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More women are "marrying down"
Forgive me if this had already been disucssed, I have been a bit absent lately.
I saw this article (actually several articles) and it got me thinking. Does it really matter if you and your SO/FI/ H/ BF/GF/ etc have the same level of education and income? Does it affect your marriage now? Do you think it could in the long term?
Technically, H "married down" with me. He has a masters. I have a bachelors. And he makes substanially more money than I do. Sometimes I worry that I am not contributing enough to the family. Although he has never said or done anything to make me think he feels that way.
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Re: More women are "marrying down"
Fi makes about 4x more than I do (my yearly net income is what he pays in taxes actually). But I have more education (I have "some college" and he has a GED).
But really, I could not care less.
This would be true of your friendships as well. Those who have a friend that makes less shouldn't be flaunting their wealth in front of them. It is just common courtesy.
These things have the amount of impact you let them have. Obviously if someone isn't working at all and not contributing in any way that would be a problem. Contributions can be made in the household by maintaining it or by working and providing monetary support. Keeping score is not a way to maintain a healthy relationship so sometimes someone may be providing less than the other. Later in life that dynamic could change and the other might provide more. It is all a compromise of what you expect from each other.
As long as you love and support each other in whatever you are working towards, I don't see this making huge waves in a relationship. Mutual respect goes a long way in life.
We recently had a big discussion about what kinds of people deserve my time and in how important it is to surround myself with people who help me (instead of who bring me down).
ETA: Those with drive and ambition still may be less educated than you or make less than you. Still important to be aware of that.
I am marrying up because FI has his PhD and makes more than I do. I have no desire to get a PhD in my field.
FI thinks he is marrying up because I'm hot ;-) That's what he calls me.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I spent the prior 4 years with someone WAY below me (not saying that in a snotty way, but he made like $11/hour and had to have his mom(!) pay for his groceries and stuff so I always felt guilty when we had dates - and he was 42 years old). I have an MBA, but FI only has an associate's but he's been in the Army for 24 years so he makes 70% more than I do. He'll be working on his bachelor's starting in the fall, and retiring from the Army in 2017 so we'll have an income shift then. He'll get his retirement pay from the Army, but his ex-wife will get about 40% of that number so we may be on close to equal footing then - it just depends on his post-Army career.
I think we're on equal footing though because we have the same outlook on paying bills, saving towards future expenditures, etc.
I have a CDA (chilcare certification, I'm a preschool teacher), and no college, but I have been working to support us and pay for his school (partially, we do get some federal aid for that) for the past three years.
I am and will be the primary bread winner until he finishes his PhD. He will get a stipend when he starts his program in the fall, so I won't be the only one with a paycheck, but will still make more than him. When he finishes his PhD, I am planning on going back to school.
So.....which one of us is "marrying down"?
I was in a relationship once where I was dating down. The money difference did not bother me but the lack of drive to improve himself did.
I think each persons attitude toward it is more important than anything.
Technically, I would say I am marrying down (and I have had people point that out to me). I have a college degree, work in a highly respected career, and make pretty good money. FI was unemployed when we met with no college background. After failed job searches (and his desire to become a better person for me), he decided to go to college, which I support. So, now he's 40 years old, working full time at low paying job and getting work experience in a new industry while going to school. After he's done with school, there is potential for good pay in his industry, but I will probably always make more money than him. And he is in a blue collar industry, while I am white collar.
But, we are both okay with that. But we do still see ourselves as equal in the relationship, even if that's not the case financially. We have joint account and we don't pay attention to, or really even know, who's money is who's. I actually couldn't even tell you how much he actually made last month or what I made... I just know total of what was put into the account. It's not a competition... we are a team.
So, equal education. VERY unequal salaries. Doesn't bother either of us.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I worked with SE's and ME's at a biotech company once. . . they were both fun groups of people, but the SE's were nuts!
Someone in their group went on vacation for 3 days and when he got back he found his cube was filled to the top with packing peanuts. The department got in some shit for that one, lol.
Another one of the guys used to crack software while he was compiling code for the software he was working on for the company.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Take Calc 1 and Calc 2 and some other shit that you will never, ever need on a daily basis as a molecular biologist ><
It's all about the serial dilutions.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
FI and I are equal education-wise (he has a BS, I have a BA), but because his degree is in electrical engineering, he'll make significantly more money than I do pretty much forever. However, he can't manage his money as well as I manage mine, so we end up with pretty much the same amount of money at the end of the month (this will change when we get married and *I* hold the checkbook).