Questions about adult only wedding with provided childcare

ScoutF · March 2014

BNS810 said:

ScoutF said:

Technicially, you aren't having a child free wedding. You're just putting them in a different room.

Either invite them (since you'll be paying for them anyway) and let them sit with their parents or have child care offsite.

Technically, the wedding and reception is child free because they won't be in either place.

So, you would be more okay with leaving your child alone at the hotel with a babysitter than having them at the same building as you with a babysitter? There are 3 different hotels that are being used so should I get a couple baby sitters and a room at each hotel? Or would I give a list of sitters to the parents and have them hire one of them? I agree that parents are fully capable of handling their own childcare needs, but the way I see it I am already inconveniencing people enough. They already have to make hotel reservations, get plane tickets, spend money on those things, etc. so asking them to do yet another thing just seems rude.

Personally, I'd just let the parents handle it. You have every right to have a child free wedding. This is part of the responsibility that comes with being a parent. I'm sure you have many other things to worry about planning wise. This is something I would let the parents deal with.

Maggie0829 · March 2014

ScoutF said:

BNS810 said:

ScoutF said:

Technicially, you aren't having a child free wedding. You're just putting them in a different room.

Either invite them (since you'll be paying for them anyway) and let them sit with their parents or have child care offsite.

Technically, the wedding and reception is child free because they won't be in either place.

So, you would be more okay with leaving your child alone at the hotel with a babysitter than having them at the same building as you with a babysitter? There are 3 different hotels that are being used so should I get a couple baby sitters and a room at each hotel? Or would I give a list of sitters to the parents and have them hire one of them? I agree that parents are fully capable of handling their own childcare needs, but the way I see it I am already inconveniencing people enough. They already have to make hotel reservations, get plane tickets, spend money on those things, etc. so asking them to do yet another thing just seems rude.

Personally, I'd just let the parents handle it. You have every right to have a child free wedding. This is part of the responsibility that comes with being a parent. I'm sure you have many other things to worry about planning wise. This is something I would let the parents deal with.

This. It is the parents responsibility to figure out childcare for their own kid, not you. If the parents want to come they will find someone to watch their child for the weekend. If they don't want to leave their child at home or they can't find someone to watch their child they will just have to decline. I do not know any parent who would be comfortable leaving their child with a stranger whether that be onsite or offsite. Just leave it up to the parents to figure their own shit out.

ETA: And it is not rude to expect parents to make childcare arrangements. That is their responsibility as parents. They know this.

BNS810 · March 2014

ScoutF said:

BNS810 said:

ScoutF said:

Technicially, you aren't having a child free wedding. You're just putting them in a different room.

Either invite them (since you'll be paying for them anyway) and let them sit with their parents or have child care offsite.

Technically, the wedding and reception is child free because they won't be in either place.

So, you would be more okay with leaving your child alone at the hotel with a babysitter than having them at the same building as you with a babysitter? There are 3 different hotels that are being used so should I get a couple baby sitters and a room at each hotel? Or would I give a list of sitters to the parents and have them hire one of them? I agree that parents are fully capable of handling their own childcare needs, but the way I see it I am already inconveniencing people enough. They already have to make hotel reservations, get plane tickets, spend money on those things, etc. so asking them to do yet another thing just seems rude.

Personally, I'd just let the parents handle it. You have every right to have a child free wedding. This is part of the responsibility that comes with being a parent. I'm sure you have many other things to worry about planning wise. This is something I would let the parents deal with.

This. It is the parents responsibility to figure out childcare for their own kid, not you. If the parents want to come they will find someone to watch their child for the weekend. If they don't want to leave their child at home or they can't find someone to watch their child they will just have to decline. I do not know any parent who would be comfortable leaving their child with a stranger whether that be onsite or offsite. Just leave it up to the parents to figure their own shit out.

ETA: And it is not rude to expect parents to make childcare arrangements. That is their responsibility as parents. They know this.

Really? You don't know anyone that leaves their child in the nursery at church or at the gym? What about at daycare? Do they know each one of those people personally? What about when they have a substitute teacher at school? Do they remove their child from classes that day? I am not trying to be argumentative but I do think it's a little extreme to say that no parent, ever, leaves their child with a person that they do not personally know.

ScoutF · March 2014

BNS810 said:

ScoutF said:

BNS810 said:

ScoutF said:

Technicially, you aren't having a child free wedding. You're just putting them in a different room.

Either invite them (since you'll be paying for them anyway) and let them sit with their parents or have child care offsite.

Technically, the wedding and reception is child free because they won't be in either place.

