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Not Engaged Yet
Snickrsgirl
member
Innocent Daydreaming
BF and I are the absolute best friends. No one knows each of us better then the other. We live together and have talked about getting married quite a bit but both know that waiting until I am out of college, and have lead each other around the world is the best choice and we will wait! (I phrase it like that because he has been to Europe and I grew up in Asia we just can't wait to show each other and explore new places together!)
At the same time my ultimate guilty pleasure is fantasizing about marriage. Since we are already living together, its not like marriage life will be too much different. I have to watch my tongue and not call him H sometimes lol.
The second part of my guilty pleasure is scanning through pages and pages of the ideal wedding dresses, wedding rings, wedding songs (although i've made up my mind that I will walk to Pachabel's Cannon in D because it makes me feel fuzzy inside) and other wedding related shenanigans! I am enjoying the present and content but visions of fit -n-flare lace dresses and sapphire solitaire rings dance in my head. 
My question to all is, how much time did you spend day dreaming of what the perfect proposal, wedding day, and marriage would be like and if you did do any "rough sketch" planning before the engagement started, how detailed did you get?? I know someone who bought her own engagement right before she found her man 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Innocent Daydreaming
Hi and welcome to NEY!
You'll find around here that the attitude is NOT to spend much time at all thinking about a future wedding if you are not engaged. The reasoning behind this is that 1) it puts pressure on you and your BF to hurry up and get to a point in life that you're just not at yet, and 2) you rob yourselves of the enjoyment of the present time in your relationship, as well as the authentic enjoyment of your engagement and wedding in the future. The ladies around here prefer to appreciate life as it is right now and concentrate on building their relationships and themselves, and let the wedding planning happen when both people are ready and agree to get engaged.
ETA: Andplusalso, pre-planning is not practical, IMO. When I got wedding fever during my previous relationship, I kept a little folder of wedding-related things I saw that I liked with the thought that maybe I'll use it someday. I went back and looked at it a few months ago and was like, "...I had HORRIBLE taste back then!" Haha, so while a little idle browsing is not necessarily a horrible thing every once in a while, it doesn't puts you "ahead" in any way because you never know what sorts of things your future FI will want, what your families will want, what your budget will allow, etc. until you are engaged and actively planning.
Tell us a little bit about yourself! What are you in school for? What was it like growing up in Asia?
I was completely and totally surprised by my proposal and I think that made it even better. Sure, we had been dating for like five years, so everyone EXPECTED it eventually, but I didn't know it was coming then, and it was perfect.
What's your favorite recipe?
Do you have snow by you?
What's your favorite book/craft?
Do you like mac n cheese? I really want some. Now. On pizza.
"You're our early 20's BSC scarecrow. They cower at your maturity." - lennonkdc
Your relationship is new (even though you were friends before, friends is not at all the same as a romantic relationship) and it sounds like are you planning on waiting awhile before you get married which I think is a good idea. Don't get too caught up in day-dreaming about the future. Besides, your tastes will change as years go by anyway.
What does that mean? Our post-wedding mini-moon road trip is going to be AWESOME. And our honeymoon when we get to it? Yea, it's gonna be amazing. <--note to future brides: If the FI gets a new job in the middle of wedding planning, you will not have enough vacation time to go on a honeymoon, SO plan accordingly. (in retrospect, though, this new job and new location are amazing! and I'm closer to @ollie08!)
Do you have snow by you? Oh yea its very cold here
What's your favorite book/craft? watercolour painting
Do you like mac n cheese? I really want some. Now. On pizza Occationally!! haha!
Focus on building your relationship even more before you get engaged. Save all the exciting stuff about planning a wedding for you and your BF to do together once you're engaged. Its 10x more special when the FI's are involved
"You're our early 20's BSC scarecrow. They cower at your maturity." - lennonkdc
You and your BF sound like very cool people with your heads in the right place.
You guys will be fine. There is nothing WRONG per se with seeing something WR and filing it away for your serious consideration later on, and there's nothing wrong with those fun conversations between a couple when they're thinking about the future. But I agree with PP's, it sounds like y'all have your hands full with school, a business, and the goal of traveling, so there's plenty to keep you busy without any serious wedding stuff right now. If you feel yourself getting too involved, just concentrate on the rest of your life for a while - and we're always around to distract you if needed.
What's on your list of places to go in the world? What tips do you have for the highly unseasoned traveler? (I ask for selfish reasons, lol - my family never traveled more than a few hours outside of our home state when I was younger and ex-BF wasn't big on it either. I am very interested in traveling but have zero idea of how to go about it, outside of a couple brief study-abroad experiences in college.)
"You're our early 20's BSC scarecrow. They cower at your maturity." - lennonkdc
wow, ok, I really appreciate the time you've put in to' your long response. I dont know how much of what I said you read because I did correct myself and mentioned that "planning" is far to serious a word for what i'm doing right now. Mearly jolting down ideas. I know i'm young and WE are new and thats why i have recognized that I don't want to be married this year, or the next.. I have said that school and traveling come FIRST. Spend less time daydreaming? In reality, This whole daydreaming thing is a very small percentage of a very busy life that strengthens me as an individual and helps us grow as a couple. We still have ALOT to Learn and ALOT to do.
2. You don't need to proofread your posts, you need to take a basic English class.
And I wonder why the college students I see every day can't write an essay to save their lives...
This is an online forum - the only thing we have is writing. If you don't edit and don't follow basic grammar and spelling we have no reason to believe that you are in fact capable of doing so.
Personally, I don't understand why in any situation (whether it's online or in-person) you would want to come off as less intelligent and educated than you really are.
/rant.
"You're our early 20's BSC scarecrow. They cower at your maturity." - lennonkdc