Themes - how far is too far?

thelastdreamer · March 2014

I feel like a decorative "theme" is fine and just makes the event look cohesive. It becomes over the top when it takes over the entire event and the event is now more about that theme than about the actual purpose of the wedding.

For example, FI and I are getting married in the fall, so lots of our decorations will have gold leaves. We have garlands of gold leaves to decorate, there are some on the cake, some in the centerpieces, etc. FI also likes trains and our reception is at a train station, so there will be little wooden trains on the tables.

It's just in the decorations. FI is not going to dress up like a conductor and we're not going to lug suitcases around like we're about to get on a train and we're not going to have Water for Elephants playing during the reception.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2014

I can't find this "elf" thread on AA.

I think themes are silly for weddings but can be fine if pulled off correctly.

I agree with other PP's who have said that rather than a theme, a cohesive decorative motif should be used to add visual continuity to your event. It makes it look professional.

What I think is really ridiculous is choosing a venue, say a country club, and then deciding that your theme is rustic chic and trying to transform the country club into something that it is not. Your theme or motif should draw from your venue and incorporate aspects of the venue- like colors, or architectural details, etc. Otherwise I think ppl spend a lot of extra time. money, and stress trying to force a space to look like and be something it is not.

For instance, our reception is being held in a restored Edwardian mansion, so we are designing our centerpieces and other floral arrangements to coordinate with the rooms in the mansion, and to look Victorian or Edwardian. So we will be using topiaries as some of the table centerpieces and as free standing arrangements. . . if that makes sense.

Which reminds me. . . I dislike the use of the word "Vintage" as a theme. What does that even mean, be more specific! Are you going for a Victorian look, and 1920's Gatsby look, or a 1950's look? Because online across the web the term "vintage" is used interchangeably to refer to all of these time periods.

carliealissa · March 2014

I just wanted to add something, that I didn't really expect- I didn't start planning our wedding envisioning a theme whatsoever. I HAVE always been really into antiques, the 20s, Downtown Abbey, and things related, and my fiance is similar, so I guess friends and family might associate that with us. We selected a 20's ballroom for our reception hall just because of taste. From there, the cohesive decor elements that seemed to fall into place were all art deco, or old fashioned, or things that would probably be considered a "gatsby theme". I have never told anyone that we are doing a "theme". TK boards kind of steered me away from that- a lot of posts about themes are tacky, no way would guests want to have to dress in costume, etc. So the thing is, it seems to be our guests who are playing a big part in turning our wedding more "themey". Almost every friend or family member who has heard any detail about our wedding has gotten really excited and asked if they get to come in 20's clothing. I have just been saying sure, wear whatever you want, but they all seem genuinely excited and wanting to suggest all kinds of gatsby or 20's ideas. This has in turn gotten me excited about going with 20's "theme" when we're making wedding decisions. A lot of the 20's stuff also just started by going along with the theme of our venue- it's Henry Ford's ballroom, so our favors are going to be little Model Ts for example.

I really hope our reception is not going to be over the top or tacky, and I don't THINK that it is, but this is how it has played out for me so far.

carliealissa · March 2014

We're also incorporating family heirlooms- I'm having his grandmother's dress altered to wear for the shower, and passed down kewpie doll cake toppers identical to this.

Does all this sound way over the top "theme" to you guys? We're getting married in a very traditional Catholic church and will not be decorating it or doing anything themed for the ceremony whatsoever.

hellohkb · March 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

I can't find this "elf" thread on AA.

I think themes are silly for weddings but can be fine if pulled off correctly.

I agree with other PP's who have said that rather than a theme, a cohesive decorative motif should be used to add visual continuity to your event. It makes it look professional.

What I think is really ridiculous is choosing a venue, say a country club, and then deciding that your theme is rustic chic and trying to transform the country club into something that it is not. Your theme or motif should draw from your venue and incorporate aspects of the venue- like colors, or architectural details, etc. Otherwise I think ppl spend a lot of extra time. money, and stress trying to force a space to look like and be something it is not.

For instance, our reception is being held in a restored Edwardian mansion, so we are designing our centerpieces and other floral arrangements to coordinate with the rooms in the mansion, and to look Victorian or Edwardian. So we will be using topiaries as some of the table centerpieces and as free standing arrangements. . . if that makes sense.

Which reminds me. . . I dislike the use of the word "Vintage" as a theme. What does that even mean, be more specific! Are you going for a Victorian look, and 1920's Gatsby look, or a 1950's look? Because online across the web the term "vintage" is used interchangeably to refer to all of these time periods.

