Head Table

antoto · February 2014

Simply Fated said:

antoto said:

If I was a groomsman's date and was seated at the head table but I didn't really know the bride and groom I would feel pretttty strange. But that's just me..

On the other hand I would never seat my guests separately from their SOs.

This is why I'm having a sweetheart table!!

Would you feel just as strange if the bride and groom sat you separate from your SO at a table where you didn't know everyone, either? I just don't see the difference. Either way, you might not know every single person at your table. At least if you sat with your SO you would be guaranteed to know one person.

That was sort of my point. Both ways make your guest feel awkward - either they are separated from their SO or a shitton of strangers are staring at them.

Sweetheart table!!!!

manateehugger · February 2014

Look, FI and I also loath the idea of a sweetheart table. I don't mind other people who like them, but we hated the idea. We don't want to be seated at a tiny table with just us at the biggest party we will ever throw - we just don't.

But there are so many alternatives. We loved the king's table compromise (which my caterer/coordinator developed for us and didn't think I was strange for not wanting to separate couples...). My hope is that the date's wont feel "on display" and get to sit with their SO, but that we still have some semblance of a head table, which FI really wanted.

huskypuppy14 · February 2014

I guess my parents were ahead of their time, because they had a head table but included their bridal party dates. And this was 30 years ago. Though they only had a MOH and a BM, but still.

MobKaz · February 2014

laurynm84 said:

I guess my parents were ahead if their time, because they had a head table but included their bridal party dates. And this was 30 years ago. Though they only had a MOH and a BM, but still.

That is exactly the point. Being a polite host, and caring about the comfort of your guests, is a timeless concept and should NOT be dictated by trends. The members of your bridal party are guests as well.

theartistformerlyknownas · February 2014

I have never in my life been to a wedding where dates were seated at the head table (and I'm the last of my friends to get married, so that's a lot), and these forums were the first time I'd ever encountered people being upset by it. Never saw a side-eye or heard hushed complaints from other guests, including when I was seated at a table with the GM's girlfriends. I get how it's nicer to seat couples together... just kinda thought that went with the territory of being a WP's date. *shrug* That said though, I think the King's Table idea is awesome and I don't know why more people don't do that. Head tables are awful anyway - has anyone since the Last Supper actually wanted to all sit on the same side of one long table?? Awk-waaaard.

MobKaz · February 2014

Lolo8383 said:

I have never in my life been to a wedding where dates were seated at the head table (and I'm the last of my friends to get married, so that's a lot), and these forums were the first time I'd ever encountered people being upset by it. Never saw a side-eye or heard hushed complaints from other guests, including when I was seated at a table with the GM's girlfriends. I get how it's nicer to seat couples together... just kinda thought that went with the territory of being a WP's date. *shrug* That said though, I think the King's Table idea is awesome and I don't know why more people don't do that. Head tables are awful anyway - has anyone since the Last Supper actually wanted to all sit on the same side of one long table?? Awk-waaaard.

Absolutely. Even if everyone at that table are BFF's forever, it is the most socially awkward seating arrangement. Even calling it socially awkward is a bit of a misnomer because it is almost impossible to be social at such a seating arrangement. For that reason alone it should be banished.

singinchick13 · February 2014

I definitely agree with the reasoning of not separating couples. In the interest of playing devil's advocate, however, has anyone considered the feelings of those in the WP who are single with no dates and having to sit amid a bunch of couples? I realize there are ways around this, but assuming you still wanted a traditional head table accommodating the entire wedding party, would this not be a consideration? Also kids at the head table is a whole separate issue altogether.

lc07 · February 2014

singinchick13 said:

I definitely agree with the reasoning of not separating couples. In the interest of playing devil's advocate, however, has anyone considered the feelings of those in the WP who are single with no dates and having to sit amid a bunch of couples? I realize there are ways around this, but assuming you still wanted a traditional head table accommodating the entire wedding party, would this not be a consideration? Also kids at the head table is a whole separate issue altogether.

Being single isn't a bad thing. This confuses me. When I was single I was not uncomfortable dining with couples. I certainly would not want people separated from their SOs for my benefit, I don't see how it would really benefit me anyway. I would expect people have common courtesy to include those around them in dinner conversation.

manateehugger · February 2014

singinchick13 said:

I definitely agree with the reasoning of not separating couples. In the interest of playing devil's advocate, however, has anyone considered the feelings of those in the WP who are single with no dates and having to sit amid a bunch of couples? I realize there are ways around this, but assuming you still wanted a traditional head table accommodating the entire wedding party, would this not be a consideration? Also kids at the head table is a whole separate issue altogether.

