Traditional Brides?

shaylagirl · March 2014

shrekspeare said:

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SarahWins said:

So before the days of marriage licenses marriages weren't traditional?

The days before the marriage licenses involved bloody sheets, dowrys, and virgin brides. Also, women couldn't inherit land. Marriage licenses have been issued as far back as the middle ages.

Women were chattel. PROPERTY for their fathers to marry off to whomever they wanted to marry them off to. Bargaining chips and all that super awesome stuff. And, oh yeah, not always the only wife (you know, that old Biblical thing).

Hey, if you want THAT as your "traditional" wedding, then feel free.

CMGragain · March 2014

I am the most traditional poster on the Knot. I am 63 years old, and I was a MOB in 2011. I have stayed on because I like helping people.
A traditional wedding has a bride, a groom, a license, an officiant, and legal witnesses.
Your upcoming celebration has none of these things. You are not a bride because you wedding was the day you signed your paperwork and legally became a wife. Your husband cannot be a groom again, unless he divorces you. There is no license, and the officiant is not doing anything that is "official".
You may have a celebration of your marriage, but it will not be a wedding, since you are already legally wed. People are going to side eyer you for this, but you can do it, if you must. What you cannot possibly do is to have another wedding, since that has already taken place.
Here is a website that gives you a guide to having a celebration (vow renewal). http://www.idotaketwo.com/vow_renewal_etiquette.html

pumpkinsandturkeys · March 2014

SarahWins said:

It started out with me thinking that ushers should be men, not women. Then it became that I think they should be in the wedding party at all. Now it's somehow become terrible for me to not consider signing our marriage license as the "real wedding", and terrible to do that before our destination wedding. (We are having a destination wedding in Mexico to make it easier for his family to come from Brazil. No visa cost compared to $600/person if we had it at home. Since the marriage won't be legally recognized in our state, we are getting the marriage license signed at the courthouse beforehand).

Just kind of want to know if there's anyone else out here that thinks the same way that I do.

(MIA for a bit so late to respond)

None of this makes you traditional. It makes you a PPD-loving Bridezilla who has little to no consideration for the people in and attending your wedding.

ZiggyZos said:

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SarahWins said:

shrekspeare said:

SarahWins said:

Any other traditional brides out there? I'm getting bashed left and right for being one, just kind of want to know that I'm not alone

Also quoting. You're not being bashed for being a 'traditional' bride. You're getting bashed for insisting ushers be male, giving shitty jobs to your WP, being married for tax purposes, having a PPD, and essentially insulting any progress that the human race has made with your 'why change the way it's always been done' comment.

I was only trying to get help with ideas. Did it occur to you that maybe we can't afford to have multiple people in the wedding party? We still want to honor our female friend. And yes, we think that ushers should be male, because of what it is. Or that we have to have a destination wedding for anyone in my fiancé's family to be able to afford to attend, and now have to deal with other difficulties, such as it not being legally recognized in our home state?

I'm not insulting any and all progress, but I disagree with progress for progress's sake. I am not a feminist, nor will I ever be. I like traditions. I like traditional weddings. Why is that wrong?

As far as my opinion on the marriage license, I'm libertarian. Rights are not given by the government, they are intrinsic to our humanity. I don't need the government to tell me I have the right to get married. That's why I don't consider signing the marriage license to be adequate. Not saying your opinion is wrong, just saying it's not mine. I'd just appreciate the same courtesy.

Not touching anything else in this post strictly because I don't have the time while at work, but why exactly can't you have more than a BM/MOH in your wedding party? What expenses will you be out by adding one more person?

Then why have a legal wedding at all? Let the universe marry you and have that be good enough.

shaylagirl · March 2014

SarahWins said:

You know what, screw it. I was looking for help with an issue we were having. I guess that people don't know how to be supportive and helpful to a fellow bride, though. How about if you disagree, don't comment? That's not going to happen though, so I guess I know where not to come for help/ideas in the future.

"Oddly" enough, TK is FILLED with helpful comments and good advice. Regulars don't condone bullshit PPDs, cash bars, badly hosted receptions or ceremonies or bridezillas.

For any future readers, NO, your PPD isn't some exception to a rule.

If you want people to support you with bad ideas, bad advice and ways to allow you to violate your guests, PLEASE go to WW or WB where all of those things I've just mentioned are met with an enthusiastic "It's YOUR DAY!!!" rainbow and glittered unicorn farts.

