Birth Control - Ladies, help me out

thelastdreamer · February 2014

In my FI's defense, he did not say it or mean it in a way that at all implied not getting pregnant was my problem or that he didn't care. He just said that he really wanted, especially the first time, to have sex totally "naturally." He said that after the wedding night he's fine with wearing a condom, he just really didn't want to the first time. But I hear you all that he might just need to suck it up.

I like that the copper IUD has no hormones but the idea of it scares me a lot ... I think I need to do more research on that.

thelastdreamer · February 2014

I started learning about 5 months before the wedding by taking classes with my Creighton instructor.

Our wedding date was set wwaaayyy before that, so we couldn't try and line it up that way. Also, my cycles aren't regular, so it wouldn't have mattered any way. I don't ovulate on the same day each month.

We were prepared to abstain on the wedding night/honeymoon, fortunately I was infertile for most of it so we didn't have to.

Creighton relies on cervical mucus signs only. Temperature is a good cross-check, but your cervical mucus is the most *essential* way to determine your fertility.

I wouldn't say a particular method is more reliable than the other. What's important is that you learn a method that is right FOR YOU. For example, for some women, tracking temp is very reliable. For other women, their temps don't show a clear pattern. And the different methods have different ways to track your mucus. Some require physically observing it, others go off just sensation (sorry if this TMI for people here--just trying to be informative). It just depends on your lifestyle and preferences.

I have a lot of friends who have an easy time with NFP. Observing your fertility signs becomes second nature. I had more difficulty than most just because I have some cycle problems that my doctor was trying to work on. But I still highly recommend it. Especially since it's better to discover those problems now than later in life.

STUCK IN THE BOX:

I really like that it allows you to monitor your overall female health - it just seems like a good thing to do in general. I think I may check around for classes in my area and see. I've heard a lot of diocese offer them so maybe I can find one there. I'm not Catholic, but I worked at a Catholic publishing company and that's when I first started learning about NFP and became interested in it.

Do you use any apps or technology to help you monitor it? I know there are a lot of apps/websites you can use to help keep up - any recommendations?

firebabe6519 · February 2014

I find the whole "OMG it can cause cancer!" ordeal irritatingly overblown. You are more likely to get cancer from a mere 30 minutes exposure a day to sunlight than from your BCP.

Plastic is carcinogenic and can even cause hormonal shifts in adolescent males that can stimulate the growth of breasts and homosexual behavior. Does that mean you will suddenly throw out your Tupperware? Or stop eating frozen veggies and cereal and no longer drink bottled water and juice because its housed in plastic? Doubtful...

OP, I would recommend consulting your doctor about what method of birth control will best suit your needs without violating your beliefs. As PPs have said, even without hormonal BC, many fertilized eggs will fail to implant. And if you have the desire to do so, read through the MSDS and papers that come with the method of BC you are considering to see if you have any reservations or questions.

Also concerning condoms 1) maybe try a few different kinds with or without lube 2) make sure you are not allergic to them. (I am allergic to latex ones, and FI is allergic to the non-latex / neoprene so they don't work for us.)

Finally, not sure if its something you would consider, but maybe a spermicide would be an option? Its not as effective as other options, but combined with charting and temping, it might give you a little extra reassurance.

huskypuppy14 · February 2014

I'm not a doctor, but I am a scientist (biochemist) and I just want to point out that the cancer risks associated with using hormonal birth control are indirectly related or based on studies using much higher doses of drug than most woman use. The older BC was higher than it is now, and most doctors try to prescribe the lowest dose possible for each woman.

The higher risks of cervical cancer in woman who used BC compared to woman who did not are thought to be from a higher likelyhood of HPV becoming cancer. BC in and of itself do not cause cervical cancer.

For breast cancer, there are other trends, like age of first menstruation, age at first birth, and age of menopause that will also overlap with woman who take BC. For example, the longer you are in your childbearing years without having children increases the chance of breast cancer. Since woman on BC can be linked to woman having children later in life (less woman having children at 18, or 21, more people having their first child in their 30's) makes it seem like the BC is causing. These are all just trends and correlation, not necessarily causation.

