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Questions about adult only wedding with provided childcare

BNS810BNS810 member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My Fi and I have chosen to have an adults only wedding.  I know that typically you would just address the invitation to the parents only and that should be enough without having to say it's adults only, but what about a mostly out of town guest list?  All of my family will be coming from out of town and many of them have kids and I know that if the children can't come at all many of them will not be able to come. Because of this we are providing childcare at the venue.  How can I let people know that their children will not be allowed in the ceremony or reception (same location) without it coming off as rude?
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Re: Questions about adult only wedding with provided childcare

  • BrandNewJBrandNewJ member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited March 2014
    I'm not 100% sure on proper etiquette here, but I would just address the invites to only the adults you are inviting, and if they RSVP for their children also or call you and ask you can let them know through word of mouth that you will have child care available for them so they can still attend. Your parents and FILs can also spread the info by word of mouth. I wouldn't write it anywhere, and just deal with it if it comes up. Edit: punctuation isn't easy.
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
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    BNS810 said:
    My Fi and I have chosen to have an adults only wedding.  I know that typically you would just address the invitation to the parents only and that should be enough without having to say it's adults only, but what about a mostly out of town guest list?  All of my family will be coming from out of town and many of them have kids and I know that if the children can't come at all many of them will not be able to come. Because of this we are providing childcare at the venue.  How can I let people know that their children will not be allowed in the ceremony or reception (same location) without it coming off as rude?
    First of all, be prepared that a lot of people still will decline because they will not feel comfortable leaving their children with people they don't know.

    Second of all, when you say 'the venue,' do you mean the reception venue or the hotel? 

    There's really no good way to do this, because you're going to end up offending people, but your best bet is probably to have printed up small cards -- about the size of registry cards -- and insert those in the invitations.

    On those cards, you should have printed, 'Childcare will be provided by Name of Person, compliments of Bride and Groom, and will be available from time to time at XX venue.'

    That tells people when the childcare is available (and it should start before and end after your ceremony and reception, respectively), and where and who's going to be watching their kids. 
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • BNS810BNS810 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    HisGirlFriday13 said:
    BNS810 said:
    My Fi and I have chosen to have an adults only wedding.  I know that typically you would just address the invitation to the parents only and that should be enough without having to say it's adults only, but what about a mostly out of town guest list?  All of my family will be coming from out of town and many of them have kids and I know that if the children can't come at all many of them will not be able to come. Because of this we are providing childcare at the venue.  How can I let people know that their children will not be allowed in the ceremony or reception (same location) without it coming off as rude?
    First of all, be prepared that a lot of people still will decline because they will not feel comfortable leaving their children with people they don't know.

    Second of all, when you say 'the venue,' do you mean the reception venue or the hotel? 

    There's really no good way to do this, because you're going to end up offending people, but your best bet is probably to have printed up small cards -- about the size of registry cards -- and insert those in the invitations.

    On those cards, you should have printed, 'Childcare will be provided by Name of Person, compliments of Bride and Groom, and will be available from time to time at XX venue.'

    That tells people when the childcare is available (and it should start before and end after your ceremony and reception, respectively), and where and who's going to be watching their kids. 
    I am prepared for the declines, and I know it sounds bad but I don't care.  I am doing what I can to accommodate their kids but I'm not willing to invite them.

    It's at the actual ceremony/reception venue NOT at the hotel.  I could totally understand not wanting to leave your kids in a hotel with a stranger in a city that you don't live in.  Our venue is a nature preserve/conservation center and it has a room with a projector, dress up stuff, furs, a gym thing to play on, etc. 

    Good idea on the card that explains it.  Do you think I should put it on the website as well?  We have sent out our STDs already (which have the website listed) and people will be making hotel reservations and flight arrangements.  I worry that people will assume their kids can come and then when they discover otherwise they will be stuck with plane tickets they do not want. 

    Also, my mom is spreading the word but FI's mother wants to fight me at every point and play the woe is me card all the time so I doubt she is telling people without saying "BNS hates children so they can't come"
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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    If people buy plane tickets without checking on the website or with you that's on them.

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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    BNS810 said:
    My Fi and I have chosen to have an adults only wedding.  I know that typically you would just address the invitation to the parents only and that should be enough without having to say it's adults only, but what about a mostly out of town guest list?  All of my family will be coming from out of town and many of them have kids and I know that if the children can't come at all many of them will not be able to come. Because of this we are providing childcare at the venue.  How can I let people know that their children will not be allowed in the ceremony or reception (same location) without it coming off as rude?
    You address the invitation only to the people who are actually invited, and additionally you can add "We have reserved X seats in your honor" on the RSVP card.

