Yeah, generally (since the OP doesn't care), I find secondary/tertiary location photo shoots to be ridiculous. Why do you want photos of a place where you aren't getting married/having your reception? It's AWish and weird. The point of wedding photos is to have memories of the wedding, not some random place you like where you took an absurd detour to have your likeness captured for posterity.
Am I missing that there is a reason your restaurant reservation is at 5? Why can't you have your 3 PM ceremony and family photos. Go right to the restaurant, have dinner, then go take pics at this bridge with just you and FI. Just move up your dinner reservation, to 3:45, so people can go right there if not required for family photos. Have some apps for them. Then you arrive at 4, start dinner immdiately. If your reception is just a dinner, you should be at the bridge by 7 and still have an hourish of light.
My dad worked for the railroad for 30 years until he retired. My aunt also worked for the railroad until she retired. I am just not understanding this obesession. I was taught to be respectful of trains. Standing too close to a fast moving train can can get you sucked into it. That if you can see the train, you shouldn't cross the tracks because its going much faster than it looks. And that it takes most trains a mile in distant to come to a full stop. My dad would have been pissed at me for my decision to have pictures taken on train tracks. But go ahead and have your pictures on the tracks, even with that permit.
Does anyone else feel that if this were a mining family, they would also be taking pictures at a mine?
This. You won't believe the number of cases we get where Plaintiffs claim the train "should have stopped." WHAT?! That's like trying to stop an apartment building. You can't do it in 2 seconds.
@OliveOilsMom@TheGrimReaper clearly you don't know what a TOP is...and again ladies, I'm not justifying myself to a bunch of internet strangers.
This is the path that we have chosen for our wedding. If you don't like it, I really don't care. I am having a hosted gap, and for the ideas you provided on that, I am thankful.
So, for all intents and purposes, I will now let this drop to the 2nd page
Oh, I get what your TOP is for. What I don't get is your obsession with this railroad bridge.
This. No one was talking about your TOP. I was speaking with another member of this board about our experiences with the railroads and how I would never think of a railroad as a play place/picture backdrop. No matter the circumstances.
~ Push your ceremony start time back to 3:30pm, eliminate or limit the pictures after your ceremony, go to the bridge right after the ceremony and take those pictures, head to reception venue by 5pm and take additional family photos.
~Have ceremony as planned but move reception start time up, take pictures after ceremony, then head directly to reception and do the bridge pics after the reception.
Yep still wondering why the ceremony has to be so early. Even if you sent the invites already it sounds like a small number of guests that you could easily call and correct the time.
FI really wants to make a run to the university area for pics but with it being almost 20 minutes away from where we'll have our ceremony and reception, it's just not going to work. We are going to do it after the reception, or if that doesn't happen it'll just have to wait for another day.
If this bridge isn't far away then I don't see a problem with a second location, but trying to understand the need for a 1.5 hr gap here. If the reception hall doesn't open til 5, push the ceremony back. It's in a backyard and there is therefore no reason not to.
OP wants photos with the wedding party taken at a third, unrelated location, and she wants them done on the wedding day.
The unrelated location is about 20 minutes away from the rest of the wedding.
OP wants photos taken with her family, which includes her father, who is not well enough to go to the third location.
OP and her partner do NOT want to do a first look.
The restaurant where the reception will be held will not let guests in before 5.
This means that photos at the unrelated location can't be taken with the wedding party before the wedding (because the bride and groom do not want to see each other before the ceremony).
This also means that moving the ceremony time to be later in the day isn't useful, because as it stands now, in order to get photos with the bride's father and family, they need to spend some time doing photos at the ceremony location before going to the third location, and then they need travel time to and photo time at the third location.
Even if everything gets pushed back so that the guests can go to the restaurant sooner (for example, having the ceremony end at 4:30 so that guests can head right over to the restaurant at 5 while the wedding party goes to the third location), we're still facing the same problem: long gap.
