Wording on wedding website. Different events with different guest lists...

KBlovesBG · February 2014

We are having a small DW, with our families and a couple of close friends. The following weekend, my parents are hosting a luncheon for mine and FIs extended family members. FI and I are planning to host an open house in our home for all of our friends to attend to celebrate our marriage.

I want to create a wedding website to: Give the guests for the DW info and to post pictures from the wedding for the guests of our luncheon and open house to view.

My question: If I put separate details for the guests for the DW, Luncheon and Open House is it going to appear rude or strange to one that is viewing the page for attending the DW and see the info for the luncheon but is not invited(since that is family only, per my parents)??

HisGirlFriday13 · February 2014

Yes, this is going to cause confusion and hurts feelings --people will wonder why they weren't good enough to be invited to all three events.

If you are hosting the DW, then you deal with that aspect. If your parents are hosting the luncheon, let them handle those details. Host the open house later and make it unrelated to your wedding.

If you want photos for people to look at, then have them printed at Target or Shutterfly or wherever and just put them in a nice album for people to flip through.

grumbledore · February 2014

KBlovesBG said:

We are having a small DW, with our families and a couple of close friends. The following weekend, my parents are hosting a luncheon for mine and FIs extended family members. FI and I are planning to host an open house in our home for all of our friends to attend to celebrate our marriage.

I want to create a wedding website to: Give the guests for the DW info and to post pictures from the wedding for the guests of our luncheon and open house to view.

My question: If I put separate details for the guests for the DW, Luncheon and Open House is it going to appear rude or strange to one that is viewing the page for attending the DW and see the info for the luncheon but is not invited(since that is family only, per my parents)??

This is weird. Just invite the people you want at your wedding to the DW and if they can make it, awesome.

KBlovesBG · February 2014

@scribe95, That is a very good question and one I have been asking myself lately! This is my second marriage, FIs first...I wanted to go away and get married, just the two of us, he wanted to have his parent sand friends there. We compromised by chooing to invited our parents, siblings and close friends. Since it is my second marriage and we live together (my mother has issues with this) my parents said they wanted to host a luncheon with our and FIs extended families so everyone could meet eachother. This then made FI and I think we should host an open house with or friends that did not attend the DW. So yes, I know it seems like a wedding traveling show, but I suppose this is what has happened by having an intimate ceremony but also wanting to celebrate with all of those close to us.

Maggie0829 · February 2014

Yes it will.

KBlovesBG · February 2014

Thank you for your honest opinions....that is what I was looking for.

Maggie0829 · February 2014

KBlovesBG said:

@scribe95, That is a very good question and one I have been asking myself lately! This is my second marriage, FIs first...I wanted to go away and get married, just the two of us, he wanted to have his parent sand friends there. We compromised by chooing to invited our parents, siblings and close friends. Since it is my second marriage and we live together (my mother has issues with this) my parents said they wanted to host a luncheon with our and FIs extended families so everyone could meet eachother. This then made FI and I think we should host an open house with or friends that did not attend the DW. So yes, I know it seems like a wedding traveling show, but I suppose this is what has happened by having an intimate ceremony but also wanting to celebrate with all of those close to us.

The bolded makes zero sense to me. You either want to celebrate your wedding with everyone or you don't. Having multiple parties to include people because you are getting married just doesn't compute. Why not just have a wedding and invite everyone you want to celebrate with? I really don't get the point of multiple parties to celebrate one event when you can just have one party with everyone invited.

RebeccaB88 · February 2014

Unfortunately, yes, you will be coming across as very rude. No one wants to have pictures and information about parties they aren't invited to shoved in their faces. It will make them feel bad.

Incidentally, the only people who should be invited to ANY wedding-related event (including the brunch and open house) are the ones invited to the actual wedding. So essentially, you're having 3 events for the same small group of family. You can't properly invite any friends to these parties unless they get wedding invitations too (they don't have to be able to attend, just be invited). To do otherwise is impolite on your part.

I don't get this whole 'we want intimate but also with everyone' thing. You can't have it both ways. Pick one. They're mutually exclusive, but neither way is in any way wrong.

aurianna · February 2014

I would only put details about the actual wedding on the wedding website. And only share it with people invited to the actual wedding. If I was a guest to one of the other events, but not the wedding, but then was pointed to a website that had information about the actual wedding too, I'd be confused at the very least.

