Fiance driving me nuts with etiquette issues for invites

theartistformerlyknownas · April 2014

I just have to say... every time I read the title of this post I can't help but think of this.

CrazyCatLady3 · April 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:

grumbledore said:

Even his friends were listed by nicknames, no last name, SO's first name but no last name... He's killing me with this. I think he thinks it's not a big deal, but it's important to me (obviously for those of you familiar with me on TK lol) to make a good impression.

I got a similar run-around from my guy. I ended up telling my now-husband if he didn't get me the correct and complete information, those people would not get invites. And if any of them were to ask me where their invite was, I would direct them to him to explain. I wasn't kidding. We ended up chopping off 2 friends from his side of the list because he couldn't be bothered to call them/FB message them for their addresses. (We hadn't talked about the wedding to them specifically so it was just a matter of paring down the guest list, not uninviting people.)

I did that with DH, too. He *INSISTED* that so-and-so and so-and-so and whatshisnuts and whatsherface all just freaking HAD to be invited.

And then he couldn't be bothered to find out full names, or addresses, or relationship statuses. They didn't get STDates for that reason, and then when invite time came, they didn't get those, either, because he wouldn't freaking ask. I don't GET it. I really don't.

Wow, I thought I was the only one with this problem. Glad to know I'm not.

jules3964 · April 2014

FI didn't know the last name of his friend's girlfriend, and I was able to facebook/twitter stalk to find out her full name. FI thought that was too creepy and insisted I not use her last name on the STDs. So I insisted he just ask his friend, then.

He finally asked -- apparently looking like a creepy stalker was enough motivation.

beharrington · April 2014

Shingles - I got shingles dealing with DH's guest list.

The September before our April wedding, I had our STDs all ready to send out. We still had not gotten names and addresses from DH's parents which I asked for in May. (True story - I handed each of his parents a piece of paper with a table of 50 lines on it - spaces for name, gender, and age. Even then it was too hard apparently.) DH's family did not get STDs (I have sooooo many magnets left over).

January rolls around and still no damn lists. MIL decided we should just give her 50 invites. Um, no, 50 people, not 50 invites.

Getting those names and addresses was the most difficult thing about wedding planning. When I got shingles and had a melt down, I told DH that I no longer gave any fucks and if none of his family got invited, I didn't care. We would send all the invites to acquaintances instead.

Finally he got hold of one or two family members who were able to give us what we needed.

I remember screaming that if his mother did not have the phone numbers or addresses of the friends she wanted to invite then they were obviously not friends....

HisGirlFriday13 · April 2014

CrazyCatLady3 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:

grumbledore said:

Even his friends were listed by nicknames, no last name, SO's first name but no last name... He's killing me with this. I think he thinks it's not a big deal, but it's important to me (obviously for those of you familiar with me on TK lol) to make a good impression.

I got a similar run-around from my guy. I ended up telling my now-husband if he didn't get me the correct and complete information, those people would not get invites. And if any of them were to ask me where their invite was, I would direct them to him to explain. I wasn't kidding. We ended up chopping off 2 friends from his side of the list because he couldn't be bothered to call them/FB message them for their addresses. (We hadn't talked about the wedding to them specifically so it was just a matter of paring down the guest list, not uninviting people.)

I did that with DH, too. He *INSISTED* that so-and-so and so-and-so and whatshisnuts and whatsherface all just freaking HAD to be invited.

And then he couldn't be bothered to find out full names, or addresses, or relationship statuses. They didn't get STDates for that reason, and then when invite time came, they didn't get those, either, because he wouldn't freaking ask. I don't GET it. I really don't.

Wow, I thought I was the only one with this problem. Glad to know I'm not.

'Snuggles and his girlfriend.' That was SERIOUSLY on DH's freaking invite list. I wasn't even going to try to figure out who that was or how to FB stalk him.

If he'd given me ANYTHING I could work with, I would have tried.

I tracked down all his effing cousins' husbands' names. All 12 of them who go by nicknames of their middle names rather than their first names.

I'm all about dividing and conquering if he'll give me something to work with. But 'Snuggles'....what? No.

APDSS22 · April 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:

grumbledore said:

Even his friends were listed by nicknames, no last name, SO's first name but no last name... He's killing me with this. I think he thinks it's not a big deal, but it's important to me (obviously for those of you familiar with me on TK lol) to make a good impression.

I got a similar run-around from my guy. I ended up telling my now-husband if he didn't get me the correct and complete information, those people would not get invites. And if any of them were to ask me where their invite was, I would direct them to him to explain. I wasn't kidding. We ended up chopping off 2 friends from his side of the list because he couldn't be bothered to call them/FB message them for their addresses. (We hadn't talked about the wedding to them specifically so it was just a matter of paring down the guest list, not uninviting people.)

