Jobs for kids other than Flower Girls and Ring Bearers?

Jen4948 · February 2014

artbyallie said:

omadrid said:

Hi GinnaN! Congratulations! We will also have a coin bearer role for my nephew (non-religious; "arras" presentation); Also, how about roles outside of ceremony - ex; passing out programs, passing out favors, passing out sparklers, etc.? Good luck!

Those are CHORES, not roles. And even kids know they're bullshit. I passed out programs in a wedding and manned the guestbook for another and I knew it was bullshit.

Exactly. If adults don't want to do these things because they're bullshit, why would a kid?

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

ImagineBlueRoses said:

I am having the same issue. But we only have nephews. The oldest is part of the groomsmen. The youngest is going to carry the rings and the middle 3 are going to be ushers. We did toss around the idea of having a flower girl, who is a baby and too young to walk, being wheeled out in a wagon by one of the boys. It's still an option we are considering. Happy planning!!

Guys, please read through threads. Most venues will not allow you to do this for liability reasons. They don't want kids to fall out of the wagons, crack their heads open, and then have mommy and daddy sue them, nor do they want the wagons to possibly damage the floors. Check with your venue to see if they allow children to be pulled in wagons.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

aplatt3 said:

Unlike many of the posts here, I think you can find a way to include all the kids and give them each a special job to do. We have 10 children involved in our wedding. The two youngest girls (2 and 4) are flower girls, the 3 youngest boys are ring bearers (1, 3, 6), the older girls are bridal attendants (8, 9, 10), and the older boys are ushers (both 13). The bridal attendants will have jobs like passing out bubbles after the ceremony for the exit, making sure people sign the guest book, helping find place cards, etc. Our ushers are old enough to do the job on their own, but you can certainly have younger boys serve as ushers or assistant ushers as well.

Not everyone has to purchase a new and matching outfit. We are having our bridal attendants just wear a light grey dress of their choosing and I am having matching flower headbands for them. With the boys, we are just asking them to wear the same tie. It does not need to be overly expensive to include more people in your wedding.

There are so many little details involved in a wedding that you can certainly find little jobs for kids to do. Even if they are not necessary jobs or things that would be fine on their own, I think it is important to involve as many people as you can, especially with regards to children. It keeps them occupied and focused knowing they have a special job.

Ugh. Adults don't need help to take bubbles out of a basket, they don't need to be told how to sign a guest book, and they should know their own names so that they can find their place cards.

Please don't make someone who is supposed to be holding an "honor' position in your wedding to bitch work like this. Because that is all it is, bitch work that no one enjoys.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

nyung90 said:

My fiance and I are having several kids involved in one-way or another at our wedding. He has four nieces & nephews, and I have nine very close cousin- their mom's and I nearly grew up as sisters, so I feel as if they are my nieces and nephews. I also have a God-Daughter that I wanted involved. While some jobs are bigger than others, they all have a place.

13 & 10 yr old girl - Programs
12 yr old boy - Acolyte
8 & 7 yr old boys - Aisle Runners (working coming up with a better name - they will pull the aisle instead of the ushers, before I walk down)
5, 5 & 4 year old girls - Favors (they will hand out whatever favors, bells, bubbles, bird seed, etc. we decide to use after the ceremony)
3 & 2 yr old girls - Flower Girls
2 yr old boy - Ring Bearer
8 & 6 mo. old girls, 6 mo. old boy - too young to be anything but adorable

1st- Again, this is a "Check with your Venue" thing. Many places do not allow aisle runners to be used for liability reasons- my church does not. No one wants to be sued because a BM or the Bride slipped and fell on that thin, flimsy paper.

2nd- because of the risk of people tripping or slipping if the runner isn't pulled out correctly and pulled taught enough, I would not suggest leaving that task to a 7 and 8 year old boy. I have seen grown ass men struggle to unroll these stupid things properly!

Jen4948 · February 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

ImagineBlueRoses said:

I am having the same issue. But we only have nephews. The oldest is part of the groomsmen. The youngest is going to carry the rings and the middle 3 are going to be ushers. We did toss around the idea of having a flower girl, who is a baby and too young to walk, being wheeled out in a wagon by one of the boys. It's still an option we are considering. Happy planning!!

Guys, please read through threads. Most venues will not allow you to do this for liability reasons. They don't want kids to fall out of the wagons, crack their heads open, and then have mommy and daddy sue them, nor do they want the wagons to possibly damage the floors. Check with your venue to see if they allow children to be pulled in wagons.