That or, perhaps LURK more, spend some time reading these forums and understand exactly WHY what you're suggesting is such a bad idea.

pumpkinsandturkeys · March 2014

SarahWins said:

You know what, screw it. I was looking for help with an issue we were having. I guess that people don't know how to be supportive and helpful to a fellow bride, though. How about if you disagree, don't comment? That's not going to happen though, so I guess I know where not to come for help/ideas in the future.

Missed this one.

No you weren't. You were looking for validation of awful ideas. BIG DIFFERENCE.

If you've spent any time on any of these boards, you'd know that this only comes from other people with equally bad/offensive ideas.

Get off your high horse, build a bridge, and get over it.

phira · March 2014

Sorry, y'all, I'm still stuck on the whole, "I'm not getting MARRIED, I'm signing a marriage license."

Maggie0829 · March 2014

Still wondering why, if you don't believe that the government should be involved in marriages and provide benefits to those married, do you feel the need to get that legal piece of paper? If you don't believe in it then why get legally married? Just have your pretty destination party, say your vows and skip the paperwork. This way you and your FI will be "married" in accordance to your beliefs and you won't be going against what you believe by gaining those benefits and having the government "involved" in your marriage.

mbross3 · March 2014

You're married the minute you sign the papers. That is your wedding. Think about it this way:

you go to the courthouse, sign the papers, head to the airport for you "DW/PPD". On the way to the airport you slip and fall and break your leg. YOUR HUSBAND drives you to the hospital. You miss your flight and never make it to the PPD. YOU ARE STILL MARRIED. YOU ARE STILL MARRIED.

Why is this so hard for people to understand?!

ZiggyZos · March 2014

SarahWins said:

You know what, screw it. I was looking for help with an issue we were having. I guess that people don't know how to be supportive and helpful to a fellow bride, though. How about if you disagree, don't comment? That's not going to happen though, so I guess I know where not to come for help/ideas in the future.

You got help. What you didn't get was validation.

Maggie0829 · March 2014

mbross3 said:

You're married the minute you sign the papers. That is your wedding. Think about it this way:

you go to the courthouse, sign the papers, head to the airport for you "DW/PPD". On the way to the airport you slip and fall and break your leg. YOUR HUSBAND drives you to the hospital. You miss your flight and never make it to the PPD. YOU ARE STILL MARRIED. YOU ARE STILL MARRIED.

Why is this so hard for people to understand?!

Because people have watched too many wedding shows and think that a 'real wedding' is only when they are decked out in a big white dress and have the whole party with flowers and guests and wedding party and invitations and programs and favors and god only knows what else.

ScoutF · March 2014

show previous quotes

I was only trying to get help with ideas. Did it occur to you that maybe we can't afford to have multiple people in the wedding party? We still want to honor our female friend. And yes, we think that ushers should be male, because of what it is. Or that we have to have a destination wedding for anyone in my fiancé's family to be able to afford to attend, and now have to deal with other difficulties, such as it not being legally recognized in our home state?

I'm not insulting any and all progress, but I disagree with progress for progress's sake. I am not a feminist, nor will I ever be. I like traditions. I like traditional weddings. Why is that wrong?

As far as my opinion on the marriage license, I'm libertarian. Rights are not given by the government, they are intrinsic to our humanity. I don't need the government to tell me I have the right to get married. That's why I don't consider signing the marriage license to be adequate. Not saying your opinion is wrong, just saying it's not mine. I'd just appreciate the same courtesy.

Since everyone else is doing a good job on the PPD issue, I'm going to focus on the feminist issue.

Do you think that women should be allowed to vote? Own property? Drive? You're a freaking feminist then.

Also, stop belittling the people who had a courthouse/JOP wedding. It is perfectly 'adequate' and by these marriages do not mean any less than people who had larger ceremonies. Get over yourself, and stop playing the victim. You want validation for bad ideas, go to Wedding Wire or Wedding Bee.

Jells2dot0 · March 2014

SarahWins said:

You know what, screw it. I'm obviously alone in my opinions, at least as far as this site is concerned. So glad that everyone could be helpful and supportive of a fellow bride in need. I guess I know where not to go for help.
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shrekspeare said:

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/996776/legally-married-now-having-a-real-wedding-stop-here-first-aka-the-ppd-faq-thread/p1

Here are 961 posts discussing how incredibly rude and insulting it is to have a PPD. 99% of them are in the agreement that PPDs are awful.

So nobody should have a wedding other than going to the courthouse and signing the license. So why are you on this site?

Ah- my favorite topic- DWs and PPDs.