    If your guests RSVP and add on their children, you or your FI will have to call them up and politely explain that the invitation was for the adults only, and that you hope they can still make it.  If your guests complain about their kids not being invited, just apologize and reiterate that you hope they can make it, and be prepared for people to decline if they cannot bring their kids.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • raeah219raeah219 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    I really like HisGirl's suggestion. I like the wording of the cards. As a mother of a 1 year old I would be very grateful for that option
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  • BNS810BNS810 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited March 2014
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    BNS810 said:
    My Fi and I have chosen to have an adults only wedding.  I know that typically you would just address the invitation to the parents only and that should be enough without having to say it's adults only, but what about a mostly out of town guest list?  All of my family will be coming from out of town and many of them have kids and I know that if the children can't come at all many of them will not be able to come. Because of this we are providing childcare at the venue.  How can I let people know that their children will not be allowed in the ceremony or reception (same location) without it coming off as rude?
    You address the invitation only to the people who are actually invited, and additionally you can add "We have reserved X seats in your honor" on the RSVP card.

    If your guests RSVP and add on their children, you or your FI will have to call them up and politely explain that the invitation was for the adults only, and that you hope they can still make it.  If your guests complain about their kids not being invited, just apologize and reiterate that you hope they can make it, and be prepared for people to decline if they cannot bring their kids.
    I know how to address the invites and I'm prepared to deal with the backlash.  What I don't know is how to tell people that they techinally can bring their children but they will be leaving them with a babysitter once they arrive.
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited March 2014
    BNS810 said:
    HisGirlFriday13 said:
    BNS810 said:
    My Fi and I have chosen to have an adults only wedding.  I know that typically you would just address the invitation to the parents only and that should be enough without having to say it's adults only, but what about a mostly out of town guest list?  All of my family will be coming from out of town and many of them have kids and I know that if the children can't come at all many of them will not be able to come. Because of this we are providing childcare at the venue.  How can I let people know that their children will not be allowed in the ceremony or reception (same location) without it coming off as rude?
    First of all, be prepared that a lot of people still will decline because they will not feel comfortable leaving their children with people they don't know.

    Second of all, when you say 'the venue,' do you mean the reception venue or the hotel? 

    There's really no good way to do this, because you're going to end up offending people, but your best bet is probably to have printed up small cards -- about the size of registry cards -- and insert those in the invitations.

    On those cards, you should have printed, 'Childcare will be provided by Name of Person, compliments of Bride and Groom, and will be available from time to time at XX venue.'

    That tells people when the childcare is available (and it should start before and end after your ceremony and reception, respectively), and where and who's going to be watching their kids. 
    I am prepared for the declines, and I know it sounds bad but I don't care.  I am doing what I can to accommodate their kids but I'm not willing to invite them.

    It's at the actual ceremony/reception venue NOT at the hotel.  I could totally understand not wanting to leave your kids in a hotel with a stranger in a city that you don't live in.  Our venue is a nature preserve/conservation center and it has a room with a projector, dress up stuff, furs, a gym thing to play on, etc. 

    Good idea on the card that explains it.  Do you think I should put it on the website as well?  We have sent out our STDs already (which have the website listed) and people will be making hotel reservations and flight arrangements.  I worry that people will assume their kids can come and then when they discover otherwise they will be stuck with plane tickets they do not want. 

    Also, my mom is spreading the word but FI's mother wants to fight me at every point and play the woe is me card all the time so I doubt she is telling people without saying "BNS hates children so they can't come"
    If your reception is during a meal time, what are the kids supposed to do for a meal?  Do you expect their parents to provide food for them?  And what happens if the kids want to come into the ceremony/reception space to be with their parents?  Are you going to keep them out?  If so, How?

    A child free wedding is fine, but logistically I don't really think this is going to work.  Since they are going to be in the same venue, you might as well invite the kids, but still have the play room available to them.