I'm personally of the opinion that the WP members should always be given an opportunity to bring someone, regardless of relationship status, so hopefully they wouldn't be dateless unless they chose to be. If they were a single guest, it's likely that they would be sat with couples anyway (though not single, this happens to me all the time since FI is in the military - I get sat with the couples we would have sat by - it's not a big deal).

The reasons you are mentioning, however, are why each couple should evaluate their individual situation. Our WP is primarily our siblings and close friends in relationships, so a king's table works for us. However, if these couples had kids, we would probably just ask them what their preference was or do a sweetheart/normal table or a head table with just MOH and BM.

Either way, you should be accommodating your WP the best you can since they have spent loads of time, energy, and money to be in your wedding. The least you can do is seat them with their date or SO.

SammiNJonni · February 2014

singinchick13 said:

I definitely agree with the reasoning of not separating couples. In the interest of playing devil's advocate, however, has anyone considered the feelings of those in the WP who are single with no dates and having to sit amid a bunch of couples? I realize there are ways around this, but assuming you still wanted a traditional head table accommodating the entire wedding party, would this not be a consideration? Also kids at the head table is a whole separate issue altogether.

They may end up at a regular guest table surrounded by couples too. I do not see how dining with couples would be uncomfortable. Maybe if you were not offered a date but I might be biased because in my circle BP members are all offered dates if they are single so if they showed up alone that's on them.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

kms6169 said:

I have been lurking on this section for what seems like an eternity, so please school me if necessary on this...

Is it really common etiquette to have dates of the wedding party sit at the head table? In my experience no, it's not. We have been to approximately 6 weddings since FI and I have been together,although none since we have been engaged. He has been in 3 of the six, I have been in 1 and we were a guest at the other two. At the weddings that we have actually been part of the wedding party, the SO has not been seated at the head table. I didn't find this weird at all, but now looking back at some of these posts it seems like this is a rather common ordeal. In my opinion, it adds unnecessary attention to those we did not ask to be part of the wedding party and might cause them to be uncomfortable when the wedding party is announced. I am not a fan of announcing the wedding party to begin with. In my experience no one really cares who the attendants are, they just want the bride and groom to get their asses into the room so that dinner can begin ;-) It just ultimately seems unnecessary. I can honestly say that I don't think we will have any SO's at the head table, but since this is the first time I am seeing this I want to see what kind of havoc I am creating. Can anyone shed some light on this? Thanks.

I have been in an ass ton of weddings, and I personally HATE sitting at a head table. It's awkward to have everyone staring in your direction while you are eating, even if they are actually looking at the bride and groom. And I find it obnoxious not to get to sit and eat with my SO. . . after already spending basically the entire day with the bride. By the time the reception rolls around I'm pretty much done with being in the wedding party and I just want to eat and dance with my SO!

So my suggestion is to seat your WP SO's at the head table or have a sweetheart table and let everyone eat with their SO's.

MyNameIsNot · February 2014

People seriously still do head tables with everyone sitting on the same side? I thought that fad was over. I honestly haven't seen one of those since the 80's.

Outside of separating dates, I find it rude to put your WP in a position where they feel like everyone is staring at them while they eat. If you want people to stare at you, great, but not everyone wants to eat on display.

Blergbot · February 2014

Head tables are awkward and scream 80s wedding to me. We are doing two long rows of long tables and will be seated with all of our guests. Everyone will get to sit with their SO.

banana468 · February 2014

I have seen 3 head tables that split SOs from their dates in the last 10 years. One also charged me for diet Coke so I counted it among the fails, (DH was in the wedding and his booze was free!), and the other two were family weddings.

Like other ladies on here, I don't "get" the desire to repeat The Last Supper style table which isn't conducive to conversation and I didn't need the ladies of TK to tell me that it was rude to split up SOs. I just knew that the idea of splitting your nearest and dearest from THEIR nearest and dearest on a day that celebrates being with the one you love forever was one huge oxymoron.

ahyatt87 · February 2014

FI and I were both in a wedding party together and we still did not end up sitting together. The bride sat all the women and her side and all the men on the groom's side. I did not know the other women in the bridal party, so it kind of sucked. Please let people sit with their partners!

monkeysip · February 2014

ahyatt87 said:

FI and I were both in a wedding party together and we still did not end up sitting together. The bride sat all the women and her side and all the men on the groom's side. I did not know the other women in the bridal party, so it kind of sucked. Please let people sit with their partners!