FYI- you are not a bride in need. You are a WIFE that is ignoring excellent advice.

It's quite ironic that I just sat down with a freshly popped bag of popcorn.

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

You are not a Libertarian. I do not know you, and I know that about you. Do you know why? Because:

I was a fairly traditional bride -- my dad walked me down the aisle (though he did not 'give me away'), we had a full Catholic Mass, country club reception, in my hometown, etc. None of that makes me better or worse than other brides; that's what worked for me and DH.

Our ushers happened to be all male: My brother (responsible for recognising and seating appropriately all members of my family) and DH's brother (responsible for recognising and seating all members of his family).

We didn't sign our marriage licence, but our priest did, the day of our wedding, after he had performed the Nuptial Mass.

I'm not sure why possession of a penis means you're the only person capable of showing someone where to sit. Why is the penis necessary? Is it something for the guest to hold on to? Oooh! Is it like a cane? Like House?

Otherwise, anyone can walk anyone else down the aisle and seat them. I promise. The penis is not a magical third leg that helps people walk better.

If you aren't capable of understanding that signing a marriage licence confers upon you rights, protections, and benefits that are available only to married couples, you're beyond our ability to help you.

But what you are doing is rude. Whether you want to admit it or not, whether you think it is or not, it's rude.

If having his family there is so important to you, you would have found a way to prioritise things better -- such as including the cost of their travel in your wedding budget, or getting married in Brazil and including the cost of your family travel in your wedding budget.

Being an adult means owning your own decisions, and the consequences of your actions. Your choice (and your FI's choice) is to marry someone of a different nationality. That means that some people might have to incur more costs to come to your wedding.

Given that you're making everyone shell out all this cash to attend your wedding, the least you could do is allow them to witness the real event, not a fake do-over.*

*Unless one of you is planning on breaking your wedding vows, thus causing a divorce, between signing the marriage licence and your do-over in Mexico.

pumpkinsandturkeys · March 2014

ScoutF said:

show previous quotes

I was only trying to get help with ideas. Did it occur to you that maybe we can't afford to have multiple people in the wedding party? We still want to honor our female friend. And yes, we think that ushers should be male, because of what it is. Or that we have to have a destination wedding for anyone in my fiancé's family to be able to afford to attend, and now have to deal with other difficulties, such as it not being legally recognized in our home state?

I'm not insulting any and all progress, but I disagree with progress for progress's sake. I am not a feminist, nor will I ever be. I like traditions. I like traditional weddings. Why is that wrong?

As far as my opinion on the marriage license, I'm libertarian. Rights are not given by the government, they are intrinsic to our humanity. I don't need the government to tell me I have the right to get married. That's why I don't consider signing the marriage license to be adequate. Not saying your opinion is wrong, just saying it's not mine. I'd just appreciate the same courtesy.

Since everyone else is doing a good job on the PPD issue, I'm going to focus on the feminist issue.

Do you think that women should be allowed to vote? Own property? Drive? You're a freaking feminist then.

Also, stop belittling the people who had a courthouse/JOP wedding. It is perfectly 'adequate' and by these marriages do not mean any less than people who had larger ceremonies. Get over yourself, and stop playing the victim. You want validation for bad ideas, go to Wedding Wire or Wedding Bee.

A-greed! I wish I had touched on this, as well.

The fact that you're taking advantage of being able to marry of your own free will rather than being sold like chattel to whichever man is going to pay your family the most money for you is also proof that you're a feminist.

Edited to clarify

pumpkinsandturkeys · March 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

You are not a Libertarian. I do not know you, and I know that about you. Do you know why? Because:

I was a fairly traditional bride -- my dad walked me down the aisle (though he did not 'give me away'), we had a full Catholic Mass, country club reception, in my hometown, etc. None of that makes me better or worse than other brides; that's what worked for me and DH.

Our ushers happened to be all male: My brother (responsible for recognising and seating appropriately all members of my family) and DH's brother (responsible for recognising and seating all members of his family).

We didn't sign our marriage licence, but our priest did, the day of our wedding, after he had performed the Nuptial Mass.

I'm not sure why possession of a penis means you're the only person capable of showing someone where to sit. Why is the penis necessary? Is it something for the guest to hold on to? Oooh! Is it like a cane? Like House?

Otherwise, anyone can walk anyone else down the aisle and seat them. I promise. The penis is not a magical third leg that helps people walk better.

