RSVP aggravation

browndaysha · March 2014

I want to start off by saying that I have been so excited about the entire planning process, I have been open minded and just excited! We recently sent out our invites back at the end of February and our response cards have been rolling in and BOY is this frustrating. Almost everyone is RSVP-ing extra guests and one person even RSVP'd for 6 extra guests. SIX!!! This is the only thing that has really got me heated. Are any of my fellow May brides having issues with this?

dluberts · March 2014

No, and I would call and tell them no. You cant just invite whoever you want. I dealt with only one person with this issue and it was only one extra person, I made a fuss. I would calmy call my guests and inform them that you can only accomodate the parties listed on the invite, not extra guests

tammym1001 · March 2014

I just mailed my invites on Saturday so I've only received a couple of RSVP's. I haven't had anyone add extra people and I'm not anticipating that, but I did have one person if they could bring a guest even though the invite was addressed only to them.

browndaysha · March 2014

@dluberts I've told a couple people no and they haven't taken too kindly to it. I'm just non-confrontational I guess. I just can't believe how many rude people I know.

dluberts · March 2014

If they dont like it, its their issue. They arent planning or paying for it. I can understand bringing a spouse or asking about bringing kids, but to just bring whoever because you want is utterly ridiculous. I would put my foot down.

klburke88 · March 2014

@browndaysha I'm the same as you, I avoid conflict as much as possible and I've been told I'm kind of a "pushover". But when it came to this issue, I absolutely had to stand my ground. Just remember that the whole day is about you and your fiance. This isn't a family reunion or a block party. It's a sophisticated event that you are putting a lot of time, effort (and probably money) into, and your friends and relatives should be able to respect that. Let us know how it goes!

sarahsmiles326 · March 2014

I intentionally wrote the names of those invited on the RSVP cards to avoid this. I haven't had anyone directly RSVP with extra people, altho I did hear thru the grapevine at work that my boss is planning on trying to bring an extra person. She thinks I won't say no because she's my boss but she has another thing coming!

Kristen625 · March 2014

@sarahsmiles326 I did the same thing, I wrote down the name or names of the people who are invited. THEN I put down how many seats we had reserved for them. So far its been just fine, minus a small hiccup when my FI uncle was upset there wasn't a plus one for him, which was in fact my mistake, he should have had one and I have no problem accommodating him. But yeah, you need to start making phone calls to your guests to inform them you are not able to accommodate THEIR extras to YOUR wedding. GL

vmj23 · March 2014

I haven't had that issue, but our wedding will be fairly small (around 65-75) and mostly immediate families and close friends that wouldn't be adding. I included a guest for everyone, even if single. I've had just one person ask if okay to bring their baby, which I have no problem with.

KittyKaty20 · March 2014

I haven't had this problem-yet. I only had an outer envelope, so I wrote out the names of everyone invited, including children. If they were truly single, I wrote a small note on the RSVP card "you are invited to bring a guest"; so far, none of the singles has taken that option, and some of the "extended" invites (SOs FI & I don't know well, children and step-children) are being declined, which I did not expect.

A short phone call to the offending parties: "I'm sorry, the invitations were only to those addressed by name. I hope you can still attend."

mizangi · March 2014

I'm doing online and by-phone RSVPs. FI's uncle tried to tell me his daughter and her family were "crashing" but fortunately I was able to nip that one in the bud right away. The online form only allows a check mark for invited guests so there's no confusion.

Soon to Be Mrs Jay · March 2014

Yes..... I feel your pain.

Our RSVP's are flowing in and I even put the number down for the amount og ppl invited on each card. All they had to do was simply write in their names and check yes coming or decline.

I have gotten cards back where ppl have crossed out my number and placed their own. I kindly am going to call these ppl and let them know unless they want to pay the extra amount for their extra guests I will look forward to seeing just them.

browndaysha · March 2014

@soon to be mrs jay oohhhh wow! I can't believe that they would do that! Very, very rude!

I really wish I would have thought of putting in my own numbers that way they couldn't try to sneak people in. The person who put 6 guests on their RSVP is my fiance's aunt and she is very self-righteous and pretty unbearable.

dluberts · March 2014

This discussion is making me pissed off for you! Lol, it really is. Im sitting at my desk scoffing at the rude guests!