Well yeah, but think how awful all those very important head table photos would look if you didn't seat all the girls on one side and all the guys on another!

WildMagelet · February 2014

We may or may not have a sweetheart table, or a "king's table" with just us and FI's kids. Otherwise everybody else will be seated a tables with their SOs just as if they were any other guest.

ahyatt87 · February 2014

monkeysip said:

ahyatt87 said:

FI and I were both in a wedding party together and we still did not end up sitting together. The bride sat all the women and her side and all the men on the groom's side. I did not know the other women in the bridal party, so it kind of sucked. Please let people sit with their partners!

Well yeah, but think how awful all those very important head table photos would look if you didn't seat all the girls on one side and all the guys on another!

Exactly. After all, a wedding is really just a photo opportunity waiting to happen. Who cares about the guests?

NYCBruin · February 2014

ahyatt87 said:

monkeysip said:

ahyatt87 said:

FI and I were both in a wedding party together and we still did not end up sitting together. The bride sat all the women and her side and all the men on the groom's side. I did not know the other women in the bridal party, so it kind of sucked. Please let people sit with their partners!

Well yeah, but think how awful all those very important head table photos would look if you didn't seat all the girls on one side and all the guys on another!

Exactly. After all, a wedding is really just a photo opportunity waiting to happen. Who cares about the guests?

Precisely. This is why I tell people all the time they should just hire models to attend their wedding instead of inviting guests. All the "awesome" pictures without any of the hurt feelings

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

ahyatt87 said:

FI and I were both in a wedding party together and we still did not end up sitting together. The bride sat all the women and her side and all the men on the groom's side. I did not know the other women in the bridal party, so it kind of sucked. Please let people sit with their partners!

This happened to FI and me at an OOT wedding last fall. I was really fucking annoyed, even though I knew both of the people sitting next to me.

abbyj700 · February 2014

Having been in 3 weddings in the last year and to many weddings in the past - I have NEVER seen SO's sitting with the bridal party at a head table. TK is the first place I had heard of it. I get how people can see it as an etiquette blunder - I do...and I get why people not in the wedding would feel odd at the head table. We'll probably avoid it all together by just not having a head table and sitting amongst everyone else.

pinkshorts27 · February 2014

ahyatt87 said:

monkeysip said:

ahyatt87 said:

FI and I were both in a wedding party together and we still did not end up sitting together. The bride sat all the women and her side and all the men on the groom's side. I did not know the other women in the bridal party, so it kind of sucked. Please let people sit with their partners!

Well yeah, but think how awful all those very important head table photos would look if you didn't seat all the girls on one side and all the guys on another!

Exactly. After all, a wedding is really just a photo opportunity waiting to happen. Who cares about the guests?

Precisely. This is why I tell people all the time they should just hire models to attend their wedding instead of inviting guests. All the "awesome" pictures without any of the hurt feelings

Ah, boxes. But you couldn't do that! They might look better than the bride and groom.

Inkdancer · February 2014

blueeyes90 said:

ahyatt87 said:

monkeysip said:

ahyatt87 said:

FI and I were both in a wedding party together and we still did not end up sitting together. The bride sat all the women and her side and all the men on the groom's side. I did not know the other women in the bridal party, so it kind of sucked. Please let people sit with their partners!

Well yeah, but think how awful all those very important head table photos would look if you didn't seat all the girls on one side and all the guys on another!

Exactly. After all, a wedding is really just a photo opportunity waiting to happen. Who cares about the guests?

Precisely. This is why I tell people all the time they should just hire models to attend their wedding instead of inviting guests. All the "awesome" pictures without any of the hurt feelings

Ah, boxes. But you couldn't do that! They might look better than the bride and groom.

But on the other hand, you'd save a ton on food. Everyone knows that models don't eat.

delujm0 · February 2014

Most weddings i've been to have either a sweetheart table or a "king's table" (Bride, Groom, MOH and her SO, BM and his SO). I have been to exactly two weddings in my lifetime with head tables, and at both of them the SOs of the wedding party were seated there, with their dates. I had no idea anyone would even consider doing this any other way before i came on this board. What are the SOs supposed to do if they don't know anyone else in attendance?