If you aren't capable of understanding that signing a marriage licence confers upon you rights, protections, and benefits that are available only to married couples, you're beyond our ability to help you.

But what you are doing is rude. Whether you want to admit it or not, whether you think it is or not, it's rude.

If having his family there is so important to you, you would have found a way to prioritise things better -- such as including the cost of their travel in your wedding budget, or getting married in Brazil and including the cost of your family travel in your wedding budget.

Being an adult means owning your own decisions, and the consequences of your actions. Your choice (and your FI's choice) is to marry someone of a different nationality. That means that some people might have to incur more costs to come to your wedding.

Given that you're making everyone shell out all this cash to attend your wedding, the least you could do is allow them to witness the real event, not a fake do-over.*

*Unless one of you is planning on breaking your wedding vows, thus causing a divorce, between signing the marriage licence and your do-over in Mexico.

Can we explain the bolded to a large percentage of the male population? Pretty please?

JennyColada · March 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

The penis is not a magical third leg

Maybe for the guys' you've been with, but that's certainly not the case with my Fi.

HEYO. ;D

CMGragain · March 2014

SarahWins said:

You know what, screw it. I was looking for help with an issue we were having. I guess that people don't know how to be supportive and helpful to a fellow bride, though. How about if you disagree, don't comment? That's not going to happen though, so I guess I know where not to come for help/ideas in the future.

You will not BE a BRIDE!!!!

SBmini · March 2014

SarahWins said:

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SBmini said:

I've seen a lot of people on this forum discuss the need to get legally married in the states when having a destination wedding in Mexico. One bride just last month was lamenting at how frustrating it was to actually try to get married legally in Mexico. It involved another trip, vaccinations and a bunch of other hoops to jump through for what takes standing in line for an hour or two in the states. I don't think that makes every Mexican destination wedding a PPD. It's just a technicality to ensure you are legally married.

That said, OP, a destination wedding in Mexico is hardly a traditional wedding.

So in order for it to be traditional we would have to exclude his entire family? That sounds less traditional to me.

I'm not sure why you are attacking me, I'm the ONLY person in this thread who chimed into why getting a marriage license before going to Mexico to get married is common practice. That said, getting a marriage license a week before you go is very different from getting a marriage license a few months before you go.

You are not a traditional bride. You are simply choosing which traditional customs to follow and which ones to ignore (i.e. yes to ushers being men, no to marriage license signing being a real wedding). A destination wedding isn't traditional. Nor is giving friends jobs outside of being in the wedding party.

All and all, I think you are being prima dona here. You need to start thinking outside the box you have built around your wedding. Not having a friend be in the wedding because of a bouquet that shouldn't cost more than $100 is ridiculous. Giving her a job because you don't want to spend $100 on a bouquet is even more ridiculous.

I suggest you go calm down and start posting again later.

Jells2dot0 · March 2014

SBmini said:

Here's the requirements for getting a marriage license in Mexico. Included in the requirements is a blood test and X-ray preformed in Mexico no earlier than 15 days before the wedding and four witnesses: http://www.mexperience.com/mexico-weddings/getting-married-in-mexico.php

This is why many people chose to get married legally in the states and symbolically in Mexico.

As SBmini points out, it is a little difficult to make a marriage legally binding in Mexico. So, if that is the case, why in the heck to people choose to get married there?!? I can understand if his family is in Mexico, or if you were originally from there, but if it's chosen just because it seems like a pretty place for a wedding, that is crap. Just don't have a ceremony there!!! It's simple. Find another country in the general area that meets your criteria. Or cut back on your plans and pay for the family visas!!! It's all about choices and I do NOT feel badly for people who willingly choose Mexico and then complain about the requirements.

edit- spelling

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

Jennycolada said:

show previous quotes

HisGirlFriday13 said:

The penis is not a magical third leg

Maybe for the guys' you've been with, but that's certainly not the case with my Fi.

HEYO. ;D

He uses it to walk? I'm super-impressed!

JennyColada · March 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

show previous quotes

Jennycolada said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

The penis is not a magical third leg

Maybe for the guys' you've been with, but that's certainly not the case with my Fi.

HEYO. ;D

He uses it to walk? I'm super-impressed!

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

Jennycolada said:

show previous quotes

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Jennycolada said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

The penis is not a magical third leg

Maybe for the guys' you've been with, but that's certainly not the case with my Fi.

HEYO. ;D

He uses it to walk? I'm super-impressed!

(Sorry, you posted the other Olympic not-impressed GIF and I couldn't resist.)