What I don't think the OP is getting is that, while a cocktail hour is acceptable, it's really only acceptable as an hour or less. It's the only time during the wedding where it's acceptable for the couple to skip off for a long period of time for pictures. However, it's still a period of time when the couple is missing from their wedding celebration; this would be like going to someone's birthday party, and they leave for an hour to get photos taken while you stand around and awkwardly chat with other guests. It's weird, and it's only acceptable for an hour before people get super frickin grumpy.
We talk a lot about "unhosted gaps," which are times when the couple leaves, usually to take photos (but sometimes even because they scheduled early afternoon ceremonies and mid-evening receptions and don't want to move their receptions up), and leave their guests with nothing to do. We often hear brides or grooms say, "Well, they can explore the city!" or "They can relax at their hotels!" or, "If they get to the reception early, the hotel has a nice bar." But it's basically time during the wedding where the guests aren't hosted.
In this case, the OP is planning on (sort of) hosting guests during her gap by having food and beverages available from 3:30-5 at the ceremony location, and then when guests arrive at the reception. That's certainly better than an unhosted gap. However, what makes the gap unacceptable isn't just whether or not it's hosted; it's how long it lasts.
In the OP's case, we're looking at what I would consider the beginning of the gap at 3:30pm, when she has the first round of photos taken. Then, the wedding party has to drive to their unrelated location (20 minutes), where they plan to take photos for an hour. Then they need to drive to the reception (20 minutes). This gives us a gap that's just over two hours, and goes well into the reception time. If we're not counting the 30 minutes of photos after the ceremony, since the guest list is small and everyone will be around the couple during photos, we're still looking at an hour and 40 minute gap, which is 40 minutes over the line. And both of these scenarios have the couple and wedding party (which, given the fact that the wedding guest list is tiny, is proportionally a lot of people) showing up to the reception well after 5:00pm.
There are three ways to solve this problem, one of which I think the OP is considering (which, thank you). I'm not going to include "photos before the ceremony" because the OP does not want to do a first look.
The first is to take photos at the third location on another day. Some folks have suggested it as a trash the dress type shoot, especially since many people have expressed concerns that the location itself might end up trashing the dress a bit anyway. It might not be feasible to do photos with the entire wedding party at the third location, but I'm operating under the assumption that the bride and groom care about this location while the wedding party probably wouldn't mind if the location were skipped.
The second option is to move up the ceremony closer to the reception to elimitate the gap, have a short cocktail hour, then go to dinner, and then drive to the third location for photos with the wedding party, which it sounds like the OP is considering.
The third option, which the majority of posters have been suggesting, and what I consider to be the simplest, most obvious choice, is skip the third location entirely. It throws a huge wrench into the wedding plans, and there is no reasonable explanation the OP has provided to even explain why they're doing photos there. It's like secretly getting married ahead of time so that your "real" anniversary is the "correct" date, or insisting that people in the wedding party cover up tattoos or even hide insulin pumps while photos are being taken. Life isn't a Pinterest board, we're not all lucky enough to get married on dates that were previously special to us, and inconveniencing and being rude to your guests over something as frivolous as what is essentially a photoshoot is really mind-boggling.
My FI was originally super against doing a first look before the ceremony in order to let us get our photos done. It was seriously one of the only things he had a strong opinion about. There were two things that finally made him flip.
1) The $90/head open bar tab. We want the wedding party to make use of it! And we want to be at at least half of cocktail hour.
2) I came up with an awesome first look idea and, guess what, it is at a secondary location. The terrace that we are getting married on overlooks the Washington Monument through this clearing in the trees. It's beautiful. So our first look will be at the Monument. He's going to show up first and stand on the far side, and I'm going to sneak around the corner. What's cool is that it'll be this up close picture then from the terrace you'll see it from afar. It's also special because we run together and we do these "Monument Tag" runs (it's a perfect 6 mile round trip from my condo to the Monument). We're doing this at 3 then having the bridal party meet us at the venue at 4 for photos before our 5:30 ceremony.
