Seating

Re: Seating

• Maggie0829 member

  

  March 2014

  Tac1106 said:

  Is it a crime to sit my fathers new wife with his family (sisters), as he sits at the parent and grandparent table? 

  Yes.  It is rude to separate your Father from his wife.  They are social unit and should be sat together.  I really can't believe you even considered doing this.

  
  

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• kmmssg mod

  

  March 2014

  That is more like a felony.  There is absolutely NO acceptable reason to separate them like that.

  Why do you want to?

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• banana468 member

  

  March 2014

  Tac1106 said:

  Is it a crime to sit my fathers new wife with his family (sisters), as he sits at the parent and grandparent table? 

  It's about the rudest thing you could do to him. He has a significant other and she should be seated WITH him.
  
  I'd forgo the idea of all the parents and grandparents at one table if the seating arrangement leaves no space for the girlfriend or if it creates tension.
  
  Remember, just because your parents were a couple does not mean that they are anymore.
  

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• missnc77 member

  

  March 2014

  I think it's tacky. My FI and I have 4 parents and 4 step-parents between us. I'd feel awful separating them and having our parents and one table without the others. Instead, we're putting them all at the same table at the rehearsal dinner and giving them lots of wine. My FI and I may or may not have some popcorn nearby to watch what happens (but seriously, they are all adults and will be just fine).
  

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• phira member

  

  March 2014

  I don't think you'd go to prison, but it's fuckin' rude.

  

  now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
  
  

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• RedJacks25 member

  

  March 2014

  Is it a crime to sit my fathers new wife with his family (sisters), as he sits at the parent and grandparent table?
  
  
  
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  Your father's new wife is your stepparent. Why wouldn't you sit her at the "parent" table? Regardless, don't ever split up a social unit. You have to sit them together.
  

  

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• pinkshorts27 member

  

  March 2014 edited March 2014

  phira said:

  I don't think you'd go to prison, but it's fuckin' rude.

  They may go to etiquette hell. How ever you feel about a step-parent should not factor in. Always seat someone with their social unit or significant other. End of story. Eta, spelling

  
  

  

  
  

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• phira member

  

  March 2014

  Just a reminder that some of us don't consider our parents' spouses to be our stepparents, or their stepchildren to be our stepsiblings, etc. And it's entirely irrelevant because no matter what you think about your parents' spouses, it's still rude to seat the spouse elsewhere just because they're not YOUR parent.

  

  now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
  
  

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• emmyg65 member

  

  March 2014

  Not only is it against etiquette, but it's passive aggressive (or at least risks coming off that way).

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• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  March 2014

  It's rude, it's passive-aggressive, and it will probably set the tone for the rest of your relationship with her, because she will forever be able to trot out, 'And at Tac1106's wedding, I was seated separately from my husband.'

  
  

  And people will rightly side-eye and judge you.

  
  

  Either seat her with him at the parents/grandparents table or spread the parents/grandparents out among the tables equally so everyone feels honoured.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• tesgirl123 member

  

  March 2014

  It is not appropriate to separate your father and his wife.  I assume there is some tension with your mother and this is the cause of your concern.   Even if you hate your father's wife, you have to sit them together.   Separate your parents as far as possible, if you need to(seriously I have been at a reception where the MOB and FOB were in opposite corners and 9 years after the divorce she still hasn't let it go). 

   

  Your parents do not need to sit with your in-laws.  There is no hard and fast rule on who sits with who except do your best to make your guests happy and don't split up couples. 

   

  Best advise I can give you is to ask your dad who he wants to sit with and ask your mom who she wants to sit with.

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• grumbledore member

  

  March 2014

  Dafuq.

  
  

  

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• Inkdancer member

  

  March 2014

  There is no reason why you cannot seat your father and his wife with your father's family, seat your mother with her family, and seat your grandparents with their respective families. Why at a celebration of love and union would you split up couples?
  

  

  

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• MobKaz member

  

  March 2014

  Is it a crime to sit my fathers new wife with his family (sisters), as he sits at the parent and grandparent table? 

  
  

  Based on advice OP gave regarding seating at a wedding ceremony, she probably feels she is doing well offering them chairs for the reception.

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• AroundTheBlock member

  

  March 2014

  Are you following the rule, across the board, that at formal dinners spouses should not be seated side by side? If so, then you may separate your father and his wife to the same degree that you separate other married couples. Usually married couples are seated at the same table even when they are not seated side by side, but there is no rule that says they have to be at the same table. Only, make sure you do not appear to be singling out just one particular couple.

