Should the mother of the groom attend the shower... ?

huskypuppy14 · April 2014

Did you mom and friend (or whoever is hosting your shower) ask you FMIL if the date worked for her? I would probably think it was strange that the mother of the groom (who lives across the street from the shower venue!) didn't attend the shower, but there is nothing you can do.

I understand being upset, but just enjoy your shower, and don't worry about who can or cannot come.

tigersgirlgv · April 2014

I definitely came thinking that the post was going to be asking if she had to invite her fmil to the shower, not being mad that she wasn't coming...

lc07 · April 2014

OP, she is choosing her husband over everyone else. I believe putting your FIs needs before everyone else's (within reason - and I believe this qualifies) is most important. She's not going to attend a party where people give you gifts so she can support her husband. No big deal. Let it go.

@blueeyes90 I

your post. I'm sorry your FMIL won't be able to attend your and your FI's wedding. I've been there. That's hard.

pinkshorts27 · April 2014

lc07 said:

OP, she is choosing her husband over everyone else. I believe putting your FIs needs before everyone else's (within reason - and I believe this qualifies) is most important. She's not going to attend a party where people give you gifts so she can support her husband. No big deal. Let it go.

@blueeyes90 I your post. I'm sorry your FMIL won't be able to attend your and your FI's wedding. I've been there. That's hard.

@lc07 Thanks. I'm really sad about it. The day before FI and I are taking a moment to visit her grave again. He doesn't go often, but by his request we are going for a private moment and to leave some flowers. He will also have their last family picture in his pocket so she is with him. But as we remind everyone else, this will be a private thing between us. No need for anyone else to know.

Maggie0829 · April 2014

Just because someone cannot attend your shower or wedding or whatever, does not mean that they do not support your marriage. There are other things that come up that keep people from attending those events. But again, it does not automatically mean that they don't support your marriage. FFS. It would almost be like someone saying that since their best friend can't come to their birthday party that they do not support their birth.

mimiphin · April 2014

Oh for Pete's sake!!
My Dad and my FMIL and FFIL aren't meeting until the wedding weekend. We have been together for 4 years and my dad lives 12 hrs away (Fi and I bought a house 2 years ago and he still has yet to see it!) and FMIL lives 6 hours away.
I'm not expecting a shower due to everyone being spread out. I think I will have a Bachelorette (BM has hinted at it) but I think it will just be like a girls weekend out or something to that effect.

OP Grow up!!

lc07 · April 2014

blueeyes90 said:

lc07 said:

OP, she is choosing her husband over everyone else. I believe putting your FIs needs before everyone else's (within reason - and I believe this qualifies) is most important. She's not going to attend a party where people give you gifts so she can support her husband. No big deal. Let it go.

@blueeyes90 I your post. I'm sorry your FMIL won't be able to attend your and your FI's wedding. I've been there. That's hard.

@lc07 Thanks. I'm really sad about it. The day before FI and I are taking a moment to visit her grave again. He doesn't go often, but by his request we are going for a private moment and to leave some flowers. He will also have their last family picture in his pocket so she is with him. But as we remind everyone else, this will be a private thing between us. No need for anyone else to know.

@blueeyes90 That's really touching and I think that your plans sound very special. And I love that you are doing it privately. Our wedding day was hard for my (now) husband because his father was deceased -unfortunately I never got to meet him- and his mother was too ill to attend our wedding. We, too, kept things subtle which I really believe helped. Even though my husband cried (and he is not a cryer!) during our wedding, and I believe it was largely due to his parents' absence, the overall mood of our wedding was kept upbeat and happy because we didn't make a big show of their absence and I KNOW that helped. I will be thinking of you and your FI.

pinkshorts27 · April 2014

lc07 said:

blueeyes90 said:

lc07 said:

OP, she is choosing her husband over everyone else. I believe putting your FIs needs before everyone else's (within reason - and I believe this qualifies) is most important. She's not going to attend a party where people give you gifts so she can support her husband. No big deal. Let it go.

@blueeyes90 I your post. I'm sorry your FMIL won't be able to attend your and your FI's wedding. I've been there. That's hard.

@lc07 Thanks. I'm really sad about it. The day before FI and I are taking a moment to visit her grave again. He doesn't go often, but by his request we are going for a private moment and to leave some flowers. He will also have their last family picture in his pocket so she is with him. But as we remind everyone else, this will be a private thing between us. No need for anyone else to know.

@blueeyes90 That's really touching and I think that your plans sound very special. And I love that you are doing it privately. Our wedding day was hard for my (now) husband because his father was deceased -unfortunately I never got to meet him- and his mother was too ill to attend our wedding. We, too, kept things subtle which I really believe helped. Even though my husband cried (and he is not a cryer!) during our wedding, and I believe it was largely due to his parents' absence, the overall mood of our wedding was kept upbeat and happy because we didn't make a big show of their absence and I KNOW that helped. I will be thinking of you and your FI.

Sounds perfect. I wouldn't want to depress anyone else. I totally want it upbeat and would feel awful if anything at our wedding brought anyone else down.

Thanks so much for your thoughts. I appreciate it and I just feel for him. I never got to meet his mom either and they had some tough times growing up (she was bipolar and faced a eight year long battle with cancer).

Should the mother of the groom attend the shower... ?

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