So, you would be more okay with leaving your child alone at the hotel with a babysitter than having them at the same building as you with a babysitter? There are 3 different hotels that are being used so should I get a couple baby sitters and a room at each hotel? Or would I give a list of sitters to the parents and have them hire one of them? I agree that parents are fully capable of handling their own childcare needs, but the way I see it I am already inconveniencing people enough. They already have to make hotel reservations, get plane tickets, spend money on those things, etc. so asking them to do yet another thing just seems rude.

Personally, I'd just let the parents handle it. You have every right to have a child free wedding. This is part of the responsibility that comes with being a parent. I'm sure you have many other things to worry about planning wise. This is something I would let the parents deal with.

This. It is the parents responsibility to figure out childcare for their own kid, not you. If the parents want to come they will find someone to watch their child for the weekend. If they don't want to leave their child at home or they can't find someone to watch their child they will just have to decline. I do not know any parent who would be comfortable leaving their child with a stranger whether that be onsite or offsite. Just leave it up to the parents to figure their own shit out.

ETA: And it is not rude to expect parents to make childcare arrangements. That is their responsibility as parents. They know this.

Really? You don't know anyone that leaves their child in the nursery at church or at the gym? What about at daycare? Do they know each one of those people personally? What about when they have a substitute teacher at school? Do they remove their child from classes that day? I am not trying to be argumentative but I do think it's a little extreme to say that no parent, ever, leaves their child with a person that they do not personally know.

I'd assume the parents did research on the daycare/nursery if they leave their child there every day. As far as a substitute teacher goes, schools do background checks on all people who work as a sub (at least in my area). If the school is good with the sub, I'd be good with the sub. Of course there are exceptions. I'm not trying to speak for Maggie, but if I'm traveling out of town for an event like your wedding, I'd leave my kids at home with a trusted provider instead of using someone that doesn't know my kids (and vice versa).

BNS810 · March 2014

BNS810 said:

ScoutF said:

BNS810 said:

ScoutF said:

Technicially, you aren't having a child free wedding. You're just putting them in a different room.

Either invite them (since you'll be paying for them anyway) and let them sit with their parents or have child care offsite.

Technically, the wedding and reception is child free because they won't be in either place.

So, you would be more okay with leaving your child alone at the hotel with a babysitter than having them at the same building as you with a babysitter? There are 3 different hotels that are being used so should I get a couple baby sitters and a room at each hotel? Or would I give a list of sitters to the parents and have them hire one of them? I agree that parents are fully capable of handling their own childcare needs, but the way I see it I am already inconveniencing people enough. They already have to make hotel reservations, get plane tickets, spend money on those things, etc. so asking them to do yet another thing just seems rude.

Personally, I'd just let the parents handle it. You have every right to have a child free wedding. This is part of the responsibility that comes with being a parent. I'm sure you have many other things to worry about planning wise. This is something I would let the parents deal with.

This. It is the parents responsibility to figure out childcare for their own kid, not you. If the parents want to come they will find someone to watch their child for the weekend. If they don't want to leave their child at home or they can't find someone to watch their child they will just have to decline. I do not know any parent who would be comfortable leaving their child with a stranger whether that be onsite or offsite. Just leave it up to the parents to figure their own shit out.

ETA: And it is not rude to expect parents to make childcare arrangements. That is their responsibility as parents. They know this.

Really? You don't know anyone that leaves their child in the nursery at church or at the gym? What about at daycare? Do they know each one of those people personally? What about when they have a substitute teacher at school? Do they remove their child from classes that day? I am not trying to be argumentative but I do think it's a little extreme to say that no parent, ever, leaves their child with a person that they do not personally know.

I'd assume the parents did research on the daycare/nursery if they leave their child there every day. As far as a substitute teacher goes, schools do background checks on all people who work as a sub (at least in my area). If the school is good with the sub, I'd be good with the sub. Of course there are exceptions. I'm not trying to speak for Maggie, but if I'm traveling out of town for an event like your wedding, I'd leave my kids at home with a trusted provider instead of using someone that doesn't know my kids (and vice versa).

For an entire weekend? This is my dilemma. It's not getting a babysitter for the night. It's an entire weekend.

ScoutF · March 2014

BNS810 said:

BNS810 said:

ScoutF said:

BNS810 said:

ScoutF said:

Technicially, you aren't having a child free wedding. You're just putting them in a different room.

Either invite them (since you'll be paying for them anyway) and let them sit with their parents or have child care offsite.

Technically, the wedding and reception is child free because they won't be in either place.

So, you would be more okay with leaving your child alone at the hotel with a babysitter than having them at the same building as you with a babysitter? There are 3 different hotels that are being used so should I get a couple baby sitters and a room at each hotel? Or would I give a list of sitters to the parents and have them hire one of them? I agree that parents are fully capable of handling their own childcare needs, but the way I see it I am already inconveniencing people enough. They already have to make hotel reservations, get plane tickets, spend money on those things, etc. so asking them to do yet another thing just seems rude.