People should just be sat with their dates, period. It's just common sense.

ahyatt87 · February 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

ahyatt87 said:

FI and I were both in a wedding party together and we still did not end up sitting together. The bride sat all the women and her side and all the men on the groom's side. I did not know the other women in the bridal party, so it kind of sucked. Please let people sit with their partners!

This happened to FI and me at an OOT wedding last fall. I was really fucking annoyed, even though I knew both of the people sitting next to me.

I know what you mean. It just sucks. There are much better ways to handle a seating chart than breaking up couples.

cookie0803 · February 2014

I've been to weddings where SOs were seated together and where they were not. Anytime the wedding party and their SOs were separated, that was only one of the major etiquette fails present.

We weren't wild about the idea of a sweetheart table, so we asked our venue about a king's table. They said the space couldn't accommodate that, so we sucked it up and had a sweetheart table. NBD, it's not even like we were seated for very long, anyway. We had the wedding party at four different tables (with their SOs, of course), and seated them by groups: my elementary school friends, high school friends, H's family members and some of their friends, and H's high school friends. None of the tables were exclusively wedding party and dates, either. We had non-WP members with their dates at those tables, as well. Everyone looked pretty damn pleased with our arrangement.

antoto · February 2014

delujm0 said:

Most weddings i've been to have either a sweetheart table or a "king's table" (Bride, Groom, MOH and her SO, BM and his SO). I have been to exactly two weddings in my lifetime with head tables, and at both of them the SOs of the wedding party were seated there, with their dates. I had no idea anyone would even consider doing this any other way before i came on this board. What are the SOs supposed to do if they don't know anyone else in attendance?

People should just be sat with their dates, period. It's just common sense.

This past summer my sister (sister #1) got married and I was at her kings table with my other sister (#2) (we were co-MOHs) and sister #1 sat my FI and Sister #2's H in with all the other guests. It sucked and we pretty much immediately got up and left the table.

She had several etiquette fails, but this is the one that bothered me the most.

manateehugger · February 2014

ahyatt87 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

ahyatt87 said:

FI and I were both in a wedding party together and we still did not end up sitting together. The bride sat all the women and her side and all the men on the groom's side. I did not know the other women in the bridal party, so it kind of sucked. Please let people sit with their partners!

This happened to FI and me at an OOT wedding last fall. I was really fucking annoyed, even though I knew both of the people sitting next to me.

I know what you mean. It just sucks. There are much better ways to handle a seating chart than breaking up couples.

This happened to me and FI at a wedding this summer. We hadn't seen each other in 6 months, he was in town for 48 hours, AND it turned out to be a PPD (we didn't know it at the time).

We spent all of dinner mouthing things at each other. I couldn't believe that they did that.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

PDKH said:

ahyatt87 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

ahyatt87 said:

FI and I were both in a wedding party together and we still did not end up sitting together. The bride sat all the women and her side and all the men on the groom's side. I did not know the other women in the bridal party, so it kind of sucked. Please let people sit with their partners!

This happened to FI and me at an OOT wedding last fall. I was really fucking annoyed, even though I knew both of the people sitting next to me.

I know what you mean. It just sucks. There are much better ways to handle a seating chart than breaking up couples.

This happened to me and FI at a wedding this summer. We hadn't seen each other in 6 months, he was in town for 48 hours, AND it turned out to be a PPD (we didn't know it at the time).

We spent all of dinner mouthing things at each other. I couldn't believe that they did that.

That is horrible!

I was in a wedding once where I just left the head table and went and sat with FI during dinner. The Bride and Groom weren't even sitting or eating at that point.

antoto · February 2014

cookie0803 said:

I've been to weddings where SOs were seated together and where they were not. Anytime the wedding party and their SOs were separated, that was only one of the major etiquette fails present.
We weren't wild about the idea of a sweetheart table, so we asked our venue about a king's table. They said the space couldn't accommodate that, so we sucked it up and had a sweetheart table. NBD, it's not even like we were seated for very long, anyway. We had the wedding party at four different tables (with their SOs, of course), and seated them by groups: my elementary school friends, high school friends, H's family members and some of their friends, and H's high school friends. None of the tables were exclusively wedding party and dates, either. We had non-WP members with their dates at those tables, as well. Everyone looked pretty damn pleased with our arrangement.

That's exactly how my seating is being done! I'm glad your guests liked it - really hoping my does too!

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