My bridesmaids are all out of town and can't throw me a shower

TheGrimReaper · March 2014

My 92-year old grandmother came to my shower. Do I get a do-over?

sofakingmad · March 2014

I found and old post in which @verizongirl said this about showers...

"In my area, a bridal shower is a time for the women to get together and share real practical tips and suggestions about building a foundation for marriage, tips on what to do / not to do on the wedding day through the ceremony and reception, some honeymoon/travel tips, and a lot of advice on how to prevent problems or identify and deal early with problems during the tricky first year of marriage.

It's not all about opening gifts. Not at all. It's a readiness meeting, where the already-marrieds talk to the almost-married. It's very helpful, and it's exactly the kind of thing that's done at the baby shower with advice on dealing with pregnancy / labor / hospital / healing / baby / etc."

While that sounds fun and all, what if you are the first to get married out of your nearest and dearest friends? I feel like you completely contradicted yourself by saying only your nearest and dearest friends are invited, because if this is what showers are about in your area, then wouldn't you think having older relatives would be beneficial???

TheGrimReaper · March 2014

DragonBlood13 said:

I found and old post in which @verizongirl said this about showers...

"In my area, a bridal shower is a time for the women to get together and share real practical tips and suggestions about building a foundation for marriage, tips on what to do / not to do on the wedding day through the ceremony and reception, some honeymoon/travel tips, and a lot of advice on how to prevent problems or identify and deal early with problems during the tricky first year of marriage.

It's not all about opening gifts. Not at all. It's a readiness meeting, where the already-marrieds talk to the almost-married. It's very helpful, and it's exactly the kind of thing that's done at the baby shower with advice on dealing with pregnancy / labor / hospital / healing / baby / etc."

While that sounds fun and all, what if you are the first to get married out of your nearest and dearest friends? I feel like you completely contradicted yourself by saying only your nearest and dearest friends are invited, because if this is what showers are about in your area, then wouldn't you think having older relatives would be beneficial???

The bolded makes it sound like you're preparing for a hurricane, not a wedding.

Inkdancer · March 2014

TheGrimReaper said:

DragonBlood13 said:

I found and old post in which @verizongirl said this about showers...

"In my area, a bridal shower is a time for the women to get together and share real practical tips and suggestions about building a foundation for marriage, tips on what to do / not to do on the wedding day through the ceremony and reception, some honeymoon/travel tips, and a lot of advice on how to prevent problems or identify and deal early with problems during the tricky first year of marriage.

It's not all about opening gifts. Not at all. It's a readiness meeting, where the already-marrieds talk to the almost-married. It's very helpful, and it's exactly the kind of thing that's done at the baby shower with advice on dealing with pregnancy / labor / hospital / healing / baby / etc."

While that sounds fun and all, what if you are the first to get married out of your nearest and dearest friends? I feel like you completely contradicted yourself by saying only your nearest and dearest friends are invited, because if this is what showers are about in your area, then wouldn't you think having older relatives would be beneficial???

The bolded makes it sound like you're preparing for a hurricane, not a wedding. Seriously, it sounds very old-fashioned, like when a mother still had to explain the wedding night to her daughters because they didn't know what sex was.

PPDkilla · March 2014

RebeccaB88 said:

I get that it's really disappointing that no one has offered to throw you a shower. I'd be bummed too. But it's just not proper for you to host a party in your own honor. Any kind of party - shower, luncheon, bachelorette, etc.

If one of your relatives asks you when your shower is, it's perfectly fine to say that you don't know if you're having one or not, because no one has offered to host one. That lets them know that it might not happen, so they should stop asking, and that the opportunity is there if they would like to

+1 give them a 2-way road.

happybride42 · March 2014

sounds like @verizongirl is a time traveler from the 19th century.

AddieCake · March 2014

WTF

Amyzen83 · March 2014

Seriously! Plus I feel like one of the last of my friends my age to get married the last thing I want is advice when they already give plenty of unsolicited advice! Especially when advice comes from other newly weds! Id rather get advice from friends and relatives who are older, more mature and who've had long successful marriages otherwise it seems like the blind leading the blind.

