Wedding Party

Question about asking a bridesmaid to leave the wedding party

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Re: Question about asking a bridesmaid to leave the wedding party

  • ck3455 said:
    So yes, people are telling me that I'm in the wrong for not allowing children, and the world selfish was used.
    They were talking about other people.  I think you are being too defensive about your decision.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • It's all open to interpretation, and I have taken as yes people are talking about other situations they have been in, but it seems to me it is being said to prove that I am wrong. Which is why in an earlier post I said, that everyone's choices are different and that's fine, but please respect mine. Then I was called selfish after I asked for my choice to be respected... So I don't think I'm taking it the wrong way.
  • banana468 said:
    Gizmo813 said:

    ck3455 said:
    No, but this is also my fiances wishes and I can't just tell him to shove it... The reason we came up with this was initially the crying and the fact that it's open bar and people are going to be drinking... But the reason I won't budge with her is fairness to everyone else being told no.
    Ok.................................?  So what?  Children can be around people that are drinking.  And just because you are having an open bar doesn't mean that everyone will be belligerent drunk and passing out and puking everywhere.

    I'm not saying the OP has to have any kids at her wedding- her prerogative, but this is one of the rationalizations/justifications for child free events that never makes any logical sense to me.
    @PrettyGirlLost, I agree with you! People drinking/open bar is a silly reason to not have kids at your wedding. Crying children is also a silly reason, because people should know that crying children should be removed. I, personally, think that children are wonderful to have at a wedding, because they are the result (hopefully) of love, and represent family - two things that weddings celebrate.

    That said, the only kids we are inviting to our wedding are the kids of family members. This has nothing to do with alcohol or crying and everything to do with space and cost. We cannot afford to accommodate the children of our friends - we'd have to add 20+ people to our guest list and it would break our budget. 

    A cousin got married a couple years ago and specified "adult reception" on the invitation (gasp). My FSIL and the wife of another cousin were nursing mothers. FSIL pumped and bottle-fed her son; however, the cousin was exclusively BF (no bottle, ever), and her husband was in the WP. The B&G refused to accommodate the 4 week old infant. They commented to the mom "why can't you use formula? it's only for one night!" (Which was completely out of line, IMO).  They refused to allow the cousin to use the (very large) bridal suite or another room in the facility as a nursery so that she could BF her baby. They did say that the baby could stay in a room at the hotel with a babysitter and the mom could drive 30minutes back and forth to the hotel every few hours to BF (uhm ... not a solution.) The cousin didn't come, and her husband almost dropped out of the WP because of this. The whole reason was that they didn't want the infant to ruin their wedding video. 
    Yesssss all of this!

    My sister will have a 2 month old at my wedding and I am thrilled to have him there and have him in my pictures.  I am allowing her to use my bridal suite to BF whenever she needs (ceremony and reception are at the resort).


    I think you missed the part where the OP said the baby won't be nursed per the mom's choice. Also, there is a HUGE difference between a 2 month old and an 8 month old.
    Oh I know - was just commenting on this idea in general.  Guess I was going a little off topic.
    image
  • ck3455 said:
    It's all open to interpretation, and I have taken as yes people are talking about other situations they have been in, but it seems to me it is being said to prove that I am wrong. Which is why in an earlier post I said, that everyone's choices are different and that's fine, but please respect mine. Then I was called selfish after I asked for my choice to be respected... So I don't think I'm taking it the wrong way.
    Sharing an anecdote about a situation that was experienced regarding babies at weddings was by no means criticizing you or calling your decision wrong. Nor was it implying that you were being selfish. The story I shared was an example of selfishness - and it had to do with children under 1 at (or not at) weddings. 

    There is no reason for an 8 month old to be at your wedding if you don't want them there.  


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  • @ck3455 - there will always be people who honk you are in the wrong no matter what you decide. Look a lot of us on here agree with you. Hell you have Banana who is a Mother as well as a few others say that you have done all that you can to work with her and that you are in no way being rude. At this point I would just let this thread work it's way down and eventually die away. Good luck with your wedding.

  • ck3455 said:
    It's all open to interpretation, and I have taken as yes people are talking about other situations they have been in, but it seems to me it is being said to prove that I am wrong. Which is why in an earlier post I said, that everyone's choices are different and that's fine, but please respect mine. Then I was called selfish after I asked for my choice to be respected... So I don't think I'm taking it the wrong way.
    You have gone above and beyond to accomodate her.  I think everyone sees that and I don't see anyone berating you for what you have offered.  You have done the right thing.  Let this go now, you don't need to defend your decision anymore.  You are good here.
  • It's your day..put your foot down. If you don't want babies there then tell her that's how it's going to be and it isn't going to change. You don't have to be mean about it, but simply explain to her that it isn't fair to everyone else who aren't bringing their children and that she's no more important than any of your other guests. Tell her that if the baby is going to be the deciding factor, then you hate that she won't be at your wedding. If she is really your friend then she will either give in and do her bridesmaid duties or she won't be in the wedding but will understand. If she does anything else, then she isn't worth having as a friend anyway. You get one wedding (hopefully!) and it should be all about you and your fiancé, not about her and her baby.
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