We're not changing our timing - it is very carefully thought out due to the travel time that is needed both for us to get to the photo place and for our guests to get to the reception.
What was the issue before was the gap and we have solved that problem.
Again, why can't you and your FI take pictures at this place on another day?
That may be your preference, but it's not ours. We are doing it all on the same day. I have small children, a family, and a very busy schedule and we don't have the time or patience to co-ordinate a second day of wedding crap...I am not justifying my choice to you - we have solved the problem that was etiquette related and I appreciate the feedback from you ladies on that issue.
Also, all I'm hearing in this diatribe is a whole lot of me, me, me. That's not MY preference. I am busy. I don't want to have to plan another day of wedding related activity. I I I.
You do realize that your guests also have a lot going on in their own lives, right? And that they too are putting that on hold so that they can share in your wedding day? Your time isn't the only one at issue here; you have multiple guests who also have lives and would like to get back to them I'm sure. But somehow it's okay for you to determine for them how to spend their time while simultaneously refusing to invest any more time of your own. Because your time is just oh so precious and theirs is easily expendable.
Sometimes I have venue regret, and sometimes I wish I weren't doing the ceremony/reception in same spot. But then I read things like this, and it makes me feel good knowing that for the 30 minutes I'll be taking pictures, our friends will be getting passed hot appetizers, drinks, and even get to tour the museum for free. I just couldn't imagine having my friends come to our wedding and be bored. If anything, when we planned all the post-ceremony stuff, I was thinking what would our friends love, not having the best backdrop for wedding photos.
I think it's something that seems important now while you're living in this moment, but other than a few photos on display, they go into an album. Why not do engagement photos at this special place? Or a post-day shoot of just you both and your kids in this special place in some nice clothes? If this place is so special to you, why does it need a wedding dress in a photo to make you happy? I get it's sentimental, but it got that way before you ever got a wedding dress. I don't know, maybe just think of it from your guests' perspectives before making any final decisions.
OP, I think what you are doing is just fine. I don't see why or how a hosted hour of snacks before or after the travel time is a big issue. We read repeatedly about how the cocktail hour is designed to give the B&G time to take pictures. That's what you're doing with the hour, the "where" is irrelevant.
OP, I think what you are doing is just fine. I don't see why or how a hosted hour of snacks before or after the travel time is a big issue. We read repeatedly about how the cocktail hour is designed to give the B&G time to take pictures. That's what you're doing with the hour, the "where" is irrelevant.
I think the issue is that it's not a cocktail hour, it's longer than that (cocktail.. hours?)
I think people are suggesting she not do a different location for photos because if she skipped that it would cut that extra wait time.
I still dont understand why a first look is out of the question, if this location is so important. It seems logical to me, to take pictures at the off site location before the ceremony. Then you dont have to leave your guests hanging for an hour and half to 2 hours.
So, for you ladies who are taking up the whole day for your guests...who clearly have an entire day to spend just for you, between travelling to and from your wedding, cost of hotels, etc. that's being considerate of them?
No one is travelling more than 10 minutes to our wedding, and will all be home early.
There are different ways to accommodate guests.
And yes, it clearly states on the invitations that the ceremony is at 3pm and that the dinner reservation is at 5pm.
We're not changing our timing - it is very carefully thought out due to the travel time that is needed both for us to get to the photo place and for our guests to get to the reception.
What was the issue before was the gap and we have solved that problem.
Again, why can't you and your FI take pictures at this place on another day?
That may be your preference, but it's not ours. We are doing it all on the same day. I have small children, a family, and a very busy schedule and we don't have the time or patience to co-ordinate a second day of wedding crap...I am not justifying my choice to you - we have solved the problem that was etiquette related and I appreciate the feedback from you ladies on that issue.
You realize that having a cocktail HOUR that lasts over an HOUR is also an etiquette issue, don't you? You throwing a fruit plate and punch at the issue doesn't change the fact that that, in and of itself, is its own issue.
And news flesh, snowflake, it doesn't matter whether that's your preference or not. You chose to have guests and now you're expected to host them graciously. Making them stand around and wait for you for 2 hours does not a gracious host make.
Basically, this. Are you fully disclosing to them prior to the wedding date that the cocktail hour is going to be this long, or are you going to make them wait to find out?
We're not changing our timing - it is very carefully thought out due to the travel time that is needed both for us to get to the photo place and for our guests to get to the reception.