TheGrimReaper · March 2014

If I had to sit at a shower with some of our newlywed friends and receive advice, there would be a LOT of drinking and "What do I know? We've already filed for divorce."

Amyzen83 · March 2014

TheGrimReaper said:
If I had to sit at a shower with some of our newlywed friends and receive advice, there would be a LOT of drinking and "What do I know? We've already filed for divorce."

Dude your comment made me spew my wine I was laughing so hard!

Amyzen83 · March 2014

I'm not laughing at your friends though that sucks for them!

delujm0 · March 2014

TheGrimReaper said:

If I had to sit at a shower with some of our newlywed friends and receive advice, there would be a LOT of drinking and "What do I know? We've already filed for divorce."

I hate when i go to a bridal or baby shower and the host hands out index cards or whatever and is like "write down your advice for the bride/mother!" Guess what lady: i'm not a wife or a mother right now, so how on earth would i have useful advice? Generally, I just go sarcastic and self-depricating as that is my jam, but i recently went to a wedding where the groom's aunt was soliciting advice to make a scrapbook for the couple and she specifically said "SERIOUS advice, not jokes." So she got nothing from me.

My favorite was for my high school BFF's baby shower 8 years ago when i jokingly wrote "your kid is going to be old enough to babysit mine, so clearly i have nothing useful to share with you. Love you!" That prediction is probably going to come true, as BFF moved to my current city 4 years ago and it's looking like her daughter will be at least 9-10 when my first kid is born...so that will work out at least!

Viczaesar · March 2014

Wait, is Verizongirl really Kristen#s?

FiancB · March 2014

You might still be surprised. I wasn't expecting any parties since all my closest friends and family live out of state, but then FI's coworker's wife and a couple other mutual friends decided they wanted to throw a dual shower for myself and the fiance of one of FI's other coworkers that's getting married a month before us.

But I guess that's invalid because most of the people that are there won't be my nearest and dearest and *gasp* my FMIL will be there and the woman throwing it is middle aged! The horror!

And one of my BMs mentioned wanting to make sure I got a shower and bachelorette. I guess if it happens, it'll have to happen 2 days before my wedding when people start to arrive.

So anyway. Some people like to throw parties. Since your relatives have expressed a desire for one, I'm guessing someone will decide to take it up.

TheGrimReaper · March 2014

delujm0 said:

TheGrimReaper said:

If I had to sit at a shower with some of our newlywed friends and receive advice, there would be a LOT of drinking and "What do I know? We've already filed for divorce."

I hate when i go to a bridal or baby shower and the host hands out index cards or whatever and is like "write down your advice for the bride/mother!" Guess what lady: i'm not a wife or a mother right now, so how on earth would i have useful advice? Generally, I just go sarcastic and self-depricating as that is my jam, but i recently went to a wedding where the groom's aunt was soliciting advice to make a scrapbook for the couple and she specifically said "SERIOUS advice, not jokes." So she got nothing from me.

My favorite was for my high school BFF's baby shower 8 years ago when i jokingly wrote "your kid is going to be old enough to babysit mine, so clearly i have nothing useful to share with you. Love you!" That prediction is probably going to come true, as BFF moved to my current city 4 years ago and it's looking like her daughter will be at least 9-10 when my first kid is born...so that will work out at least!

Hilarious. I feel like if I went to a shower like that right now, being that I have no kids, I'd probably end up writing something to the effect of:

"Try not to forget them at home."

"Kids seem to like cheerios."

"It's generally frowned upon to let them eat paint."

jneen101 · March 2014

VerizonGirl said:

Older female relatives would not be invited to a shower.

Can anyone tell me the age limit for attending a shower. I want to know when I can stop attending them. I am 32.

sarahufl · March 2014

I think I have less than 5 "young" friends coming to my shower. It is primarily my mother and her friends. I didn't realize I would have to discuss what to do on the wedding night with my mom's 60+ year old friends or else I would've declined.

zitiqueen · March 2014

Viczaesar said:

Wait, is Verizongirl really Kristen#s?

YES! Kristen789 is back!

lovesclimbing · March 2014

delujm0 said:

TheGrimReaper said:

If I had to sit at a shower with some of our newlywed friends and receive advice, there would be a LOT of drinking and "What do I know? We've already filed for divorce."