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• JellyBean52513 member

  

  March 2014

  AroundTheBlock said:

  Are you following the rule, across the board, that at formal dinners spouses should not be seated side by side? If so, then you may separate your father and his wife to the same degree that you separate other married couples. Usually married couples are seated at the same table even when they are not seated side by side, but there is no rule that says they have to be at the same table. Only, make sure you do not appear to be singling out just one particular couple.

  Oh for the love of fuck, your advice is the worst ever. First of all, there is no RULE that spouses should not be sat side by side. Second of all, there IS a rule that says couples have to be at the same table! In what universe, besides the one you come from, do people prefer to be invited to social events together and then made to spend their dinner apart? 
  
  OP, you have to seat your father with his wife. It will cause severely hurt feelings if you make them sit apart. If it's family drama you're worried about, then don't play the role of instigator by playing sides and banishing your stepmother to a separate table. Whatever the problem may be, it's not your mud to get dirty in, especially not on your wedding day.

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• Jen4948 member

  

  March 2014

  JellyBean52513 said:

  AroundTheBlock said:

  Are you following the rule, across the board, that at formal dinners spouses should not be seated side by side? If so, then you may separate your father and his wife to the same degree that you separate other married couples. Usually married couples are seated at the same table even when they are not seated side by side, but there is no rule that says they have to be at the same table. Only, make sure you do not appear to be singling out just one particular couple.

  Oh for the love of fuck, your advice is the worst ever. First of all, there is no RULE that spouses should not be sat side by side. Second of all, there IS a rule that says couples have to be at the same table! In what universe, besides the one you come from, do people prefer to be invited to social events together and then made to spend their dinner apart? 
  
  OP, you have to seat your father with his wife. It will cause severely hurt feelings if you make them sit apart. If it's family drama you're worried about, then don't play the role of instigator by playing sides and banishing your stepmother to a separate table. Whatever the problem may be, it's not your mud to get dirty in, especially not on your wedding day.

  Actually, at very formal dinner parties, there is an etiquette rule that spouses and SOs are not seated next to each other.  I usually don't agree with AroundTheBlock, but in that particular respect she is correct.
  
  That said, OP, I think you do need to seat your father with his wife.  Look at it this way-on the day you are getting married, do you really not want to recognize that someone else is married?  Don't do that.
  

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• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  March 2014

  AroundTheBlock is right that this rule exists for formal dinner parties. It is not widely followed. And it's NEVER acceptable to seat one spouse differently than other spouses.
  
  If the other married couples get to sit together, so do OP's father and wife.
  
  Seating the father at the table with parents and grandparents (people who appear to still be married) while seating his wife elsewhere is ridiculously petty, juvenile, and poorly mannered.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• aurianna member

  

  March 2014 edited March 2014

  At my wedding we had a sweetheart table and then the three tables in the front were as follows:
  Left: Dad, Stepmom, and their family.
  Middle: Husband's parents and family.
  Right: Mom, Stepdad, and their family.
  
  All parents got a table up front. Everyone got to sit with their spouse. No one had to sit with an ex-spouse.
  Worked great.
  
  ETA:
  Also people got to sit with their own families. At least in my family's case, they were more comfortable sitting with their sides (maternal bride / paternal bride / groom) than then they would have been sitting with their practical categories (parents table. grandparents table. aunt/uncles table, etc).
  

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  March 2014

  Sorry but formal dinner party is not the same thing as a wedding.  A formal dinner party usually consists of one large table and unless you are having a very small wedding that is practically impossible.  Didn't we already have this discussion in another post about how a formal dinner party is different then a wedding reception or am I just making that up?

  
  

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• NYCBruin member

  

  March 2014

  Maggie0829 said:

  Sorry but formal dinner party is not the same thing as a wedding.  A formal dinner party usually consists of one large table and unless you are having a very small wedding that is practically impossible.  Didn't we already have this discussion in another post about how a formal dinner party is different then a wedding reception or am I just making that up?

  We did, but whether people agree with the rule about separating couples or not is really not relevant to this discussion as it seems unlikely that OP is separating all couples.  

  Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  March 2014

  NYCBruin said:

  Maggie0829 said:

  Sorry but formal dinner party is not the same thing as a wedding.  A formal dinner party usually consists of one large table and unless you are having a very small wedding that is practically impossible.  Didn't we already have this discussion in another post about how a formal dinner party is different then a wedding reception or am I just making that up?

  We did, but whether people agree with the rule about separating couples or not is really not relevant to this discussion as it seems unlikely that OP is separating all couples.  

  Okay for a moment I thought I was going crazy.  And since a formal dinner party is different then a wedding then the same seating rules do not apply.  OP do not separate this couple.  It would be rude and hurt your Fathers and your step Mothers feelings.