What I'm getting at is that the train tracks could make for a super special first look, so maybe try not to rule it out. You could come up with such a beautiful picture that is even more meaningful because it's the first time he'll see you in that dress, so it may mean even more than just taking random pictures there. I wouldn't worry to much about him not having that dopey happy smile when you walk down the aisle, just because it isn't the first time he sees you. It'll be there.
@kgd7357 That is so awesome that you're able to do such a special first look!
I also think it's worth pointing out that minds change and priorities change. For my partner, a first look was entirely out of the question--he wanted to have the experience of seeing me for the first time as I was walking down the aisle. He thought that he would get an emotional rush that would be dampened if he saw me before the ceremony.
But after we booked our photographer (who we'd have for a good 3 hours before the ceremony), and after we started working on the photo list, it occurred to him that it would be REALLY nice if we could get some photos done before the ceremony. I didn't want to deal with the stress of hiding from him while we did those pictures (like, what, do we have him do photos with people, and then he runs away with his eyes covered, and then I show up? Is it okay for ME to see HIM? I don't get the rules!).
My partner was the one who suggested we do a first look--I didn't beg him to change his mind. What happened was that priorities changed. It was more important for us to get all the photos and make the best use of our photographer than it was for him to NOT see me before the ceremony. The stress of not seeing each other was way out of proportion to the payoff.
And the pros seriously outweigh the cons. We don't have to hide from each other before the ceremony. We get to enjoy the majority of our cocktail hour (we're going to have AMAZING apps, lemme tell ya). I won't feel as guilty about my guests who don't know anyone except me--I can find them during cocktail hour and introduce them to other people. And we can do yichud (be alone together after the ceremony), which we wouldn't have time for if we needed to get ALL of our pictures done during cocktail hour.
And most importantly, this big moment, where we see each other for the first time on our wedding day, will be a personal and private moment. I'm so excited about that.
For some reason, I was very much against a "first look" because it would ruin the first time he saw me coming down the aisle, etc. I was also "against" a morning wedding & morning reception because that just isn't the norm around here.
But when I actually thought about it, I realized that I LOVED these ideas, and they make so much sense. I know you probably won't change your mind about your First Look, because it is hard to let go of those things that we believe "just because" or because "its tradition!" but maybe read the article and give it a chance??
Oh my god this website. *SOB* I'm so damn happy I'm doing a first look. Holy CRAP I'M SO EXCITED.
Gah I really want a first look now. Like many though that was one thing FI was pretty adamant against but it looks so cool maybe he'll come around though, especially since he wanted those university pics so bad.
@FiancB Maybe talk to him about why he didn't want to do a first look?
My FI didn't want one either at first, until I reminded him how emotional I get over things like weddings and movies and babies, and wouldn't it be nice to do that in private instead of sobbing in front of all our friends and family.
When he thought about the opportunity to have an emotional, connecting moment with me in private, he changed his mind.
Our ceremony and reception are at the same venue, a county park where the "overlook" building has been converted into a restaurant. Fi and I really wanted to take some pictures on the hiking trails in the park, which is just a five minute walk across the lawn. But even that we were thinking of cutting out, because Fi doesn't want a first look, and we have a big family, so taking all those pictures during cocktail hour will be a bit of a rush.
But I just sent him that article (darn dust!) so maybe he will come around.... I would love to get some pics in the woods before the ceremony.
"I'm not a rude bitch. I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."
I don't get the whole "family portraits" thing - can't couples get their photo taken at the reception with friends and family? I don't expect 15 people I want pictures with to skip cocktail hour to get their pictures taken...
For some reason, I was very much against a "first look" because it would ruin the first time he saw me coming down the aisle, etc. I was also "against" a morning wedding & morning reception because that just isn't the norm around here.
But when I actually thought about it, I realized that I LOVED these ideas, and they make so much sense. I know you probably won't change your mind about your First Look, because it is hard to let go of those things that we believe "just because" or because "its tradition!" but maybe read the article and give it a chance??