Now every woman has to make her own decision on what's right for her. I personally think the benefit of not getting pregnant is well worth any small risk of cancer, but others may feel differently.

lovesclimbing · February 2014

I use the diaphragm. I've used it ever since we started having sex. My reasoning was because I know quite a few women gain weight on hormonal birth control, and I really don't want to gain weight. Also, the diaphragm and spermicide is cheaper then almost anything else and H and I were dead broke when we got married. (No insurance either.)

H and I have been married about 14 months now and no babies yet! So far, it's worked effectively like it's supposed to. I like it much better than condoms and so does H. We both really hate the feel of condoms.

That being said, I really dislike the diaphragm. That's what my mom used and my big thing was I thought it would be a mood killer. Having to stop messing around to go put it in. My mom said it wasn't a mood killer. Maybe it wasn't for her, but it definitely is for me. I don't stop wanting to have sex, but my body will cool off, so to speak, so it takes awhile to get my body back responding.

My mom said "Oh, put it in before you start messing around." Well, that doesn't always work! Most of the time, H and I aren't planning to start messing around!

Also, the spermicide, which you have to use on the diaphragm, causes me to itch at first. It does go away pretty quickly, so it's only a minor annoyance.

You're not supposed to use it during your period. For us, this isn't a big deal since we generally don't go at it during my cycle anyway. It might be a big deal for some people. (Although my mom told me she would use it during her cycle and had no issues.)

So, in summary, I would say the diaphragm is better than any other non-hormonal birth control out there (except the copper IUD, which I really want to get but am nervous about because I've never had a kid, and I know it can be painful, and it's crazy expensive). But I still don't like it at all.

banana468 · February 2014

mbross3 said:
Hmmm. I don't share your religious views and tend to think that by "pro-life" you mean "pro-birth" but I will say that you are doing a smart thingy considering all your BC options.

If you are anti hormonal BC I highly recommend the female/receptive condom. I personally use the pill and have found a great hormone level and it has worked wonderfully for me for almost 10 years. However, even while on the pill there were definitely times I used condoms, and I prefer female condoms to male condoms. For one, it doesn't roll up in the way that male condoms sometime can, which is annoying, and it has the added benefit of providing additional stimulation with the external ring.

ETA: I also agree with PP--your FI should be taking some of this burden on himself. It takes two to make a baby. If he is a virgin too, he has no idea what a condom feels like. Don't knock it til you've tried it. I recommend trying a few different choices to see what works best for both of you.

I hope you find something that works for you!!

If you haven't done the research on those methods it's a rather ignorant statement to say that pro life = pro birth. Those pro life believe that every conception deserves life and ending a pregnancy by choice is murder.

The thing I highly encourage with NFP is that it IS effective and it's free! Plus, it's approved by the Church. I'm not sure of your faith but many that don't support premarital sex don't support artificial birth control either.

selenathegreat · February 2014

When I was first sexually active I used a spermicide foam -- it's not as effective as other methods but it's still over 90% effective (as I recall) and might work well for the first time or as an additional backup. Worth a look -- you could try it beforehand to make sure it doesn't itch or anything.

mbross3 · February 2014

banana468 said:

Hmmm. I don't share your religious views and tend to think that by "pro-life" you mean "pro-birth" but I will say that you are doing a smart thingy considering all your BC options.

If you are anti hormonal BC I highly recommend the female/receptive condom. I personally use the pill and have found a great hormone level and it has worked wonderfully for me for almost 10 years. However, even while on the pill there were definitely times I used condoms, and I prefer female condoms to male condoms. For one, it doesn't roll up in the way that male condoms sometime can, which is annoying, and it has the added benefit of providing additional stimulation with the external ring.

ETA: I also agree with PP--your FI should be taking some of this burden on himself. It takes two to make a baby. If he is a virgin too, he has no idea what a condom feels like. Don't knock it til you've tried it. I recommend trying a few different choices to see what works best for both of you.

I hope you find something that works for you!!
If you haven't done the research on those methods it's a rather ignorant statement to say that pro life = pro birth. Those pro life believe that every conception deserves life and ending a pregnancy by choice is murder. The thing I highly encourage with NFP is that it IS effective and it's free! Plus, it's approved by the Church. I'm not sure of your faith but many that don't support premarital sex don't support artificial birth control either.

No worries at all, I've done years of research and am currently in a dual graduate and Jd program with my graduate program focusing on related research. So no ignorance here, but thanks for checking!

ETA: Interesting, NFP is not as effective as many other options, but if what your church approves is important to you, you're left with very few options and that may well be the best of the remaining ones.

