Etiquette vent -- Yes, YOUR wedding is OBVIOUSLY the most important thing in MY life

Chipmunk415 · March 2014

Evil Chipmunk popping in to comment on the vegan/vegetarian/pescatarian issue...

When Chipmunk was in college, PETA used to picket every single Friday, especially during football season. Now this in and of itself isn't a bad thing, but the PETA folks at her school were flat out obnoxious. Stopping you on your way to class to berate you for buying a sandwich from Subway/Jimmy Johns/insert your fast food restaurant of choice here. Never mind if you had a salad- there's animal byproducts, and the restuarant sells meat anyway. Seriously, these guys gave the campus preachers a run for their money in terms of berating people and being jerks.

A group of people, Evil Chipmunk included, finally decided enough was enough, and got permits from the campus to set up right across from the PETA folks. We called ourselves PETA 2.0- only our PETA stood for People Eating Tasty Animals (there may be other groups like this). You guessed it- we would spend parts of Friday lunch times grilling hotdogs, burgers, and chicken in rotation, and thoroughly enjoyed it. We also gave hot lunches to kids passing by, as the PETA folks turned brighter shades of red.

ETA: Before I start getting bashed by the trolls for commenting on campus preachers here in a less than polite way, these guys regularly told girls who were wearing knee length skirts they were whores who would burn in hell fires.

I was also part of the campus swing dancing group, and we would advertise for our group by dancing in one of the common tabling areas. One of these preachers saw us dancing one day, and lost his shit completely, screaming how we were demons and hellspawn. He dramatically bent one knee, leaned towards us, and said "AND YOU ARE GOING TO HELL!" The couple dancing closest to him smiled and said "we know- we're Jewish!"

Anyone here ever see what happens when a watermelon gets shot with a high powered rifle? Watch the slow motion videos on Youtube of it? That's about what happened with this guy.

LondonLisa · March 2014

raeah219 said:

JellyBean52513 I agree that it's really really really rude of her not to invite your SO, but if you are close to her, and you're dreading declining why not just go? It's not like you wont know anybody there. Your coworkers will be there and you guys can stick together since she didn't invite their SOs either. Maybe you can make a "girls night" out of it. That way you avoid the awkwardness that you might wrongfully face in the office if you decline. I'm not saying you're wrong in any way, I'm just saying that it may save you a headache and stress if you just go ahead and go alone.

Reah, I get what you are saying, and yes, it is good to be the bigger person. However, I think if she does go, it just reinforces bad hosting behaviour. Inviting an SO is one of the absolutes of hosting a wedding, and I think it is a slippery slope. I'm a big believer in respectfully setting standards of how you want to be treated and I really dislike the idea of validating inconsiderate hosting (essentially by going she is saying she is ok with it). I'm not saying to make a big song and dance about it, or even necessarily mentioning it to her boss, just respectfully declining.

Jellybean, I agree with PP- just say that unfortunately you cannot make it. You don't have to give a reason. If she presses you, be honest, but that would be really rude of her.

cupcait927 · March 2014

Chipmunk415 said:

Evil Chipmunk popping in to comment on the vegan/vegetarian/pescatarian issue...
When Chipmunk was in college, PETA used to picket every single Friday, especially during football season. Now this in and of itself isn't a bad thing, but the PETA folks at her school were flat out obnoxious. Stopping you on your way to class to berate you for buying a sandwich from Subway/Jimmy Johns/insert your fast food restaurant of choice here. Never mind if you had a salad- there's animal byproducts, and the restuarant sells meat anyway. Seriously, these guys gave the campus preachers a run for their money in terms of berating people and being jerks.
A group of people, Evil Chipmunk included, finally decided enough was enough, and got permits from the campus to set up right across from the PETA folks. We called ourselves PETA 2.0- only our PETA stood for People Eating Tasty Animals (there may be other groups like this). You guessed it- we would spend parts of Friday lunch times grilling hotdogs, burgers, and chicken in rotation, and thoroughly enjoyed it. We also gave hot lunches to kids passing by, as the PETA folks turned brighter shades of red.

