Bar Tally

sweetwisconsin · February 2014

I have been to maybe a dozen weddings and I have NEVER been to one with an open bar. Most of them were partially hosted (beer/wine). I even asked five of my co-workers around me if they have ever been to an open bar wedding. Their responses were all similar, "Oh I have never been to a wedding where they didn't offer beer all night." I had to clarify that an open bar wasn't just beer, it was all alcohol. No one had even thought of that as an option.

This lead to a discussion about how a wedding in our area (Wisconsin) would be drained dry if there was an open bar. It really is a regional thing. In Wisconsin, people do not sit down to dinner with one drink. They sit down with two-three beers so they don't have to get up, and they drink them ALL during the dinner/speeches alone. At least that is my experience. Some may think this is rude, but in this area it is just the norm.

That being said, I think you really have to know the audience you are hosting.

NYCBruin · February 2014

sweetwisconsin said:

I have been to maybe a dozen weddings and I have NEVER been to one with an open bar. Most of them were partially hosted (beer/wine). I even asked five of my co-workers around me if they have ever been to an open bar wedding. Their responses were all similar, "Oh I have never been to a wedding where they didn't offer beer all night." I had to clarify that an open bar wasn't just beer, it was all alcohol. No one had even thought of that as an option.

This lead to a discussion about how a wedding in our area (Wisconsin) would be drained dry if there was an open bar. It really is a regional thing. In Wisconsin, people do not sit down to dinner with one drink. They sit down with two-three beers so they don't have to get up, and they drink them ALL during the dinner/speeches alone. At least that is my experience. Some may think this is rude, but in this area it is just the norm.

That being said, I think you really have to know the audience you are hosting.

Not saying you'r wrong, but the one wedding I went to in Wisconsin was full open bar. I've been to weddings in NY, CA, ME, NJ, FL, IL, DC, KT and MO with open bars. I just don't buy into the argument that anything is regional, given that I have friends and family scattered throughout the country and their experience is largely similar to mine (mostly open full open bar, sometimes partial/limited open bar, rarely dry, never cash).

MrsAitch · February 2014

sweetwisconsin said:

I have been to maybe a dozen weddings and I have NEVER been to one with an open bar. Most of them were partially hosted (beer/wine). I even asked five of my co-workers around me if they have ever been to an open bar wedding. Their responses were all similar, "Oh I have never been to a wedding where they didn't offer beer all night." I had to clarify that an open bar wasn't just beer, it was all alcohol. No one had even thought of that as an option.

This lead to a discussion about how a wedding in our area (Wisconsin) would be drained dry if there was an open bar. It really is a regional thing. In Wisconsin, people do not sit down to dinner with one drink. They sit down with two-three beers so they don't have to get up, and they drink them ALL during the dinner/speeches alone. At least that is my experience. Some may think this is rude, but in this area it is just the norm.

That being said, I think you really have to know the audience you are hosting.

All of the weddings I've been to have been in Illinois or Indiana and this is my experience too. One time I went to one and the guy sitting next to us (who is one of my fiance's groomsmen) had TEN beers in front of him to hold him over while the bar was closed during dinner. Yeah...if he does that at our wedding, my sister has vowed to tell him off.

That said, we are having an open bar anyway and hope our bartenders won't allow anything like the above to happen. In my experience though, people around here tend to think if you're having an open bar you must be loaded. I would say I've only been to a couple of weddings with a full open bar, quite a few that had beer and wine but nothing else, a couple that had beer and wine but you could buy other things, and a few cash bars. I've also been to a wedding that had kegs and franzia and was serve yourself and people were doing beer bongs and keg stands--pretty much everyone was just out of college and it was a blast.

WinstonsGirl · February 2014

These answers are too simple for my complicated wedding past. The only open bar I have been to was my own. So technically, I still paid for drinks.

In my area cash bars or toonie bars (drinks cost $2.00) are the norm. Some I've been to have been full cash, some $2.00/drink (though one donated all proceeds to the Heart and Stroke Foundation as Groom's Dad had died of a heart attack), some hosted for the 1 hour reception before dinner, then cash and others cash with a bottle of red and white on the table, or free wine during dinner, but everything else/other times was cash.

The last 2 I attended, 1 was cash, but the Bride gave me a huge string of tickets cos I was MOH, so I drank for free, and the other was hosted until 8pm or something (beer and wine) and then cash. Including pop. At a DW. I was very unimpressed. Her details and decor were spectacular and expensive though

Gaps are also the norm here, 3-4 hours, and usually receptions start with cocktails at 5, dinner and speeches and such starting at 6. I live in etiquette hell.

ETA - clarity

sweetwisconsin · February 2014

All of the weddings I've been to have been in Illinois or Indiana and this is my experience too. One time I went to one and the guy sitting next to us (who is one of my fiance's groomsmen) had TEN beers in front of him to hold him over while the bar was closed during dinner. Yeah...if he does that at our wedding, my sister has vowed to tell him off.