Drewsgirl31 · February 2014

I have used the pill (a few different ones) the one that worked best for me was ortho tri lo, after my daughter was born I got the copper T even with having a child it hurt like a B and caused my periods to be awful, very heavy/awful cramps and bloating. I only lasted a year and a half with that before I had it removed. Went back to pills lost insurance so we used condoms (sometimes) but usually just pulled and prayed. Eventually that led us to our 2nd child. 10 months after he was born I decided to have the Mirena put in. Insertion hurt like a B, periods were weird for awhile but I haven't had a full one in almost a year. 3 days every few months I'll get a very light spotting. But I've put on 10 lbs and haven't been able to lose or gain anymore, I've also started having pain in my lower back side and since investigating it seems to be a common side effect but no one really knows what that exact pain is or where it's coming from. So now I'm in the process of H getting snipped and me having this removed and not using anything but condoms until the recommended timing is up that he's shooting blanks.

FiancB · February 2014

I'm not a fan of using NFP for birth control, but it is pretty effective when done correctly. Statistics are all over the place because it is the most prone to human error. I personally would have a hard time staying abstinent while ovulating.

Buuut I stand by what I said that the way I see it, birth control prevents more miscarriages than it causes. No ovulation=no fertilized eggs missing implantation. OP said she isn't Catholic; most protestant churches are okay with birth control. It sounds like more of a personal concern for OP than a churchwide ban.

But there are a lot of options out there and while some are less effective, chances are they would be fine and if they aren't super opposed to getting knocked up, they're acceptable.

FiancB · February 2014

laurynm84 said:

I'm not a doctor, but I am a scientist (biochemist) and I just want to point out that the cancer risks associated with using hormonal birth control are indirectly related or based on studies using much higher doses of drug than most woman use. The older BC was higher than it is now, and most doctors try to prescribe the lowest dose possible for each woman.

The higher risks of cervical cancer in woman who used BC compared to woman who did not are thought to be from a higher likelyhood of HPV becoming cancer. BC in and of itself do not cause cervical cancer.

For breast cancer, there are other trends, like age of first menstruation, age at first birth, and age of menopause that will also overlap with woman who take BC. For example, the longer you are in your childbearing years without having children increases the chance of breast cancer. Since woman on BC can be linked to woman having children later in life (less woman having children at 18, or 21, more people having their first child in their 30's) makes it seem like the BC is causing. These are all just trends and correlation, not necessarily causation.

Now every woman has to make her own decision on what's right for her. I personally think the benefit of not getting pregnant is well worth any small risk of cancer, but others may feel differently.

I've heard mixed answers on this as well, but supposedly breast feeding also reduces cancer risk. Women on long term birth control are less likely to ever breast feed (as in people that choose to remain childless). So they're more likely to get cancer (maybe). Then people blame it on birth control. There are a lot of factors.

Drewsgirl31 · February 2014

I'm not a scientist or know much about cancer/what causes it but in everything you here nowadays, what doesn't cause cancer?! Phones, food, deodorant, shampoos, medicines. So birth control may play a very small role, but so could a million other things you're already using. Kinda like the commercials, take this medicine for your heart condition but know there were also reports of failing kidneys, stroke, death etc because of using it.

LizM61409 · February 2014

The birth control and breast cancer thing has been tricky to sort out statistically, because as PPs have mentioned having kids before age 30 reduces your breast cancer risk. So if you use OCPs and that causes you to not have a kid until after 30, then yes, it looks like the pill did it. HOWEVER, if you get married at 30 and are abstinent until marriage, you could also say that abstinence causes breast cancer (because it resulted in you not having a kid before 30). Obviously the abstinence by itself didn't do it, but you can see how there's an association there that can be presented as causation when it's really not.

For the record, I used the pill for a few years then switched to the nuvaring which I love. I also had horrible horrible cramps before any of that, which went away with the pill, and have stayed away with the ring. Things were so much better that I stayed on the pill when I was single and didn't need contraception in the few years before I met FI.

climbingsingle · February 2014

I've been on the pill since I was a teenager - so, a very long time. I've never had any side effects. No weight gain, no headaches, nothing. In fact, it improves my skin, my cramps are almost no -existent and my period only lasts 4 days. Anyway, I'm obviously a big fan.
Cancer runs on my maternal side. I've spoken with my doctor extensively about this. There is nothing linking the pill and cancer.

banana468 · February 2014

mbross3 said:

banana468 said:

mbross3 said:
Hmmm. I don't share your religious views and tend to think that by "pro-life" you mean "pro-birth" but I will say that you are doing a smart thingy considering all your BC options.

