Exactly what @Phira said. Its really easy to get caught up in the "but its my day"ness of the whole thing, and the nice thing about this board is that they'll talk you off that ledge (or sometimes pull you) back to reality.
So, here's what I would suggest- Hot Dog and Hamburgers (you can start buying them now and freeze them, they'll keep), Do you have a Aldi near you? or a GFS? If so you can get cheap sides, chips, heat and eat apps, and cheese and meat to set out for apps. Bake pies to serve instead of cake. Look into the cost of a keg and a few boxes of wine, or if you've got a Trader Joe's a few cases of 2 buck Chuck are just fine (have some iced tea and water on hand for the nondrinkers). Smartyhadaparty.com has nice looking disposable plates and flatware, or just plain old chinet is fine. You can get rentals, or ONLY if you offer to pick up/drop off, you can can ask invited guests if they have any extra tables/chairs you can borrow. (Do not make guests bring their own chairs!) String up some twinkle lights, hook up the stereo and let the good times roll!!
AWESOME suggestions.
You'd be surprised at how well stuff keeps in the freezer. For all the bar/bat mitzvahs in my family, my mom baked cookies and brownies for the oneg (basically, right after the morning service, there's coffee/tea/cookies, and we had to supply them). She baked everything 2-3 months ahead of time and for those 2-3 months, it was hard to avoid temptation every time we opened the freezer. But it worked very well.
The timing of dinner is a little bit dependent on geography. In my area - Indiana - 7:30 would be fine, especially with a note saying "cocktail reception to follow" or something that indicates there is no meal.
Yet in Indiana and most (if not all) of the US between 7-8pm is the most popular dinning time for restaurants.
BTW - All of the weddings DH did in Indiana (which average 100 per year) full dinners were served and all of them were between 6:30-8pm.
What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests. Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated.
First of all you should be ashamed of yourself for even thinking that your future brother in law and the person who your fiance actually asked to officiate your wedding would just "claim" he "can't make it" as you so eloquently put it. Do you honestly believe he wouldn't take the day off if he could? Perhaps you do not understand the complexities of working for the government. He is required to submit his vacation requests in JANUARY for the entire year. That means that if there is a dance recital for his daughter or class presentation for his son and he doesn't know in JANUARY then he just doesn't go. Do you think he enjoys missing important family functions because of this policy? Of course not. He missed his cousin's wedding last summer for the very same reason, not because he didn't feel like going. You picked a date in March -- two months after he had already put in his vacation requests. P.S. I would LOVE to know who you are referring to in this quote: "But then I spoke to some family members regarding it and everyone seemed so mad that he wouldnt even say " I can try to get it off" " so we can be sure to let them know that the reason he didn't say that is because it would make no difference if he said that. He knows the policy at work and he knows "trying to get it off" isn't going to happen. He would be lying to you and giving you false hope that there was a chance. P.P.S.- Next time you post on facebook about how stressed you are about your wedding you might want to consider that your future brother in law's wife (being the helpful person she is) just might decide to use the same message board you happened to (what a small world!) to try to help you with ideas to lesson your stress. How conventient that she stumbled upon this.
First of all you should be ashamed of yourself for even thinking that your future brother in law and the person who your fiance actually asked to officiate your wedding would just "claim" he "can't make it" as you so eloquently put it. Do you honestly believe he wouldn't take the day off if he could? Perhaps you do not understand the complexities of working for the government. He is required to submit his vacation requests in JANUARY for the entire year. That means that if there is a dance recital for his daughter or class presentation for his son and he doesn't know in JANUARY then he just doesn't go. Do you think he enjoys missing important family functions because of this policy? Of course not. He missed his cousin's wedding last summer for the very same reason, not because he didn't feel like going. You picked a date in March -- two months after he had already put in his vacation requests. P.S. I would LOVE to know who you are referring to in this quote: "But then I spoke to some family members regarding it and everyone seemed so mad that he wouldnt even say " I can try to get it off" " so we can be sure to let them know that the reason he didn't say that is because it would make no difference if he said that. He knows the policy at work and he knows "trying to get it off" isn't going to happen. He would be lying to you and giving you false hope that there was a chance. P.P.S.- Next time you post on facebook about how stressed you are about your wedding you might want to consider that your future brother in law's wife (being the helpful person she is) just might decide to use the same message board you happened to (what a small world!) to try to help you with ideas to lesson your stress. How conventient that she stumbled upon this.
First of all you should be ashamed of yourself for even thinking that your future brother in law and the person who your fiance actually asked to officiate your wedding would just "claim" he "can't make it" as you so eloquently put it. Do you honestly believe he wouldn't take the day off if he could? Perhaps you do not understand the complexities of working for the government. He is required to submit his vacation requests in JANUARY for the entire year. That means that if there is a dance recital for his daughter or class presentation for his son and he doesn't know in JANUARY then he just doesn't go. Do you think he enjoys missing important family functions because of this policy? Of course not. He missed his cousin's wedding last summer for the very same reason, not because he didn't feel like going. You picked a date in March -- two months after he had already put in his vacation requests. P.S. I would LOVE to know who you are referring to in this quote: "But then I spoke to some family members regarding it and everyone seemed so mad that he wouldnt even say " I can try to get it off" " so we can be sure to let them know that the reason he didn't say that is because it would make no difference if he said that. He knows the policy at work and he knows "trying to get it off" isn't going to happen. He would be lying to you and giving you false hope that there was a chance. P.P.S.- Next time you post on facebook about how stressed you are about your wedding you might want to consider that your future brother in law's wife (being the helpful person she is) just might decide to use the same message board you happened to (what a small world!) to try to help you with ideas to lesson your stress. How conventient that she stumbled upon this.
