Titles on Invites - Do you need them?

Inkdancer · February 2014

Most of my guest list is composed of people who go socially by Miss, Mrs, Ms, or Mr. I have one Colonel and two Doctors.

For those who do not have special titles, is it okay to skip titles entirely?

For example, invitation to my FBIL and FSIL would look like this:
Dr Lala and Mr Po Teletubby
123 ABC Road
Binkytown, Lalaland 12345

However, for my FMIL and FSIL:
Mrs Oscarina and Mr Oscar Grouch
3 Trashcan Lane
Sesame Street, NY 11111

OR

Oscarina and Oscar Grouch
etc etc.

Is there one that is right vs wrong?

ETA:

ALSO: Can I use titles on Invitations but skip them on STDs?

ALSO ALSO: I have a couple getting married between STD-time (this week) and invitation time (July). Use Mr and Miss now, then Mr and Mrs on invite?

JCbride2015 · February 2014

I would use the titles for everyone. When I receive mail addressed to Miss or Ms, it seems more formal and correct to me. Mail just addressed to JC seems very casual.

Maggie0829 · February 2014

It is more formal to use titles but if I got an invitation that didn't include my title I certainly wouldn't be upset about it.

Inkdancer · February 2014

Edited original post to add more questions.

pinkshorts27 · February 2014

Inkdancer said:

Most of my guest list is composed of people who go socially by Miss, Mrs, Ms, or Mr. I have one Colonel and two Doctors.

For those who do not have special titles, is it okay to skip titles entirely?

For example, invitation to my FBIL and FSIL would look like this:
Dr Lala and Mr Po Teletubby
123 ABC Road
Binkytown, Lalaland 12345

However, for my FMIL and FSIL:
Mrs Oscarina and Mr Oscar Grouch
3 Trashcan Lane
Sesame Street, NY 11111

OR

Oscarina and Oscar Grouch
etc etc.

Is there one that is right vs wrong?

ETA:

ALSO: Can I use titles on Invitations but skip them on STDs?

ALSO ALSO: I have a couple getting married between STD-time (this week) and invitation time (July). Use Mr and Miss now, then Mr and Mrs on invite?

To the bold, this is correct. Use the title they are when you are sending them (Mr. and Miss now for STDs because they aren't married yet, and Mr. and Mrs. after they are married when you send the invites)

Inkdancer · February 2014

blueeyes90 said:

Inkdancer said:

ALSO ALSO: I have a couple getting married between STD-time (this week) and invitation time (July). Use Mr and Miss now, then Mr and Mrs on invite?

To the bold, this is correct. Use the title they are when you are sending them (Mr. and Miss now for STDs because they aren't married yet, and Mr. and Mrs. after they are married when you send the invites)

That's what I thought but I wanted to be sure. They were listed on my FMIL's spreadsheet as Mr and Mrs Walls when they aren't married yet!

photokitty · February 2014

Inkdancer said:

blueeyes90 said:

Inkdancer said:

ALSO ALSO: I have a couple getting married between STD-time (this week) and invitation time (July). Use Mr and Miss now, then Mr and Mrs on invite?

To the bold, this is correct. Use the title they are when you are sending them (Mr. and Miss now for STDs because they aren't married yet, and Mr. and Mrs. after they are married when you send the invites)

That's what I thought but I wanted to be sure. They were listed on my FMIL's spreadsheet as Mr and Mrs Walls when they aren't married yet!

Unless she keeps her own name of course

And you can skip titles on STDs as they are not formal correspondence

Maggie0829 · February 2014

Titles can be skipped on STDs if you want. And the other posters are right about which title to use in regards to the one couple in question. Use the titles in which they are at the time the mail goes out.

mrs4everhart · February 2014

How formal is your wedding and your invites? I think this matters a lot. We're only using first names. In fact, we're only using our own first names on our invitations. We're keeping everything super low key. If we were having a more formal affair I'd up the formality to correspond.

Inkdancer · February 2014

Thanks all! I was pretty sure but I appreciate the confirmation. Really don't want to hurt feelings in FI's family.