And even if they do, if a child can't get up the aisle and back on their own without being carried or pulled in a wagon, they're too small and too young to participate in any capacity other than guest. Just take photos with them. They won't be missing out.

chibiyui · February 2014

Musikalbunni said:

Kids working for little to no pay are called Sweatshops.

But their payment is memories of being pretty snowflakes besides the biggest, most glittering snowflake of all!

Maggie0829 · February 2014

chibiyui said:

Musikalbunni said:

Kids working for little to no pay are called Sweatshops.

But their payment is memories of being pretty snowflakes besides the biggest, most glittering snowflake of all!

But according to another poster it doesn't matter if the little kids remember, it is only important that the bride and groom have those memories. So basically the kids are being used by the bride and groom to have those "perfect" memories.

mnkykss427 · February 2014

I have 7 children to include. This is what I have decided: My 14 y/o daughter - MOH His 9 y/o son- Jr. Best Man ( I thought he was too old to be ring bearer) 4 & 6 y/o girls - Flower girls Leaves me with my 3 nephews ages 12, 8 and 3. He didn't want little children as groomsman and I didn't want to include 1 and not others so they will be handing out bubbles and programs. The 12 y/o will be usher to walk my grandmother down the aisle also. They are all perfectly happy that they have a job to do! When you ask opinions on here you may not be happy with the answers. Its your wedding. You can do whatever you want. I know I have heard "that's not the way to do it" a few too many times already. I know I am including the people who make me happy. Good luck!

JennyColada · February 2014

shrekspeare said:

mnkykss427 said:

I have 7 children to include. This is what I have decided: My 14 y/o daughter - MOH His 9 y/o son- Jr. Best Man ( I thought he was too old to be ring bearer) 4 & 6 y/o girls - Flower girls Leaves me with my 3 nephews ages 12, 8 and 3. He didn't want little children as groomsman and I didn't want to include 1 and not others so they will be handing out bubbles and programs. The 12 y/o will be usher to walk my grandmother down the aisle also. They are all perfectly happy that they have a job to do! When you ask opinions on here you may not be happy with the answers. Its your wedding. You can do whatever you want. I know I have heard "that's not the way to do it" a few too many times already. I know I am including the people who make me happy. Good luck!

I get really excited whenever I see someone post this.

Yea! I'm totally going to make all of my guests give me foot massages and fan me with giant palm fronds and clean my house and wash my car and tweeze my eyebrows. It's MY wedding!

Maggie0829 · February 2014

Jennycolada said:

shrekspeare said:

mnkykss427 said:

I have 7 children to include. This is what I have decided: My 14 y/o daughter - MOH His 9 y/o son- Jr. Best Man ( I thought he was too old to be ring bearer) 4 & 6 y/o girls - Flower girls Leaves me with my 3 nephews ages 12, 8 and 3. He didn't want little children as groomsman and I didn't want to include 1 and not others so they will be handing out bubbles and programs. The 12 y/o will be usher to walk my grandmother down the aisle also. They are all perfectly happy that they have a job to do! When you ask opinions on here you may not be happy with the answers. Its your wedding. You can do whatever you want. I know I have heard "that's not the way to do it" a few too many times already. I know I am including the people who make me happy. Good luck!

I get really excited whenever I see someone post this.

Yea! I'm totally going to make all of my guests give me foot massages and fan me with giant palm fronds and clean my house and wash my car and tweeze my eyebrows. It's MY wedding!

Don't forget about peeling grapes and them feeding those to you.

kbelcheti · February 2014

Wow, there is so much going on in the comments on this post!

I was just trying to think of something unique for my children to be involved in for our wedding (daugher 9, and son 8, by the time we get married).

I'll echo what many ladies have said in that it's your wedding, so do what you feel is best for you and your fiance and how you see your lives playing out. If your nieces and nephews are that important to you, then by all means, involve them, but do be conscious of the cost involved. I had a friend whose daughters were flower girls for their aunt's wedding, and they each had to purchase $50 tutus, on top of matching shoes, something to wear under the tutus, and accessories. It ended up being over $200 for both girls to be in the wedding, plus the family's gifts to the bride and groom for shower and reception.