That said, we are having an open bar anyway and hope our bartenders won't allow anything like the above to happen. In my experience though, people around here tend to think if you're having an open bar you must be loaded. I would say I've only been to a couple of weddings with a full open bar, quite a few that had beer and wine but nothing else, a couple that had beer and wine but you could buy other things, and a few cash bars. I've also been to a wedding that had kegs and franzia and was serve yourself and people were doing beer bongs and keg stands--pretty much everyone was just out of college and it was a blast.

Haha! Oh man...I have witnessed the keg stands at weddings here too (When I was in my earlier 20's and it was more college aged friends getting married). I think people who are not from or familiar with mid-westerners are underestimating how much drinking goes on. I am not saying it is right or wrong to not have an open bar here in Wisconsin, but in my experience I can only say I have never been to a completely open bar. The one thing that I have noticed that is consistent is beer being served. Beer has always been free at all of the weddings I have attended.

crunchymamaof2 · February 2014

@mairepoppy whoops I meant backyard receptions. Not backwards

I have to agree with you about the elks lodge type weddings. Growing up I remember attending parties there and while they were often a great time (of course they were as a kid!) cash bars were the norm.

AddieCake · February 2014

I have never been to a cash bar wedding. They have all been either full open bar, dry, or open but limited bar.

indianaalum · February 2014

I honestly do not remember. The only one I DO remember is one where I was part of the bridal party and half way through the night they started collecting from us to get another keg. I was rather young so I have no idea if I even thought twice about it at the time. Now, I realize it was rather tacky

SKPM · February 2014

Hosted bars (some beer and wine only): 19

Drink ticket weddings: 1. The etiquette breaches were unreal at this wedding and the drink tickets didn't work out at all.

Cash bars of any kind: 0

WildMagelet · February 2014

FI & I have been invited to 9 weddings/VRs in the time we've been together. We live in a rural area in the midwest, if anyone's looking for a point of reference. 8 of them were hosted bars of some kind, 1 was cash for everything including sodas.

Gerbertmcway · February 2014

2 weddings were open bar, the third and fourth I'm not really sure because I was not of legal drinking age, but I'm almost positive on of them was a cash bar.

lovesclimbing · February 2014

I have been to eight weddings including my own.

-Four were dry for religious reasons.

-Two, including mine, were dry for budgetary/religious reasons. (H and I drink a little bit, but both of our families frown on it due to religious reasons and that wasn't a battle worth fighting, plus, we didn't have enough money for a bar. The other one, I know the bride and her family drink, her H does a little bit and his family doesn't at all for religious reasons. I'm guessing their reasons were either budgetary or religious or a combination of the two.)

-Two were when I was really young and I don't know. For the first, it was a wedding my grandparents were invited to. My family was not invited, but my me, my mom and two of my sisters attended with my grandma. (Yes, I realize now that was a major faux pas on my grandma and mom's part!) We only attended the ceremony and not the reception, so I don't know how that one was. The other one, my family only went to the reception for about half an hour or so. I'm pretty sure it had a bar of some sort, but I don't know what kind.

pittiemama14 · February 2014

1 open, wedding took place in southern Indiana
1 cash for hard liquor, wedding in Chicago suburbs
1 cash for everthing, wedding in San Diego
1 limited (beer and wine only, due to venue restriction), my wedding in northwest Indiana

The rest I'm not really sure because I was not of drinking age at the time.

Havana2014 · February 2014

20+ weddings, I would say

Open Bar -1
Dry wedding -0
Cash bar - all the rest! (With arrival drinks and wine served with dinner)

Sugargirl1019 · February 2014

All that I have been to have been open bars - but one I went to had a drink limit! Buying your own drinks past the limit was not an option.

faeriedust101 · February 2014

As an adult I've been to 1 full open bar, 1 limited open bar, 1 dry (the served water only - they are Mormon), and 2 cash bar weddings. My wedding will have a full open bar. I admit if I was getting married in my hometown we would probably be having a cash bar or we would have paid for the first $1000 of alcohol because that is the norm there. But I'm getting married in New York City and people expect open bars.

FiancB · February 2014

One with beer and wine only. That was in OR.

One in MN where the long gap was not hosted, and then went to drink tickets after that.

One in WI that was full open bar.

Will be attending one in MN that will be open for a limited time and then I think it's going to tickets.

Don't remember what my sister's was since I was 11 anyway. I think there may have just been a champagne toast and that was it.

Partial cash is really common in our circle. Even one of FIs friends that had a super extravagant $50k wedding gifted to them still had partial cash. We will most likely do totally open, possibly limited and our budget is 1/5th of that. The wedding I mentioned earlier that had the long gap costed more than twice what ours will. Still scratching my head to figure out what the heck these people blew their whole budgets on.