What was the issue before was the gap and we have solved that problem.
Again, why can't you and your FI take pictures at this place on another day?
That may be your preference, but it's not ours. We are doing it all on the same day. I have small children, a family, and a very busy schedule and we don't have the time or patience to co-ordinate a second day of wedding crap...I am not justifying my choice to you - we have solved the problem that was etiquette related and I appreciate the feedback from you ladies on that issue.
You realize that having a cocktail HOUR that lasts over an HOUR is also an etiquette issue, don't you? You throwing a fruit plate and punch at the issue doesn't change the fact that that, in and of itself, is its own issue.
And news flesh, snowflake, it doesn't matter whether that's your preference or not. You chose to have guests and now you're expected to host them graciously. Making them stand around and wait for you for 2 hours does not a gracious host make.
by the way, that's classy..the whole name calling thing? Not sure how an hour of COCKTAIL HOUR (plus a half hour of travel time) turned into two hours.
Not uncommon at all for a wedding to have a ceremony, half hour travel time to the reception, then start the cocktail hour. We are just doing the reverse.
Yeah, except those couples actually attend the start of their reception. They don't show up a half hour late. When your guests get to the venue and stand around and wait for you for another half an hour, that's not a reception, that's an extension of cocktail hour.
You knew we weren't going to love this - why bother sharing at all? I mean that honestly - you don't want any further advice, so this thread is really sort of pointless. To me, little is worse than waiting around for a bride and groom to show up for a wedding reception. It's boring, no matter how many friends are around.
I still dont understand why a first look is out of the question, if this location is so important. It seems logical to me, to take pictures at the off site location before the ceremony. Then you dont have to leave your guests hanging for an hour and half to 2 hours.
Because they don't want to do a first look and because her preference for everything (not doing a first look, not having one location for pictures, not having a separate day of pictures) supersedes any and everything else.
I still dont understand why a first look is out of the question, if this location is so important. It seems logical to me, to take pictures at the off site location before the ceremony. Then you dont have to leave your guests hanging for an hour and half to 2 hours.
Because they don't want to do a first look and because her preference for everything (not doing a first look, not having one location for pictures, not having a separate day of pictures) supersedes any and everything else. Selfish.
Yea, I figured. I was hoping there would be another reason besides "its MY day!"
Will there be drinks and snacks available for your guests at 5 pm when they arrive at the reception location? If so, I think this is fine.
Also, maybe you could have lawn games, card decks and tables, etc. in your backyard to also entertain your guests after the ceremony before they go to the reception location since this will be sort of an extended cocktail hour.
Will there be drinks and snacks available for your guests at 5 pm when they arrive at the reception location? If so, I think this is fine.
Also, maybe you could have lawn games, card decks and tables, etc. in your backyard to also entertain your guests after the ceremony before they go to the reception location since this will be sort of an extended cocktail hour.
But a hosted cocktail hour is still against etiquette if it goes above an hour.
Thank you for putting the words right into my mouth!
First look is for FI, that is his request and since the man asks for NOTHING I will do this for him.
Photo location is very important to us since he works for the railroad (as do about 1/2 of our guests) and anyone who is a railroader knows it is a lifestyle and has helped define who we are.
Thirdly, a separate date for pictures...he works Saturdays, we don't have my girls on Sundays so it would be very difficult to have another day as a family to do the pictures.
It's funny how much focus you ladies have put on this. Not the other things that we may be doing SPECIFICALLY for our guest comfort.
Will there be drinks and snacks available for your guests at 5 pm when they arrive at the reception location? If so, I think this is fine.
Also, maybe you could have lawn games, card decks and tables, etc. in your backyard to also entertain your guests after the ceremony before they go to the reception location since this will be sort of an extended cocktail hour.
Yes, there will be. We are not having a 'set menu' and guests will be able to choose whatever they want to eat/drink. If we get there earlier than 5:30...GREAT! I'm not standing outside until a magic moment...we will go in as soon as we get there (which, worst case scenario is 5:30)
Thank you for putting the words right into my mouth!
First look is for FI, that is his request and since the man asks for NOTHING I will do this for him.
Photo location is very important to us since he works for the railroad (as do about 1/2 of our guests) and anyone who is a railroader knows it is a lifestyle and has helped define who we are.
Thirdly, a separate date for pictures...he works Saturdays, we don't have my girls on Sundays so it would be very difficult to have another day as a family to do the pictures.