KittyKaty20 · March 2014

I have received one RSVP with a name written in...but it was my cousin's brother, who is also invited (he was sent a STD). The day before, I received his invite as "moved left no forwarding address". Apparently, he moved to his sister's big house since the STD went out. So, it totally works out, but at least I had a picture of his original invite with postmark.

browndaysha · March 2014

@dluberts I know right! Just thinking about it makes me so mad!

garnetandgold60 · March 2014

The issues I'm having is that so many people haven't RSVP-ed yet! Out of 120 invitations sent out, only 66 have come back yet. I have had so many people say "Oh, too fun, I'm coming!" over a text or whatever. But sorry, No! You do not get a seat or food until you send the damn card back to me...this isn't a sorority/fraternity kegger where if you show up, "Cool!" but if you can't make it, "No worries!"...this is a huge event that requires a ton of planning and coordination and because you're lazy and don't want to send back the pre-addressed, pre-stamped envelope with your info on it is not my fault.

Can you tell this is a pet-peeve of mine? I love my friends and family but I feel like I'm gonna kill them, some days.

dluberts · March 2014

My mother made a stink about sending hers back. She said do I have to send mine back? I said YES! Well its not like your own mother isnt going to show up. I told her it was already pre stamped and addressed! SEND IT BACK! Lol, my mother of all people! I feel like if you were gonna have that attitude i wouldnt have wasted an invite rsvp two envelopes and two stamps and my time sending it to you...geesh

emilia391 · March 2014

We have had this in 2 examples so far.

1. my cousin's mom called to tell my mom that if my cousin comes to the wedding, he intends to bring his gf. she wasn't invited. today we see she's booked a room at the hotel already (we haven't seen the rsvp). we are just biting our tongues since they are flying cross country.

2. my fiance's friend rsvp'd with his gf's food selections. she wasn't invited. he did add a note "hey not sure if you meant for +1s" but the thing is, people who have never planned a wedding may not know wedding etiquette! so we told him that we need to see how our rsvp list goes and she may be invited.

[Deleted User] · March 2014

emilia391 said:

We have had this in 2 examples so far.

1. my cousin's mom called to tell my mom that if my cousin comes to the wedding, he intends to bring his gf. she wasn't invited. today we see she's booked a room at the hotel already (we haven't seen the rsvp). we are just biting our tongues since they are flying cross country.

2. my fiance's friend rsvp'd with his gf's food selections. she wasn't invited. he did add a note "hey not sure if you meant for +1s" but the thing is, people who have never planned a wedding may not know wedding etiquette! so we told him that we need to see how our rsvp list goes and she may be invited.

Well, you really should have invited their significant others, unless they are children. I wasn't invited to fiance's (was BF at the time) cousin's wedding even though we had been dating for about 4-5 years. I was annoyed, cousin said there was no room, cousin's mom said there was plenty of room and I went. It was awkward when we danced and he apologized.

browndaysha · March 2014

I don't have a problem with children but I have lots of people adding on their children when I didn't invite them because of seating. Sorry, I didn't realize that your 4 year old really wanted to come to my very adult wedding.

tessajdhSMC · March 2014

browndaysha said:

@soon to be mrs jay oohhhh wow! I can't believe that they would do that! Very, very rude!

I really wish I would have thought of putting in my own numbers that way they couldn't try to sneak people in. The person who put 6 guests on their RSVP is my fiance's aunt and she is very self-righteous and pretty unbearable.

I would make your in-laws handle that.They should be the ones to call and tell the aunt that she cannot invite a bunch of extra people to your wedding!

dluberts said:

My mother made a stink about sending hers back. She said do I have to send mine back? I said YES! Well its not like your own mother isnt going to show up. I told her it was already pre stamped and addressed! SEND IT BACK! Lol, my mother of all people! I feel like if you were gonna have that attitude i wouldnt have wasted an invite rsvp two envelopes and two stamps and my time sending it to you...geesh

Mine too! And my grandmother, and aunt, and some of my bridesmaids! I didn't put a stamp on the RSVP card for fun. Check the box and send it back! Lol

Klc09d said:

The issues I'm having is that so many people haven't RSVP-ed yet! Out of 120 invitations sent out, only 66 have come back yet. I have had so many people say "Oh, too fun, I'm coming!" over a text or whatever. But sorry, No! You do not get a seat or food until you send the damn card back to me..