PP had good idea about getting pictures printed on shutterfly. And you could always link your album on facebook if you use that. You can have the album available to view at your open house and at the table at the luncheon.
And I also agree with PP that I wouldn't treat the open house as a post wedding event. If you try to market it as something wedding related, people might view it as a consolation prize for not having been good enough to invite to the real wedding. If you just treat it as an open house, people will come and have fun, and those that want to talk to you and gush about the wedding can do so, but no one will feel obligated.

Fairyjen1 · February 2014

I think you can have an open house for friends later, and also your parents can host a dinner party to 'meet the family' , however, I believe these both have to be unrelated to your wedding. They shouldn't go on your wedding website and there shouldn't be any wedding things at these events, although if you happen to have your wedding album out at the open house and family asks to see wedding pictures at your dinner party I would think there's nothing wrong with that. Someone will correct me if I'm wrong.

At the moment (we have one more thing to look at before a final decision) we are leaning toward a small destination, immediate family wedding only and calling it good, no parties, open houses or PPD's later. We will have an open house if and when we buy a house, but it will be unrelated to our wedding and tied to our house purchase. Fortunately we don't have family insisting on large parties for our wedding.

climbingsingle · February 2014

cribe95 said:

Yes it is. I am not a fan of these wedding traveling shows. Have one wedding, invite everyone you can afford to host. Get married and enjoy!. Why have three events when one will do?

I could not agree with this more.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

KBlovesBG said:

We are having a small DW, with our families and a couple of close friends. The following weekend, my parents are hosting a luncheon for mine and FIs extended family members. FI and I are planning to host an open house in our home for all of our friends to attend to celebrate our marriage.

I want to create a wedding website to: Give the guests for the DW info and to post pictures from the wedding for the guests of our luncheon and open house to view.

My question: If I put separate details for the guests for the DW, Luncheon and Open House is it going to appear rude or strange to one that is viewing the page for attending the DW and see the info for the luncheon but is not invited(since that is family only, per my parents)??

Yep, it would be considered rude.

This is one of the reasons I am not a fan of DW or "at home receptions."

If you want to include everyone and have them be present to celebrate your marriage, then host a local wedding and invite everyone, then go on a honeymoon.

If you don't want to do that, then have your small DW and then let that be the end of it. I'm sure you will see the extended family over the course of the year and you tell them about your wedding then, rather than have an event specifically for them.

antoto · February 2014

lots of good suggestions here, OP! Hope you take them into consideration

SP29 · February 2014

Heh, I don't have a problem with hosting these secondary events. It's not like you are hosting 3 different wedding receptions. One is your wedding, the other a family luncheon and the other a house party for friends.... as long as you are not planning on turning these two other events into mini wedding receptions.

BUT- do not put them together on your wedding website. These are all separate events; information, guest lists and photos should not be linked in any way. Your wedding website is just that- for your wedding.

yellowdaisies84 · February 2014

Yes I would only put information on the website that will include everyone who will be viewing it. If you're giving them the link to the website, I'd make sure that they are going to be included to every event listed there. It's probably best to leave the smaller event off of the website and to send private invitations or e-mails regarding the details of anything that only certain people were invited to. Also, do not put photos from your DW on a website that will be viewed by people who were not invited to attend.

KBlovesBG · February 2014

Thanks again for everyone, I needed to hear all of these different perspectives. I would love to say DW is all that is happening; however, my parents are insisting on the family luncheon and we would be holding the open house to celebrate moving into our new home we are building. Thanks for the help, I will forgo putting any info for any of these events on a wedding website.

AroundTheBlock · February 2014

KBlovesBG said:

We are having a small DW, with our families and a couple of close friends. The following weekend, my parents are hosting a luncheon for mine and FIs extended family members. FI and I are planning to host an open house in our home for all of our friends to attend to celebrate our marriage.

I want to create a wedding website to: Give the guests for the DW info and to post pictures from the wedding for the guests of our luncheon and open house to view.

My question: If I put separate details for the guests for the DW, Luncheon and Open House is it going to appear rude or strange to one that is viewing the page for attending the DW and see the info for the luncheon but is not invited(since that is family only, per my parents)??