I did that with DH, too. He *INSISTED* that so-and-so and so-and-so and whatshisnuts and whatsherface all just freaking HAD to be invited.

And then he couldn't be bothered to find out full names, or addresses, or relationship statuses. They didn't get STDates for that reason, and then when invite time came, they didn't get those, either, because he wouldn't freaking ask. I don't GET it. I really don't.

Wow, I thought I was the only one with this problem. Glad to know I'm not.
'Snuggles and his girlfriend.' That was SERIOUSLY on DH's freaking invite list. I wasn't even going to try to figure out who that was or how to FB stalk him. If he'd given me ANYTHING I could work with, I would have tried. I tracked down all his effing cousins' husbands' names. All 12 of them who go by nicknames of their middle names rather than their first names. I'm all about dividing and conquering if he'll give me something to work with. But 'Snuggles'....what? No.

I believe that's the Bear for the Snuggle fabric softener commercials...

Fairyjen1 · April 2014

When we were first engaged one of our theater friends asked when the date was so he could make sure to save it. This guy is a bachelor and probably doesn't have any idea that inviting your self is rude. I didn't feel like correcting him so was going to bean dip. Before I could open my mouth my fiance' says "Depends, what services can you provide for us?" My fiance says he was joking, but I'm not so sure. The guy didn't seem offended, he offered to set some lights, run sound or build any sets we might want for our wedding background, but I was ready to fall through the floor in embarrassment. This is one of the many reason we are doing immediate family only. Fiance' has never been an etiquette dolt before or since so I'm not sure where it came from.

ShadeofGreen816 · April 2014

Lolo8383 said:

Maaaaan oh man, so much this.
"Honey, you just wrote Steve. Is it really Steve, or Steven, or Stephen?" "I don't know."
"Honey, you just put this guy alone... but didn't he get married last year? What's his wife's name?" "I don't know."
"Honey, didn't your cousin Chris bring someone to Christmas last year? Are they still together? We need to invite her." "I don't know."
"Honey, if Sam is coming in from Chicago we should let her bring a date if she wants to." "No way, she's fine." "Yes way."
...plus at least 2 people's names misspelled, and I had to WhitePages at least a dozen addresses. I did make him text some people to ask what their wives names were.

Good thing I am in control of the spreadsheet. I just wish he'd get back on Facebook so he could cyberstalk these people instead of me! At least he does all the dishes.

This!! Are we twins? FI is driving me crazy with his invites. All of his friends wives, he has no idea how to spell their names. Plus, he's not on Facebook so I've been having the worst time finding these people! But, he does do all the dishes (no dishwasher in our tiny, 85 year old house), so it's hard to stay mad for long.

huskypuppy14 · April 2014

SarahRN87 said:

Lolo8383 said:

Maaaaan oh man, so much this.
"Honey, you just wrote Steve. Is it really Steve, or Steven, or Stephen?" "I don't know."
"Honey, you just put this guy alone... but didn't he get married last year? What's his wife's name?" "I don't know."
"Honey, didn't your cousin Chris bring someone to Christmas last year? Are they still together? We need to invite her." "I don't know."
"Honey, if Sam is coming in from Chicago we should let her bring a date if she wants to." "No way, she's fine." "Yes way."
...plus at least 2 people's names misspelled, and I had to WhitePages at least a dozen addresses. I did make him text some people to ask what their wives names were.

Good thing I am in control of the spreadsheet. I just wish he'd get back on Facebook so he could cyberstalk these people instead of me! At least he does all the dishes.

This!! Are we twins? FI is driving me crazy with his invites. All of his friends wives, he has no idea how to spell their names. Plus, he's not on Facebook so I've been having the worst time finding these people! But, he does do all the dishes (no dishwasher in our tiny, 85 year old house), so it's hard to stay mad for long.

Triplets. But my FI insisted his friend Steve was Steven, so hopefully that was correct. We do have a dishwasher, but I cook and he cleans up, which is fine by me.

Also, FI is not on facebook either. There was one friend who I had to hound FI to get his girlfriends name. She was a drunk mess 2 years ago at a wedding we went to, so FI didn't want her to come. He kept saying "and guest" is fine. I finally said, how hard is it to text him and ask his girlfriends name. Come on. Finally got it, but geez it was like pulling teeth.

melbenso · April 2014

And so it continues...