This! As someone who enjoys history and loves antiques and old things, it drives me nuts that shabby chic is considered "vintage". FH and I love midcentury modern furniture and picked a venue with that sort of vibe because we like it. Technically, our feel IS vintage (not according to pinterest!)

CMGragain · March 2014

@hellokelleybean, I just asked a question about this last week! I remember one bride who actually asked if her strapless, sequined ballgown fit her Victorian theme! Ha! Not unless you put sleeves on it! Oh, yes, and her groom was wearing a tuxedo! They weren't considered proper for weddings until 1950.
I have never under stood what "shabby chic" is. I still don't understand "vintage". Wedding dresses had sleeves until about 10 years ago.

Amyzen83 · March 2014

Hey ladies, my nerdom has come out! For the music when guests enter the ceremony, I'm playing this track from the Harry Potter soundtrack, but I chose it because it's pretty and not noticable enough for people to catch on it's HP. What do you ladies think? Oh and most of the music for the ceremony is celtic. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eukcZ5J-3Hc

hellohkb · March 2014

CMGragain said:

@hellokelleybean, I just asked a question about this last week! I remember one bride who actually asked if her strapless, sequined ballgown fit her Victorian theme! Ha! Not unless you put sleeves on it! Oh, yes, and her groom was wearing a tuxedo! They weren't considered proper for weddings until 1950.
I have never under stood what "shabby chic" is. I still don't understand "vintage". Wedding dresses had sleeves until about 10 years ago.

Ha! Not sure what she considers to be Victorian, but I highly doubt strapless sequin dresses were acceptable.

CMGragain · March 2014

Amyzen83 said:

Hey ladies, my nerdom has come out! For the music when guests enter the ceremony, I'm playing this track from the Harry Potter soundtrack, but I chose it because it's pretty and not noticable enough for people to catch on it's HP. What do you ladies think? Oh and most of the music for the ceremony is celtic. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eukcZ5J-3Hc

Celtic music is fine. I think your guests WILL recognize Harry Potter, and I would choose something else, personally. You can do it if you wish. The Bridal Chorus was written for an opera, but for years it was the music most people expected to hear at a wedding. I would suggest Handel's Water Music, "With Trumpets and Horns"'
Play the Harry Potter music at your reception!

jdluvr06 · March 2014

Hey ladies, my nerdom has come out! For the music when guests enter the ceremony, I'm playing this track from the Harry Potter soundtrack, but I chose it because it's pretty and not noticable enough for people to catch on it's HP. What do you ladies think? Oh and most of the music for the ceremony is celtic. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eukcZ5J-3Hc

I'm not a Harry Potter fan but I think that music is nice. I say go ahead and play it.

abbyj700 · March 2014

Amyzen83 said:

Hey ladies, my nerdom has come out! For the music when guests enter the ceremony, I'm playing this track from the Harry Potter soundtrack, but I chose it because it's pretty and not noticable enough for people to catch on it's HP. What do you ladies think? Oh and most of the music for the ceremony is celtic. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eukcZ5J-3Hc

If it fits you -go for it! I've never seen Harry Potter but that music is pretty and very gentle and comforting for guests to walk in to.

We're having a musician friend play some of our favorite love songs on the piano at our venue as people come in. Most of which are pretty recognizable to people. As I walk down the aisle he's going to play "Bless The Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts.

carliealissa · March 2014

CMGragain said:

@hellokelleybean, I just asked a question about this last week! I remember one bride who actually asked if her strapless, sequined ballgown fit her Victorian theme! Ha! Not unless you put sleeves on it! Oh, yes, and her groom was wearing a tuxedo! They weren't considered proper for weddings until 1950.
I have never under stood what "shabby chic" is. I still don't understand "vintage". Wedding dresses had sleeves until about 10 years ago.

What did grooms wear before that? I thought they started wearing tuxes around the 30's. And anyway, would a morning suit be an option today? I assume that most people have probably never even heard of that. (Not nitpicking at you, just interested in groom fashion history!)

MrsAitch · March 2014

carliealissa said:

CMGragain said:

@hellokelleybean, I just asked a question about this last week! I remember one bride who actually asked if her strapless, sequined ballgown fit her Victorian theme! Ha! Not unless you put sleeves on it! Oh, yes, and her groom was wearing a tuxedo! They weren't considered proper for weddings until 1950.
I have never under stood what "shabby chic" is. I still don't understand "vintage". Wedding dresses had sleeves until about 10 years ago.

What did grooms wear before that? I thought they started wearing tuxes around the 30's. And anyway, would a morning suit be an option today? I assume that most people have probably never even heard of that. (Not nitpicking at you, just interested in groom fashion history!)