  
  

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• speedyblazer11 member

  

  March 2014

  
  

  aurianna said:

  At my wedding we had a sweetheart table and then the three tables in the front were as follows:
  Left: Dad, Stepmom, and their family.
  Middle: Husband's parents and family.
  Right: Mom, Stepdad, and their family.
  
  All parents got a table up front. Everyone got to sit with their spouse. No one had to sit with an ex-spouse.
  Worked great.
  
  ETA:
  Also people got to sit with their own families. At least in my family's case, they were more comfortable sitting with their sides (maternal bride / paternal bride / groom) than then they would have been sitting with their practical categories (parents table. grandparents table. aunt/uncles table, etc).
  

  This is similar to what I did at my wedding, only I had four parents tables.  The moms got the tables closest to us and sat with their families then the fathers sat behind them at their table with their family.  It worked out well, or  at least no one complained to us so far.  Please don't split up spouses.  If this is the only couple you do this to people will notice and feelings will be hurt.  IMO it would be nicer to remove dad from the parent table to sit with his wife than to just not sit them together. Good luck.
  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  March 2014

  Maggie0829 said:

  Sorry but formal dinner party is not the same thing as a wedding.  A formal dinner party usually consists of one large table and unless you are having a very small wedding that is practically impossible.  Didn't we already have this discussion in another post about how a formal dinner party is different then a wedding reception or am I just making that up?

  Actually, formal dinner parties can have as many people as the hosts want.
  
  And some wedding receptions ARE formal dinner parties.  Leave this one alone, Maggie.
  
  That said, I did recommend above that the parents need to sit with their spouses.
  
  

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• delujm0 member

  

  March 2014

  AroundTheBlock said:

  Are you following the rule, across the board, that at formal dinners spouses should not be seated side by side? If so, then you may separate your father and his wife to the same degree that you separate other married couples. Usually married couples are seated at the same table even when they are not seated side by side, but there is no rule that says they have to be at the same table. Only, make sure you do not appear to be singling out just one particular couple.

  I accept that this is a fancy dinner party etiquette thing, and that some weddings are essentially fancy dinner parties.  However, if you choose to assign seats (not just assigned tables, assigned seats) like this, you can't separate ONE married couple and let all of the other ones sit together.  It's an all-or-nothing thing. 

   

  And i personally would hate sitting separately from my date at a large wedding.  Sure, a dinner party where everyone is at one large table, i can handle that.  but at a wedding with multiple tables spread out from each other?  No thanks.  Why should my FI have to walk across the room to ask me if i want to dance?  Couples should be, at a minimum, at the same table together.

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• climbingsingle member

  

  March 2014

  Why in the world would you want to separate your father and his wife? 

  
  

  I personally think the formal dinner party rule is outdated. Does anyone actually follow it? 

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• s-aries8990 member

  

  March 2014

  Jen4948 said:

  Maggie0829 said:

  Sorry but formal dinner party is not the same thing as a wedding.  A formal dinner party usually consists of one large table and unless you are having a very small wedding that is practically impossible.  Didn't we already have this discussion in another post about how a formal dinner party is different then a wedding reception or am I just making that up?

  Actually, formal dinner parties can have as many people as the hosts want.
  
  And some wedding receptions ARE formal dinner parties.  Leave this one alone, Maggie.
  
  That said, I did recommend above that the parents need to sit with their spouses.
  
  

  The CAN have as many people as the hosts wants but TYPICALLY (like 90% of the time) it is the scene Maggie is describing. Usually if there are a large number of guests where multiple tables are needed, they are not referred to as a "formal dinner party."
  
  SOME wedding receptions are formal dinner parties but TYPICALLY they are not -. You leave this one alone, Jen ##
  

   

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• TheGrimReaper member

  

  March 2014

  @s-aries8990 - Xoxo

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• NYCBruin member

  

  March 2014

  Just in case OP gets distracted by the side argument regarding the "rule" for formal dinner parties:

  
  

  OP- You cannot separate your father from his wife, unless you are separating ALL couples (and many/most posters would also find that rude).  

  
  

  Bottom line: just sit your father with his wife.

  Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!

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• banana468 member

  

  March 2014

  NYCBruin said:

  Just in case OP gets distracted by the side argument regarding the "rule" for formal dinner parties:

  
  

  OP- You cannot separate your father from his wife, unless you are separating ALL couples (and many/most posters would also find that rude).  

  
  

  Bottom line: just sit your father with his wife.

  I think that's actually what ATB stated too. What's good for the goose....
  

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