Wedding Reception Forum

Feeling conflicted - groom playing cards at reception

Sorry in advance if this has already been discussed!

FI asked me recently how I would feel if people played card games at our reception. My response was "are you asking if I'm going to get mad if people play card games, or if I'll get mad that YOU'RE playing card games?" (HIS response was a giggle)

He and his brother and two cousins love playing this card game (called euchre), and the four of them NEVER get to see each other, so he thinks that there's a good chance that during the reception they'll end up playing it.

I can't decide how I feel about this. Part of me thinks it's not a big deal, I don't really care, and they can do whatever they want. Another part of me gets a little irritated when I think about him playing cards at our wedding reception. We're a pretty casual group, and it's a semi-formal event - the thought of OTHER people playing cards doesn't bother me at all, but something about FI playing cards irks me. I can't figure out why, it's entirely subconscious. I want him to have fun with our friends and family, and it's definitely not about him doing something without me because I don't feel like I need to be included in every little thing he does, especially since this game is a tradition for his family. 

When I asked if he was PLANNING on doing this or if he was just checking, he said that they hadn't discussed it or anything, just that he assumes that since the four of them will be seeing each other for the first time in awhile that the game will break out. I told him that I wasn't sure how I felt and that I would get back to him about it - and suggested that they play their game at the rehearsal dinner instead.

Anyway, any thoughts on the matter would be appreciated! I would love to get some insight. Do other people think the card playing would be okay vs not okay? OR if anyone is a psychic and can explain these conflicted feelings to me, I'd love that as well :) 


Re: Feeling conflicted - groom playing cards at reception

  • Not appropriate.  He should be greeting guests and socializing.  I would suggest another time while they're all in town for him to play (night before or brunch after the wedding).  
  • No need to be conflicted. This is rude. I'd advise to stand your ground on this.
  • Sorry in advance if this has already been discussed!

    FI asked me recently how I would feel if people played card games at our reception. My response was "are you asking if I'm going to get mad if people play card games, or if I'll get mad that YOU'RE playing card games?" (HIS response was a giggle)

    He and his brother and two cousins love playing this card game (called euchre), and the four of them NEVER get to see each other, so he thinks that there's a good chance that during the reception they'll end up playing it.

    I can't decide how I feel about this. Part of me thinks it's not a big deal, I don't really care, and they can do whatever they want. Another part of me gets a little irritated when I think about him playing cards at our wedding reception. We're a pretty casual group, and it's a semi-formal event - the thought of OTHER people playing cards doesn't bother me at all, but something about FI playing cards irks me. I can't figure out why, it's entirely subconscious. I want him to have fun with our friends and family, and it's definitely not about him doing something without me because I don't feel like I need to be included in every little thing he does, especially since this game is a tradition for his family. 

    When I asked if he was PLANNING on doing this or if he was just checking, he said that they hadn't discussed it or anything, just that he assumes that since the four of them will be seeing each other for the first time in awhile that the game will break out. I told him that I wasn't sure how I felt and that I would get back to him about it - and suggested that they play their game at the rehearsal dinner instead.

    Anyway, any thoughts on the matter would be appreciated! I would love to get some insight. Do other people think the card playing would be okay vs not okay? OR if anyone is a psychic and can explain these conflicted feelings to me, I'd love that as well :) 


    That's because it's rude.  You and your FI are hosts.  A good host does not alienate himself from the rest of the guests (and his new wife!) on his wedding day.
  • IF he is being a "good" host, he will be mingling all night and WAYYYY too busy to play a game of cards. Our wedding went by so fast, I cannot even begin to tell how I never sat still the entire night, so it would have been impossible for me to even attempt that.
  • The part that kind of sucked about our wedding was the constant need to mingle so I wasn't able to spend the time I'd like with friends I hadn't seen in forever who I never get to see. But, it's your wedding so mingling is what is expected. He can play cards the day before the wedding or earlier in his wedding day.
  • He needs to save the card games for another time.  At one's wedding reception, you need to mingle with all your guests.  You can't limit your focus to only a few for a prolonged period of time, regardless of the length of time that has lapsed since you last saw them.  Card games are not appropriate at a wedding reception because it compels you to focus your attention on a few people while ignoring all the others.
  • Very rude, as others have said. I hardly even had a chance to have a sustained conversation at my reception because I was so busy trying to see and chat with everyone, in addition to dancing with my brand new husband, eating dinner, cutting cake, etc.