Personally, I'd just let the parents handle it. You have every right to have a child free wedding. This is part of the responsibility that comes with being a parent. I'm sure you have many other things to worry about planning wise. This is something I would let the parents deal with.

This. It is the parents responsibility to figure out childcare for their own kid, not you. If the parents want to come they will find someone to watch their child for the weekend. If they don't want to leave their child at home or they can't find someone to watch their child they will just have to decline. I do not know any parent who would be comfortable leaving their child with a stranger whether that be onsite or offsite. Just leave it up to the parents to figure their own shit out.

ETA: And it is not rude to expect parents to make childcare arrangements. That is their responsibility as parents. They know this.

Really? You don't know anyone that leaves their child in the nursery at church or at the gym? What about at daycare? Do they know each one of those people personally? What about when they have a substitute teacher at school? Do they remove their child from classes that day? I am not trying to be argumentative but I do think it's a little extreme to say that no parent, ever, leaves their child with a person that they do not personally know.

I'd assume the parents did research on the daycare/nursery if they leave their child there every day. As far as a substitute teacher goes, schools do background checks on all people who work as a sub (at least in my area). If the school is good with the sub, I'd be good with the sub. Of course there are exceptions. I'm not trying to speak for Maggie, but if I'm traveling out of town for an event like your wedding, I'd leave my kids at home with a trusted provider instead of using someone that doesn't know my kids (and vice versa).

For an entire weekend? This is my dilemma. It's not getting a babysitter for the night. It's an entire weekend.

I still stand by my opinion that finding childcare is the responsibility of the parents. If they can't find someone for two nights, they come in the day of the wedding. Wedding planning was a pain the in ass (for me at least) and the last thing I would want to do is take on yet another responsibility, especially one that I didn't have to.

BNS810 · March 2014

I completely understand what you are saying. They should be responsible for childcare, but my idea is to save people a little bit of the hassle. I've already done this part of the planning. I already have the sitters, it's literally just a matter of explaining it to people.

The wedding is at 5:30pm so they could absolutely fly in that day but could not fly out until the next morning. I guess they could just leave their kids with a sitter over night.

I honestly thought I was being helpful and people would appreciate it but clearly I was wrong. I literally feel like my only options are to not invite the kids and not provide childcare and accept that most likely none of my family will come or invite them and not serve alcohol.

BNS810 · March 2014

Seriously though, no one has ever left their child in the daycare at church or the gym?

ScoutF · March 2014

We had several kids and alcohol at our wedding with zero issues. The kids had a blast and no one was out of control. You have to trust that the parents will do their job and make sure their kids don't get out of control. If you have a coordinator they should be able to help out as well.

And while I don't have kids yet, I wouldn't have an issue leaving kids at the church daycare- the volunteers are retired school teachers. I wouldn't leave them at the gym without doing my homework on the facility.

kmmssg · March 2014

My kids are grown now but I knew the daycare team at church so I KNEW who I was leaving my kids with. I was fanatical about investigating my daycare when I returned to work. I didn't just pick one and hope for the best. It would never cross my mind to walk into a place where my child doesn't know the provider, dump him/her, and say "Mommy will be back in 4 or 5 hours." Yes, that did mean I declined to attend a few events, but it was where I felt my priorities needed to be.

BNS810 · March 2014

I don't think the kids will get into the alcohol or anything that like. For me it's a personal thing. I think drinking in front of kids is inappropriate. I do not think that seeing drunk people sets a good example. FI's friends have been known to get out of control at weddings and I am already worried enough about that without factoring in children.

At our church the sitters were not retired teachers. They were 7th and 8th graders with one adult supervisor. I guess all places are different though.

I appreciate the feedback. I have a lot to think about, and I really have no idea what to do now!!

Maggie0829 · March 2014

I am with @ScoutF on this one. If I had a child and I was to leave him or her at a daycare at a gym or a church you can bet your ass that I would be visiting that daycare and meeting the people who work there and would care for my child BEFORE leaving my child in their hands. This is where the difference lies. These parents won't have that ability to meet these sitters. These sitters are strangers to them. They don't know their backgrounds or experience. It would be like going up to a stranger on the street and ask them to watch your kid for a few hours.

As for drinking alcohol in front of children. It is not your place to decide what is and is not okay to do in front of a child. If the parents do not want their children in a place with alcohol then they will decline the invite. But it is up to the parent, not you, to decide what is and is not okay for their child.

