limited seating?

gingerbride82 · March 2014

We're hosting a small destination wedding, about an hour and half from our home base, the venue is a lodge type setting. Very rustic. The wedding planner has advised she can do seating for 80 comfortably, max. Our guest list is 96. There are no more possible cuts to be made. There won't be assigned seating, it's buffet style dining when guests choose to eat, open bar, and outside activities such as corn hole.. all these factors combined with dancing, would the too few chairs be a problem? It's either hurt feelings bc we make cuts that we don't want to make, or risk people feeling restless and unhappy. Personally I feel we know our guests well enough to know that NONE of them would feel short changed by the to few chairs.. Have you any of you done this, attended a wedding as such... what were your thoughts?

melbelleup · March 2014

tclark82 said:

We're hosting a small destination wedding, about an hour and half from our home base, the venue is a lodge type setting. Very rustic. The wedding planner has advised she can do seating for 80 comfortably, max. Our guest list is 96. There are no more possible cuts to be made. There won't be assigned seating, it's buffet style dining when guests choose to eat, open bar, and outside activities such as corn hole.. all these factors combined with dancing, would the too few chairs be a problem? It's either hurt feelings bc we make cuts that we don't want to make, or risk people feeling restless and unhappy. Personally I feel we know our guests well enough to know that NONE of them would feel short changed by the to few chairs.. Have you any of you done this, attended a wedding as such... what were your thoughts?

I've been to a wedding like this.. .please don't do it. PLEASE make cuts. I'd rather not be invited than stand around with my stuff all evening.

pinkshorts27 · March 2014

Absolutely not. Do not invite more people than there are chairs. A chair for every butt is the rule and you will find that everyone who it etiquette conscious agrees.

Unless you are a mind reader, you cannot know what you guests will think/feel. Most will not tell you if you are being rude because they are being polite.

People will want a home base. Some place to put their stuff and be able to return to. If you don't have enough chairs, people will likely start to save seats and some people may never find a place to sit. Also what if everyone wants to eat right away and there aren't seats? How rude is that!

Most people decide budget, guest list, and then venue to accommodate guests lists. We had a invite list of 250, we estimate maybe 100 will come (out of town for almost everyone) but we did not book the venue we wanted because it would only host 110. We booked a venue that could seat all 250 should they choose to attend.

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

tclark82 said:

We're hosting a small destination wedding, about an hour and half from our home base, the venue is a lodge type setting. Very rustic. The wedding planner has advised she can do seating for 80 comfortably, max. Our guest list is 96. There are no more possible cuts to be made. There won't be assigned seating, it's buffet style dining when guests choose to eat, open bar, and outside activities such as corn hole.. all these factors combined with dancing, would the too few chairs be a problem? It's either hurt feelings bc we make cuts that we don't want to make, or risk people feeling restless and unhappy. Personally I feel we know our guests well enough to know that NONE of them would feel short changed by the to few chairs.. Have you any of you done this, attended a wedding as such... what were your thoughts?

Either find a bigger venue, or cut those 16 people. Do not ever, ever, EVER invite more people than you can provide chairs for their butts.

Because it's a DW, you might have declines, but don't plan on it. Plan on 100% attendance and plan to host them properly, which means each butt gets a chair of its very own that it doesn't have to share with anyone or fight over.

The too few chairs will be a problem -- people will get up to get refills and come back to find their seat is gone. Grandma will totter her way to the buffet line and come back to find no seats because she was too slow getting her food and no one else wants to give up their seats.

You think you know your guests that well. You really don't. Trust me, they will be side-eyeing the shit out of you, talking smack behind your back, and judging your wedding for being improperly hosted.

You know how I know? Because I've been to weddings like you have described, I have been forced to balance eating and drinking and standing, I haven't been able to sit down, and I still remember all of those brides (not fondly) who put their aesthetics over their guests' comfort.

Inkdancer · March 2014

Being stuck standing = terrible. You have no idea what kind of situation may come up--just this winter, 3 of my 20-something friends have broken their ankles on ice and I would hate for them not to have a seat. Your guests may not say anything to your face about being upset to have to stand, but they will gossip behind your back!

I know it's too late for OP, but lurkers beware: make your guest list before you shop for venues. If there's not enough room to have a chair for every butt, it's not the venue for you.

Maggie0829 · March 2014

So when you announce that the buffet is open and everyone is ready to sit down and eat there will be (possibly) 16 people left with no where to put their plate down and eat? Are you serious? Are you going to have a pager system set up like in a restaurant and when people are done eating you will require them to get up so that others sit down?

I am sorry but this is so fucking rude. To voluntarily know and invite more people then your venue can hold and think that none of your guests will be pissed when they don't have a seat to sit in for dinner is beyond ludicrous.

ScoutF · March 2014

You need to either make cuts or find a different venue that will accommodate ALL of your invited guests. Every person needs a chair.

Lizzieyounce · March 2014

You need a seat for every butt. Is there any way to set tables up family style instead of having traditional rounds? Can you make the dance floor smaller? I've never attended a wedding without seating for everyone and honestly, I'd be upset. Everyone in my circle would be upset. Especially if there is no place for me to sit and eat much less catch my breath after dancing a few dances.