Inkdancer · February 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

How formal is your wedding and your invites? I think this matters a lot. We're only using first names. In fact, we're only using our own first names on our invitations. We're keeping everything super low key. If we were having a more formal affair I'd up the formality to correspond.

Wedding is in a historical chapel with groomsmen in dark suits and the bridesmaids in nice cocktail dresses. The invites will be somewhat formal, but definitely nowhere near black tie as this is in the middle of the day.

wrigleyville · February 2014

Inkdancer said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

How formal is your wedding and your invites? I think this matters a lot. We're only using first names. In fact, we're only using our own first names on our invitations. We're keeping everything super low key. If we were having a more formal affair I'd up the formality to correspond.

Wedding is in a historical chapel with groomsmen in dark suits and the bridesmaids in nice cocktail dresses. The invites will be somewhat formal, but definitely nowhere near black tie as this is in the middle of the day.

Then, yes, I would use titles.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

Inkdancer said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

How formal is your wedding and your invites? I think this matters a lot. We're only using first names. In fact, we're only using our own first names on our invitations. We're keeping everything super low key. If we were having a more formal affair I'd up the formality to correspond.

Wedding is in a historical chapel with groomsmen in dark suits and the bridesmaids in nice cocktail dresses. The invites will be somewhat formal, but definitely nowhere near black tie as this is in the middle of the day.

Sounds like a formal event- use the titles.

312Emily · February 2014

Use titles. Especially earned ones. Be sure to honor all doctorates and address those guests as Dr., not just the MDs. This includes DDS, PhD, DO, PsyD, DPT and even veterinary doctors and others that are escaping me. However, JDs are not to be included.

CMGragain · February 2014

emilyellyse said:

Use titles. Especially earned ones. Be sure to honor all doctorates and address those guests as Dr., not just the MDs. This includes DDS, PhD, DO, PsyD, DPT and even veterinary doctors and others that are escaping me. However, JDs are not to be included.

This is not socially correct. The title "Doctor" is only used socially by physicians, or people who normally use that title in their work, such as college professors.

312Emily · February 2014

All of the people I listed normally use the term Doctor. My fiance is a dentist and we have multiple dentists in our circle. These professionals, and all the others I listed are to be addressed as doctor.

mrs4everhart · February 2014

Inkdancer said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

How formal is your wedding and your invites? I think this matters a lot. We're only using first names. In fact, we're only using our own first names on our invitations. We're keeping everything super low key. If we were having a more formal affair I'd up the formality to correspond.

Wedding is in a historical chapel with groomsmen in dark suits and the bridesmaids in nice cocktail dresses. The invites will be somewhat formal, but definitely nowhere near black tie as this is in the middle of the day.

No reason not to use titles then. Seems no more or no less effort than hand writing each envelope one way or the other.

NYCBruin · February 2014

emilyellyse said:
Use titles. Especially earned ones. Be sure to honor all doctorates and address those guests as Dr., not just the MDs. This includes DDS, PhD, DO, PsyD, DPT and even veterinary doctors and others that are escaping me. However, JDs are not to be included.

This is not correct. Well except the part about JDs. These are professional titles. They aren't used in social settings. Ditto for lawyers (esq.).

ETA that said, if you really want to include the title you can, but it is not rude to not use these titles.

rajahmd · February 2014

Actually, DO''s are a type of doctor. They often do the same things that MD's do, they just have a different focus in their education. Even if you really think only medical doctors should be able to use Dr socially, you should include DO's as well.

Honestly, as a soon to be MD, I find the idea that only MD's get Dr to be incredibly pretentious and elitist. If someone earned an advanced degree with the word doctorate in it and goes by Dr professionally, they earned the right to use it socially.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

NYCBruin said:

Use titles. Especially earned ones. Be sure to honor all doctorates and address those guests as Dr., not just the MDs. This includes DDS, PhD, DO, PsyD, DPT and even veterinary doctors and others that are escaping me. However, JDs are not to be included.
This is not correct. Well except the part about JDs. These are professional titles. They aren't used in social settings. Ditto for lawyers (esq.). ETA that said, if you really want to include the title you can, but it is not rude to not use these titles.