And if I were invited to a wedding over a weekend and H and I wanted to go we would find a sitter/family member that we trusted to watch our hypothetical child while we were away. Parents are able to leave their children for more then one day and to do so shouldn't be considered a hassle to them but rather something they know that they have to do since they are the parents. Just like they know they have to feed, bathe and clothe their children, they also know that they need to provide suitable childcare in the event that they have to leave their children for any length of time.

BNS810 · March 2014

What if I am not okay with drinking in front of them? I get that the parents are responsible for their kids. I get that it is their call. But what if it makes me uncomfortable? I'm just really not willing to invite kids and I think it's perfectly okay for me to make that decision. I could be wrong but I do not think I am breaking any sort of etiquette by not inviting children.

So my question really is how do I let people know that childcare will be provided? I really like the idea from a PP of placing a card within the invite that tells people childcare is available. If people do not want to use it that's perfectly okay, they can find other arrangements or decline the invite but I do think it's a nice gesture. Some people have already said they are fine with it and like I said before, my family has done this in the past so many of them should not be surprised.

Maggie0829 · March 2014

BNS810 said:

What if I am not okay with drinking in front of them? I get that the parents are responsible for their kids. I get that it is their call. But what if it makes me uncomfortable? I'm just really not willing to invite kids and I think it's perfectly okay for me to make that decision. I could be wrong but I do not think I am breaking any sort of etiquette by not inviting children.

So my question really is how do I let people know that childcare will be provided? I really like the idea from a PP of placing a card within the invite that tells people childcare is available. If people do not want to use it that's perfectly okay, they can find other arrangements or decline the invite but I do think it's a nice gesture. Some people have already said they are fine with it and like I said before, my family has done this in the past so many of them should not be surprised.

No one has said that you can't have an adults only wedding. And unless you plan on getting shit faced to the point of puking all over your dress and falling down on one of the kids then I don't get why drinking a few glasses of wine would make you uncomfortable. But that is on you.

Honestly, I wouldn't include a card. Like one other person said it makes it seem that you welcome the children to the wedding but if the parents want to take advantage of the sitters then they can. Instead I would invite the people by name and then after the invites are received (give them about a week or so to get to their destination) call up the couple with kids and let them know that childcare is available and this way if they have any questions about the sitters then they can ask you directly.

larrygaga · March 2014

Just my random 2 cents

I hate no-kids weddings. It always comes off to me as bridezillaish and control freaky, because it seems like they just don't want kids to be running around and yelling. Most parents would control their kids at a wedding or not bring them. I come from a family with a ton of kids, and there is a cousin that is having a kids-free wedding. Almost nobody is going because it's out of town and already expensive to go. Maybe i'm just more easy-going around kids.

But I'm the girl that dances holding hands with a 4 year old and I have never been to a wedding where running around and yelling was a problem.

EDIT: I guess I see why other people might not want kids if they have little buttholes that might attend LOL. For the record, I don't have kids and I don't want them for a long time, if ever. I like them, though.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2014

kmmssg said:

I have no problem at all with child free weddings. The problem I see here is the child is only allowed in the next room. If the parents try to bring the child into the reception room with them, the bride said above:

"The room is not where they can directly see their parents and the sitters will have to deal with keeping them in there. If they loose their mind and the sitters cannot handle it the parents will have to deal with it. If it happens it happens, they can go home if needed."

Basically, if the sitters can't handle the child, the parents will have to leave. I just don't think you can do that. It comes across quite rude.

OP - I have no issue with you wanting a child free wedding but I think you need a different approach here. Arrange off site day care of a sitter service where the sitters could watch the children in the family's hotel room.

I think in the long run you are far better off to tell these people it is an adult only wedding and let them deal with it rather than telling them to leave your wedding if their child doesn't do well with your chosen sitter. If I paid for airline tickets and was told to leave a wedding reception it wouldn't go well.

Yeah, this was my point with the questions I was asking as well.

kmmssg · March 2014

BNS810 said:

What if I am not okay with drinking in front of them? I get that the parents are responsible for their kids. I get that it is their call. But what if it makes me uncomfortable? I'm just really not willing to invite kids and I think it's perfectly okay for me to make that decision. I could be wrong but I do not think I am breaking any sort of etiquette by not inviting children.

So my question really is how do I let people know that childcare will be provided? I really like the idea from a PP of placing a card within the invite that tells people childcare is available. If people do not want to use it that's perfectly okay, they can find other arrangements or decline the invite but I do think it's a nice gesture. Some people have already said they are fine with it and like I said before, my family has done this in the past so many of them should not be surprised.

My question goes back to what will you do if Little Suzie refuses to stay with the sitter and throws a fit? Will you indeed ask the family to leave? Is THAT what your family has done at other events where daycare has been provided?

