So tired of being asked about babies.

jessiray · March 2014

My FI and I do not want children. If I could get my tubes tied now, I totally would (I'm 24). With my career, kids don't fit into the picture. However, I cannot wait to be an aunt! I love kids, but I do not want any of my own. I have cats, and eventually we'll have a dog. That's what I tell people when they ask if my parents or his parents want to be grandparents: "Well, right now they have two grand kitties, and eventually they'll have a grand puppy or two!" Although my favorite snarky comment (not that I've used it… yet) about the kids thing is something like, "Well, we're having sex very often, but it's none of your business whether or not we're using birth control."

APDSS22 · March 2014

Someone posted this on my FB feed today and I thought it was pretty interesting (if a bit long).

AllOnOneDay · March 2014

Another extreme annoyance is the rude BS on how can I be an escort for Planned Parenthood.

I don't care on anyone's stance on abortion, but I refuse to respect anyone who doesn't think that every child should be wanted. There are far too many children who want a family already, until every child has a caring, loving family, I will escort those who don't feel they have another option.

Plus, my area at least, PP does more for adoption than the state or the Catholic Social Services. But, I'm in a horrible state for women's rights because hey, a fire that started in at least 7 separate locations at the same time on one piece of property is accidental. So it's not hard to be better than the state or our corrupt diocese.

hellohkb · March 2014

I will never understand how it is ANYONE'S business if someone has kids or not. Asking someone a question like that seems so incredibly rude and intrusive to me. Thank goodness in-laws have never mentioned kids to me. Hopefully that will continue.

grumbledore · March 2014

Chipmunk415 said:

so @grumbledore, when are you having kids? how many do you want? boys? girls? winter baby or summer baby?

Thanks Chipmunk lol.

grumbledore · March 2014

jenna8984 said:

@grumbledore They probably assume that you would have had them already so they aren't very far apart in age. They probably think "oh that ship has sailed" even though that's clearly not the case! Good luck!

I think that's exactly what people think - but I'm freaking 32, most of my friends haven't even started having kids yet. I just happened to get knocked up when I was 21. And my FI doesn't have any kids.

And all of this having been said, I still think it's rude when people ask - I guess it's a no win situation lol.

grumbledore · March 2014

KatWAG said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I am visibly pregnant right now. And people take that as a sign to try and scare me with their horrible birthing/ parenting stories. One woman thought it would be helpful to tell me she had a c-section but the doctor didnt wait until she was totally numb. So she felt alot of the surgery. She just wanted me "to be prepared."

There is no turning back now, so I dont get how these women think they are being helpful.

Stuck in box. OMG! That's a terrible thing to tell a pregnant woman. WTF?

I have a million of them. "Your husband might stray if you pay more attention to the baby than him, just be prepared"

"your body will never be the same, be prepared"

"my epidural didnt work, be prepared."

"i had fourth degree tearing (dont google it), just be prepared"

"you might end up giving away your dog, be prepared"

Like, telling me to be prepared makes what they are saying okay/ helpful. Umm no.

Ya know what, people are stupid. You're going to be fine. I am living proof that your lady bits can be just the fuck fine after having a baby. And the best unsolicited advice I would ever give any pregnant woman is this - you really do forget pretty much the entire experience. All I really remember from that day is seeing my daughter for the first time and totally losing it. The rest is a blur. The first few weeks are a blur. Ignore the crazies.

KatWAG · March 2014

Thanks @grumblebore! I am starting to get nervous about everything. Its coming so fast.

larrygaga · March 2014

KatWAG said:

Thanks @grumblebore! I am starting to get nervous about everything. Its coming so fast.

You'll do great! Worrying and being nervous doesn't help much and doesn't do good for the baby.

Danger+Zone · March 2014

It sucks! I'm 21 and not even married yet. People ALREADY ask me or even better, remind me that I'm "next." I don't blame you for not wanting kids. I raised my nephew for the first 5 years of his life and, I know, it's work. It's wonderful, but definitely requires a lot of your time, money, and sanity. Personally, I'd like some eventually, but not wanting kids is just as valid as wanting them. I don't know why some people act like a woman can't be whole unless she's a mother. Just keep doing what you're doing. When they ask, say no thanks, I don't want any. and if they keep asking, just insist.

wrigleyville · March 2014

I used to tell people I was infertile (which is true), thinking it would shut them up and make them feel bad. Nooooooope. Then it turned into, "But you can adopt! Have you tried IVF? Don't give up!"

UGH.

Now, when someone asks, "Why don't you have any kids," I ask, "Why do you have kids?" That shocks them enough to shut them up long enough for me to bean dip. Sometimes they launch into the whole, "Oh, I love being a mommy," thing, and I just nod and say, "That's great, but I don't want that for my own life." If they continue to preach, I walk away.

I don't get the whole "take care of you when you're old" thing. There's no guarantee my kids would 1) like me at that point, 2) live close enough, and/or 3) have enough money. That's why H and I have savings accounts and retirement plans. Also, it assumes we won't have friends or other family who love us and would help us if needed. Come on... seriously?

