Bridal Shower Concerns

specificnorthwest · February 2014

Im new to bridal forums, so feel free to tell me if I fuck up. Im having issues with my mom who is hosting my bridal shower. She is trying to invite a huge group of people who are not invited to my intimate wedding of 50. I tried politely explaining that it was unkind to those who arent invited to the wedding. It then turned into a fight somehow, and now im the one overreacting. Im just trying to have good etiquette, I told her if she invited people who werent invited to the wedding, id feel very uncomfortable. Is there anything I can do but grin and bear it?

Jells2dot0 · February 2014

It's rude to have people at pre wedding events if they are not invited to the wedding.

doeydo · February 2014

Either she agrees to stick to your guest list or you decline the party.

HisGirlFriday13 · February 2014

specificnorthwest said:

Im new to bridal forums, so feel free to tell me if I fuck up. Im having issues with my mom who is hosting my bridal shower. She is trying to invite a huge group of people who are not invited to my intimate wedding of 50. I tried politely explaining that it was unkind to those who arent invited to the wedding. It then turned into a fight somehow, and now im the one overreacting. Im just trying to have good etiquette, I told her if she invited people who werent invited to the wedding, id feel very uncomfortable. Is there anything I can do but grin and bear it?

Yes; decline the shower. Tell your mother, 'Mom, it's poor etiquette to invite people to the shower who aren't invited to the wedding. To save you the extreme embarrassment of being rude, I'm declining this shower. Thanks for the thought, but no.'

Jen4948 · February 2014

Tell your mom, "Mom, it's very rude to invite people to a shower who aren't invited to the wedding, because it says to them that I just want their gift but they're not good enough to make the cut for the actual event. Do you understand how hurtful that comes across? If not, thank you, but I'd rather not have the shower."

mlg78 · February 2014

My mom and I disagreed with a NUMBER of things in wedding planning. Each time, I came to The Knot, asked the question and got the answers and then emailed her the link. Each time, she realized she was wrong and backed down. Could you do the same? Your mom is wrong and you're very much correct in what you're saying. Oh, and stick around -- you seem like the kind of woman that will be fun around here!

AddieCake · February 2014

I agree that if she won't back down, you should decline. Maybe then she will take you seriously and do it the right way.

NavyBlue143 · February 2014

Yeah my mom told me I was being a snob and accused me of making up that rule to prevent her from celebrating. I then declined the shower altogether. So she changed her mind and did it properly. You have the ability to just decline the shower. I lived with my mother and managed to put my foot down.

specificnorthwest · February 2014

Thank you! I was nervous about posting to the forums because I still havent figured out all the rules. I appreciate all the advice, I live with my mom and hoped that I wasnt overreacting to the situation.

Inkdancer · February 2014

specificnorthwest said:

Thank you! I was nervous about posting to the forums because I still havent figured out all the rules. I appreciate all the advice, I live with my mom and hoped that I wasnt overreacting to the situation.

The rules are mostly "listen and try to be polite" so you're good!