If your family provides onsite daycare and has no issues with unfamiliar sitters then rock on. BUT..are they asked to leave when Suzie wants to be with Mommy & Daddy? You just can't do that!

Again - no problem from me with having a no kid wedding but this really isn't. We hosted our last DD's no kid wedding and held to a very strict line on it. We also left it to everyone to make their own daycare arrangements. The only under 18 guest was my son and he was 11. He was a sibling of the bride.

I really think if you are so adamant that you would ask people to leave then you need to just leave the daycare to the parents to worry about. That is the point that is a problem here.

It isn't my business but can I ask why you have such an over the top reaction to drinking in front of kids? Don't these kids ever eat at Applebee's or Chili's? People drink in there all the time. If their parents drink these kids have been around people drinking.

larrygaga · March 2014

I think also you might be a little too worried about the alcohol and kids thing. If the parent doesn't want their kid around it, they won't go. I think in your situation you might need to invite kids and hope for the best.

Jen4948 · March 2014

kmmssg said:
My question goes back to what will you do if Little Suzie refuses to stay with the sitter and throws a fit? Will you indeed ask the family to leave? Is THAT what your family has done at other events where daycare has been provided?

If your family provides onsite daycare and has no issues with unfamiliar sitters then rock on. BUT..are they asked to leave when Suzie wants to be with Mommy & Daddy? You just can't do that!

Again - no problem from me with having a no kid wedding but this really isn't. We hosted our last DD's no kid wedding and held to a very strict line on it. We also left it to everyone to make their own daycare arrangements. The only under 18 guest was my son and he was 11. He was a sibling of the bride.

I really think if you are so adamant that you would ask people to leave then you need to just leave the daycare to the parents to worry about. That is the point that is a problem here.

It isn't my business but can I ask why you have such an over the top reaction to drinking in front of kids? Don't these kids ever eat at Applebee's or Chili's? People drink in there all the time. If their parents drink these kids have been around people drinking.

Sometimes parents of misbehaving kids just have to take them away. If the kids are behaving that badly that others, adult or kid, can't be around them, then there is no other option.

And as for what happens if Little Susie refuses to stay with the sitter, you know what? Too bad. It is not the worst thing in the world for a small child to have to be babysat while the parents are in another room. If things really get that bad, the sitter can ask someone to fetch Mom and Dad. I'm sure small kids have had to stay at daycare for more hours in a day without their parents than they would have to at a wedding. They may even behave just fine!

tcnoble · March 2014

Just my two cents... if I were to receive an invite with an insert offering childcare, I would see it as optional. That I may bring my child/ren and opt to use the service, or opt out of it and keep them with me. So that could create an issue for you - parents may very well bring their kids along and fully intend to have them at the ceremony and reception. So just by OFFERING childcare, you are opening a whole can of worms that may not be controllable on the day of. I agree with PPs that said you should address the invites to the adults you are inviting and leave them to find childcare for their children. I think you have good intentions, but it just may not play out the way you are hoping.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2014

BNS810 said:

I don't think the kids will get into the alcohol or anything that like. For me it's a personal thing. I think drinking in front of kids is inappropriate. I do not think that seeing drunk people sets a good example. FI's friends have been known to get out of control at weddings and I am already worried enough about that without factoring in children.

At our church the sitters were not retired teachers. They were 7th and 8th graders with one adult supervisor. I guess all places are different though.

I appreciate the feedback. I have a lot to think about, and I really have no idea what to do now!!

I'm not trying to pick on your opinion at all, but I feel like making alcohol out to be this taboo thing is what leads many kids to begin to abuse it in highschool.

Sure, getting black out drunk in front of kids- or anyone- is stupid and probably not appropriate, but normal, responsible social drinking in front of children is just fine. It's healthy.

It's really up to their parents to teach them about alcohol and how to behave responsibly with it. And even if someone gets drunk and rowdy at your wedding in front of these kids, they are not going to be traumatized by it. I'm sure their parents take them out in public and they are exposed to all sorts of things- swearing, people spitting, people drinking in restaurants, etc.

Maggie0829 · March 2014

Jen4948 said:

kmmssg said:
My question goes back to what will you do if Little Suzie refuses to stay with the sitter and throws a fit? Will you indeed ask the family to leave? Is THAT what your family has done at other events where daycare has been provided?

If your family provides onsite daycare and has no issues with unfamiliar sitters then rock on. BUT..are they asked to leave when Suzie wants to be with Mommy & Daddy? You just can't do that!

Again - no problem from me with having a no kid wedding but this really isn't. We hosted our last DD's no kid wedding and held to a very strict line on it. We also left it to everyone to make their own daycare arrangements. The only under 18 guest was my son and he was 11. He was a sibling of the bride.