This is a post in general, not taking NYC to task by any means.

The people that hold them will find it rude to be addressed as Mr. or Mrs./Ms. I have railed against this antiquate etiquette convention on other threads in here.

DO's which are Doctors of Osteopathic medicine and are physicians same as MDs, and PhDs in the natural sciences are referred to by the title "Dr" professionally and socially as a sign of respect. Addressing them formally as Mr/Mrs/Ms is highly disrespectful.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

CMGragain said:

emilyellyse said:

Use titles. Especially earned ones. Be sure to honor all doctorates and address those guests as Dr., not just the MDs. This includes DDS, PhD, DO, PsyD, DPT and even veterinary doctors and others that are escaping me. However, JDs are not to be included.

This is not socially correct. The title "Doctor" is only used socially by physicians, or people who normally use that title in their work, such as college professors.

And every person working in a natural science field who holds a PhD.

NYCBruin · February 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

NYCBruin said:

emilyellyse said:
Use titles. Especially earned ones. Be sure to honor all doctorates and address those guests as Dr., not just the MDs. This includes DDS, PhD, DO, PsyD, DPT and even veterinary doctors and others that are escaping me. However, JDs are not to be included.
This is not correct. Well except the part about JDs. These are professional titles. They aren't used in social settings. Ditto for lawyers (esq.).

ETA that said, if you really want to include the title you can, but it is not rude to not use these titles.

This is a post in general, not taking NYC to task by any means.

The people that hold them will find it rude to be addressed as Mr. or Mrs./Ms. I have railed against this antiquate etiquette convention on other threads in here.

DO's which are Doctors of Osteopathic medicine and are physicians same as MDs, and PhDs in the natural sciences are referred to by the title "Dr" professionally and socially as a sign of respect. Addressing them formally as Mr/Mrs/Ms is highly disrespectful.

--------------------

I usually defer to Cranes on this topic and they are firmly in the "medical doctors only" camp. I'm not opposed to including titles for everyone, but I think it's silly that people get offended over this, especially given the mainstream etiquette rules. I mean why draw the line at PhDs? Why not include a title anyone with a higher degree or for that matter a bachelors degree?

rajahmd · February 2014

NYCBruin said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

NYCBruin said:

emilyellyse said:
Use titles. Especially earned ones. Be sure to honor all doctorates and address those guests as Dr., not just the MDs. This includes DDS, PhD, DO, PsyD, DPT and even veterinary doctors and others that are escaping me. However, JDs are not to be included.
This is not correct. Well except the part about JDs. These are professional titles. They aren't used in social settings. Ditto for lawyers (esq.).

ETA that said, if you really want to include the title you can, but it is not rude to not use these titles.

This is a post in general, not taking NYC to task by any means.

The people that hold them will find it rude to be addressed as Mr. or Mrs./Ms. I have railed against this antiquate etiquette convention on other threads in here.

DO's which are Doctors of Osteopathic medicine and are physicians same as MDs, and PhDs in the natural sciences are referred to by the title "Dr" professionally and socially as a sign of respect. Addressing them formally as Mr/Mrs/Ms is highly disrespectful.

--------------------

I usually defer to Cranes on this topic and they are firmly in the "medical doctors only" camp. I'm not opposed to including titles for everyone, but I think it's silly that people get offended over this, especially given the mainstream etiquette rules. I mean why draw the line at PhDs? Why not include a title anyone with a higher degree or for that matter a bachelors degree?

Because there's no title that goes along with those other degrees.

Honestly, there's no logical reason why someone can use a title professionally but can't use it socially. That's just ridiculous.

And again, DO'S are also physicians, even though their degree is different than a MD. So they should get the title as well regardless, otherwise it's just elitist bullshit.

CMGragain · February 2014

I said "physicians" in my post. Of course DOs are physicians! My SIL is a DO. Her choice is to use her title professionally, but not socially. Most lady physicians do not do this, but it is her personal choice.
On the other hand, I know a man who has an honorary PhD, and thinks he is entitled to be called "doctor" because of it. No.
It is easier to follow Crane's rules. Perhaps they will change over time, but they haven't changed yet!