YES YES YES! These are all the reasons I explained to my FI why first look was awesome. I was sooooo happy he came around!
I think its also important to remember that the OP is having her ceremony in her parents background. Not a venue location that has to keep a strict calendar. She can literally get married any time she wants. If she had her wedding an hour or so later, none of this would be an issue. Guests could go straight to the reception venue for cocktail hour after the ceremony. And she could get her bridge pictures without forcing people to awkwardly mill around the background for an hour.
For some reason, I was very much against a "first look" because it would ruin the first time he saw me coming down the aisle, etc. I was also "against" a morning wedding & morning reception because that just isn't the norm around here.
But when I actually thought about it, I realized that I LOVED these ideas, and they make so much sense. I know you probably won't change your mind about your First Look, because it is hard to let go of those things that we believe "just because" or because "its tradition!" but maybe read the article and give it a chance??
Thank you for this! I will show it to FI tonight..I love the idea of a first look but he is dead set against it.
Gah I really want a first look now. Like many though that was one thing FI was pretty adamant against but it looks so cool maybe he'll come around though, especially since he wanted those university pics so bad.
I wouldn't lead with, "It would look so cool!" since I feel like that's the Pinterest Wedding Trap that so many people fall into (I'm guessing the OP is one of them). But I think that if, "Hey, remember those pictures you really wanted?" is the way you lead into the subject, that would work really well. I'd also focus on what you're getting out of a first look instead of downplaying the ceremony-first-look.
Like, I spent a lot of time with, "But would you REALLY feel unemotional when I was walking down the aisle, JUST because you'd seen me already? But we're already spending the night before together, how big a difference would it make?"
And what eventually turned him around was, "Look at all the photos we'll be able to take! We won't have to stress about hiding from each other! We can enjoy cocktail hour!" etc.
That article just made me really, really want to do a first look, and not even for the photos (because really I am not into having my picture taken). That article should be a stick somewhere.
For some reason, I was very much against a "first look" because it would ruin the first time he saw me coming down the aisle, etc. I was also "against" a morning wedding & morning reception because that just isn't the norm around here.
But when I actually thought about it, I realized that I LOVED these ideas, and they make so much sense. I know you probably won't change your mind about your First Look, because it is hard to let go of those things that we believe "just because" or because "its tradition!" but maybe read the article and give it a chance??
Oh my god this website. *SOB* I'm so damn happy I'm doing a first look. Holy CRAP I'M SO EXCITED.
Cool article!
I can understand not wanting to do a 1st look- we aren't doing one either- but I LOVE the 1st look photos I have seen across the internet. I think doing one is something OP and her FI should seriously consider in their situation since the bridge is very much out of the way.
@phira I think earlier you said you don't get/don't like photos taken off site. I agree if they are super out of the way and an inconvenience to everyone. I'm totally ok with them if they are taken at a location(s) on the way to the reception or in the immediate area and if they don't greatly delay the reception.
ETA: Oh fuck, the more I look at those photos and read the article the more I am thinking maybe we should do one ><
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I don't get the whole "family portraits" thing - can't couples get their photo taken at the reception with friends and family? I don't expect 15 people I want pictures with to skip cocktail hour to get their pictures taken...
I don't get this either. FI has a big family as well, but we aren't including everyone in pictures after the ceremony. We only have 20mins to take pics per the church, so we will do the typical WP and parents thing.
Any other family shots can be done at our reception venue.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
@PrettyGirlLost I think it's fine to take photos off-site if it's convenient. There's a location across the street from our venue that we'll be using (weather permitting) for some pictures. There's just a point, though, where it's not worth it because you're inconveniencing your guests. It's bad enough when cocktail hour runs long and photos are being taken just outside ...