I really think if you are so adamant that you would ask people to leave then you need to just leave the daycare to the parents to worry about. That is the point that is a problem here.

It isn't my business but can I ask why you have such an over the top reaction to drinking in front of kids? Don't these kids ever eat at Applebee's or Chili's? People drink in there all the time. If their parents drink these kids have been around people drinking.
Sometimes parents of misbehaving kids just have to take them away. If the kids are behaving that badly that others, adult or kid, can't be around them, then there is no other option.

And as for what happens if Little Susie refuses to stay with the sitter, you know what? Too bad. It is not the worst thing in the world for a small child to have to be babysat while the parents are in another room. If things really get that bad, the sitter can ask someone to fetch Mom and Dad. I'm sure small kids have had to stay at daycare for more hours in a day without their parents than they would have to at a wedding. They may even behave just fine!

Yes, but that would be the parents choice not the couple throwing them out because their child wants to be with Mom and Dad.

True, but in those situations those kids most likely know the daycare providers that they are being left with. In this case, they would not and may not feel comfortable with a complete stranger, which is why it is always best to let the parents take care of their own childcare. This way both the parents and child will be comfortable.

Jen4948 · March 2014

Maggie0829 said:

Jen4948 said:

kmmssg said:
My question goes back to what will you do if Little Suzie refuses to stay with the sitter and throws a fit? Will you indeed ask the family to leave? Is THAT what your family has done at other events where daycare has been provided?

If your family provides onsite daycare and has no issues with unfamiliar sitters then rock on. BUT..are they asked to leave when Suzie wants to be with Mommy & Daddy? You just can't do that!

Again - no problem from me with having a no kid wedding but this really isn't. We hosted our last DD's no kid wedding and held to a very strict line on it. We also left it to everyone to make their own daycare arrangements. The only under 18 guest was my son and he was 11. He was a sibling of the bride.

I really think if you are so adamant that you would ask people to leave then you need to just leave the daycare to the parents to worry about. That is the point that is a problem here.

It isn't my business but can I ask why you have such an over the top reaction to drinking in front of kids? Don't these kids ever eat at Applebee's or Chili's? People drink in there all the time. If their parents drink these kids have been around people drinking.
Sometimes parents of misbehaving kids just have to take them away. If the kids are behaving that badly that others, adult or kid, can't be around them, then there is no other option.

And as for what happens if Little Susie refuses to stay with the sitter, you know what? Too bad. It is not the worst thing in the world for a small child to have to be babysat while the parents are in another room. If things really get that bad, the sitter can ask someone to fetch Mom and Dad. I'm sure small kids have had to stay at daycare for more hours in a day without their parents than they would have to at a wedding. They may even behave just fine!

Yes, but that would be the parents choice not the couple throwing them out because their child wants to be with Mom and Dad.

True, but in those situations those kids most likely know the daycare providers that they are being left with. In this case, they would not and may not feel comfortable with a complete stranger, which is why it is always best to let the parents take care of their own childcare. This way both the parents and child will be comfortable.

I have no problems with letting parents pick their own sitters and even bringing them along, as long as they are in a separate room with the kids. I'd provide meals for the kids and sitters.

Maggie0829 · March 2014

Jen4948 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Jen4948 said:

kmmssg said:
My question goes back to what will you do if Little Suzie refuses to stay with the sitter and throws a fit? Will you indeed ask the family to leave? Is THAT what your family has done at other events where daycare has been provided?

If your family provides onsite daycare and has no issues with unfamiliar sitters then rock on. BUT..are they asked to leave when Suzie wants to be with Mommy & Daddy? You just can't do that!

Again - no problem from me with having a no kid wedding but this really isn't. We hosted our last DD's no kid wedding and held to a very strict line on it. We also left it to everyone to make their own daycare arrangements. The only under 18 guest was my son and he was 11. He was a sibling of the bride.

I really think if you are so adamant that you would ask people to leave then you need to just leave the daycare to the parents to worry about. That is the point that is a problem here.

It isn't my business but can I ask why you have such an over the top reaction to drinking in front of kids? Don't these kids ever eat at Applebee's or Chili's? People drink in there all the time. If their parents drink these kids have been around people drinking.
Sometimes parents of misbehaving kids just have to take them away. If the kids are behaving that badly that others, adult or kid, can't be around them, then there is no other option.

And as for what happens if Little Susie refuses to stay with the sitter, you know what? Too bad. It is not the worst thing in the world for a small child to have to be babysat while the parents are in another room. If things really get that bad, the sitter can ask someone to fetch Mom and Dad. I'm sure small kids have had to stay at daycare for more hours in a day without their parents than they would have to at a wedding. They may even behave just fine!