Anyway, especially if you and your fiance are as important to all your nieces and nephews as they are to you, I think it's very thoughtful to ask all of them to be involved, whether it's ring bearing, flower petal dropping, program distributing, bubble blowing, or whatever else you decide. Just remember, it's your day to celebrate your marriage to your soulmate, so celebrate however the two of you see fit

ps - to all the ladies who are not inviting children to their weddings, or don't think children should be included, that's totally fine too -- sometimes you need to party adults-only, but for others who want to involve small children, don't hate on their desire for a family-friendly celebration. To each her own

Maggie0829 · February 2014

@kbelcheti - your son and daughter can be your ring bearer and flower girl...perfect ages.

MobKaz · February 2014

kbelcheti said:

Wow, there is so much going on in the comments on this post!

I was just trying to think of something unique for my children to be involved in for our wedding (daugher 9, and son 8, by the time we get married).

I'll echo what many ladies have said in that it's your wedding, so do what you feel is best for you and your fiance and how you see your lives playing out. If your nieces and nephews are that important to you, then by all means, involve them, but do be conscious of the cost involved. I had a friend whose daughters were flower girls for their aunt's wedding, and they each had to purchase $50 tutus, on top of matching shoes, something to wear under the tutus, and accessories. It ended up being over $200 for both girls to be in the wedding, plus the family's gifts to the bride and groom for shower and reception.

Anyway, especially if you and your fiance are as important to all your nieces and nephews as they are to you, I think it's very thoughtful to ask all of them to be involved, whether it's ring bearing, flower petal dropping, program distributing, bubble blowing, or whatever else you decide. Just remember, it's your day to celebrate your marriage to your soulmate, so celebrate however the two of you see fit

ps - to all the ladies who are not inviting children to their weddings, or don't think children should be included, that's totally fine too -- sometimes you need to party adults-only, but for others who want to involve small children, don't hate on their desire for a family-friendly celebration. To each her own

Tutus......$50

Shoes that will never be worn again......$50

Undergarments to match demanded tutus.........$50

Accessories to complete the prop vision........$50

Cost to the bride and groom for memories of props they demanded.........Priceless

Cost to the "honored" parents of "loved" props..........BS

indianaalum · February 2014

I disagree that most little kids don't enjoy it. I picked up my niece from school a few months after the wedding and her teacher was like "omg, all she did was talk about your wedding for months". It's not like I even mentioned my wedding to the teacher, I simply stated who I was when picking her up and she felt the need to tell me the cute story. yes, kids get excited.

My other niece clung to me like glue the day of the wedding and they is pictures of her sneaking up to my husband at the alter so she could get a better glimpse of me as I walk down the aisle.

When I was young, my sister and I were in the same wedding. Our other sister was not in that wedding. To this day, she talks about how that really hurt her feelings when she was little because she felt left out.

I was a flower girl when I was little. As an adult, I remember it fondly and have a special bond with the bride.

I think sometimes it's not just about the "role" of the day as what it symbolizes to be chosen.

[Deleted User] · February 2014

Instead of having then do a job, make a special place for them to have fun. A corner of the room, or a separate room where they can have fun. Hire a babysitter or ask a few family member if they will watch the kidos. They can play games, watch movies, do crafts etc... make the wedding fun for them. So that when they look back a pictures they will say was Auntie was so cool to let us have our own little party while the adults had theirs. The parents can also have more fun as they do not have to worry to much as their children are being looked after. It is something different and defiantly something that will be talked about in the future for those whom can not remember and those that can will thing it was awesome.

CarmenB39 · February 2014

What if you did a child's sermon or service during your ceremony instead of giving them jobs? Have them come up to the altar, join hands, and listen as the pastor shares a short story for the children to hear and the adults to enjoy as well. Then there are no "jobs," yet they are actively involved in your marriage. Good luck with all the little ones!

Jen4948 · February 2014

indianaalum said:

I disagree that most little kids don't enjoy it. I picked up my niece from school a few months after the wedding and her teacher was like "omg, all she did was talk about your wedding for months". It's not like I even mentioned my wedding to the teacher, I simply stated who I was when picking her up and she felt the need to tell me the cute story. yes, kids get excited.

My other niece clung to me like glue the day of the wedding and they is pictures of her sneaking up to my husband at the alter so she could get a better glimpse of me as I walk down the aisle.

When I was young, my sister and I were in the same wedding. Our other sister was not in that wedding. To this day, she talks about how that really hurt her feelings when she was little because she felt left out.