Also one of us! One of us! One of us! (Kidding ... but I'm always up for persuading people that first looks are awesome)
I don't get the whole "family portraits" thing - can't couples get their photo taken at the reception with friends and family? I don't expect 15 people I want pictures with to skip cocktail hour to get their pictures taken...
I don't get this either. FI has a big family as well, but we aren't including everyone in pictures after the ceremony. We only have 20mins to take pics per the church, so we will do the typical WP and parents thing.
Any other family shots can be done at our reception venue.
We are trying to decide how many family shots we will do. Obviously, WP and parents. But a big motivating factor for me is, how often do our families get all dressed up and go somewhere beautiful, with a professional photographer there? My mom is always asking for pics of the three of us (mom, sister, me) and she doesn't have the money to get pro pics EVER. Same thing for Fi's family: the only pro pics they ever get are at weddings, and they will be clamoring to get pictures. I know not all families are like this-- for example, my dad is probably not concerned at all about getting pictures, and that's fine. But I see this as an opportunity to sort of "treat" the family members that want pictures.
It's a good point though, that many of those shots can be done at the reception. We will need to work out exactly which shots will happen, when.
"I'm not a rude bitch. I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."
@PrettyGirlLost I think it's fine to take photos off-site if it's convenient. There's a location across the street from our venue that we'll be using (weather permitting) for some pictures. There's just a point, though, where it's not worth it because you're inconveniencing your guests. It's bad enough when cocktail hour runs long and photos are being taken just outside ...
Also one of us! One of us! One of us! (Kidding ... but I'm always up for persuading people that first looks are awesome)
Yeah, we are on the same page for the pics. FI worked in a building for his PhD that is very close to our reception venue (2 mins away) and he wants to have wedding photos taken there. Seems a bit odd, right? What does a PhD have to do with a wedding?
Will this building is across the street from another university's chapel that everyone and their mother are obsessed with in my city, and get married in. Then they all haul it across the street to take photos in front of the building where FI did his PhD research. I also worked in a lab there for a year.
So FI feels that we actually have a legit reason to have photos there, rather than everyone else who just goes there because it has pretty columns and they got married across the street, lol.
It's ironic because I hated everyone taking wedding shots there. I got yelled at many times for ruining a bride's shot because I just happened to be leaving he building from the main entrance. *Sigh*
Hey genius photog and bride- this is a research building where people actually work, but it's not Charle's Xavier's Psychic Institute. So if you don't want people to ruin your damn photos how about you post info inside the lobby to warn us of your presence! Then we could use the side entrances. Or just get over it and retake the shot.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I really liked that article. Something about it shifted my thinking. I've seen other photographers attempt to explain why they're a good idea and I just kind of rolled my eyes and thought they just wanted to make things easier on themselves and to have another photo op. That really got me for some reason.
The big thing for me was emphasizing that it's really difficult to get good shots of that moment during the ceremony. That happened to my sister. The priest was standing right in the way so she didn't have a good shot of their kiss. Something similar could easily happen to get in the way to get a shot of the groom when he first sees the bride.
Plus I like the idea of that being a more private moment. I know I'm going to cry like crazy.
Gah I really want a first look now. Like many though that was one thing FI was pretty adamant against but it looks so cool maybe he'll come around though, especially since he wanted those university pics so bad.
I literally just sent this article to FI (because he is superstitious and was completely against a first look, he won't even let me keep my dress in the house lol) and said "Just read this article." And he turned around completely. He thought it would be a good idea for us to have some time to just be together on our wedding day. Maye try that. (It also helped that the article points out that the tradtion came from arranged marriages in fear the groom would flee once he saw what the bride really looked like, haha).
FiancB said:Plus I like the idea of that being a more private moment. I know I'm going to cry like crazy.
This is SUCH a huge plus for me. I hadn't thought about it until after we'd agreed on a first look, but it matters a lot to me to have this moment be private. I was constantly thinking of it from my partner's perspective--what would HE prefer, what would be the better emotional moment for HIM.
