Confession: I told my FI I did NOT want him asking my parent's blessing

edandy · February 2014

Cause it ain't their choice. I told him this several years ago when we were talking about engagements. Also, what if the parents said no? What then? Does FI just not ask?

Emmy1493 · February 2014

I really don't think that matters as much anymore. It used to be a tradition thing, but of course, no one really goes that route these days.

Ven&Radio · February 2014

I did the same thing! I think the asking of the parent's or father's blessing/permission is an extremely outdated custom and didn't want any part of it. I'm a self-sufficient adult and can make my own life decisions.

phira · February 2014

It matters a lot to some people (some people being the person being asked, the person asking, the parents of the person being asked, etc etc).

I didn't want any part of it, and my partner didn't either. We checked in with each other to make sure, but we both kind of assumed that neither of us wanted it for either of us (e.g. I wasn't going to ask his parents, and he wasn't going to ask my mom).

emmyg65 · February 2014

It would have been totally out of the norm for me, my intended, and my parents if he had asked them permission! I think we all would have been offended.

mazilora · March 2014

I think it's totally up to the couple, but for me, it was important to have my FI ask for my dad's blessing. I stress blessing because if he had said no, we would still be getting married (hence it was not permission). Yes it's patriarchal and outdated, and that's why I totally understand that I'm in the minority on this one. But for anyone looking for an olive branch without suggesting that their love is up for debate, I think this is a good compromise.

EverythingReese · March 2014

I think it just depends on the family structure. If I was closer to my mom, I would have thought it was sweet that my fiance included her in the asking (but like a PP said, to get her blessing, NOT her approval). However, we are not, and so it would have been incredibly odd for her to have been asked/included.

melbenso · March 2014

I said something similar to my FI, whose family is much more traditional than mine. He asked whether he should ask my dad whether proposing to me. I told him that if he did, my dad would likely tell him that he should ask me instead. He did talk to my dad - I don't think specifically to ask his blessing, more the let him know - before he proposed and my dad said exactly that.

LadyMorvenMacBeth · March 2014

It was never even discussed with FI and I. I want to marry her, not her parents. I told her parents I was planning to ask her to marry me, because I needed their help planning it, but I certainly didn't ask their permission to marry her. I think its a ridiculously outdated custom. Her parents didn't even care that I never asked their permission, blessing or approval; and they're strict Hindus!

One of my BM's dad was a little bit annoyed that her husband didn't ask for his blessing before he proposed, but he wasn't all that bothered.

So, in your case, your FI shouldn't ask.

Sonietsjka · March 2014

I also explicitly asked my FI not to asked my father for permission/ approval/ blessing. I do not have a good relationship with my father, even if it would have been just a formality, it would have been too much honour.

It was a wise decision, as father couldn't even be bothered congratulating me after I'd told him we'd gotten engaged.

novella1186 · July 2014

Ditto. My dad and I don't always get along, and I didn't think he should lord over my fate (I know, that's totally dramatic wording, but that's how I saw it). Plus there's a lot of super old traditions in weddings of men owning women, like asking for permission, being "given" away, taking the guy's last name, etc. I feel like all that is way too archaic. No one owns me. It was only my FI's decision to ask me and no one else's, and only my decision to say yes or no. No one else has any business in the matter!

michellef2014 · July 2014

I would ask mine too. Men don't own women, it's a sexist tradition to be honest.

Confession: I told my FI I did NOT want him asking my parent's blessing

Re: Confession: I told my FI I did NOT want him asking my parent's blessing

Choose Another Board

Search Boards