    Perhaps they can play the night before, or during the day when everyone's getting ready.
  • Rude and antisocial.  He needs to interact with all the guests.  

    They can get together and play cards the night before, while getting ready, or at an after party.  
  • As others have said it is rude. If you are familiar with euchre then you and I both know that they will not just sit down and play a game or two. There will be challenges and re matches, it will go on for hours, and he will inevitably neglect your guests. Instead of spotlight dances or cake cutting your DJ might announce that the groom just called a loner and everyone should gather around to watch. Ok, that might be going a bit far. :)

    I think rehearsal dinner or after party euchre are both good options.

    If it comes down to it you could hire security to remove all the jacks from any deck of cards that people bring in. :p
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Yes, your groom needs to be paying attention to his guests.  Hopefully he can schedule a time before or after the wedding day to get together for a game.
  • Euchre games don't spontaneously break out unless somebody has a euchre deck on them.

    I would really hope that his brother and cousins have enough class to know better than to start up a euchre game with the groom at his freakin' wedding reception since his own judgement on what's appropriate and what isn't is questionable at best.

    I have to ask, how old are you and your FI?
  • Other PPs have covered the etiquette angle, so I just want to add -- props to you for coming up with an actual new question that I, at least, haven't seen asked before!
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • In addition to what all the PP said, even if your FI gets this game started he will be continually interrupted by all the things that will go into your reception and any guests who wants to speak with the groom. This is going to be seen by many guests as rude. I would encourage this for the RD or after party, but not the actual reception.
  • The comments on this thread all apply to people who use personal electronic devices to play electronic games instead of socializing.  I was struck at a table with four of these, and it was very irritating.  Had to bite my tongue to keep from saying something I would have regretted.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • Reminds me of that 80's movie, "True Love", where the groom gets the bright idea to go bar-hopping with his buddies - on his wedding night...

    http://video.fandango.com/mobile/FandangoMovies/001072/001072-750.mp4
  • WHOA thanks for all the responses! I appreciate it, and I'm glad to know that I'm not going crazy. I think my confusion was also probably because I saw something on pinterest where a couple provided board games and card games for guests to play during their reception, so I thought maybe I wasn't aware of the fact that those types of games are appropriate for weddings. Thanks everyone!

    To the person who asked our ages - 24 and 26. 

    The suggestion to remove all the jacks from decks of card games - LOL that's perfect, I'll definitely take that into consideration.
  • I think board and card games have their place; if the couple and those they've invited are not dancers, for example, they may prefer to have games in which everyone can participate.  The key word here is everyone.  

    I'd totally lay down the law here.  But I'd also try to find time the night before after the rehearsal dinner or the morning of the wedding if the guests will be in town early enough for a game or two.  My fiance is the same way with his family and Spades.  The plan is to have a couple of tables going at the rehearsal dinner for those who would like to play.
    image 108 invited.
    image 95 will be celebrating with us.
    image 13 will be there in spirit...
    (including the uninvited cousins who
    RSVP-ed and then cancelled after 
    realizing that it wasn't a great time
    to travel to our city....) 
    image 0 are keeping us guessing!



    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • Not cool. Not cool at all. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • Yeah, I'd shut that shit down. He can play cards another time.
  • My other half is not a big dancer - so we've discussed having board games out for anyone to play during the reception - including cards. If he had the time (which I doubt we will) - he would probably end up playing cards with my dad, his grandfather and my uncle. I can see it in my head - and honestly - I'd love it. BUT as everyone else said - if it is taking the place of his duties as host - that's not cool.

    Perhaps you should be an awesome new wife and actually schedule a euchre game for he and his cousins. Maybe after the rehearsal dinner at his hotel room or have an after party for the wedding for everyone to play games? That way - you can keep his mind off doing it at the reception but still let him know you want him to be happy. :-) 
  • Thanks for all of your suggestions! I'll have to give some thought to when a euchre game could happen, but I told him this weekend that I thought it would take some time away from his host duties - he agreed :) 
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