I was a flower girl when I was little. As an adult, I remember it fondly and have a special bond with the bride.

I think sometimes it's not just about the "role" of the day as what it symbolizes to be chosen.

When they are under 3, it symbolizes nothing. They do not remember it later. It has no meaning at the time.

shelnjosh2014 · February 2014

Just wanted to tell you I love the idea of including all the Nieces and nephews ! Don't listen to everyone here , it's your wedding & the kids will remember it ! My 4 year old nephew is so excited to be our ring bearer next month !

I posted a similar question on a board & from the ideas we came up with this

5 year old niece : flower girl
6 year old nephew : usher for the parents & grandparents
4 year old nephew : ring bearer

Then the grooms 3 year old nephew , 4 year old nephew & 2 year old nephew will carry a sign that says "our uncle josh asked ...."

& my 1 year old nephew & 1 year old niece will be with my 7 old little sister with a sign that says "our auntie says yes !"

Your ideas is all that matters on your wedding day ! People that say "oh it will be chaotic & oh the kids will have their own plan " so what ?? That's what makes the memories ! & as far as the wagon goes , sure you already would consider to have Adults all up and down the aisles in case something happens. People worry way to much !

Good luck with you wedding planning ! One thing I've realized is you can't take everyone's opinions to heart on here , yours is what matters most

jneen101 · February 2014

shelnjosh2014 said:
Don't listen to everyone here , it's your wedding & the kids will remember it !

Then the grooms 3 year old nephew , 4 year old nephew & 2 year old nephew will carry a sign that says "our uncle josh asked ...."

& my 1 year old nephew & 1 year old niece will be with my 7 old little sister with a sign that says "our auntie says yes !"

Another idea: I'm actually having 12 nieces and nephews walk down the aisle with giant scrabble tiles. They are so cute I made them from burlap and hay actually. Anyway all 12 are walking down the aisle with a tile and then when they get to the end they are rearranging themselves to spell "this is a wedding." This way everyone gets involved plus I incorporated cute signs letting everyone know what's happening!

artbyallie · February 2014

jneen101 said:

Don't listen to everyone here , it's your wedding & the kids will remember it ! Then the grooms 3 year old nephew , 4 year old nephew & 2 year old nephew will carry a sign that says "our uncle josh asked ...." & my 1 year old nephew & 1 year old niece will be with my 7 old little sister with a sign that says "our auntie says yes !"
Another idea: I'm actually having 12 nieces and nephews walk down the aisle with giant scrabble tiles. They are so cute I made them from burlap and hay actually. Anyway all 12 are walking down the aisle with a tile and then when they get to the end they are rearranging themselves to spell "this is a wedding." This way everyone gets involved plus I incorporated cute signs letting everyone know what's happening!

Okay, this is just asking for trouble. There is seriously no way in hell this plan will go smoothly no matter what age these kids are.

Also, in response to the first quote in the block, 1 and 2 year olds are not capable of carrying signs, and I'd argue the 3 and 4 year old are likely to have problems. And how is a 7 year old going to make it down the aisle with a sign and two infants?!?

alicias06 · February 2014

It has been said before, but I too am quite surprised by all of the negativity from the commentors!! I don't know what kind of venue you're having, but if you have any, you could have two of the older ones be candle lighters...I was at a wedding last spring that did that. Also others have mentioned this, but here are some pics of children with signs/banners...

Jen4948 · February 2014

alicias06 said:

It has been said before, but I too am quite surprised by all of the negativity from the commentors!! I don't know what kind of venue you're having, but if you have any, you could have two of the older ones be candle lighters...I was at a wedding last spring that did that. Also others have mentioned this, but here are some pics of children with signs/banners...

The kids in these pictures don't look particularly happy with this role. I've never seen a single photo of a kid carrying a sign or banner at a wedding where they seemed happy-and it shows. They look like they're being coerced or pressured to do this to make Mommy and/or Daddy happy. Just skip it. Not every kid has to have a role. In fact, a good life lesson for kids that age to learn is that they don't always get to be the stars of the show and sometimes they just have to sit and watch.

chibiyui · February 2014

alicias06 said:

It has been said before, but I too am quite surprised by all of the negativity from the commentors!! I don't know what kind of venue you're having, but if you have any, you could have two of the older ones be candle lighters...I was at a wedding last spring that did that. Also others have mentioned this, but here are some pics of children with signs/banners...