Does your website have logon-features that allow you to lock who sees what page? Because as you obviously learned in kindergarten, you should not talk about a party in front of people who are not invited. With all the free wedding websites available nowadays, you could create one wedding website for each party you are going to have, and distribute the logon information only to the guestlist for that party.

crunchymamaof2 · February 2014

AroundTheBlock said:

KBlovesBG said:

We are having a small DW, with our families and a couple of close friends. The following weekend, my parents are hosting a luncheon for mine and FIs extended family members. FI and I are planning to host an open house in our home for all of our friends to attend to celebrate our marriage.

I want to create a wedding website to: Give the guests for the DW info and to post pictures from the wedding for the guests of our luncheon and open house to view.

My question: If I put separate details for the guests for the DW, Luncheon and Open House is it going to appear rude or strange to one that is viewing the page for attending the DW and see the info for the luncheon but is not invited(since that is family only, per my parents)??

Does your website have logon-features that allow you to lock who sees what page? Because as you obviously learned in kindergarten, you should not talk about a party in front of people who are not invited. With all the free wedding websites available nowadays, you could create one wedding website for each party you are going to have, and distribute the logon information only to the guestlist for that party.

It's silly to have a website for a luncheon and open house in the first place. Making 3 websites for 3 different groups of people is bound to get confusing and I'm pretty sure someone will end up with the incorrect page and find out about the other events anyways. An invitation and/or phone call is perfectly acceptable for the non wedding invites.

TheGrimReaper · February 2014

Yeah, the luncheon, and especially the open houses, are not parties related to your wedding. So why would you put them on your wedding website?

AroundTheBlock · February 2014

acove2006 said:
It's silly to have a website for a luncheon and open house in the first place. Making 3 websites for 3 different groups of people is bound to get confusing and I'm pretty sure someone will end up with the incorrect page and find out about the other events anyways. An invitation and/or phone call is perfectly acceptable for the non wedding invites.

Frankly, I find it rather silly to have a website for a wedding. You are going to spend, what, two years -- well, okay, six years and two boys for some people -- planning your wedding; and, one hopes, sixty or seventy years as a head of a marital household. Why not just have a household website and blog, and build on it as your life goes on, with a section for your wedding during the short time that it's relevant. It seems like such a waste to go to all the effort to communicate your web-presence to an extended circle of connexions, only to have it expire when interest in your wedding expires.

offthemarket915 · February 2014

I think it's a good idea to create different websites that are password protected for the different groups. It's just so much easier to convey all the various details on the site, rather than trying to fit it all on a printed accommodation card.

TheGrimReaper · February 2014

Also, I want to be clear that my advice wasn't to skip having a luncheon or a house warming party. They're just not related to your wedding and shouldn't be treated like they are.

But I'm with Maggie. If you wanted to celebrate your wedding with everyone, you should have just invited them.

Jen4948 · February 2014

AroundTheBlock said:

acove2006 said:
It's silly to have a website for a luncheon and open house in the first place. Making 3 websites for 3 different groups of people is bound to get confusing and I'm pretty sure someone will end up with the incorrect page and find out about the other events anyways. An invitation and/or phone call is perfectly acceptable for the non wedding invites.

Frankly, I find it rather silly to have a website for a wedding. You are going to spend, what, two years -- well, okay, six years and two boys for some people -- planning your wedding; and, one hopes, sixty or seventy years as a head of a marital household. Why not just have a household website and blog, and build on it as your life goes on, with a section for your wedding during the short time that it's relevant. It seems like such a waste to go to all the effort to communicate your web-presence to an extended circle of connexions, only to have it expire when interest in your wedding expires.

I disagree that "it's silly to have a wedding website."

Some things would be silly on a wedding website, yes. There isn't any need for "About Us" sections or anything like that. But putting hotel and transportation information, scheduling, and information about local attractions on a wedding website is not "silly." It's useful.

AroundTheBlock · February 2014

Jen4948 said:
I disagree that "it's silly to have a wedding website."

Some things would be silly on a wedding website, yes. There isn't any need for "About Us" sections or anything like that. But putting hotel and transportation information, scheduling, and information about local attractions on a wedding website is not "silly." It's useful.

In most cases, Google has already done a far better job of putting up hotel and transportation information, and information about local attractions. "Scheduling" is a subject for the invitation.

MrsMcCaw · February 2014

This comes across as very gift grabby. You are doing a small wedding then having two more parties to as you say "celebrate the marriage". It would not seem that way if you were not using these separate parties as wedding related events.