SBmini · March 2014

Jells2dot0 said:

show previous quotes

SBmini said:

Here's the requirements for getting a marriage license in Mexico. Included in the requirements is a blood test and X-ray preformed in Mexico no earlier than 15 days before the wedding and four witnesses: http://www.mexperience.com/mexico-weddings/getting-married-in-mexico.php

This is why many people chose to get married legally in the states and symbolically in Mexico.

As SBmini points out, it is a little difficult to make a marriage legally binding in Mexico. So, if that is the case, why in the heck to people choose to get married there?!? I can understand if his family is in Mexico, or if you were originally from there, but if it's chosen just because it seems like a pretty place for a wedding, that is crap. Just don't have a ceremony there!!! It's simple. Find another country in the general area that meets your criteria. Or cut back on your plans and pay for the family visas!!! It's all about choices and I do NOT feel badly for people who willingly choose Mexico and then complain about the requirements.

edit- spelling

She actually has a good reason. His family is Brazilian and the visa requirements are less for Mexico than the US, making it possible for his family to travel to the wedding. It's sort of like everyone meeting half way. I get it. I do, and I don't judge her for picking Mexico and counting that as her real wedding even if she gets a marriage license right before she goes because it is easier in the US. I really think that is the gray area of the PPD that people need to acknowledge exists and accept that sometimes, it isn't possible to get married and sign the license on the same day.

That said, what is not acceptable is her attitude in this thread.

phira · March 2014

If you believe that marriage is an intrinsic right that's not related to the government, then ... don't sign the marriage license. Why get government benefits if you don't believe marriage is a legal, government regulated institution?

I totally believe you're not a feminist, though. I got that with the whole, "Our ushers HAVE to be male" bit.

chibiyui · March 2014

SBmini said:

show previous quotes

Jells2dot0 said:

SBmini said:

Here's the requirements for getting a marriage license in Mexico. Included in the requirements is a blood test and X-ray preformed in Mexico no earlier than 15 days before the wedding and four witnesses: http://www.mexperience.com/mexico-weddings/getting-married-in-mexico.php

This is why many people chose to get married legally in the states and symbolically in Mexico.

As SBmini points out, it is a little difficult to make a marriage legally binding in Mexico. So, if that is the case, why in the heck to people choose to get married there?!? I can understand if his family is in Mexico, or if you were originally from there, but if it's chosen just because it seems like a pretty place for a wedding, that is crap. Just don't have a ceremony there!!! It's simple. Find another country in the general area that meets your criteria. Or cut back on your plans and pay for the family visas!!! It's all about choices and I do NOT feel badly for people who willingly choose Mexico and then complain about the requirements.

edit- spelling

She actually has a good reason. His family is Brazilian and the visa requirements are less for Mexico than the US, making it possible for his family to travel to the wedding. It's sort of like everyone meeting half way. I get it. I do, and I don't judge her for picking Mexico and counting that as her real wedding even if she gets a marriage license right before she goes because it is easier in the US. I really think that is the gray area of the PPD that people need to acknowledge exists and accept that sometimes, it isn't possible to get married and sign the license on the same day.

That said, what is not acceptable is her attitude in this thread.

For that matter, why doesn't she sign the papers once they get back?

Jells2dot0 · March 2014

chibiyui said:

show previous quotes

SBmini said:

Jells2dot0 said:

SBmini said:

Here's the requirements for getting a marriage license in Mexico. Included in the requirements is a blood test and X-ray preformed in Mexico no earlier than 15 days before the wedding and four witnesses: http://www.mexperience.com/mexico-weddings/getting-married-in-mexico.php

This is why many people chose to get married legally in the states and symbolically in Mexico.

As SBmini points out, it is a little difficult to make a marriage legally binding in Mexico. So, if that is the case, why in the heck to people choose to get married there?!? I can understand if his family is in Mexico, or if you were originally from there, but if it's chosen just because it seems like a pretty place for a wedding, that is crap. Just don't have a ceremony there!!! It's simple. Find another country in the general area that meets your criteria. Or cut back on your plans and pay for the family visas!!! It's all about choices and I do NOT feel badly for people who willingly choose Mexico and then complain about the requirements.

edit- spelling

She actually has a good reason. His family is Brazilian and the visa requirements are less for Mexico than the US, making it possible for his family to travel to the wedding. It's sort of like everyone meeting half way. I get it. I do, and I don't judge her for picking Mexico and counting that as her real wedding even if she gets a marriage license right before she goes because it is easier in the US. I really think that is the gray area of the PPD that people need to acknowledge exists and accept that sometimes, it isn't possible to get married and sign the license on the same day.