What @CoreyMBil says is true - vacation requests have to be put in WAY in advance. And even if you request a certain time for vacation, if people with more seniority than you request the same dates, you're SOL. FFIL has been with the post office for nearly 30 years, and he has had to miss SO MUCH stuff (sporting events, birthday parties, other family events, etc.) because he couldn't get the time off. He is now very high in seniority so can usually get the dates he requests off, but it's not guaranteed.
First of all you should be ashamed of yourself for even thinking that your future brother in law and the person who your fiance actually asked to officiate your wedding would just "claim" he "can't make it" as you so eloquently put it. Do you honestly believe he wouldn't take the day off if he could? Perhaps you do not understand the complexities of working for the government. He is required to submit his vacation requests in JANUARY for the entire year. That means that if there is a dance recital for his daughter or class presentation for his son and he doesn't know in JANUARY then he just doesn't go. Do you think he enjoys missing important family functions because of this policy? Of course not. He missed his cousin's wedding last summer for the very same reason, not because he didn't feel like going. You picked a date in March -- two months after he had already put in his vacation requests. P.S. I would LOVE to know who you are referring to in this quote: "But then I spoke to some family members regarding it and everyone seemed so mad that he wouldnt even say " I can try to get it off" " so we can be sure to let them know that the reason he didn't say that is because it would make no difference if he said that. He knows the policy at work and he knows "trying to get it off" isn't going to happen. He would be lying to you and giving you false hope that there was a chance. P.P.S.- Next time you post on facebook about how stressed you are about your wedding you might want to consider that your future brother in law's wife (being the helpful person she is) just might decide to use the same message board you happened to (what a small world!) to try to help you with ideas to lesson your stress. How conventient that she stumbled upon this.
And I thought my afternoon was going to be boring...
First of all you should be ashamed of yourself for even thinking that your future brother in law and the person who your fiance actually asked to officiate your wedding would just "claim" he "can't make it" as you so eloquently put it. Do you honestly believe he wouldn't take the day off if he could? Perhaps you do not understand the complexities of working for the government. He is required to submit his vacation requests in JANUARY for the entire year. That means that if there is a dance recital for his daughter or class presentation for his son and he doesn't know in JANUARY then he just doesn't go. Do you think he enjoys missing important family functions because of this policy? Of course not. He missed his cousin's wedding last summer for the very same reason, not because he didn't feel like going. You picked a date in March -- two months after he had already put in his vacation requests. P.S. I would LOVE to know who you are referring to in this quote: "But then I spoke to some family members regarding it and everyone seemed so mad that he wouldnt even say " I can try to get it off" " so we can be sure to let them know that the reason he didn't say that is because it would make no difference if he said that. He knows the policy at work and he knows "trying to get it off" isn't going to happen. He would be lying to you and giving you false hope that there was a chance. P.P.S.- Next time you post on facebook about how stressed you are about your wedding you might want to consider that your future brother in law's wife (being the helpful person she is) just might decide to use the same message board you happened to (what a small world!) to try to help you with ideas to lesson your stress. How conventient that she stumbled upon this.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Just feel like a dick when those weren't my intentions at all. Sorry Guys
All joking aside, I hope you can talk with your brother and SIL and figure this out so there are no hurt feelings.
FWIW, you aren't the first poster on TK to be 'outed' by family/friends, and I do believe that you just had a momentary lapse in judgment brought on by wedding planning stress. I do believe you want to do the right thing for your family and friends and I hope you and FI's family can patch things up.
Lurkers- This is why we tell brides to check with VIP's before setting anything in stone. I know its hard but you can't get so caught up in wedding planning that you forget about other people. It might be your 'big day' but that doesn't mean other people can just snap their fingers and make the realities of their life disappear.
Just feel like a dick when those weren't my intentions at all. Sorry Guys
All joking aside, I hope you can talk with your brother and SIL and figure this out so there are no hurt feelings.
FWIW, you aren't the first poster on TK to be 'outed' by family/friends, and I do believe that you just had a momentary lapse in judgment brought on by wedding planning stress. I do believe you want to do the right thing for your family and friends and I hope you and FI's family can patch things up.
Lurkers- This is why we tell brides to check with VIP's before setting anything in stone. I know its hard but you can't get so caught up in wedding planning that you forget about other people. It might be your 'big day' but that doesn't mean other people can just snap their fingers and make the realities of their life disappear.
This, this, this!!!!!!
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Just feel like a dick when those weren't my intentions at all. Sorry Guys
All joking aside, I hope you can talk with your brother and SIL and figure this out so there are no hurt feelings.