Yes, but that would be the parents choice not the couple throwing them out because their child wants to be with Mom and Dad.

True, but in those situations those kids most likely know the daycare providers that they are being left with. In this case, they would not and may not feel comfortable with a complete stranger, which is why it is always best to let the parents take care of their own childcare. This way both the parents and child will be comfortable.

I have no problems with letting parents pick their own sitters and even bringing them along, as long as they are in a separate room with the kids. I'd provide meals for the kids and sitters.

I have no problem with that either. That is the parents prerogative if they want to bring a sitter along. And I would do the same as you and provide a meal and such for the sitter and kids I just think it gets a bit dicey when the couple supplies childcare for other people's children because not many parents are willing to just hand their kid over to a stranger, you know?

Jen4948 · March 2014

Maggie0829 said:

Jen4948 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Jen4948 said:

kmmssg said:
My question goes back to what will you do if Little Suzie refuses to stay with the sitter and throws a fit? Will you indeed ask the family to leave? Is THAT what your family has done at other events where daycare has been provided?

If your family provides onsite daycare and has no issues with unfamiliar sitters then rock on. BUT..are they asked to leave when Suzie wants to be with Mommy & Daddy? You just can't do that!

Again - no problem from me with having a no kid wedding but this really isn't. We hosted our last DD's no kid wedding and held to a very strict line on it. We also left it to everyone to make their own daycare arrangements. The only under 18 guest was my son and he was 11. He was a sibling of the bride.

I really think if you are so adamant that you would ask people to leave then you need to just leave the daycare to the parents to worry about. That is the point that is a problem here.

It isn't my business but can I ask why you have such an over the top reaction to drinking in front of kids? Don't these kids ever eat at Applebee's or Chili's? People drink in there all the time. If their parents drink these kids have been around people drinking.
Sometimes parents of misbehaving kids just have to take them away. If the kids are behaving that badly that others, adult or kid, can't be around them, then there is no other option.

And as for what happens if Little Susie refuses to stay with the sitter, you know what? Too bad. It is not the worst thing in the world for a small child to have to be babysat while the parents are in another room. If things really get that bad, the sitter can ask someone to fetch Mom and Dad. I'm sure small kids have had to stay at daycare for more hours in a day without their parents than they would have to at a wedding. They may even behave just fine!

Yes, but that would be the parents choice not the couple throwing them out because their child wants to be with Mom and Dad.

True, but in those situations those kids most likely know the daycare providers that they are being left with. In this case, they would not and may not feel comfortable with a complete stranger, which is why it is always best to let the parents take care of their own childcare. This way both the parents and child will be comfortable.

I have no problems with letting parents pick their own sitters and even bringing them along, as long as they are in a separate room with the kids. I'd provide meals for the kids and sitters.

I have no problem with that either. That is the parents prerogative if they want to bring a sitter along. And I would do the same as you and provide a meal and such for the sitter and kids I just think it gets a bit dicey when the couple supplies childcare for other people's children because not many parents are willing to just hand their kid over to a stranger, you know?

Yeah, I know. I admit that I'd be concerned myself if I were a parent. If it's possible for the parents to meet the stranger in advance, I'd definitely arrange a meeting. But that's why I'm willing for the parents to bring their own sitters. I do want them to be able to attend and feel comfortable with whoever is watching their children.

Maggie0829 · March 2014

Jen4948 said:

Yeah, I know. I admit that I'd be concerned myself if I were a parent. If it's possible for the parents to meet the stranger in advance, I'd definitely arrange a meeting. But that's why I'm willing for the parents to bring their own sitters. I do want them to be able to attend and feel comfortable with whoever is watching their children.

Yeah that is why I told OP to call up each set of parents and let them know about the childcare. This way they can ask questions and maybe even ask for contact information so that they can speak to the sitters themselves and then make a final decision. But I do think some couples can't really comprehend why parents wouldn't be willing to just drop Little Bobby off at a random room and then go have a fun time at a wedding. I don't plan on having kids but I do have a dog and I am picky about who I leave her with so god only knows what I would be like with a child!

ScoutF · March 2014

@BNS810 I might have missed someone asking this previously, but are you planning on having any children in the bridal party?

Otherwise, I agree completely with @maggie0829. Don't mention childcare at all on the inserts, and call each person to let them know the situation about having childcare available. I'd also consider putting a spot on the RSVP informing people how many seats have been reserved for them.

Cookie Pusher · March 2014

larrygaga said:

Just my random 2 cents

I hate no-kids weddings. It always comes off to me as bridezillaish and control freaky, because it seems like they just don't want kids to be running around and yelling. Most parents would control their kids at a wedding or not bring them. I come from a family with a ton of kids, and there is a cousin that is having a kids-free wedding. Almost nobody is going because it's out of town and already expensive to go. Maybe i'm just more easy-going around kids.