This is the best thing I've heard all week.

Inkdancer · March 2014

ckel24 said:

Chipmunk415 said:

Evil Chipmunk popping in to comment on the vegan/vegetarian/pescatarian issue...
When Chipmunk was in college, PETA used to picket every single Friday, especially during football season. Now this in and of itself isn't a bad thing, but the PETA folks at her school were flat out obnoxious. Stopping you on your way to class to berate you for buying a sandwich from Subway/Jimmy Johns/insert your fast food restaurant of choice here. Never mind if you had a salad- there's animal byproducts, and the restuarant sells meat anyway. Seriously, these guys gave the campus preachers a run for their money in terms of berating people and being jerks.
A group of people, Evil Chipmunk included, finally decided enough was enough, and got permits from the campus to set up right across from the PETA folks. We called ourselves PETA 2.0- only our PETA stood for People Eating Tasty Animals (there may be other groups like this). You guessed it- we would spend parts of Friday lunch times grilling hotdogs, burgers, and chicken in rotation, and thoroughly enjoyed it. We also gave hot lunches to kids passing by, as the PETA folks turned brighter shades of red.

This is the best thing I've heard all week.

I have a massive admiration-crush on Evil Chipmunk.

rajahmd · March 2014

Chipmunk415 said:
Evil Chipmunk popping in to comment on the vegan/vegetarian/pescatarian issue.7..
When Chipmunk was in college, PETA used to picket every single Friday, especially during football season. Now this in and of itself isn't a bad thing, but the PETA folks at her school were flat out obnoxious. Stopping you on your way to class to berate you for buying a sandwich from Subway/Jimmy Johns/insert your fast food restaurant of choice here. Never mind if you had a salad- there's animal byproducts, and the restuarant sells meat anyway. Seriously, these guys gave the campus preachers a run for their money in terms of berating people and being jerks.
A group of people, Evil Chipmunk included, finally decided enough was enough, and got permits from the campus to set up right across from the PETA folks. We called ourselves PETA 2.0- only our PETA stood for People Eating Tasty Animals (there may be other groups like this). You guessed it- we would spend parts of Friday lunch times grilling hotdogs, burgers, and chicken in rotation, and thoroughly enjoyed it. We also gave hot lunches to kids passing by, as the PETA folks turned brighter shades of red.

Genius! I love it. My brother had this exact same problem at his college. So my mom got creative. She designed a spear of broccoli with a sad face, tears running down, and a fork in his side. She put the design on a t-shirt with the caption "Vegetables have feelings too". He would proudly wear the shirt whenever the obnoxious group was protesting outside the cafeteria, all while talking about delicious meat and hunting (legitimate hunting for food, not sport).

theartistformerlyknownas · March 2014

'No, we are VEGANS who occasionally eat fish and dairy. We are NOT pescetarians.'

*SITB* I thought a wedding on a Tuesday was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard. But this takes the gluten-free cake.

sarahufl · March 2014

Chipmunk415 said:

Evil Chipmunk popping in to comment on the vegan/vegetarian/pescatarian issue...
When Chipmunk was in college, PETA used to picket every single Friday, especially during football season. Now this in and of itself isn't a bad thing, but the PETA folks at her school were flat out obnoxious. Stopping you on your way to class to berate you for buying a sandwich from Subway/Jimmy Johns/insert your fast food restaurant of choice here. Never mind if you had a salad- there's animal byproducts, and the restuarant sells meat anyway. Seriously, these guys gave the campus preachers a run for their money in terms of berating people and being jerks.
A group of people, Evil Chipmunk included, finally decided enough was enough, and got permits from the campus to set up right across from the PETA folks. We called ourselves PETA 2.0- only our PETA stood for People Eating Tasty Animals (there may be other groups like this). You guessed it- we would spend parts of Friday lunch times grilling hotdogs, burgers, and chicken in rotation, and thoroughly enjoyed it. We also gave hot lunches to kids passing by, as the PETA folks turned brighter shades of red.