Pretty sure when we went to men's wearhouse they had an option that looked quite a bit like a morning suit to me. Too bad we aren't getting married in the morning, because I would probably faint if my fiance would wear one

It's not proper to wear a morning suit in the evening though, but (correct me if I'm wrong), the popularity of evening weddings is relatively recent. Also if you were a regular person not living a Downton Abbey lifestyle (especially if you lived in the rural US), you probably just wore your best clothes.

lkristenj · March 2014

Amyzen83 said:

Hey ladies, my nerdom has come out! For the music when guests enter the ceremony, I'm playing this track from the Harry Potter soundtrack, but I chose it because it's pretty and not noticable enough for people to catch on it's HP. What do you ladies think? Oh and most of the music for the ceremony is celtic. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eukcZ5J-3Hc

I find the theme recognizable. I am one who likes to pay attention to musical themes in movies, though. I don't know if I could have placed it as Harry Potter, but I know I would have remembered hearing it. The first 3 minutes are very hard to place, but it gets more recognizable after that.

However, being the music nerd that I am, I am not sure that it's appropriate, recognizable or not. This music is dark and edgy. It's not comforting to me at all. The deep chord playing softly underneath the whole thing actually puts me on edge. It also makes me feel sad. Minor keys tend to do that. Lily's Theme is not a happy song. To me, it brings to mind death and mourning, sadness and sacrifice, but also love and longing. The voice is haunting. Parts of it are "worse" than others. It picks up at about 4:30 and seems slightly more cheery because the theme gets stronger, but it still feels like a pleasant memory of something lost, not exactly happy. Maybe it's just the musician in me, but I can't help but feel sad when I listen to this song. If I were performing it, I would have a somber attitude.

I don't know if a song like this is appropriate for a wedding.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2014

MrsAitch said:

carliealissa said:

CMGragain said:

@hellokelleybean, I just asked a question about this last week! I remember one bride who actually asked if her strapless, sequined ballgown fit her Victorian theme! Ha! Not unless you put sleeves on it! Oh, yes, and her groom was wearing a tuxedo! They weren't considered proper for weddings until 1950.
I have never under stood what "shabby chic" is. I still don't understand "vintage". Wedding dresses had sleeves until about 10 years ago.

What did grooms wear before that? I thought they started wearing tuxes around the 30's. And anyway, would a morning suit be an option today? I assume that most people have probably never even heard of that. (Not nitpicking at you, just interested in groom fashion history!)

Pretty sure when we went to men's wearhouse they had an option that looked quite a bit like a morning suit to me. Too bad we aren't getting married in the morning, because I would probably faint if my fiance would wear one It's not proper to wear a morning suit in the evening though, but (correct me if I'm wrong), the popularity of evening weddings is relatively recent. Also if you were a regular person not living a Downton Abbey lifestyle (especially if you lived in the rural US), you probably just wore your best clothes.

Tuxes are technically not appropriate unless your event begins after 6pm.

I believe that back in the day, morning coats were worn to weddings, and the weddings were held in the morning/afternoon. Then people would change into their formal dinner attire if there was a dinner later in the day.

I think all of these "rules' apply only to the upper class.

And I believe in another thread it was brought up that if your wedding is going to span afternoon/evening then it would be correct to wear a morning coat. . . but don't hold me to that one.

tesgirl123 · March 2014

I think any theme should reflect the interests of the couple, but themes are very difficult to pull off in a manner appropriate for a wedding. I went to two "themed" weddings last year. One was a typical "Pintrest" rustic wedding where the bride literally yelled at me that I didn't have a theme or motif for my wedding when I saw her before the wedding. The other was a "steam punk" theme, which was actually inaccurate and more "Roaring 20s" The first came off as really fake since the neither part of the couple was from a rural area or into that sort of stuff. The second worked out pretty well since everything flowed well.

I am a little jealous of the Harry Potter themed wedding, but I will try to settle for a nursery for our first born.

That being said, to me weddings shouldn't feel like costume parties since some of your guests will not get the memo and will feel left out or weird. too much theme=costume party.

CMGragain · March 2014

carliealissa said:

CMGragain said:

@hellokelleybean, I just asked a question about this last week! I remember one bride who actually asked if her strapless, sequined ballgown fit her Victorian theme! Ha! Not unless you put sleeves on it! Oh, yes, and her groom was wearing a tuxedo! They weren't considered proper for weddings until 1950.
I have never under stood what "shabby chic" is. I still don't understand "vintage". Wedding dresses had sleeves until about 10 years ago.