It's funny how much focus you ladies have put on this. Not the other things that we may be doing SPECIFICALLY for our guest comfort.
I would ask your fi what is more important, the photo locations or not having a first look. That way he gets to choose.
I just don't agree with a couple leaving a hosted event to take photos at a tertiary location at the expense of the comfort of their guests, regardless of what else is happening that day. I've always hated it as a guest, and I wouldn't ever suggest that a couple do it for that reason. Like I've said, you've already decided what you are doing so just go do it and leave us out of it if you don't want further opinions.
So, for you ladies who are taking up the whole day for your guests...who clearly have an entire day to spend just for you, between travelling to and from your wedding, cost of hotels, etc. that's being considerate of them?
No one is travelling more than 10 minutes to our wedding, and will all be home early.
There are different ways to accommodate guests.
And yes, it clearly states on the invitations that the ceremony is at 3pm and that the dinner reservation is at 5pm.
I take issue with this. All of our guests are local (within half an hour of where the ceremony will be), and we are NOT taking up their whole day.
Our ceremony is starting at 5:30, and will run until 6:00. Then our guests will go on a half-hour wine tour (same location as ceremony and reception) while we start our photos, and then cocktail hour will begin at 6:30. We will join them at 7:00, and cocktail hour will end at 7:30 (an HOUR). Finally, the dinner reception will be at 7:30.
There are different ways to accommodate guests, and there are many ways to do so which do not result in bored, unentertained guests who are wondering where the bride and groom are and why they're standing around, doing nothing.
You could take photos beforehand if you wanted to. You're both choosing not to. You could also take nice family portraits there on a day other than your wedding, though it may be difficult to coordinate. You're choosing not to. You are being a princess about this, and we're simply trying to point that out to you.
Wait, so you had a long gap because the reception place doesn't open til 5... so what's wrong with pushing back the ceremony time to, say, 4:30? Then you have the ceremony at 4:30, it's over at 5 and your guests can immediately go to cocktail hour at the reception place and you have an hour to do pictures and you should be able to get that done right? It sounds like the locations are pretty close together?
Good for you for trying to figure out how to better host your guests, but that sounds like a much smoother and more convenient timeline to me. Plus your pics should turn out better- late afternoon has much better light than early.
Did I miss something? You already sent invites or something?
If you must do it at the railroad, then cut out the pictures in your backyard. That eliminates a half hour and will allow you to arrive at your reception on time.
If you must do it at the railroad, then cut out the pictures in your backyard. That eliminates a half hour and will allow you to arrive at your reception on time.
Or they can do the family pictures before the ceremony and still not have the bride and groom see each other.
I'll speak to the "taking up the whole day" thing as well - we are starting our ceremony at 4 PM (about a half hour), immediately transitioning into a cocktail "hour" (more like a half hour if I have my way) a block away at our reception location, and then starting our reception between 5 and 5:30. The reception ends at 10. So no, that's not a full day. I hate waiting around, I'm working hard not to make anyone else do it.
If you must do it at the railroad, then cut out the pictures in your backyard. That eliminates a half hour and will allow you to arrive at your reception on time.
Or they can do the family pictures before the ceremony and still not have the bride and groom see each other.
Yes, we are doing this.
The more we get done with family beforehand, the better...and the sooner we can go get ours done after the ceremony and the sooner we are back to the restaurant
The only people whose entire days were consumed by our wedding were ours, my parents (by my mother's choice; she's too much of a micro-manager not to have overseen everything), and our WP, because I paid for the BMs to get their hair done (my treat, but only if they wanted it; if they didn't, then no worries, but they all took me up on the offer).
Our ceremony (a full Catholic Mass, obtw) started at 3 p.m. and was over by 4 p.m. The receiving line took us to 4.30, and then our guests left for the reception venue, which was about 15 minutes away.
They were hosted with open wine/beer, passed hors d'oeuvres (warm and cold), etc. from the moment they arrived.
We did photos at the church, drove to the reception site, did a few more photos there (after meeting in a special room set aside for us so the BP could eat the appetizers, too!). then had our reception proper start at 5.45.
We got all the photos we wanted AND still properly hosted our guests AND had a Catholic wedding.
Our guests had to give up whatever travel time to get to our wedding, the hour of our ceremony, and then however much of the reception they wanted to stay for -- certainly not their whole days.