Was my brother part of this? Where did you go to school, again?!

Amyzen83 · March 2014

I really hate PITA! Not for what they stand for mind you but their preachy methods are what piss me off! Ok I get it fur coats look better on the animals than on the models fine! I agree, but not everyone shares that and to ruin 50k + worth of merchandise is wrong! It doesn't matter how much you disagree with someone's views or methods, once you've gone out of your way to physically harm someone or vandalize someone's property, then you've royally crossed a line and are now in the wrong. Evil Chipmunk, I wish I went to your school! I love BBQ!

misshart00 · March 2014

Amyzen83 said:

I really hate PITA! Not for what they stand for mind you but their preachy methods are what piss me off! Ok I get it fur coats look better on the animals than on the models fine! I agree, but not everyone shares that and to ruin 50k + worth of merchandise is wrong! It doesn't matter how much you disagree with someone's views or methods, once you've gone out of your way to physically harm someone or vandalize someone's property, then you've royally crossed a line and are now in the wrong. Evil Chipmunk, I wish I went to your school! I love BBQ!

My husband has been spit in the face by someone from PETA.

Amyzen83 · March 2014

That's horrible! I'm sorry that happened to him! Did someone inform that jamoke from PITA that spitting on peoples illegal?

lc07 · March 2014

I had no idea PETA was that crazy! Also, you could very easily argue that vegetable farming kills animals. Clearing land for farming has displaced plenty of animal habitats and you better believe that many farmers perform animal pest control.

NYCBruin · March 2014

LondonLisa said:

raeah219 said:

JellyBean52513 I agree that it's really really really rude of her not to invite your SO, but if you are close to her, and you're dreading declining why not just go? It's not like you wont know anybody there. Your coworkers will be there and you guys can stick together since she didn't invite their SOs either. Maybe you can make a "girls night" out of it. That way you avoid the awkwardness that you might wrongfully face in the office if you decline. I'm not saying you're wrong in any way, I'm just saying that it may save you a headache and stress if you just go ahead and go alone.

Reah, I get what you are saying, and yes, it is good to be the bigger person. However, I think if she does go, it just reinforces bad hosting behaviour. Inviting an SO is one of the absolutes of hosting a wedding, and I think it is a slippery slope. I'm a big believer in respectfully setting standards of how you want to be treated and I really dislike the idea of validating inconsiderate hosting (essentially by going she is saying she is ok with it). I'm not saying to make a big song and dance about it, or even necessarily mentioning it to her boss, just respectfully declining.

Jellybean, I agree with PP- just say that unfortunately you cannot make it. You don't have to give a reason. If she presses you, be honest, but that would be really rude of her.

Eh I have to disagree with this. People do inconsiderate things/things I disagree with all the time, but they are humans and not perfect. It's like my friend whose chronically late, I wouldn't say it's validating her rude lateness by continuing to see her. Also, if you don't give the real reason you aren't attending, what good does it do?

That said, I agree with @raeah219 in this case I would just go given that it's the boss. My bosses do things I don't approve of all the time, but I'd like to continue to get good work and advance at my firm. I'm not going to risk that to take a stand against their rude etiquette. I prefer to stay in their good graces and eye roll internally.

JellyBean52513 · March 2014

For all the reasons raeah stated is exactly what her rationale is (besides budget/space)-- we will know other people, we can hang out with each other and make it a girls' night, it's not like we're really be alone--and those are all reasons we hear from brides coming here that don't want to invite SOs. It's not ok for anyone to do and, FOR THE RECORDS LURKERS, it still just makes me feel like an audience member than a valued guest.