Also, everyone will likely want to eat at the same time, especially after traveling to the wedding and witnessing the ceremony.

I hate to suggest this, because ideally every guest should be able to eat in the same area as the couple, but can you have tables set up outside so people can at least sit to eat alfresco?

doeydo · March 2014

Not having a seat for every one of your guests has to be one of the rudest thing you can possibly do. Either cut your guest list to 80 or find a new venue that can hold 96.

KatWAG · March 2014

I was at a wedding that didnt have enough seating. H and I promptly left after we went through the buffett line and were left holding our plates.

Ven&Radio · March 2014

I'd be offended if I was invited to a wedding, but there wasn't a chair for me. Juggling a plate, utensils, and a drink while standing up sucks -- nevermind things like a purse or jacket, too. Also, does the venue know you're inviting more than their max capacity? Overfilling is likely a violation of the fire code and the venue won't take kindly to this.

phira · March 2014

You've gotta find another venue or cut 16 people.

I know how it feels to not be able to make any more cuts, but I can assure you, you CAN make cuts. It's not going to be fun, and I'm sure that you will not enjoy it, but oh my god, I am ALWAYS the person who gets their food and has nowhere to sit, and it would ruin the whole day for me.

OliveOilsMom · March 2014

Ditto PP. And since you will be having an outside area, anyway to set up a tent just outside the main dining area for extra tables & chairs? While not ideal to separate guests from the main area, it would help solve your problem in the short term. Also, if you are having open seating, we advise brides to add 10% more chairs (& tables) than your guset list. You could end up splitting people up if there is only 2 seats left for 1 couple and they are at separate tables too.

kmmssg · March 2014

WHY did you choose a venue that could not hold your guest list? Also absolutely agree that if you are having open seating you need 10% more chairs than guests or the last people (lucky enough) to sit down will be filling in a chair here and a chair there rather than being able to sit together.

It is fine if you can't cut your guest list but it is not fine to choose a venue that can't hold them all properly.

phira · March 2014

kmmssg said:

WHY did you choose a venue that could not hold your guest list? Also absolutely agree that if you are having open seating you need 10% more chairs than guests or the last people (lucky enough) to sit down will be filling in a chair here and a chair there rather than being able to sit together.

It is fine if you can't cut your guest list but it is not fine to choose a venue that can't hold them all properly.

Yeah, that was bothering me, too. The first thing we did after figuring out how much money we were going to have was make our smallest possible guest list and only look at venues that could hold that capacity. We knew we couldn't get below 100, so we wouldn't have even considered an 80 person venue.

STARMOON44 · March 2014

Are you Beyoncé? Then you're not specials enough for this plan

Simky906 · March 2014

I was a bridesmaid in a wedding where this was this case. So after standing for the ceremony and standing for the pictures I had to stand to eat my dinner. I was NOT a happy camper. Would I say any of this to the bride? No, because I love her and I would never want to ruin her wedding day. But to be honest, it made me feel like she prioritized having a pretty venue over the comfort of her loved ones and that's not a great feeling. When I casually brought this up to the brides mother the day before the wedding (when I was voluntold to help set up the reception) she assured me that everyone would be up dancing or hanging out at the bar, so it would be fine. No one would mind- she told me that specifically. Nope, Nope, NOPE! Everyone wanted to eat their dinner/have their cake at the same time and it was not pleasant. Please figure out a way to have a seat for everyone. They probably won't say anything because they don't want to hurt your feelings, but by not providing them with such a basic thing, some of your guests will have their feelings hurt. You're inviting your nearest and dearest to your wedding. Do you want to risk any of your loved ones feeling hurt or slighted? Especially after traveling (so spending money on gas, plane fare, hotel room, etc)? Of course not! You want them to share your happiness on your wedding day! And all that will cost are some extra tables and chairs. ETA: Sorry there are no paragraphs, TK hates my iPad.

gingerbride82 · March 2014

Wow, I expected honesty but I didn't expect such blatant rudeness and snide remarks. Way to keep it classy "ladies". FYI the venue's max capacity is 125, so no fire codes are being broken. however, with a small dance floor seating is as previously stated. These details weren't revealed till too deep in.

melbelleup · March 2014

tclark82 said:

Wow, I expected honesty but I didn't expect such blatant rudeness and snide remarks. Way to keep it classy "ladies". FYI the venue's max capacity is 125, so no fire codes are being broken. however, with a small dance floor seating is as previously stated. These details weren't revealed till too deep in.

I would forget the dance floor and set up more seats. When comes time for dancing, take down some tables for the dance floor. This is what my cousin had to do. No one minded AFTER eating.

Simky906 · March 2014

@tclark82 I'm sorry if you felt some of the responses are snarky. I took the time to lay out my personal experience for you and I do not feel that I was rude. I think that the other ladies laid out good options for you as well- looking into tables/chairs outdoors for example to provide additional seating. Or looking into different table set ups. Really, hash out all these options with your venue and I'm sure that something can be worked out. Please take this advice and follow through with it, it truly will make for a better experience for your loved ones.