I'm having the same problem. I sent out 65 invites and only have gotten about 20 back. I know they still have a while to RSVP...but really...just send it back. I'm trying to get my centerpieces together and it would be great to know how many tables I need.

On a brighter note, I had someone send back and RSVP saying they could not come and they included a check! RSVP and wedding present all in one. I've already sent him a thank you note...talk about getting things checked off the list!

ddvirts · April 2014

I don't understand why people just sit on those RSVP cards. Some of our bridal party hasn't responded yet and it's been a month. I know you're coming, you know you're coming, so send it back we need to know your menu choices and +1s! Most of my family hasn't RSVPed yet and now I don't know what to think. It's so annoying.

browndaysha · April 2014

@ddvirts I have yet to receive ONE RSVP from my side of the family. Not one. I haven't even received any declines! So annoying!

Danny510 · April 2014

Oh feel you frustration, I actually had someone RSVP 8!!!

MrsAitch · April 2014

I really didn't think it would happen to me, but it did. A truly single guest RSVP'ed for 2 attending...and we didn't give him a plus one. He also didn't include anyone else's name on his RSVP other than his own, so I don't even know who this mystery person is. Then another single guest asked my fiance if he could bring a date. GAH!! And both of these individuals will know A TON of other people at the wedding, so it's not like they will have no one to hang out with.

They are both men, so that's why I'm going to guess they don't know any better. If I have any sons, I'm going to force them to read etiquette books, because in my experience so many men are so clueless about this kind of thing...my fiance included, who was invited to a wedding (when we had been together over 2 years) as His Name and Guest and put "His Name and Guest" on the RSVP...um, thanks honey...

Kristen625 · April 2014

I have about half of my RSVPs back. And now they have stopped coming in the mail. We still have in town people that I'm pretty sure are coming but they are sitting on their RSVP!! IT HAS A FREAKING STAMP ON IT AND IT IS ALREADY PRE-ADDRESSED WITH A RETURN LABEL!!! HOW HARD IS IT TO MARK YES OR NO AND PUT IT IN THE FREAKING MAILBOX???!!!! *deep cleansing breath*I'm fine. I just had to get that off my chest.

sarahsmiles326 · April 2014

@kristen625 Seriously!! I'm in the same boat. Out of the 50 invites I mailed out, only 20 have been returned...and there's 4 days left to RSVP. Either my mail lady is going to be very busy or I am going to be making a TON of calls.

tammym1001 · April 2014

Kristen625 said:

I have about half of my RSVPs back. And now they have stopped coming in the mail. We still have in town people that I'm pretty sure are coming but they are sitting on their RSVP!! IT HAS A FREAKING STAMP ON IT AND IT IS ALREADY PRE-ADDRESSED WITH A RETURN LABEL!!! HOW HARD IS IT TO MARK YES OR NO AND PUT IT IN THE FREAKING MAILBOX???!!!! *deep cleansing breath*I'm fine. I just had to get that off my chest.

I feel you on this! My entire side of the guest list had their RSVP's back to me the first week. The only ones we are waiting on are a few people from FI's side, but it's people like his Dad and sister. I know they're coming, but can't you just drop the card in the mail?

MrsAitch · April 2014

sarahsmiles326 said:

@kristen625 Seriously!! I'm in the same boat. Out of the 50 invites I mailed out, only 20 have been returned...and there's 4 days left to RSVP. Either my mail lady is going to be very busy or I am going to be making a TON of calls.

My deadline is tomorrow and I am still missing 80 rsvps. Holy cow.

ddvirts · April 2014

Wow! That's terrifying? We still have until the end of the month and I'm freaking out that only half of our guests accepted. We have a minimum of 125 people and so far we only have 74 guests. I hope we don't have to pay for so many empty seats. Ugh this is the worst part of the wedding planning process.

RSVP aggravation

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