I'm sorry, the kid on the right screams "Future Douchebag"

I fucking hate that picture.

Viczaesar · February 2014

CarmenB39 said:

What if you did a child's sermon or service during your ceremony instead of giving them jobs? Have them come up to the altar, join hands, and listen as the pastor shares a short story for the children to hear and the adults to enjoy as well. Then there are no "jobs," yet they are actively involved in your marriage. Good luck with all the little ones!

As a non-Christian this makes me super uncomfortable. I would not be happy about the officiant calling my child up to the front to hear a special kids' religious message.

kozadria · February 2014

I was 3 when I was my parents flower girl. I was 4 when I was my aunt's flower girl. I have vag memories. The feel of my mom's dress against my back, my dad's arms, my flower girl dress... But I have heard the stories of when I was a flower girl a billion times. And those stories have warmed my heart and made me smile so many times over the past 23 years (I'm now 27) I can't even count. Will the little ones remember all of those details... no. Was it worth it? ABSOLUTELY.

Not every wedding is the same, not every family is the same, and not everyone wants the same kind of party. And that's okay. Do what would make you and yours happy.

For me, my little cousin will be a flower girl, my older cousins will be bridesmaids, my boys will just be adorable, my and my fiance's nephews will be ushers. It means far more to the girls. My little cousin may only be 6 but she has been excited for the last couple of years that we've been engaged and can't wait to be the flower girl.

Jen4948 · February 2014

kozadria said:

I was 3 when I was my parents flower girl. I was 4 when I was my aunt's flower girl. I have vag memories. The feel of my mom's dress against my back, my dad's arms, my flower girl dress... But I have heard the stories of when I was a flower girl a billion times. And those stories have warmed my heart and made me smile so many times over the past 23 years (I'm now 27) I can't even count. Will the little ones remember all of those details... no. Was it worth it? ABSOLUTELY.

Not every wedding is the same, not every family is the same, and not everyone wants the same kind of party. And that's okay. Do what would make you and yours happy.

For me, my little cousin will be a flower girl, my older cousins will be bridesmaids, my boys will just be adorable, my and my fiance's nephews will be ushers. It means far more to the girls. My little cousin may only be 6 but she has been excited for the last couple of years that we've been engaged and can't wait to be the flower girl.

All of which is great. You were old enough to have some idea of what you were doing, you wanted to do it, and you were able to get up and down the aisle on your own without being carried or pushed in a wagon or stroller. And hopefully you didn't have any meltdowns or behave inappropriately.

It's when the couple, or their families, want to shoehorn kids into "roles" that they can't handle for the "cuteness" or "adorableness" of it that it becomes problematic.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

alicias06 said:

It has been said before, but I too am quite surprised by all of the negativity from the commentors!! I don't know what kind of venue you're having, but if you have any, you could have two of the older ones be candle lighters...I was at a wedding last spring that did that. Also others have mentioned this, but here are some pics of children with signs/banners...

I personally don't like kids with signs/banners. I think it's campy and saccharine, and comes of as trying too hard to be cute.

As an adult sitting in the church pews or venue chairs or whatever, I know I'm at a wedding and I know the bride is about to walk down the aisle.

But to each his own.

StefA8 · February 2014

What if you have the older kiddos carry pictures of your grandparents (their wedding pics) or mementos of family not able to be there and/or may be deceased (that are significant - example grandparents)? Or if you are doing a sand ceremony - have them carry the pieces for this and set them up front?

Jen4948 · February 2014

StefA8 said:

What if you have the older kiddos carry pictures of your grandparents (their wedding pics) or mementos of family not able to be there and/or may be deceased (that are significant - example grandparents)? Or if you are doing a sand ceremony - have them carry the pieces for this and set them up front?

I think that asking kids to carry photos of dead people is too much-especially if they're grieving themselves. It also calls too much attention to the reason the deceased are not there and adds sadness to what should be a happy occasion. Many of us already advocate not putting photos on empty seats-they also should not be carried in the processional.

And for a sand ceremony, I'd have the pieces already set up and not have anyone "carry" them down the aisle.

kakihiggins · February 2014

I have six nieces and one god-daughter, ranging in age from 3 to 19. They are going to be the "flower brigade," lining the aisle, handing me flowers for my bouquet as I walk down it. Made up? Yes. But who cares? They are all important to me, and I wouldn't dream of including some and not others.

Jobs for kids other than Flower Girls and Ring Bearers?

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