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

tclark82 said:

Wow, I expected honesty but I didn't expect such blatant rudeness and snide remarks. Way to keep it classy "ladies". FYI the venue's max capacity is 125, so no fire codes are being broken. however, with a small dance floor seating is as previously stated. These details weren't revealed till too deep in.

So you'd rather have a dance floor than host your guests properly. OK. Got it.

That's still rude, btw, and will seriously piss your guests off.

Your FIRST DUTY as a hostess is to see to your guests' comfort -- which means AT THE VERY LEAST providing them somewhere to sit down to eat their meal.

You posed an etiquette question that has been asked a million times (which you would have known if you had searched the boards) on an etiquette forum. Of course the answers were going to be blunt.

No one was rude. You may not have liked what we said, but no one was rude.

phira · March 2014

Ah, okay. That's really unfortunate that the venue wasn't clear that the max capacity was going to be so much lower with a dance floor. So is there no way to have dancing anywhere and still have seats for everyone?

delujm0 · March 2014

melbelleup said:

show previous quotes

tclark82 said:

Wow, I expected honesty but I didn't expect such blatant rudeness and snide remarks. Way to keep it classy "ladies". FYI the venue's max capacity is 125, so no fire codes are being broken. however, with a small dance floor seating is as previously stated. These details weren't revealed till too deep in.
I would forget the dance floor and set up more seats. When comes time for dancing, take down some tables for the dance floor. This is what my cousin had to do. No one minded AFTER eating.

First of all, no one was being rude...everyone was simply being honest. People will be annoyed if there aren't enough chairs. There's no good way to sugar coat that for you.

I would do the bolded too. Have enough seats set up for every butt during dinner, and then when it comes time to dance, take down a table or two. And the first table that should be taken down is your own, so that the smallest amount of guests are affected.

As long as there is a way that 96 COULD sit if need be, inviting 96 isn't an issue. If we get 100% attendance, we won't have room for the dance floor either...FI and i already decided that we would take down our own table and our parents' tables and replace them with the dance floor and a few high top tables for the inconvienced people to leave their belongings. Hopefully it won't come to that, but it could, and a least we have options available.

abbyj700 · March 2014

@tclark82 You came on an etiquette board and asked an etiquette question. People gave you the proper answer - it is considered rude to not provide a chair for every guest. They also provided solutions - ie seating outside or take down tables and chairs after dinner for dancing, etc.

It really sounds like you can have this venue that you want and function within proper etiquette - so it's a win/win and the ladies of TK have helped you to find a way to make things good for you and your guests. Rather than getting upset - why not say thank you and take some of your options to your planner/venue to see what works out best?

doeydo · March 2014

Sorry, I would still be annoyed if my table and/or chair was removed after eating so that people had room to dance. My chair is my 'home-base' at a wedding so I keep mostly everything there and I am not a dancer, so I would likely stay seated for most of the reception anyways.
Again, I say either cut your guest list or find a new venue that can properly host all of your guests.

Maggie0829 · March 2014

What about just having a smaller dance floor? You only need two additional tables to make room for those left out guests. This way you have a table and seat for everyone and you still have a dance floor, just a smaller one.

crunchymamaof2 · March 2014

Does the venue offer banquet tables or squares? You can fit more of those tables than rounds. Also, are you having a traditional head table? If so you could switch to a sweetheart to get more room as well.

Sars06 · March 2014

tclark82 said:

Wow, I expected honesty but I didn't expect such blatant rudeness and snide remarks. Way to keep it classy "ladies". FYI the venue's max capacity is 125, so no fire codes are being broken. however, with a small dance floor seating is as previously stated. These details weren't revealed till too deep in.

Then you are fine. Just eliminate dancing if you end up with 96 guests.

Honestly, I'm a little baffled that you would even consider asking your guests to STAND FOR DINNER just to preserve the dance floor. That doesn't make any sense. Chairs are required; dancing is not.

RebeccaB88 · March 2014

If I had to stand for the ceremony and dinner, I guarantee you my feet (and badly damaged back) wouldn't feel at all like dancing.

PPs have given you excellent advice. Hopefully your venue will be able to work with some of these ideas to make sure your guests are well taken care of.

And trust me...this isn't rude. You ain't seen anything close to rude here yet.

grumbledore · March 2014

Sars06 said:

show previous quotes

tclark82 said:

Wow, I expected honesty but I didn't expect such blatant rudeness and snide remarks. Way to keep it classy "ladies". FYI the venue's max capacity is 125, so no fire codes are being broken. however, with a small dance floor seating is as previously stated. These details weren't revealed till too deep in.

Then you are fine. Just eliminate dancing if you end up with 96 guests.

Honestly, I'm a little baffled that you would even consider asking your guests to STAND FOR DINNER just to preserve the dance floor. That doesn't make any sense. Chairs are required; dancing is not.

Don't be silly. We're obviously rude, not her. Sigh.

Gerbertmcway · March 2014

I think you should for now come up with a seating plan so that everyone has a seat, whether this means more or larger tables. Then, hopefully once you get rsvps back and a final guest count, the venue will be willing to switch back to this original plan if fewer than the full 96 actually come.

limited seating?

Re: limited seating?

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