If you are anti hormonal BC I highly recommend the female/receptive condom. I personally use the pill and have found a great hormone level and it has worked wonderfully for me for almost 10 years. However, even while on the pill there were definitely times I used condoms, and I prefer female condoms to male condoms. For one, it doesn't roll up in the way that male condoms sometime can, which is annoying, and it has the added benefit of providing additional stimulation with the external ring.

ETA: I also agree with PP--your FI should be taking some of this burden on himself. It takes two to make a baby. If he is a virgin too, he has no idea what a condom feels like. Don't knock it til you've tried it. I recommend trying a few different choices to see what works best for both of you.

I hope you find something that works for you!!
If you haven't done the research on those methods it's a rather ignorant statement to say that pro life = pro birth. Those pro life believe that every conception deserves life and ending a pregnancy by choice is murder.

The thing I highly encourage with NFP is that it IS effective and it's free! Plus, it's approved by the Church. I'm not sure of your faith but many that don't support premarital sex don't support artificial birth control either.

No worries at all, I've done years of research and am currently in a dual graduate and Jd program with my graduate program focusing on related research. So no ignorance here, but thanks for checking!

ETA: Interesting, NFP is not as effective as many other options, but if what your church approves is important to you, you're left with very few options and that may well be the best of the remaining ones.

I'd love to know what source states that NFP isn't as effective as other BC methods. When practiced correctly, it's at least as effective as the pill.

And my point of the statement of ignorance is directed at those who believe that pro life = pro birth because a child born into an unwanted situation was not guaranteed much of a life. We can debate that stance for hours but the efficacy rate of NFP is a fact.

LizM61409 · February 2014

I suspect the stats on NFP lump in people who don't know what they're doing as well as women with irregular cycles

chibiyui · February 2014

banana468 said:

banana468 said:

Hmmm. I don't share your religious views and tend to think that by "pro-life" you mean "pro-birth" but I will say that you are doing a smart thingy considering all your BC options.

If you are anti hormonal BC I highly recommend the female/receptive condom. I personally use the pill and have found a great hormone level and it has worked wonderfully for me for almost 10 years. However, even while on the pill there were definitely times I used condoms, and I prefer female condoms to male condoms. For one, it doesn't roll up in the way that male condoms sometime can, which is annoying, and it has the added benefit of providing additional stimulation with the external ring.

ETA: I also agree with PP--your FI should be taking some of this burden on himself. It takes two to make a baby. If he is a virgin too, he has no idea what a condom feels like. Don't knock it til you've tried it. I recommend trying a few different choices to see what works best for both of you.

I hope you find something that works for you!!
If you haven't done the research on those methods it's a rather ignorant statement to say that pro life = pro birth. Those pro life believe that every conception deserves life and ending a pregnancy by choice is murder. The thing I highly encourage with NFP is that it IS effective and it's free! Plus, it's approved by the Church. I'm not sure of your faith but many that don't support premarital sex don't support artificial birth control either.

No worries at all, I've done years of research and am currently in a dual graduate and Jd program with my graduate program focusing on related research. So no ignorance here, but thanks for checking!

ETA: Interesting, NFP is not as effective as many other options, but if what your church approves is important to you, you're left with very few options and that may well be the best of the remaining ones.
I'd love to know what source states that NFP isn't as effective as other BC methods. When practiced correctly, it's at least as effective as the pill. And my point of the statement of ignorance is directed at those who believe that pro life = pro birth because a child born into an unwanted situation was not guaranteed much of a life. We can debate that stance for hours but the efficacy rate of NFP is a fact.

NFP is extremely effective when practiced 100% correctly. The problem is, humans are naturally terrible at doing anything correctly. NFP is the most complicated of all birth control methods, and requires much planning and foresight then the average person cares about. If you mess up NFP, you are more likely to get pregnant then if you mess up a condom.

FWIW, Withdrawal is also like, 98% effective when done correctly. We don't tell teenagers to use withdrawal though because there is a big margin of error, and also because it doesn't protect against STIs. OP's husband could certainly do that and avoid the condom, but if he doesn't pull out soon enough, 98% drops to like, 50%. If someone is using NFP, and they miscalculate, the efficiancy drops.