What did grooms wear before that? I thought they started wearing tuxes around the 30's. And anyway, would a morning suit be an option today? I assume that most people have probably never even heard of that. (Not nitpicking at you, just interested in groom fashion history!)

Most grooms wore a dark suit to weddings, and most weddings were held in a church in the daytime, according to All Dressed in White. (Fantastic book about the history of the wedding in America)
Upper class city weddings, everyone dressed in either a morning suit or white tie and tails. (Everyone who would be invited to an upper-class wedding would own this attire. There were no rentals. Remember on "Titanic" when Molly Brown lent her son's tails to Jack Dawson so he wouldn't feel out of place among the 1st class passengers at dinner?)
The tuxedo was considered to be too informal for a wedding. The etiquette goddess Amy Vanderbilt protested in my 1960's copy of her etiquette guide Check out the Fred Astaire movie "Swing Time", where Fred's- character is tricked into missing his wedding by his buddies, who tell him that he is not properly dressed. (He was - in a morning coat.)
Have you seen Downton Abbey? When the lord of the manor couldn't find his dress shirt, and was reduced to wearing a tuxedo, he apologized for being so casually dressed.

Amyzen83 · March 2014

lkristenj said:

Amyzen83 said:

Hey ladies, my nerdom has come out! For the music when guests enter the ceremony, I'm playing this track from the Harry Potter soundtrack, but I chose it because it's pretty and not noticable enough for people to catch on it's HP. What do you ladies think? Oh and most of the music for the ceremony is celtic. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eukcZ5J-3Hc

I find the theme recognizable. I am one who likes to pay attention to musical themes in movies, though. I don't know if I could have placed it as Harry Potter, but I know I would have remembered hearing it. The first 3 minutes are very hard to place, but it gets more recognizable after that.

However, being the music nerd that I am, I am not sure that it's appropriate, recognizable or not. This music is dark and edgy. It's not comforting to me at all. The deep chord playing softly underneath the whole thing actually puts me on edge. It also makes me feel sad. Minor keys tend to do that. Lily's Theme is not a happy song. To me, it brings to mind death and mourning, sadness and sacrifice, but also love and longing. The voice is haunting. Parts of it are "worse" than others. It picks up at about 4:30 and seems slightly more cheery because the theme gets stronger, but it still feels like a pleasant memory of something lost, not exactly happy. Maybe it's just the musician in me, but I can't help but feel sad when I listen to this song. If I were performing it, I would have a somber attitude.

I don't know if a song like this is appropriate for a wedding.

Interesting observation! I wouldn't have thought about it in that way, but I'll definitely keep these thoughts in mind!

sydneyviolet · March 2014

I feel like the word 'theme' has been used in My Fair Wedding in the place of 'aesthetic brief or conceptual approach' because the latter might prove confusing for the viewing demographic.

It's caused some trouble, hasn't it.

tigersgirlgv · March 2014

Molly&Domenic said:

I mentioned that rather than have matching bridesmaid dresses, my girls will choose a Disney girl and think if that as inspiration while they choose a cocktail dress. Someone thought I wanted something like th wedding that was posted previously. I love Disney, but my girls are not dressing in costumes. There will be a couple other things, like some songs from Disney movies, but that's it. I agree with those who said the theme is "stuck we like."

I just got asked to be in a wedding just like this. I was a little worried at first that I would be buying a costume, like the picture posted... but I'm actually pretty excited to find a cute cocktail dress inspired by Belle. I love me some Disney. I wouldn't do it for my wedding, but I think it's fun and not too over the top.

sydneyviolet · March 2014

@s hrekspeare vendor of what? @Knotporscha no siggy links allowed here?

tigersgirlgv That's a pretty intense theme. I hope you enjoy your day as Belle! I've always been really into Snow White, but it's been a long time since I've donned that costume.

[Deleted User] · March 2014

@shrekspeare, thanks! that user has been banned for spamming

carliealissa · March 2014

@cmgragain, interesting info, thanks! I'll have to check out that book. Ahh, seen Downton Abbey? So many times I could probably recite it to you line by line! The first two seasons, anyway.

Hmm now I'm wondering what would make most sense for my groom to wear, if not a morning coat (5 pm ceremony, 6:30 cocktail hour) or tuxedo. Everytime I try to research groom attire for the 1920's, I'm just inundated with pinterest "gatsby" grooms that are wearing all kinds of unrelated random crap. On that note though, my dress certainly isn't authentic 20's either... Thus the difficulties with trying to go with a "theme"...!

Themes - how far is too far?

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