Only just begun and ready to be done

2leadsingers · February 2014

Anyone else been there? We might just live in sin the rest of our lives.

vk2204 · February 2014

I hated wedding planning. I got married last April and I am so thankful it is all over with! Good luck, hopefully it will be better for you!

2leadsingers · February 2014

Hate to feel the pressure of "making the family happy". Cant even decide on what to do. Only thing we have is a budget and a lot of flack. (The budget is entirely our own money but the flack comes from all over and has shown itself in the past to be long term grudge holding that may have a lasting impact on familial relationships for the rest of my life).

Tiffany101015 · February 2014

I was this way too. It will all start falling together. and the big thing to remember is that this is YOUR & your fiances wedding. If you have a budget- stick to it! It doesn't matter if you are doing it on 1,000 or 100,000$. It will be a celebration for you guys-and your family should understand and appreciate being there to celebrate. They aren't (shouldn't) care how much you spent on flowers, cake, etc. Check out the budget and DIY board for ideas on how to save $$!

&&Good luck! It all will work out.

2leadsingers · February 2014

Eh I wish it was over stuff like flowers Tiffany LOL! Its more like being reminded that I went with a date to all 20 cousins weddings which were full banquet open bar affairs, have to include an extra 30 people of stepfamily I rarely see, if I dont invite them I will be cast out by my dad, aunts, uncles etc. Dont dare doing the small wedding I want. If I cant do the big hall then I "have to " do it bbq picnic outside style super casual, mom and cousins will cater/potluck (gag). FI just wants to marry me at the end of the day, he has ideas about things he would like but wants me to decide what I want. At this point its deciding how many people I want to upset more than anything. If we do the day we want to do, we risk losing my dad and a lot of those cousins and families who wont be so understanding of not getting an invite.

carliealissa · February 2014

I'm not going through the exact same thing, but I understand how you must feel. First of all, other people's weddings have no bearing on your own. Could you tell whoever is insisting that you invite 30 extra people that you simply can't afford to add them but if they like, they could cover the cost of those specific people? Or just have a non-dramatic but honest conversation with your dad about the issues you outlined to us and the effect it is having on your feelings about the wedding? Take the money you've budgeted and marry your fiance in an exotic location just you two?

The good news, if you can see it that way, is that YOU are paying for your own wedding so the choices, though very hard, are your own- no complications because someone else is holding the purse strings. My FI's parents are generously paying for most of our wedding- I'm not sure if we could even afford one otherwise- but as a result, the "small intimate" wedding I wanted has 30 guests on my side, 150 on his. (At least they cut their list wayyy down, this is apparently considered extremely small to them!) The planning is completely out of control.

I know it's easier said then done, but do your best to plan the wedding YOU want- if your dad/others are selfish enough to disown you for that, not having them around might be better for your sanity.

Tiffany101015 · February 2014

Yeah it sounds like a hard decision. Maybe you can find a a soft medium? Find a hall that is a little cheaper then the big fancy ones...but also isn't a backyard wedding either. I'm not sure where you're exactly from- but make sure you get quotes from multiple places? I live in Lapeer but I'm from Macomb County originally. Maybe I can private message you some ideas of places I know? Zuccarros Clinton Township, River House Mount Clemens, Alexanders Marysville, Lake Nepessing Boat Club Lapeer (where I'm having mine), are all places worth checking out.

2leadsingers · February 2014

FI and I are near White Lake/Highland. Most of the family is downriver/Dearborn or out of state, a few scattered across Livingston county. I am thinking VFW is about the best way to go ( if I can find one that doesn't have perma fish fry smell LOL) and either do the dessert cocktail we originally thought ourselves or maybe brunch. I would just rather not cater my own wedding lol. Budget was around $10k until I spent the last month out of work. Hoping to keep it under $8k. That doesn't bode well. I'm at 200 if all the must invitesfrom the parents stay that way. 43 of them are under 12, so maybe I could do no kids......... sticky sticky. Eloping next week sounds grand. I found this little b & b to do a 20 person thing. If I could skip inviting any steps except my step mom I would do it in a heart beat. I did check out Lake Nepessing , its on the short list if I can find catering cheap enough nearby. Not really familiar with the area Tiffany and I know you had a friend or someone you knew doing the catering right!?

Tiffany101015 · February 2014

Yes, I have a friend of the family. I messaged you back!

theartistformerlyknownas · March 2014

Ahh please don't let them talk you into potluck! Gross. Stick to your guns. They don't get a say in what happens if they're not paying for it. If it's a problem, just don't discuss it. Change the subject.

2leadsingers · March 2014

Yeah no potluck will happen. I know someone who did it a few years ago and I wasnt a fan then. It will either be super small or super huge because there wont be a way to make it any smaller once I add in the family!

theartistformerlyknownas · March 2014

2leadsingers said:

Yeah no potluck will happen. I know someone who did it a few years ago and I wasnt a fan then. It will either be super small or super huge because there wont be a way to make it any smaller once I add in the family!