    Also, how many babysitters are you planning on hiring?  A single person shouldn't really be supervising 20+ kids.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • BNS810BNS810 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    STARMOON44 said:
    If people buy plane tickets without checking on the website or with you that's on them.
    I agree.  But... I'm not sure if it's considered rude to put it on the website.
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  • BNS810BNS810 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    BNS810 said:
    HisGirlFriday13 said:
    BNS810 said:
    My Fi and I have chosen to have an adults only wedding.  I know that typically you would just address the invitation to the parents only and that should be enough without having to say it's adults only, but what about a mostly out of town guest list?  All of my family will be coming from out of town and many of them have kids and I know that if the children can't come at all many of them will not be able to come. Because of this we are providing childcare at the venue.  How can I let people know that their children will not be allowed in the ceremony or reception (same location) without it coming off as rude?
    First of all, be prepared that a lot of people still will decline because they will not feel comfortable leaving their children with people they don't know.

    Second of all, when you say 'the venue,' do you mean the reception venue or the hotel? 

    There's really no good way to do this, because you're going to end up offending people, but your best bet is probably to have printed up small cards -- about the size of registry cards -- and insert those in the invitations.

    On those cards, you should have printed, 'Childcare will be provided by Name of Person, compliments of Bride and Groom, and will be available from time to time at XX venue.'

    That tells people when the childcare is available (and it should start before and end after your ceremony and reception, respectively), and where and who's going to be watching their kids. 
    I am prepared for the declines, and I know it sounds bad but I don't care.  I am doing what I can to accommodate their kids but I'm not willing to invite them.

    It's at the actual ceremony/reception venue NOT at the hotel.  I could totally understand not wanting to leave your kids in a hotel with a stranger in a city that you don't live in.  Our venue is a nature preserve/conservation center and it has a room with a projector, dress up stuff, furs, a gym thing to play on, etc. 

    Good idea on the card that explains it.  Do you think I should put it on the website as well?  We have sent out our STDs already (which have the website listed) and people will be making hotel reservations and flight arrangements.  I worry that people will assume their kids can come and then when they discover otherwise they will be stuck with plane tickets they do not want. 

    Also, my mom is spreading the word but FI's mother wants to fight me at every point and play the woe is me card all the time so I doubt she is telling people without saying "BNS hates children so they can't come"
    If your reception is during a meal time, what are the kids supposed to do for a meal?  Do you expect their parents to provide food for them?  And what happens if the kids want to come into the ceremony/reception space to be with their parents?  Are you going to keep them out?  If so, How?

    A child free wedding is fine, but logistically I don't really think this is going to work.  Since they are going to be in the same venue, you might as well invite the kids, but still have the play room available to them.

    Also, how many babysitters are you planning on hiring?  A single person shouldn't really be supervising 20+ kids.
    None of the children are too young to feed themselves and of course I am going to provide them with a meal.  They will have a kid friendly meal different from the "adult food".  The room is not where they can directly see their parents and the sitters will have to deal with keeping them in there.  If they loose their mind and the sitters cannot handle it the parents will have to deal with it.  If it happens it happens, they can go home if needed.  Ideally, we will have enough activities and things for them to do that they will stay entertained but children are unpredictable.

    I would never hire one person to watch 20+ kids.  They would probably slit their wrists by the end of the night and who knows what would happen to the kids!!  It is 23 children in total assuming they all come and we plan to have 3-4 sitters.


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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
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    I'd be concerned parents would see this as an option and won't use it.
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  • jdluvr06jdluvr06 member
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    BNS810 said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    BNS810 said:
    HisGirlFriday13 said:
    BNS810 said:
    My Fi and I have chosen to have an adults only wedding.  I know that typically you would just address the invitation to the parents only and that should be enough without having to say it's adults only, but what about a mostly out of town guest list?  All of my family will be coming from out of town and many of them have kids and I know that if the children can't come at all many of them will not be able to come. Because of this we are providing childcare at the venue.  How can I let people know that their children will not be allowed in the ceremony or reception (same location) without it coming off as rude?
    First of all, be prepared that a lot of people still will decline because they will not feel comfortable leaving their children with people they don't know.

    Second of all, when you say 'the venue,' do you mean the reception venue or the hotel? 

    There's really no good way to do this, because you're going to end up offending people, but your best bet is probably to have printed up small cards -- about the size of registry cards -- and insert those in the invitations.

    On those cards, you should have printed, 'Childcare will be provided by Name of Person, compliments of Bride and Groom, and will be available from time to time at XX venue.'

    That tells people when the childcare is available (and it should start before and end after your ceremony and reception, respectively), and where and who's going to be watching their kids. 
    I am prepared for the declines, and I know it sounds bad but I don't care.  I am doing what I can to accommodate their kids but I'm not willing to invite them.