NYCBruin · February 2014

RajahBMFD said:

NYCBruin said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

NYCBruin said:

emilyellyse said:
Use titles. Especially earned ones. Be sure to honor all doctorates and address those guests as Dr., not just the MDs. This includes DDS, PhD, DO, PsyD, DPT and even veterinary doctors and others that are escaping me. However, JDs are not to be included.
This is not correct. Well except the part about JDs. These are professional titles. They aren't used in social settings. Ditto for lawyers (esq.).

ETA that said, if you really want to include the title you can, but it is not rude to not use these titles.

This is a post in general, not taking NYC to task by any means.

The people that hold them will find it rude to be addressed as Mr. or Mrs./Ms. I have railed against this antiquate etiquette convention on other threads in here.

DO's which are Doctors of Osteopathic medicine and are physicians same as MDs, and PhDs in the natural sciences are referred to by the title "Dr" professionally and socially as a sign of respect. Addressing them formally as Mr/Mrs/Ms is highly disrespectful.
--------------------

I usually defer to Cranes on this topic and they are firmly in the "medical doctors only" camp. I'm not opposed to including titles for everyone, but I think it's silly that people get offended over this, especially given the mainstream etiquette rules. I mean why draw the line at PhDs? Why not include a title anyone with a higher degree or for that matter a bachelors degree?

Because there's no title that goes along with those other degrees.

Honestly, there's no logical reason why someone can use a title professionally but can't use it socially. That's just ridiculous.

And again, DO'S are also physicians, even though their degree is different than a MD. So they should get the title as well regardless, otherwise it's just elitist bullshit.

I stand corrected. I saw PhD and latched into that. But you are correct, all physicians should be addressed as doctor. My apologies to any non-MD physicians.

As for the title point, should we also put CPAs on invitations?

Personally I think the whole thing is silly. I'd prefer we addressed no one with titles. I agree it's pretentious and elitist. But I think it's more pretentious when someone who etiquette dictates need not be addressed by a title is upset when they aren't.

I just defer to the experts on this one since I think the use of titles is silly to begin with.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

CMGragain said:

emilyellyse said:

Use titles. Especially earned ones. Be sure to honor all doctorates and address those guests as Dr., not just the MDs. This includes DDS, PhD, DO, PsyD, DPT and even veterinary doctors and others that are escaping me. However, JDs are not to be included.

This is not socially correct. The title "Doctor" is only used socially by physicians, or people who normally use that title in their work, such as college professors.

And every person working in a natural science field who holds a PhD.

NYCBruin said:

NYCBruin said:

Use titles. Especially earned ones. Be sure to honor all doctorates and address those guests as Dr., not just the MDs. This includes DDS, PhD, DO, PsyD, DPT and even veterinary doctors and others that are escaping me. However, JDs are not to be included.
This is not correct. Well except the part about JDs. These are professional titles. They aren't used in social settings. Ditto for lawyers (esq.). ETA that said, if you really want to include the title you can, but it is not rude to not use these titles.

This is a post in general, not taking NYC to task by any means.

The people that hold them will find it rude to be addressed as Mr. or Mrs./Ms. I have railed against this antiquate etiquette convention on other threads in here.

DO's which are Doctors of Osteopathic medicine and are physicians same as MDs, and PhDs in the natural sciences are referred to by the title "Dr" professionally and socially as a sign of respect. Addressing them formally as Mr/Mrs/Ms is highly disrespectful.
-------------------- I usually defer to Cranes on this topic and they are firmly in the "medical doctors only" camp. I'm not opposed to including titles for everyone, but I think it's silly that people get offended over this, especially given the mainstream etiquette rules. I mean why draw the line at PhDs? Why not include a title anyone with a higher degree or for that matter a bachelors degree?

Cranes is outdated on this one, imo. There is no logical reason that physicians are afforded the title Dr socially but PhDs in research and science are not. It's a very old convention having to do with respect, and I suspect it comes from a time when only the very wealthy could afford to piss around for years on end and acquire a PhD.

Bachelors and Masters degrees aren't terminal degrees and carry no title. That is not to ppo poo them in any way, but the point is that they don't have a title associated with them so that point is moot.