I've grappled back and forth with whether or not to go. I was 80% not going until today, when her mom (the owner of our business and hosting her shower) told us all at work that we're not allowed to wear jeans or boots. My boss first told her, "You can't tell people how to dress," but when her mom kept insisting, she said "Well, then you should've put it on the invitation." I literally can't take the rudeness. If there are work repercussions for declining an invitation to a personal life social event, then I'll find another job. That's not an environment I want to be associated with.

Also, when I told my SO that her guest list is at 220 and the room only holds 180, he said "Well at least you'll be one of the declines." He's had to hear all about this nonsense and he believes that I'm going to stand on the right side and decline an invite that specifically excludes him. I believe it would really disappoint him if I still attended, and I'd expect the same if he were in my shoes.

ZiggyZos · March 2014

Amyzen83 said:

I really hate PITA! Not for what they stand for mind you but their preachy methods are what piss me off! Ok I get it fur coats look better on the animals than on the models fine! I agree, but not everyone shares that and to ruin 50k + worth of merchandise is wrong! It doesn't matter how much you disagree with someone's views or methods, once you've gone out of your way to physically harm someone or vandalize someone's property, then you've royally crossed a line and are now in the wrong. Evil Chipmunk, I wish I went to your school! I love BBQ!

It's not just merchandise they ruin. Had a friend of my parents' whose family owned a mink farm. The animals were hand raised in a climate-controlled environment, vetted, on very specifically formulated diets, and were humanely euthanized before being harvested for their fur.

PETA members broke into the farm and released all of the animals. Very few were recovered alive; most were hit by cars on a nearby highway and the rest fell to predators (hawks, coyotes, etc.).

The family received letters that said "the animals are better off dead than in your cages!" Somehow, I don't think the animals preferred being run over, starving to death, or being eaten to their cozy accommodations and regular feedings.

APDSS22 · March 2014

@JellyBean52513 I would just say you unfortunately cannot attend the wedding. If she pushes it, you could always say you were trying to help her out in regards to the space issue.

thesummersky · March 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

lovesclimbing said:

@HisGirlFriday13. Have you ever asked them why they don't call themselves pescetarians? I really want to know their reasoning as to why they are vegans.

I have, actually! Because, as we've all seen in my other complaints, I am semantically pedantic. I want precision of language.

So, first they were vegetarians -- no meat, but fish and dairy were OK.
Then they became vegans -- but they still ate eggs. Oh, and that weird florescent orange Cheese Whiz stuff my Canadian friends (ahem, @pumpkinsandturkeys) inform me is not really cheese. And probably it's not.
Then he became GF and dairy-free, but they still eat eggs and added fish back into the mix.

She will also tell you, whether you ask or not, that they are vegans because of the horrible cruelty animals are subjected to for slaughter and because it's ecologically and morally and environmentally and whatever-else-ally better to be vegan.

They're also really, really, REALLY into being 'locavores' and only eating foods that are grown/produced/raised locally.

So I asked, once, why they eat fish. We live in Central PA. 'Fresh' fish is optimistic; we don't really have access to fresh fish much, and what we do have access to isn't a very large selection.

Plus, they eat things like Alaskan snow crabs and Maine lobster -- definitely not local. And not necessarily harvested in sustainable ways.

She said that, 'It's really about calories and just getting enough calories into me and him every day, because there's so much he can't eat with the gluten allergy, and this is better than having him starve.'

And while I agree that I wouldn't want anyone to starve, he's starving because he's making ridiculous food choices and being insanely picky. At some point, you have to realise that you're doing the best you can do under the circumstances, and you eat what's available.

So I pointed out that, actually, they're 'pescetarians,' since they do, in fact, eat fish. She snapped, 'No, we are VEGANS who occasionally eat fish and dairy. We are NOT pescetarians.'

Uhm....OK then.

I don't ask anymore. But I also refuse to invite them over for dinner. Ever.

*STUCK IN BOX*

A gift card to Red Lobster would be a nice option, too. Mm, cheese biscuits.

Etiquette vent -- Yes, YOUR wedding is OBVIOUSLY the most important thing in MY life

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