But I'm the girl that dances holding hands with a 4 year old and I have never been to a wedding where running around and yelling was a problem.

EDIT: I guess I see why other people might not want kids if they have little buttholes that might attend LOL. For the record, I don't have kids and I don't want them for a long time, if ever. I like them, though.

Yea, see, you're assuming way too much. We are not inviting children to our wedding other than the children in the wedding party. We don't want kids, but we love them. We go to every kid's birthday party and are the first ones to roll around on the floor and play with them. But we are one of the last couples in our social groups to get married. Almost all of our married friends have 2 or more children (1 doesn't, but the wife is currently pregnant with #2). We had the choice of inviting everyone and their children (which would literally double our guest list) or invite only the adults. We chose to invite only the adults. If we invited everyone and their children, we could not afford to properly host the Saturday evening wedding we had planned. We would then have to either cut the guest list to accommodate some of our friends and their children, switch to a venue that had twice the capacity but change to a non-meal time reception so we could afford to feed everyone, or cut out all of our friends so none of them would feel they were being treated better/worse than anyone else. Call me a Control-Freak Bridezilla if you want, but I'd rather be able to host all of my guests properly and in the formality my FI and I agreed upon.

NYCBruin · March 2014

kmmssg said:

BNS810 said:

What if I am not okay with drinking in front of them? I get that the parents are responsible for their kids. I get that it is their call. But what if it makes me uncomfortable? I'm just really not willing to invite kids and I think it's perfectly okay for me to make that decision. I could be wrong but I do not think I am breaking any sort of etiquette by not inviting children.

So my question really is how do I let people know that childcare will be provided? I really like the idea from a PP of placing a card within the invite that tells people childcare is available. If people do not want to use it that's perfectly okay, they can find other arrangements or decline the invite but I do think it's a nice gesture. Some people have already said they are fine with it and like I said before, my family has done this in the past so many of them should not be surprised.

My question goes back to what will you do if Little Suzie refuses to stay with the sitter and throws a fit? Will you indeed ask the family to leave? Is THAT what your family has done at other events where daycare has been provided?

If your family provides onsite daycare and has no issues with unfamiliar sitters then rock on. BUT..are they asked to leave when Suzie wants to be with Mommy & Daddy? You just can't do that!

Again - no problem from me with having a no kid wedding but this really isn't. We hosted our last DD's no kid wedding and held to a very strict line on it. We also left it to everyone to make their own daycare arrangements. The only under 18 guest was my son and he was 11. He was a sibling of the bride.

I really think if you are so adamant that you would ask people to leave then you need to just leave the daycare to the parents to worry about. That is the point that is a problem here.

It isn't my business but can I ask why you have such an over the top reaction to drinking in front of kids? Don't these kids ever eat at Applebee's or Chili's? People drink in there all the time. If their parents drink these kids have been around people drinking.

I don't understand how this is any different than if the parents arranged their own childcare. A child not wanting to be with a sitter is always a possibility. If parents arranged their own childcare (whether it happened to be on-site or off-site), this would still be an issue. I think the obvious answer is that if there's an issue with your kid and the sitter, a parent leaves to handle it. There shouldn't be an issue of "asking the family to leave" because it'd be rude for a parent whose child was having issues of any kind with their childcare provider to bring their child to an event that they were not invited to.

Personally, I think providing childcare is a nice gesture. I understand there may be confusion, and I think calling up parents to let them know is a nice way to avoid that.

When I was a child, this type of arrangement was fairly common. I would hang out with my cousins and a babysitter while my parents and aunts and uncles attended the wedding reception. My parents assumed (or asked or independently verified, I have no idea) that the couple was arranging for adequate childcare providers. They would rather have left us with a "stranger" for the evening than spend the entire weekend away from us.

crunchymamaof2 · March 2014

We would never leave our kids with a stranger. That goes for gym day cares and church nurseries. Our oldest goes to school but we obviously chose the school ourselves after checking out references, etc. we also aren't ready to leave our children overnight yet (4 and 19.months) plus the youngest is still breast feeding so we'd be declining or bringing my MIL or aunt with us to watch them for the evening.

so yes! there are some of us like that! I also think that you're making this more of a hassle than it needs to be. IMO it comes down to this: would you rather have more declines but get a completely child free wedding OR is having those couples attend important enough that you may have a stray kid or two at the reception? You run that risk with the on site child care. If you can overlook a few kids clinging to mommy or daddy than provide the child care and call those with kids and explain the situation. But if that thought is not okay, skip the child are expense.(neither is a wrong choice, it's just a personal preference)

Questions about adult only wedding with provided childcare

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