    It's at the actual ceremony/reception venue NOT at the hotel.  I could totally understand not wanting to leave your kids in a hotel with a stranger in a city that you don't live in.  Our venue is a nature preserve/conservation center and it has a room with a projector, dress up stuff, furs, a gym thing to play on, etc. 

    Good idea on the card that explains it.  Do you think I should put it on the website as well?  We have sent out our STDs already (which have the website listed) and people will be making hotel reservations and flight arrangements.  I worry that people will assume their kids can come and then when they discover otherwise they will be stuck with plane tickets they do not want. 

    Also, my mom is spreading the word but FI's mother wants to fight me at every point and play the woe is me card all the time so I doubt she is telling people without saying "BNS hates children so they can't come"
    If your reception is during a meal time, what are the kids supposed to do for a meal?  Do you expect their parents to provide food for them?  And what happens if the kids want to come into the ceremony/reception space to be with their parents?  Are you going to keep them out?  If so, How?

    A child free wedding is fine, but logistically I don't really think this is going to work.  Since they are going to be in the same venue, you might as well invite the kids, but still have the play room available to them.

    Also, how many babysitters are you planning on hiring?  A single person shouldn't really be supervising 20+ kids.
    None of the children are too young to feed themselves and of course I am going to provide them with a meal.  They will have a kid friendly meal different from the "adult food".  The room is not where they can directly see their parents and the sitters will have to deal with keeping them in there.  If they loose their mind and the sitters cannot handle it the parents will have to deal with it.  If it happens it happens, they can go home if needed.  Ideally, we will have enough activities and things for them to do that they will stay entertained but children are unpredictable.

    I would never hire one person to watch 20+ kids.  They would probably slit their wrists by the end of the night and who knows what would happen to the kids!!  It is 23 children in total assuming they all come and we plan to have 3-4 sitters.


    So you are willing to fork out money for 3-4 sitters and meals for 23 kids but not willing to just have them come to the wedding?  I just don't get it.  What do you think will happen if there are kids at your wedding?  Look having a kid free wedding is fine but I just think this is ridiculous.  If you don't care that the parents of these kids decline the invitation then why even bother planning onsite sitters and meals for their kids?  Just don't plan anything and then you will most likely get declines from these people that you don't seem to really care whether or not they come.
    I was wondering this myself.
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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I don't think it's ridiculous. The OP is providing an extra for her guests. It's a nice thing to do!
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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    The thing is, you can't force the parents to leave their kids with the sitters. If the parents want their kids with them and not the sitter, then you pretty much are stuck with letting them, or telling them they have to leave. That could really piss some people off. Under the circumstances, I think you're really better off just not inviting kids period. The sitter thing is just too complicated.
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  • lc07lc07 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    If you put an insert into the invitation saying childcare is available beginning at xyz time I would think that was optional and that my children were invited to the wedding. 

    I think you're best off addressing invitations to adults only. If people contact you about wanting to travel with their children or ask if their children are invited you can let them know that you can only accommodate the parents at the ceremony and reception but should they travel with their children you do have XYZ babysitting service available.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    RebeccaB88 said:
    The thing is, you can't force the parents to leave their kids with the sitters. If the parents want their kids with them and not the sitter, then you pretty much are stuck with letting them, or telling them they have to leave. That could really piss some people off. Under the circumstances, I think you're really better off just not inviting kids period. The sitter thing is just too complicated.
    I don't agree. If the parents want their kids with them more than they want to attend the wedding, they can decline the invitation.  If the parents won't use the sitter provided by the OP, again, they can decline the invitation.  Beyond that, they don't get to dictate the terms.  Their pissiness does not require the OP to accommodate them.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I don't think it's ridiculous. The OP is providing an extra for her guests. It's a nice thing to do!
    To me it is ridiculous because she said herself that she doesn't care if these people decline so why go through all this hassle if you don't give a shit if these people actually come?

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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Sharpschruter22 said:

    Why is it hard to understand why she doesn't want kids at her wedding? Obviously it's not a monetary issue, so she has other reasons. The venue room may only seat a certain amount of people and there isn't room for the kids. Maybe she doesn't want kids taking over the dance floor and running around like Hellions. Those were my reasons for having a child free wedding.

    Before replies start pouring in about how children are not hellions...EVERY single wedding I have been to that children are invited to, they run around like crazy people and take over the dance floor so no one else wants to dance. There's yelling and screaming and I didn't want that at my very formal event.i imagine the OP has similar reasons. Not everything is about money.