As I posted in another thread, FI's friend asked if she could bring a friend to the wedding because her 12-year-old daughter cannot attend. I'm not crazy about this idea because:
1. the costs for an adult and a child are not the same (I am the one paying for the wedding since FI had to use his savings up when he got laid off last year)
2. I have no idea who this person is. We didn't invite a lot of our own friends in order to stay in budget, so I don't like the idea of paying for a stranger to attend my wedding.
3. The friend's friend "wants to see the Midwest" since she has never been here before. My wedding is not some stranger's vacation or Midwest experience.
4. Issues with the rehearsal dinner invites and potential drama with FMIL.

FI was inclined to say ok. And while I understand that he wants his friend to have a good time at our wedding, it was his other reasoning that drove me nuts. "We've already given someone else a plus one," he says. This baffled me. When discussing guest lists and budget months ago, we decided that if someone was truly single, they would not get a plus one. Not a single one of our truly single guests was invited with a plus one, a named friend, etc. If you are in a relationship, that person got invited. If not, single invite.

I responded that we haven't given anyone else a plus one. But he disagreed. He said the friend who's boyfriend wasn't included on the mailed invite because he didn't think the relationship was serious enough was given a plus one.

Explaining to him that inviting a significant other is not the same as giving someone a plus one was an adventure in trying not to lose my mind or my temper. Friend with boyfriend isn't truly single. Friend who wants to bring friend is. Just because we (through his error) didn't include boyfriend on the original invite, doesn't make him a plus one. We didn't make an exception. We corrected an error. We have another 10-15 guests who are truly single and didn't get plus ones. If we extend a plus one to one friend and not all, that is an even bigger problem.

GAH!

HisGirlFriday13 · April 2014

Why don't men get that? I mean, seriously, WHY is that so hard???

DH and I had a similar conversation about not giving truly single guests plus-ones, but inviting couples together. He was like, 'But you don't like BM's BF, and we invited him.'

I said, 'You're right, I don't like BM's BF, but he is her BF, so she gets invited with him by name. Whether I like him or not is immaterial. I don't like your aunt and we're inviting her.'

I won that round.

wabanzi · April 2014

My FI was great about getting full names, addresses, SO's, and updating the list (almost) correctly since we started this process about a year ago. The issue is, he is still adding names at this point (2 months out) when the international invites have already been sent (3 weeks ago) and the out-of-state (sent two days ago).

Being absolutely convinced that at least 1/2 of his Canadian family will not be attending (although none have rsvp'd to date), the list has grown over-capacity of our venue. To be fair, I believe him to be right about the declines in his family (it would be a long & expensive trip to a not very exciting place in the states), but I am pretty freaked out about the guest list. So each day I awake and hope to find a "regrets" which is the exact opposite of what I should be wishing.

And then, unaware of the local people on our guest list, he talks about the wedding extensively to those not on the list (to anyone & everyone really). I'm pretty sure they will be shocked when they don't receive an invite (and probably think I nixed them) and it will result in hurt feelings more so than what should be. I am happy on how excited and involved he is, but please, please, please STOP!

The pinnacle of breach I discussed in another thread--he approved a guest list for my "surprise" shower (that I accidentally found out about) in which over half of the ladies are not on the wedding guest list. The invites for the shower are already out. Ugh.

So, we talk about it --a lot. Not fight or argue, but talk. I try to explain my fear and panic in what he is doing. How people's feeling may really get hurt, etc. He's a smart guy. He understands. He does it again. I honestly believe he just loses it in the excitement. He has improved, but damage has been done.

So I wait and pray for declines...

melbenso · April 2014

Well, I won this round. I did so by counting up all of the truly single guests on our guest list and explaining to FI that if we gave his one friend a plus one, we couldn't really say no if any of the other 14 truly single people on our guest list asked for one, and that would blow our budget.

And @wabanzi, as for praying for declines - I'm in budget and capacity and still kind of hoping we get more declines than those we were expecting already, especially for our rehearsal dinner, to which we are inviting the wedding party and all family invited to the wedding. We have two separate rooms reserved for it and the one I like better is the smaller of the two, so I've been hoping that enough people won't be coming in until Saturday that we can use the smaller room. (It is a reasonable possibility, as a decent number of family members either live within easy driving distance of our destination and will come in on Saturday or live far enough away that they won't be able to make it at all.) We have a larger space reserved just in case, but it doesn't have the beautiful views of the lake that the other one does.

wandajune6 · April 2014

We sent an STD to Lalo. No last name, just Lalo. FI told me he had found his last name but never did. We had some version control issues with our spreadsheet (he has since been schooled on the topic) so I missed this. I didn't catch it later as FI addresses half of the invitations.

Lalo thought it was hysterical. However, I'm embarrassed- and even more embarrassed now that I realize that Lalo is a nickname (should have guessed..).

Fiance driving me nuts with etiquette issues for invites

Re: Fiance driving me nuts with etiquette issues for invites

Choose Another Board

Search Boards