MrsAitch · February 2014

Read Taking Charge of Your Fertility--I think you'll really like it and learn a lot.

Also I agree that withdrawal isn't a bad idea either but you need to be super careful.

If it matters, our pastor put together a premarital counseling book and in the section about birth control it explicitly started that the greater burden and discomfort should fall on the husband.

monkeysip · February 2014

That's one of the things I like about NFP is that it requires a commitment on the part of the man too. My husband went to the classes, would look at my chart with me, and was committed to abstinence while we were avoiding. I know some women whose husbands actually do the charting. It's nice to share the responsibility.

pumpkinsandturkeys · February 2014

chibiyui said:

banana468 said:

banana468 said:

Hmmm. I don't share your religious views and tend to think that by "pro-life" you mean "pro-birth" but I will say that you are doing a smart thingy considering all your BC options.

If you are anti hormonal BC I highly recommend the female/receptive condom. I personally use the pill and have found a great hormone level and it has worked wonderfully for me for almost 10 years. However, even while on the pill there were definitely times I used condoms, and I prefer female condoms to male condoms. For one, it doesn't roll up in the way that male condoms sometime can, which is annoying, and it has the added benefit of providing additional stimulation with the external ring.

ETA: I also agree with PP--your FI should be taking some of this burden on himself. It takes two to make a baby. If he is a virgin too, he has no idea what a condom feels like. Don't knock it til you've tried it. I recommend trying a few different choices to see what works best for both of you.

I hope you find something that works for you!!
If you haven't done the research on those methods it's a rather ignorant statement to say that pro life = pro birth. Those pro life believe that every conception deserves life and ending a pregnancy by choice is murder. The thing I highly encourage with NFP is that it IS effective and it's free! Plus, it's approved by the Church. I'm not sure of your faith but many that don't support premarital sex don't support artificial birth control either.

No worries at all, I've done years of research and am currently in a dual graduate and Jd program with my graduate program focusing on related research. So no ignorance here, but thanks for checking!

ETA: Interesting, NFP is not as effective as many other options, but if what your church approves is important to you, you're left with very few options and that may well be the best of the remaining ones.
I'd love to know what source states that NFP isn't as effective as other BC methods. When practiced correctly, it's at least as effective as the pill. And my point of the statement of ignorance is directed at those who believe that pro life = pro birth because a child born into an unwanted situation was not guaranteed much of a life. We can debate that stance for hours but the efficacy rate of NFP is a fact.

NFP is extremely effective when practiced 100% correctly. The problem is, humans are naturally terrible at doing anything correctly. NFP is the most complicated of all birth control methods, and requires much planning and foresight then the average person cares about. If you mess up NFP, you are more likely to get pregnant then if you mess up a condom.

FWIW, Withdrawal is also like, 98% effective when done correctly. We don't tell teenagers to use withdrawal though because there is a big margin of error, and also because it doesn't protect against STIs. OP's husband could certainly do that and avoid the condom, but if he doesn't pull out soon enough, 98% drops to like, 50%. If someone is using NFP, and they miscalculate, the efficiancy drops.

I would not recommend withdrawal/pulling out.

I used to work for a campus sexual health resource centre when I was in university and we gave seminars and provided a wealth of different resources to students. Pulling out may seem simple and easy, but it's not just the ejaculate you have to worry about -- pre-ejaculate contains sperm, too.

If you haven't had sex before you may not be aware that a lot of times, a little bit of semen is expressed during arousal, but before the man ejaculates. Sometimes, he's nowhere near ejaculating, but pre-ejaculate will be present. You can get pregnant from pre-ejaculate, and you have no way of knowing when it is expressed, as the guy often won't even notice.

Personally, I used to be on the pill (and I'll probably go back on it at some point because I had no issues). The only reason I'm not on it now is because my scrip ran out and I don't have a family doctor right now. I agree that it sounds as though hormonal BC isn't right for you. FI and I have been using (male) condoms exclusively for about a year now, and while they don't feel the same as going au natural, you do get used to them and there are a lot of different kinds out there -- you're sure to find one you like! Also, it's kind of fun trying all of the different brands and types to see what you like best

Birth Control - Ladies, help me out

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