I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
If you must do it at the railroad, then cut out the pictures in your backyard. That eliminates a half hour and will allow you to arrive at your reception on time.
true, but then she might not be able to do family photos which (actually) very important.
Honestly the only solution is to skip the train tracks, but she's not going to do that... so...
Yeah, like someone else said, if the photo spot is SO DAMN SPECIAL, have your ceremony there. I would be seriously pissed if I sat around eating cheese for two hours and then got to the reception site and had to sit around for ANOTHER half an hour just because you refuse to go take pictures another day or before the ceremony. You need to tell your guests that the ceremony will be over at 3:30 and the reception will not actually start until 5:30, assuming you can show up on time. That would be a decline from me.
We did photos at the church, drove to the reception site, did a few more photos there (after meeting in a special room set aside for us so the BP could eat the appetizers, too!). then had our reception proper start at 5.45.
STUCK IN THE BOX!! I was just sitting here thinking of how in the world we'll get all of our photos after our Catholic mass next month. Then I realized that we, too, will have a BP room set up during cocktail hour and that the one part of our reception space is a beautiful old bar with dark wood and a big fireplace. Now I want to take a ton of photos there! And stuff my face between each photo. Thanks for the idea!
Wait, so you had a long gap because the reception place doesn't open til 5... so what's wrong with pushing back the ceremony time to, say, 4:30? Then you have the ceremony at 4:30, it's over at 5 and your guests can immediately go to cocktail hour at the reception place and you have an hour to do pictures and you should be able to get that done right? It sounds like the locations are pretty close together?
Good for you for trying to figure out how to better host your guests, but that sounds like a much smoother and more convenient timeline to me. Plus your pics should turn out better- late afternoon has much better light than early.
Did I miss something? You already sent invites or something?
Yeah since the ceremony is in a backyard, just start it later.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Thank you for putting the words right into my mouth!
First look is for FI, that is his request and since the man asks for NOTHING I will do this for him.
Photo location is very important to us since he works for the railroad (as do about 1/2 of our guests) and anyone who is a railroader knows it is a lifestyle and has helped define who we are.
Thirdly, a separate date for pictures...he works Saturdays, we don't have my girls on Sundays so it would be very difficult to have another day as a family to do the pictures.
It's funny how much focus you ladies have put on this. Not the other things that we may be doing SPECIFICALLY for our guest comfort.
Because even with the hosted stuff, people still aren't thrilled with having to wait around for 2 hours before the actual wedding starts. Even when you are hanging out with friends or family waiting around for something to start for so long gets boring as hell. That is why we are focusing so much on your 2 hour hosted gap.
Sorry, I just will never understand why taking pictures at a special place in your wedding attire is so important, especially if it means that your guests have to wait for your arrival for an extended period of time.
Also, please don't tell me you're going to take pictures ON a trestle. You keep saying 'bridge.' What do you mean?
As someone who represents railroads for a living, I beg people not to take photos on a railroad tracks which seems to be an evergrowing pinterest trend.
Re: Gap Update
Also, all I'm hearing in this diatribe is a whole lot of me, me, me. That's not MY preference. I am busy. I don't want to have to plan another day of wedding related activity. I I I.
You do realize that your guests also have a lot going on in their own lives, right? And that they too are putting that on hold so that they can share in your wedding day? Your time isn't the only one at issue here; you have multiple guests who also have lives and would like to get back to them I'm sure. But somehow it's okay for you to determine for them how to spend their time while simultaneously refusing to invest any more time of your own. Because your time is just oh so precious and theirs is easily expendable.
Cute.
And news flesh, snowflake, it doesn't matter whether that's your preference or not. You chose to have guests and now you're expected to host them graciously. Making them stand around and wait for you for 2 hours does not a gracious host make.
by the way, that's classy..the whole name calling thing? Not sure how an hour of COCKTAIL HOUR (plus a half hour of travel time) turned into two hours.
Yeah, except those couples actually attend the start of their reception. They don't show up a half hour late. When your guests get to the venue and stand around and wait for you for another half an hour, that's not a reception, that's an extension of cocktail hour.
Selfish.
Or they can do the family pictures before the ceremony and still not have the bride and groom see each other.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Also, please don't tell me you're going to take pictures ON a trestle. You keep saying 'bridge.' What do you mean?
As someone who represents railroads for a living, I beg people not to take photos on a railroad tracks which seems to be an evergrowing pinterest trend.