earn. FYI, LowerEastSide: You can pay for a destination B-party but you can't buy class, no matter how much YOU'D like to think you can

Edited to bold my response because the quote box is messed up

This!!!!!!!! You can be a millionaire for all I care awesome for you! But that doesn't give others the right to tell you how to spend it. It's your $$ rich or poor and you earned that money to do what you want with it.

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