Not that his feelings aren't important, but in hetero relationships, I feel like men are pressured into not having input into wedding details, so when they DO have a strong preference or request, it's very hard to say no, that doesn't work for me. So it was irritating that his desire for no first look trumped my desire to have one. I'm really glad he came around.
That was an interesting article, but it definitely didn't change my mind about not doing a First Look. Not only do we not have a private location to have one (our venue is public space and our hotel is hosting 2 weddings the same day as ours), it won't fit our timeline at all. FI was in a wedding a few years ago where the couple did a First Look with the entire WP present. Everyone had to stand around and watch them have pictures taken for over an hour!
Re: Gap Update
This. No one was talking about your TOP. I was speaking with another member of this board about our experiences with the railroads and how I would never think of a railroad as a play place/picture backdrop. No matter the circumstances.
The second option is to move up the ceremony closer to the reception to elimitate the gap, have a short cocktail hour, then go to dinner, and then drive to the third location for photos with the wedding party, which it sounds like the OP is considering.
My FI was originally super against doing a first look before the ceremony in order to let us get our photos done. It was seriously one of the only things he had a strong opinion about. There were two things that finally made him flip.
1) The $90/head open bar tab. We want the wedding party to make use of it! And we want to be at at least half of cocktail hour.
2) I came up with an awesome first look idea and, guess what, it is at a secondary location. The terrace that we are getting married on overlooks the Washington Monument through this clearing in the trees. It's beautiful. So our first look will be at the Monument. He's going to show up first and stand on the far side, and I'm going to sneak around the corner. What's cool is that it'll be this up close picture then from the terrace you'll see it from afar. It's also special because we run together and we do these "Monument Tag" runs (it's a perfect 6 mile round trip from my condo to the Monument). We're doing this at 3 then having the bridal party meet us at the venue at 4 for photos before our 5:30 ceremony.
What I'm getting at is that the train tracks could make for a super special first look, so maybe try not to rule it out. You could come up with such a beautiful picture that is even more meaningful because it's the first time he'll see you in that dress, so it may mean even more than just taking random pictures there. I wouldn't worry to much about him not having that dopey happy smile when you walk down the aisle, just because it isn't the first time he sees you. It'll be there.
My FI didn't want one either at first, until I reminded him how emotional I get over things like weddings and movies and babies, and wouldn't it be nice to do that in private instead of sobbing in front of all our friends and family.
When he thought about the opportunity to have an emotional, connecting moment with me in private, he changed his mind.
@GlitterWitch22 Wow! I was completely against doing a first look and now, I think I will definitely be doing one. Just casually sobbing at work now.
I can understand not wanting to do a 1st look- we aren't doing one either- but I LOVE the 1st look photos I have seen across the internet. I think doing one is something OP and her FI should seriously consider in their situation since the bridge is very much out of the way.
@phira I think earlier you said you don't get/don't like photos taken off site. I agree if they are super out of the way and an inconvenience to everyone. I'm totally ok with them if they are taken at a location(s) on the way to the reception or in the immediate area and if they don't greatly delay the reception.
ETA: Oh fuck, the more I look at those photos and read the article the more I am thinking maybe we should do one ><
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Any other family shots can be done at our reception venue.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Will this building is across the street from another university's chapel that everyone and their mother are obsessed with in my city, and get married in. Then they all haul it across the street to take photos in front of the building where FI did his PhD research. I also worked in a lab there for a year.
So FI feels that we actually have a legit reason to have photos there, rather than everyone else who just goes there because it has pretty columns and they got married across the street, lol.
It's ironic because I hated everyone taking wedding shots there. I got yelled at many times for ruining a bride's shot because I just happened to be leaving he building from the main entrance. *Sigh*
Hey genius photog and bride- this is a research building where people actually work, but it's not Charle's Xavier's Psychic Institute. So if you don't want people to ruin your damn photos how about you post info inside the lobby to warn us of your presence! Then we could use the side entrances. Or just get over it and retake the shot.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."