I hear ya. FI has THIRTY-ONE first cousins. 31!!! And 17 aunts and uncles. We have a combined 17 siblings between full, half, step, and in-laws. We couldn't have a small wedding if we tried. BUT we're having the wedding that WE WANT. Honestly for us it's kind of the opposite problem, where we're more established (older, good careers, etc) than most of my siblings/family are/were when they got married, so I'm getting a sense of judginess like we're spending too much money and having too big of a wedding. And it's not, I think we're being really responsible with what we're choosing to spend, and literally 126 of our 250 invitees are family. But yeah, we're honeymooning in Spain. We're having passed hors d'oeuvres rather than carrots and ranch dressing. But I've never made any disparaging remarks about of their weddings, haven't asked any of them for a dime, and haven't taken on any debt (nor do we plan do) in paying for this. My mom wants to turn her nose up at the $200 beaded belt I added to my dress because it ABSOLUTELY made it and I couldn't live without it and it's the one thing I splurged on? I'm paying for it! Shut up! I'm sorry that my dress cost a whopping $300 more than my sister's cost NINE YEARS AGO. (Mom paid for sister's dress without blinking back then, and hasn't offered me shit, BTW.) We've waited 30+ years to find each other and have a damn awesome party. So I don't wanna hear it. /endrant

2leadsingers · March 2014

Yeah I totally hear you on the huge family. If I invited just my side it would be 172, 43 of which are under the age of 15. No real way to pick and choose on the kids either and ni good age limit cut off that wouldn't split any families. My thing on the money is if you have it, you both want to spend it, and you are comfortably not going into debt, have at it. I used to work at Wabeek CC where it was no huge deal to some people to easily drop $50-100k on a wedding, more for a mitzvah. I guess that is part of why I have such a hard time lol. I want decadent food for 20 people because its what I want to eat and how many I can afford to feed that way, not rubber chicken for 220 because thats what I can afford! Glad I am not alone. @LoLo8383, rant away!

theartistformerlyknownas · March 2014

@2leadsingers what we did was only invite adults who are out of college on FI's side, whether they were first cousins or children-of-cousins. On my side I had room to invite all of my cousins and all of their kids, but a) I have far fewer of them and b) all of my cousins with kids live out of state, so they couldn't feasibly come without their kids anyway. There was only one family where that split siblings up, but the one who's getting invited lives on his own and will be married by the time our wedding rolls around, so he and his wife will get their own invite at their own house while their mom receives her own just to her. I've been assured that they're "used to it" and there won't be any hurt feelings when people show up and realize my cousins' kids were invited. All of our siblings' kids are invited.

*elle. · March 2014

I'm almost done with planning (wedding is in 2 months), but now is when we're starting to get grief from people. I'm honestly so annoyed. I don't need anyone making me feel bad for my decisions for my wedding. WE are footing the bill, so I feel like no one had a right to dictate who we invite. Our invitations have already been addressed by the calligrapher but now Fi's AUNT is mad bc we are not inviting small children, specifically Fi's 6 yo SECOND cousin. I'm not even inviting all of my adult cousins and we've decided to not have children at the wedding. My money = my choice. Just bc we've decided to invite some teenage cousins, now all of a sudden we're expected to invite all age groups?! Soooo annoying!
@Lolo8383 we're going to Spain as well for our HM. SO ready for that right about now!

theartistformerlyknownas · March 2014

*elle. said:

I'm almost done with planning (wedding is in 2 months), but now is when we're starting to get grief from people. I'm honestly so annoyed. I don't need anyone making me feel bad for my decisions for my wedding. WE are footing the bill, so I feel like no one had a right to dictate who we invite. Our invitations have already been addressed by the calligrapher but now Fi's AUNT is mad bc we are not inviting small children, specifically Fi's 6 yo SECOND cousin. I'm not even inviting all of my adult cousins and we've decided to not have children at the wedding. My money = my choice. Just bc we've decided to invite some teenage cousins, now all of a sudden we're expected to invite all age groups?! Soooo annoying! @Lolo8383 we're going to Spain as well for our HM. SO ready for that right about now!

@*elle. So annoying on the guest list. I have actually have one first cousin I'm not inviting because I haven't seen her in 15 years, she's never been able to afford the gas money to get to any other family events in that time (weddings and showers and holidays and even family dinners) aaaaand she has 6 kids who I hear are not super well behaved. Our wedding is in September so invites won't go out til summer but I'm sure I'll hear something about it. Zero f***s shall be given! We are the hosts. They are the guests. Guests don't get to make decisions. Stay strong!

EEEEE I CAN'T WAIT FOR SPAIN! Where are you going? We're doing 3 nights in Barcelona, then taking the train to Madrid and 4 nights there. Probably a day trip to Toledo or Seville from there too.

*elle. · March 2014

We'll only be in Barcelona for 5 nights and we're also doing a week long Mediterranean cruise. But we are seriously so excited for Barcelona!

*edited bc I couldn't get the amount of nights right! FI is handling the HM planning

theartistformerlyknownas · March 2014

That sounds incredible! I love cruising!

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