RissAnn1970 · February 2014

I've been to more weddings than I can remember in NY, NJ, and MA - all 100% full open bar.

One dry wedding in Lincoln, Nebraska.

Zero cash bars.

My parents went to a cash bar bar mitzvah here in NJ once & even though my mother doesn't drink, she talked about how tacky it was for weeks.

ilovecake84 · February 2014

I've been to probably 15+ weddings, the majority were all full open bar.

One, the guests received 2 drink tickets and everything after that had to be paid for. I don't think I ended up paying for any drinks because there were a fair amount of non-drinkers who passed out their unused tickets. Still super tacky.

I've been to one other cash bar that had wine on the tables during dinner. However, I was in the bridal party and I guess the bride and groom thought it would be classy to have the wait staff refill the wine glasses of those at the head table. It was only refilled once, while all the other tables were given unlimited wine, if they wanted another bottle, they could just ask. This plus a bunch of other etiquette fails (eg. Stag and doe I had to contribute to financially) still make me bitter 6 years later.

EverAfer · February 2014

Two weddings I've been to offered limited hosted bar-beer and wine.

The rest of them were cash bars except for one full open bar. Holy crap, I've never been to a full open bar till then. Most of the weddings were in RI/MA.

delujm0 · February 2014

I've been to dozens of weddings, all over the country - all of them were open bars (some were beer and wine only) except for one which was dry for religious reasons (which was totally fine with us - it was also in the middle of the afternoon, so i doubt we would have drank anything anyway). I've never had to open my wallet at a wedding, and I'd be shocked to be put in that position. Shocked, followed by offended.

Marzipan13 · February 2014

I haven't been to that many weddings, but 4 out of the 5 were open bar. The one that was not open was cash (I wasn't 21 yet for that wedding, so it didn't bother me in that regard; however, I knew it was rude, and it felt very unwelcoming & unpersonal...)

csuave · February 2014

About 25 fully hosted in MI, OH, PA and AZ

1 or 2 that were beer, wine and signature drinks

0 cash bars but 1 that might as well have been cash. It was at a country club in OH with wine provided at a table where you poured it yourself. They also had a pony keg that ran out in about half an hour. So unless you were drinking wine you stepped right outside the party room to the bar and bought your own drinks.

I have been to a budget wedding at a VFW that was so much more classy than the above country club wedding. The VFW wedding focused on providing good food and drink starting with the DIY cheese & cracker/veggie trays and continuing to a fully hosted bar and delicious buffet and finally a nice slice of cake and a DIY cookie bar that also served as a favor. Kudos to them for providing the food and drinks in their budget instead of having a "fancier" venue.

behsco90 · February 2014

I haven't been to very many weddings...these are the ones that I can remember.

2 were open bars
1 was limited - just wine
1 was open until a certain time and then it became cash. This was was when I was like 10, but I remember because I went up to get another soda, and the bartender told me I had to pay, and I felt really stupid.

Inkdancer · February 2014

sbehbaha said:

I haven't been to very many weddings...these are the ones that I can remember.

2 were open bars
1 was limited - just wine
1 was open until a certain time and then it became cash. This was was when I was like 10, but I remember because I went up to get another soda, and the bartender told me I had to pay, and I felt really stupid.

It's rude enough to ask guests to pay for their drinks, but asking kids to pay for soda is just plain mean!

sofakingmad · February 2014

I have been to a ton of weddings in my time and besides the one dry wedding, all were full open bar. Some top shelf, some not.

The one had an open bar from 3pm until Midnight. HOLY HELL people were waaaasted. It was awesome.

SJM7538 · February 2014

Aside from my own wedding I've been to 8 wedding since 2006. 5 of which I have been part of the WP. I'm from western Massachusetts. One wedding was in VT and one in CT but both couples were from western mass. All other weddings were local.

Two were full open bar.
3 were cash bar, 2 were dry and 1 was supposed to be open bar during cocktail hour and then switch to cash but something happened with the venue and it ends to being open bar all night.

penguin44 · February 2014

I haven't been to many weddings as an adult.

1-open bar

1-dry for religious reasons, and the bride continuously reminded everyone that they couldn't bring alcohol in or drink beforehand. I didn't care that it was a dry wedding, until the bride told me at least 5 times that she didn't want her college "friends" to embarrass her family.

1-partially hosted (keg of miller lite, had to pay for everything else. I wasn't happy)

1 was interesting. They had a keg of bud light, and only told the wedding party. So eventually everyone found out (because they were drinking out of the infamous red cups), and the guests had to ask the groom if they could have some of his beer. I am sad for my friend that her husband behaved this way (She was pregnant at the time and didn't want alcohol at all).

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