APDSS22 · March 2014

I'm tempted to tell people when they ask about kids that I'll save all that money for braces and college tuition, etc. and spend it on my nursing home for my twilight years. That way I'll take care of myself! I'm not dead set against kids but I certainly won't be having them any time soon.

themuffinman16 · March 2014

@jdluvr06 I am in the same boat. I have a pretty aggressive form of endometriosis. I am scared to go off the pill. I have had bad periods that have required hospitalizations. I am on birth control that slows it down, but once I go off of the pill, my condition will go downhill quickly. I know getting pregnant might not be a possibility for us, and it hurts every time someone asks us if I am pregnant. We won't start trying until after the wedding, but the pressure to have a baby is so immense, it makes me a bundle of nerves. At my FI's great uncle's funeral a woman told me, "Well, you are waiting until you are 35 to get married, you must never have wanted children." It just upsets me that people cannot be happy for you in this stage of your life, they are always looking down the road for the next big moment. They should be enjoying the present.

jenna8984 · March 2014

I thought of this thread the other day when I faced the exact opposite situation....I met up for lunch with a girl that I hadn't seen in at least 5 years. We have been FB friends all these years but never close friends to call or text or anything like that. So I figured conversation would be very light, catching up, where do you work, how's your sister type of thing. She IMMEDIATELY starts telling me about how she's starting IVF and went into details of what the doctor does and how much it hurts and how her fallopian tubes are scarred so they have to implant it right into the uterus. I was like holy crap, TMI overload!!! hahah

Lowell14 · March 2014

I'm sooo glad this thread is here. I'm 31, FI is 38 and he had 2 kids (8 and 16). FI has said he didn't want any more within a few weeks of us started seeing each other. I'm totally on board with no kids.
Everyone else seems to think we'll change our minds. We are 99% sure no kids but if WE as a couple decide to have one, its OUR choice.

My FSIL went through 5 years and 4 cycles of IVF.seeing how badly she wanted a baby - it was all consuming! It puts into perspective for FI and me that our choice is best for us

tesgirl123 · March 2014

Cookie Pusher said:

You know what the worst argument I think I've heard for having kids is? "Who will take care of you when you're old?" Like, seriously, I'm going to have a child I am not prepared to raise and that I don't particularly want so that I have a safety net for my octogenarian years? What if I did have a kid, said kid hated me, and when I got old, refused to care for me. That'd be an awful lot of trouble to go through for nothing. Considering how many elderly people live alone or in homes, the whole "your kids will care for your when you're old" thing is a load of BS.

My FI's aunt actually said that to me. She said she never really wanted a kid until her own mother passed away and she realized she would have no one to take care of her. Her child is also really badly behaved which I think reflects more on her than her daughter.

My FFIL is so obsessed with me getting pregnant, I am shocked he hasn't figured out to switch my BC pills out for baby aspirin. This past Christmas, we asked what he wanted and he said "more grandchildren"(FI has two nieces and now a nephew). He and FMIL have said it would be fine if I got pregnant before the wedding(sorry not to my parents) and have specifically said we should work on their newest grandchild on our honeymoon(seriously awkward).

I want kids, desperately, but I am terrified of fertility issues. My doctors have never said I wouldn't be able to, but I have this all-consuming fear. Don't people realize that asking about people's sex lives is really invasive?

jessiray · March 2014

I was talking to my aunt last night, and she reminded me of another thing... She and my uncle have been wonderful to my sister and me; there was family drama and my cat got sick while I was at college and they pretty much saved her life. I asked them what I could do to repay them, and they told me that my sister and I (and my aunt's niece and nephew) are like their kids, so we just have to make sure they're put into a nice nursing home when they're older

ETA: They have cats and dogs, not kids, and they plan to keep it that way. They love being with nieces and nephews, but also like giving them back...

lkristenj · April 2014

I thought of you ladies when I saw this article on facebook today. Something good from Cosmo, imagine that.

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/celebrity/news/childless-women?src=soc_fcbks

jessiray · April 2014

http://theuglyvolvo.com/2014/04/01/why-you-should-never-ever-ever-get-a-tattoo-but-having-a-baby-is-fine/

A friend of mine on fb posted the above think, and I thought it was hysterical.

Chipmunk415 · April 2014

My nieces started asking if I was going to have babies THE DAY AFTER MY WEDDING 4 WEEKS AGO. I want them in the future, but not right now! Teh bebes can WAIT,

camnick · April 2014

My FMIL started planning what her grandkids are going to call her at the fancy engagement dinner she and FFIL took FH and I to a week after we got engaged. Since his siblings are both younger - that was all on us and I had to throw the brakes on - especially since our wedding isn't until July and this was over a year ago. She's been well behaved since I pointed out that her conservative catholic family probably wouldn't look too well on me getting pregnant before our wedding

So tired of being asked about babies.

Re: So tired of being asked about babies.

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