FWIW, you aren't the first poster on TK to be 'outed' by family/friends, and I do believe that you just had a momentary lapse in judgment brought on by wedding planning stress. I do believe you want to do the right thing for your family and friends and I hope you and FI's family can patch things up.
Lurkers- This is why we tell brides to check with VIP's before setting anything in stone. I know its hard but you can't get so caught up in wedding planning that you forget about other people. It might be your 'big day' but that doesn't mean other people can just snap their fingers and make the realities of their life disappear.
This, this, this!!!!!!
And I'm going to go one further on this and say that checking with VIPS does not equate to asking your FI is a date is a go (as OP did). I too did that and then got caught in the "man" definition of making sure VIPS know. That definition is not the same as the woman definition of having individually confirmed with each VIP the date and time. It's a lot more vague. More like "got a general idea that they were excited about the wedding and general timeframe." I got caught in this trap too (though we were over a year out and could work out a solution). But in very few couples is your FI going to be as "into" planning the wedding as you are. Make sure he answers specifics when you ask him things like "Is this date good?" and perhaps ask more specific things like "Have you made sure that everybody is ok with this date? Because there's nothing we can do later if you haven't tracked them down and asked them individually.
Just feel like a dick when those weren't my intentions at all. Sorry Guys
All joking aside, I hope you can talk with your brother and SIL and figure this out so there are no hurt feelings.
FWIW, you aren't the first poster on TK to be 'outed' by family/friends, and I do believe that you just had a momentary lapse in judgment brought on by wedding planning stress. I do believe you want to do the right thing for your family and friends and I hope you and FI's family can patch things up.
Lurkers- This is why we tell brides to check with VIP's before setting anything in stone. I know its hard but you can't get so caught up in wedding planning that you forget about other people. It might be your 'big day' but that doesn't mean other people can just snap their fingers and make the realities of their life disappear.
This, this, this!!!!!!
And I'm going to go one further on this and say that checking with VIPS does not equate to asking your FI is a date is a go (as OP did). I too did that and then got caught in the "man" definition of making sure VIPS know. That definition is not the same as the woman definition of having individually confirmed with each VIP the date and time. It's a lot more vague. More like "got a general idea that they were excited about the wedding and general timeframe." I got caught in this trap too (though we were over a year out and could work out a solution). But in very few couples is your FI going to be as "into" planning the wedding as you are. Make sure he answers specifics when you ask him things like "Is this date good?" and perhaps ask more specific things like "Have you made sure that everybody is ok with this date? Because there's nothing we can do later if you haven't tracked them down and asked them individually.
This would be great advice, if it weren't incredibly sexist and stereotypical. Please don't assume all men are like your guy and all women are like you. Also, not all the couples on this site involve a man and a woman.
Re: Fiance's brother claims "cant make it" to wedding
First of all you should be ashamed of yourself for even thinking that your future brother in law and the person who your fiance actually asked to officiate your wedding would just "claim" he "can't make it" as you so eloquently put it. Do you honestly believe he wouldn't take the day off if he could? Perhaps you do not understand the complexities of working for the government. He is required to submit his vacation requests in JANUARY for the entire year. That means that if there is a dance recital for his daughter or class presentation for his son and he doesn't know in JANUARY then he just doesn't go. Do you think he enjoys missing important family functions because of this policy? Of course not. He missed his cousin's wedding last summer for the very same reason, not because he didn't feel like going. You picked a date in March -- two months after he had already put in his vacation requests. P.S. I would LOVE to know who you are referring to in this quote: "But then I spoke to some family members regarding it and everyone seemed so mad that he wouldnt even say " I can try to get it off" " so we can be sure to let them know that the reason he didn't say that is because it would make no difference if he said that. He knows the policy at work and he knows "trying to get it off" isn't going to happen. He would be lying to you and giving you false hope that there was a chance. P.P.S.- Next time you post on facebook about how stressed you are about your wedding you might want to consider that your future brother in law's wife (being the helpful person she is) just might decide to use the same message board you happened to (what a small world!) to try to help you with ideas to lesson your stress. How conventient that she stumbled upon this.
And I thought my afternoon was going to be boring..."Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Just feel like a dick when those weren't my intentions at all. Sorry Guys
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
And I'm going to go one further on this and say that checking with VIPS does not equate to asking your FI is a date is a go (as OP did). I too did that and then got caught in the "man" definition of making sure VIPS know. That definition is not the same as the woman definition of having individually confirmed with each VIP the date and time. It's a lot more vague. More like "got a general idea that they were excited about the wedding and general timeframe." I got caught in this trap too (though we were over a year out and could work out a solution). But in very few couples is your FI going to be as "into" planning the wedding as you are. Make sure he answers specifics when you ask him things like "Is this date good?" and perhaps ask more specific things like "Have you made sure that everybody is ok with this date? Because there's nothing we can do later if you haven't tracked them down and asked them individually.
This would be great advice, if it weren't incredibly sexist and stereotypical. Please don't assume all men are like your guy and all women are like you. Also, not all the couples on this site involve a man and a woman.
But seriously, @Michaelacha and/or @CoreyMBil what happened? Did you or are you going to all talk?