    1st of all no one said she couldn't have a child free wedding. But ppl, myself included, were questioning the logistics behind her plan. Because it sounds lovely in theory but probably won't come off as she has planned.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    RebeccaB88 said:

    The thing is, you can't force the parents to leave their kids with the sitters. If the parents want their kids with them and not the sitter, then you pretty much are stuck with letting them, or telling them they have to leave. That could really piss some people off. Under the circumstances, I think you're really better off just not inviting kids period. The sitter thing is just too complicated.

    She isn't inviting kids though. She's inviting parents, and providing a childcare option. If parents don't want their kids with the sitter , they decline.
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I have no problem at all with child free weddings.  The problem I see here is the child is only allowed in the next room.  If the parents try to bring the child into the reception room with them, the bride said above:

    "The room is not where they can directly see their parents and the sitters will have to deal with keeping them in there.  If they loose their mind and the sitters cannot handle it the parents will have to deal with it.  If it happens it happens, they can go home if needed."

    Basically, if the sitters can't handle the child, the parents will have to leave.  I just don't think you can do that.  It comes across quite rude.

    OP - I have no issue with you wanting a child free wedding but I think you need a different approach here.  Arrange off site day care of a sitter service where the sitters could watch the children in the family's hotel room.

    I think in the long run you are far better off to tell these people it is an adult only wedding and let them deal with it rather than telling them to leave your wedding if their child doesn't do well with your chosen sitter.  If I paid for airline tickets and was told to leave a wedding reception it wouldn't go well. 


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  • hyechica81hyechica81 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    so what if x person decides to come they tell you 2 adults but call you up and say my three kids will attend and be with the sitter.

    ok wedding day comes and x person comes to ceremony with children in tow and 2 of them dont want to go to sitter at all they would rather be with mom and dad, what would you do then tell mom and dad who drove or flew in for the wedding im sorry you have to leave.

    children can be unpredictable yes you say you have a sitter but what if some of the children dont want to go to the sitter you cant force them nor can the parents force them, they are strangers to them.
    have you checked out the sitters to make sure they know cpr himlich they are certified in those areas have they worked with children before. the worst would be to hire someone who was shady and stuff went bad.

    i feel if you want an adult only wedding then have one some of those out of town guest might have people to watch there children so they could go. i know growing up my parents were invited to weddings on my dads side me and my 3 siblings would go to my maternal grandparents house for the day or to my moms sisters house and play with the cousins..

    we are having an adult wedding we are adressing all the cards to the adults only the only "children" at my wedding are 3 of my cousins but they are 14 and 16 years old more like teenagers only two of my cousins have children under 6 they already know they need to find a sitter

    on one hand the sitters could work out but on the other hand i see it as a recipe for disaster

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    kmmssg said:
    I have no problem at all with child free weddings.  The problem I see here is the child is only allowed in the next room.  If the parents try to bring the child into the reception room with them, the bride said above:

    "The room is not where they can directly see their parents and the sitters will have to deal with keeping them in there.  If they loose their mind and the sitters cannot handle it the parents will have to deal with it.  If it happens it happens, they can go home if needed."

    Basically, if the sitters can't handle the child, the parents will have to leave.  I just don't think you can do that.  It comes across quite rude.

    OP - I have no issue with you wanting a child free wedding but I think you need a different approach here.  Arrange off site day care of a sitter service where the sitters could watch the children in the family's hotel room.

    I think in the long run you are far better off to tell these people it is an adult only wedding and let them deal with it rather than telling them to leave your wedding if their child doesn't do well with your chosen sitter.  If I paid for airline tickets and was told to leave a wedding reception it wouldn't go well. 


    This. This. This.

    This is why I do not like nor do I suggest childcare at weddings.  I feel like it is a bit condescending to the parents like they are too stupid to make their own arrangements and also what happens if the random sitter you choose does not do well with certain children and they start screaming that they want their Mom or Dad.  To refuse the child to come to their parents in the reception is rude.  And to say that if the child cannot behave for the sitter then the family can just leave is even more rude.

    Just invite who is invited.  Let the parents make their own arrangement.  It is pretty simple.  And since you really don't care if these people come then when they decline because they don't want or can't find a sitter for their kid over a long weekend then no skin off your back.