That said, what is not acceptable is her attitude in this thread.

For that matter, why doesn't she sign the papers once they get back?

I thought about editing my post to include that. At least when you are saying your vows in front of your guests, you are a bride and groom and not already husband and wife. To me, that makes the moment of saying those vows that much more meaningful.

jdluvr06 · March 2014

OMG seriously?

ScoutF · March 2014

chibiyui said:

show previous quotes

SBmini said:

Jells2dot0 said:

SBmini said:

Here's the requirements for getting a marriage license in Mexico. Included in the requirements is a blood test and X-ray preformed in Mexico no earlier than 15 days before the wedding and four witnesses: http://www.mexperience.com/mexico-weddings/getting-married-in-mexico.php

This is why many people chose to get married legally in the states and symbolically in Mexico.

As SBmini points out, it is a little difficult to make a marriage legally binding in Mexico. So, if that is the case, why in the heck to people choose to get married there?!? I can understand if his family is in Mexico, or if you were originally from there, but if it's chosen just because it seems like a pretty place for a wedding, that is crap. Just don't have a ceremony there!!! It's simple. Find another country in the general area that meets your criteria. Or cut back on your plans and pay for the family visas!!! It's all about choices and I do NOT feel badly for people who willingly choose Mexico and then complain about the requirements.

edit- spelling

She actually has a good reason. His family is Brazilian and the visa requirements are less for Mexico than the US, making it possible for his family to travel to the wedding. It's sort of like everyone meeting half way. I get it. I do, and I don't judge her for picking Mexico and counting that as her real wedding even if she gets a marriage license right before she goes because it is easier in the US. I really think that is the gray area of the PPD that people need to acknowledge exists and accept that sometimes, it isn't possible to get married and sign the license on the same day.

That said, what is not acceptable is her attitude in this thread.

For that matter, why doesn't she sign the papers once they get back?

Because although she doesn't want government interference, she really would love the tax benefits of getting married. Makes total sense. NOT.

FWIW OP, my dad and FIL tried to convince me and H to go to the courthouse to get married several months before our actual wedding date so I could get on his insurance. Notice I said tried. I would much rather be uninsured than lie to my family and friends. That's what you'll be doing. Pretty shitty thing to do to all of those people shelling out time and money to go to your 'wedding'.

abbyj700 · March 2014

Hey popcorn eaters - where's the original thread please? :-)

Jells2dot0 · March 2014

SBmini said:

show previous quotes

Jells2dot0 said:

SBmini said:

Here's the requirements for getting a marriage license in Mexico. Included in the requirements is a blood test and X-ray preformed in Mexico no earlier than 15 days before the wedding and four witnesses: http://www.mexperience.com/mexico-weddings/getting-married-in-mexico.php

This is why many people chose to get married legally in the states and symbolically in Mexico.

As SBmini points out, it is a little difficult to make a marriage legally binding in Mexico. So, if that is the case, why in the heck to people choose to get married there?!? I can understand if his family is in Mexico, or if you were originally from there, but if it's chosen just because it seems like a pretty place for a wedding, that is crap. Just don't have a ceremony there!!! It's simple. Find another country in the general area that meets your criteria. Or cut back on your plans and pay for the family visas!!! It's all about choices and I do NOT feel badly for people who willingly choose Mexico and then complain about the requirements.

edit- spelling

She actually has a good reason. His family is Brazilian and the visa requirements are less for Mexico than the US, making it possible for his family to travel to the wedding. It's sort of like everyone meeting half way. I get it. I do, and I don't judge her for picking Mexico and counting that as her real wedding even if she gets a marriage license right before she goes because it is easier in the US. I really think that is the gray area of the PPD that people need to acknowledge exists and accept that sometimes, it isn't possible to get married and sign the license on the same day.

That said, what is not acceptable is her attitude in this thread.

I read about the visa situation. My point was that there may be other options in the area (Caribbean, Central America) that do not have visa concerns and allow legally binding weddings where the requirements are somewhat easy to meet. I'm by no means a visa expert, especially for Brazil, but I am thinking there could be other options.

Or, the OP could have budgeted for "family travel assistance" to ensure that his family could attend. Mostly everyone has to make sacrifices, especially with budget, for their wedding.

My post was also meant to be very general because there are knotties on here who claim to have the same issue but do NOT have family traveling from another country with visa complications.

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