I hate when i go to a bridal or baby shower and the host hands out index cards or whatever and is like "write down your advice for the bride/mother!" Guess what lady: i'm not a wife or a mother right now, so how on earth would i have useful advice? XXXXXX Generally, I just go sarcastic and self-depricating as that is my jam, but i recently went to a wedding where the groom's aunt was soliciting advice to make a scrapbook for the couple and she specifically said "SERIOUS advice, not jokes." So she got nothing from me.

My favorite was for my high school BFF's baby shower 8 years ago when i jokingly wrote "your kid is going to be old enough to babysit mine, so clearly i have nothing useful to share with you. Love you!" That prediction is probably going to come true, as BFF moved to my current city 4 years ago and it's looking like her daughter will be at least 9-10 when my first kid is born...so that will work out at least!

Bolded before the x's. I've been to showers where I wasn't married/didn't have kids and the hostesses always said, "Whatever would be good advice for after marriage." Anyone could fill them out. I remember a 15-year-old boy putting down something about putting laundry in the basket rather than the floor (actually good advice.)

Bolded after the x's. Put down a piece of good life advice. Even if you've never been married or had kids, I'm guessing you probably have some advice for life in general.

kgd7357 · March 2014

I remember a 15-year-old boy putting down something about putting laundry in the basket rather than the floor (actually good advice.)

HAHAHAHAH I need to teach my FI that!

AroundTheBlock · March 2014

jneen101 said:
Can anyone tell me the age limit for attending a shower. I want to know when I can stop attending them. I am 32.

You may stop attending them right now. Just decline the invitation. The hostesses are erring by inviting you since they should diligently limit their invitations to only those people who actively want to shower the bride with gifts; and it will doubtless be more fun for the people who want to be there, if no-one is suffering through from a misplaced sense of obligation.

kmmssg · March 2014

zitiqueen said:

Viczaesar said:

Wait, is Verizongirl really Kristen#s?

YES! Kristen789 is back!

I have no doubt that they are one and the same

Maggie0829 · March 2014

AroundTheBlock said:

jneen101 said:
Can anyone tell me the age limit for attending a shower. I want to know when I can stop attending them. I am 32.

You may stop attending them right now. Just decline the invitation. The hostesses are erring by inviting you since they should diligently limit their invitations to only those people who actively want to shower the bride with gifts; and it will doubtless be more fun for the people who want to be there, if no-one is suffering through from a misplaced sense of obligation.

So the hosts of showers should poll their guest list prior to officially inviting them to make sure that they actually want to go to the shower and shower the bride with gifts?

I dislike showers because 99% of them have dumb ass games. I am not 5 and do not need games for entertainment. Now a nice bottle of wine and some food, count me in.

AroundTheBlock · March 2014

Maggie0829 said:
So the hosts of showers should poll their guest list prior to officially inviting them to make sure that they actually want to go to the shower and shower the bride with gifts?

No, approaching relative strangers cold with a question about their generous impulses toward the bride would place those relative stranger under the very obligation that jneen101 apparently feels. Shower hostesses should limit their guestlist to ladies with whom they are close friends: close enough to have occasionally shared opinions about showers in general and about the shower in question in particular. Then the poll is unnecessary and the shower avoids any unfortunate resemblance to a charity gala.

jneen101 · March 2014

I was just wondering what the age limit was?

Amyzen83 · March 2014

The age limit depends on whether you are in diapers or not?

kitsunegari89 · March 2014

My bridesmaids are all very sweet, but either did not have the organizational skills or the funds to throw a shower. Because I'm the first to get married in a looooooooong time, everyone was looking forward to one and asking when it was. My mom basically threw it at her house and my cousins (bridesmaids) helped her decorate and set up. Nobody thought it was tacky and everyone was very excited to celebrate the wedding. I don't know about throwing it yourself, though. Maybe you have an older friend from church or something that can let you throw it at their house?

That way it doesn't look like you're throwing it yourself?

crunchymamaof2 · March 2014

Anyone else think verizongirl and aroundtheblock would make a great team? They seem to share the same outdated opinions and lack of a sense of humor.

AddieCake · March 2014

I hate showers.

My bridesmaids are all out of town and can't throw me a shower

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