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  • kgd7357kgd7357 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    We don't want young kids at our wedding either. 1st cousins are invited but that's it (most are teenagers, one is 8). We have a lot of invitees with young kids coming in from out of town with the kids not invited. They will be making  other arrangements. These have included leaving kids with trusted friends or relatives at home, declining, and a few pooled together and got a babysitter to come to the hotel for about 6 of the kids. You may be better off just providing a list of good babysitters in the area on the website, and letting the parents figure it out. I think it'll be way less stressful for you.
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  • ScoutFScoutF member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Technicially, you aren't having a child free wedding. You're just putting them in a different room.

    Either invite them (since you'll be paying for them anyway) and let them sit with their parents or have child care offsite. 
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  • BNS810BNS810 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Oh wow.  Ok, I do not want children there because it's a night time wedding with an open bar.  I do not feel comfortable drinking in front of children.  This is literally my number one reason for an adults only wedding.

    I choose to have on site sitters because I imagine most people are not comfortable leaving their children alone with a stranger in a strange city.  Being onsite they are able to check on their kids if they want.

    I realize this will probably not go entirely as planned, but my family has done this in the past and it worked out just fine.  One time the sitter had to come and find a parent to calm their child.   It wasn't a big deal. 

    I do not hope that these people decline while I get to "look accommodating".  I genuinely want these people to come but like I said I have a huge issue with drinking in front of kids and FI's friends like to have a good time.  It's just not an appropriate atmosphere for kids.

    I also think being in a playroom with other kids your age is a lot more fun than sitting thru a ceremony where you have to be quite followed by a dinner where you have to behave.  I also feel like most parents would enjoy a little time away from their kids to have an adult conversation that isn't interrupted by telling your child "Mommy's talking" every 30 seconds. 

    I am genuinely trying to be a good host.  I want my family to come.  I haven't seen most of them in 5+ years and will probably not see them for another 5+ years.  They will be traveling from different states and will be here for the weekend.  I am well aware that people can take care of their own childcare and if they were coming from across town I would not be providing this service, but people can't leave their kids with a sitter for an entire weekend.  They're not dogs, you don't just drop them at the kennel.  Their children are invited to every other activity happening over the weekend.  And no, before anyone accuses me of it, I am not forcing people to come to these activities.

    When I say I am prepared for the declines and I honestly don't care it does not mean that I did not ever want them to attend and I invited them out of guilt.  It's more along the lines of there is nothing I can do about it.  What am I going to do cry each time I get a decline because of kids not being invited?  I have already got one and it sucks.  I'm not happy about it but I am trying to do what I can to make it all work.

    And someone said hiring a babysitter to watch them in the parents hotel room and I guess I could do that.  I would need about 15 sitters if I put one to each room.  I would imagine kids are happier when they have a group but who knows.  For people who have children would you prefer that they are watched by a single sitter at your hotel room or onsite?

    The sitters are not high schoolers or some random people I found on the street.  One is a child psychologist, 2 are nannies with 20+ years experience, and the other one that will help depending on the amount of kids coming is a nanny as well.  She only has about 5 years experience though.  They are all certified in basic first aid/cpr. 

    It's not about money or not wanting to feed them.  I am really trying to be accommodating to everyone.  I know that things might happen exactly as planned and so be it.  But I don't think I am really asking that much to have kids in a play room for a couple of hours.  They will have plenty of activities and things to do.  All of these children are of pre-school/school age.  They are left with people every single day.  I don't think it seems that unrealistic to expect that they might be perfectly okay without  mommy and daddy for a couple hours. 

    I think I probably missed some comments, but hopefully I answered most of them.
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  • BNS810BNS810 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    One I missed, there isn't enough room in the venue for the kids to sit with the parents.  We might get enough declines though that we could just move them in there.  But again, the drinking is a huge issue with me and every wedding I have been to with kids they're bored out of their minds or they're running around like crazy people.
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  • BNS810BNS810 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    ScoutF said:
    Technicially, you aren't having a child free wedding. You're just putting them in a different room.

    Either invite them (since you'll be paying for them anyway) and let them sit with their parents or have child care offsite. 
    Technically, the wedding and reception is child free because they won't be in either place. 

    So, you would be more okay with leaving your child alone at the hotel with a babysitter than having them at the same building as you with a babysitter?  There are 3 different hotels that are being used so should I get a couple baby sitters and a room at each hotel?  Or would I give a list of sitters to the parents and have them hire one of them?  I agree that parents are fully capable of handling their own childcare needs, but the way I see it I am already inconveniencing people enough.  They already have to make hotel reservations, get plane tickets, spend money on those things, etc. so asking them to do yet another thing just seems rude. 
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