Why draw the line at PhDs in the natural sciences? Because they work just as hard as MDs for their professional titles; It takes 5-8 years to acquire your PhD, followed by at least one post doc of about 1-3 years, and usually a second post doc of another 1-3 years. So after spending 7-14 years getting that title, I don't think it is silly when people get pissed at being referred to as Ms. when it's really Dr. It really is disrespectful.

I can't speak to the process for non natural science doctorates because that;s not my world.

rajahmd · February 2014

NYCBruin said:

RajahBMFD said:

NYCBruin said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

NYCBruin said:

emilyellyse said:
Use titles. Especially earned ones. Be sure to honor all doctorates and address those guests as Dr., not just the MDs. This includes DDS, PhD, DO, PsyD, DPT and even veterinary doctors and others that are escaping me. However, JDs are not to be included.
This is not correct. Well except the part about JDs. These are professional titles. They aren't used in social settings. Ditto for lawyers (esq.).

ETA that said, if you really want to include the title you can, but it is not rude to not use these titles.

This is a post in general, not taking NYC to task by any means.

The people that hold them will find it rude to be addressed as Mr. or Mrs./Ms. I have railed against this antiquate etiquette convention on other threads in here.

DO's which are Doctors of Osteopathic medicine and are physicians same as MDs, and PhDs in the natural sciences are referred to by the title "Dr" professionally and socially as a sign of respect. Addressing them formally as Mr/Mrs/Ms is highly disrespectful.
--------------------

I usually defer to Cranes on this topic and they are firmly in the "medical doctors only" camp. I'm not opposed to including titles for everyone, but I think it's silly that people get offended over this, especially given the mainstream etiquette rules. I mean why draw the line at PhDs? Why not include a title anyone with a higher degree or for that matter a bachelors degree?
Because there's no title that goes along with those other degrees.

Honestly, there's no logical reason why someone can use a title professionally but can't use it socially. That's just ridiculous.

And again, DO'S are also physicians, even though their degree is different than a MD. So they should get the title as well regardless, otherwise it's just elitist bullshit.

I stand corrected. I saw PhD and latched into that. But you are correct, all physicians should be addressed as doctor. My apologies to any non-MD physicians.

As for the title point, should we also put CPAs on invitations?

Personally I think the whole thing is silly. I'd prefer we addressed no one with titles. I agree it's pretentious and elitist. But I think it's more pretentious when someone who etiquette dictates need not be addressed by a title is upset when they aren't.

I just defer to the experts on this one since I think the use of titles is silly to begin with.

Again, CPA is not a title. It goes after the name, like MD.

You don't call a doctor "Dr Jane Doe MD" because it's redundant. There is no corresponding title to go with CPA suffix. Stop making illogical comparisons.

NYCBruin · February 2014

Meh, I don't really feel strongly about this one. I just defer to Crane because I honestly don't really understand the use of titles for anyone. But, you've convinced me to use the a title for the one PhD on my guest list since it really is no skin off my back to add it to the invite, and it sounds like it will make her happy.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

NYCBruin said:

Meh, I don't really feel strongly about this one. I just defer to Crane because I honestly don't really understand the use of titles for anyone. But, you've convinced me to use the a title for the one PhD on my guest list since it really is no skin off my back to add it to the invite, and it sounds like it will make her happy.

Aw, good on ya!

pinkshorts27 · February 2014

PrettyGirlLost I will be using Doctor for my FI father who holds both a DVM and a PhD and does medical based research and is a veterinarian for primates. I think if I didn't used Doctor for him, he might be offended. He is as smart and spent as much time on his degree as any doctor, he just doesn't like people. He spent 4 years on his dvm/masters degree, 1 year of internship, 3 years of residency, and then another 3-5 years (not exactly sure) on his PhD. I think he would be offended if I didn't, my number one rule is to not offend.

BlueBirdMB · February 2014

If the wedding is more formal, then your invites need to be more formal and need to include titles. If you are having a casual wedding, then you can skip titles. Just remember that people determine the formality of your wedding from the invites and titles are more formal.

Titles on Invites - Do you need them?

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