Cookie Pusher · February 2014

AroundTheBlock said:

Jen4948 said:
I disagree that "it's silly to have a wedding website."

Some things would be silly on a wedding website, yes. There isn't any need for "About Us" sections or anything like that. But putting hotel and transportation information, scheduling, and information about local attractions on a wedding website is not "silly." It's useful.

In most cases, Google has already done a far better job of putting up hotel and transportation information, and information about local attractions. "Scheduling" is a subject for the invitation.

Except Google won't tell you the code to get the discounted group rate for the event. Nor does Google give you the correct address of my venue as it's in the middle of a garden facility. And no, you can't even see it on Google maps unless you know exactly where to look. But my website will give you the exact GPS coordinates.

TheGrimReaper · February 2014

AroundTheBlock said:

Jen4948 said:
I disagree that "it's silly to have a wedding website."

Some things would be silly on a wedding website, yes. There isn't any need for "About Us" sections or anything like that. But putting hotel and transportation information, scheduling, and information about local attractions on a wedding website is not "silly." It's useful.

In most cases, Google has already done a far better job of putting up hotel and transportation information, and information about local attractions. "Scheduling" is a subject for the invitation.

Yes, people can Google whether there is a taxi service in my city. What they can't google is the shuttle we're providing from the church to the reception and back to the hotel. It takes 10 minutes to put together a website and if it makes planning the trip easier for one of my guests, it isn't "silly." it's not like it costs a domain fee to make a website. Who gives a shit if someone doesn't want to look at it after the wedding? The point is to help BEFORE the wedding.

Maggie0829 · February 2014

AroundTheBlock said:

Jen4948 said:
I disagree that "it's silly to have a wedding website."

Some things would be silly on a wedding website, yes. There isn't any need for "About Us" sections or anything like that. But putting hotel and transportation information, scheduling, and information about local attractions on a wedding website is not "silly." It's useful.

In most cases, Google has already done a far better job of putting up hotel and transportation information, and information about local attractions. "Scheduling" is a subject for the invitation.

For once I agree with you AroundtheBlock. All information that is pertinent can easily be put into the invitation with specific enclosure cards. Which include exact directions to your ceremony location and hotel code to get the discount. A website basically repeats everything that is already (or should be) included in the invite.

KBlovesBG · February 2014

@scribe95....I wouldn't say that details are changing given the response. Honestly, I don't know what to call the "open house" at this point, details have yet to be finalized and that is why I came to this board.

We are building a home and will be settled in it just after the wedding, so maybe we'll have a celebration there, whether it's for our marriage or for our new home. I may have left out a detail....three of my friends and FSIL that would be coming to the DW are all having babies within 3 months of the wedding date and have all said they aren't sure they can make it....so that is what brought up possibly having an open house in our new home, was so those that cannot make it can celebrate with us another way without having to travel. And this "open house" is not a for sure thing....it's just an idea we are throwing around during our planning phase.

And the luncheon is totally my mothers doing and will not be related to our wedding but to the purpose of our families getting to know each other.

Cookie Pusher · February 2014

Maggie0829 said:
For once I agree with you AroundtheBlock. All information that is pertinent can easily be put into the invitation with specific enclosure cards. Which include exact directions to your ceremony location and hotel code to get the discount. A website basically repeats everything that is already (or should be) included in the invite.

We're including all the information with the invitations, but we know that people forget/lose them. Since we have people coming from out of town, out of state, and even out of the country, taking the 10 minutes to list all the pertinent information on one page so they could find it if they needed it wasn't exactly the hardest thing in the world to do. It's not like putting the info out there inconveniences our guests or infringes upon their comfort.

AroundTheBlock · February 2014

MrsMcCaw said:

This comes across as very gift grabby. You are doing a small wedding then having two more parties to as you say "celebrate the marriage". It would not seem that way if you were not using these separate parties as wedding related events.

ActualIy I think it comes across as very hospitable. It used to be, that a new wife's first duty on returning from her honeymoon was to establish her new household's norms and reputation for hospitality. Any etiquette standard that aims to reduce the amount of social entertaining and the reciprocal graciousness of invitations and visits comes across to me as rather suspect. And assuming that a lady's proferring of an invitation is motivated by greed casts a rather negative light on the person making the assumption: honi soit qui mal y pense.

Wording on wedding website. Different events with different guest lists...

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