Went to a bridal shower yesterday

sofakingmad · April 2014

On a scale of one to mortified, I don't really get my panties in a wad about this.

I'm a gambler and if I have a chance to win a prize, I'm going to do it regardless. Plus I know it's not the bride's choice to have this done, so it's not like I judge her.

I also fall into the trap of buying the pack of diapers to be put into a drawing....it's just my gambling nature.

banana468 · April 2014

Every time I've been asked to do this there was no raffle - just a hostess who may have meant well but who did a really rude thing.

sofakingmad · April 2014

banana468 said:

Every time I've been asked to do this there was no raffle - just a hostess who may have meant well but who did a really rude thing.

It doesn't make sense, but this would irritate me. At least attempt to make it fun or worthwhile for me!

abbyj700 · April 2014

bubblegum1309 said:

scribe95 said:

Yes, it is technically a faux pas. I have to admit though that I also have NEVER been to a wedding or bridal shower in which it wasn't done so maybe I am desensitized and just don't really care.

Same here. I agree it's rude, but I really don't care. There are so many bigger etiquette faux pas that seem to be on the rise that if this is the worst one you did then it sounds like a nice shower!

Yeah - I'm in this camp. It's an etiquette blunder - but one that doesn't bother me. I did it at my sister's wedding shower not knowing it was because it's been done at almost every shower I have attended. I don't take it personally but as seen in this thread - some surely do.

beharrington · April 2014

For this one, it would bother me at a bridal shower but not so much at a baby shower (depending on how close to the expected due date). If the shower is a few weeks before baby is due, I don't think I would feel bad about addressing my card. May not be really valid reasoning but it's how I feel.

CheleLyn · April 2014

Like I said, overall it was a pleasant gathering. I definitely agree that her co-hosting was the bigger faux pas. I guess it bothers me because I know better and it's something I wouldn't do. I don't hold it against her. I was actually a little surprised at my own reaction LOL

There wasn't coffee and I didn't win a prize (a bunch of damn cheater pants! LOL) BUT the food was good and there was cake

The shower was March 29 and I'm wondering how long til I do get a thank you card since they were pre-addressed.

I am much more aggravated that I gave a gift for a baby shower in mid February and have yet to receive a thank you card from that gal...and I most definitely have put on my judgy pants about that considering who it is. Come to think of it, we never received a thank you card for the wedding gift for her!

RebeccaB88 · April 2014

I would probably just use my envelope as a drink coaster, then wait and see how long it took me to get a thank you note...

VerizonGirl · April 2014

Just want to comment on this part: Just because her wedding isn't until August, doesn't mean she can't have a shower now.

In my part of the country, people are clearly stuck to the traditional etiquette, and showers are held within a 6-week window prior to the event (wedding or baby).

I wanted to host a baby shower before Christmas break (we're all teachers) and the other three hosts said that was beyond the 6-week window, so it was moved to the last Monday in January - which was the earliest possible date in the 6-week window. And the night before the shower, the dad called me and said the mom had just had the baby, so while HE and the mom's MOM would be at the shower the next day, the MOM and the BABY would not.

So I have a personal experience of WHY this rule is stupid, but people here still stick to those rules, and I was clearly mocked when I suggested the too-early date...

huskypuppy14 · April 2014

VerizonGirl said:

Just want to comment on this part: Just because her wedding isn't until August, doesn't mean she can't have a shower now.

In my part of the country, people are clearly stuck to the traditional etiquette, and showers are held within a 6-week window prior to the event (wedding or baby).

I wanted to host a baby shower before Christmas break (we're all teachers) and the other three hosts said that was beyond the 6-week window, so it was moved to the last Monday in January - which was the earliest possible date in the 6-week window. And the night before the shower, the dad called me and said the mom had just had the baby, so while HE and the mom's MOM would be at the shower the next day, the MOM and the BABY would not.

So I have a personal experience of WHY this rule is stupid, but people here still stick to those rules, and I was clearly mocked when I suggested the too-early date...

I have never heard of this rule here or anywhere before. And I think it's especially stupid for a baby shower, for the very reason you state.

I've been to showers 2 or 3 months before the wedding. Those are standard in my circle. I hosted my sisters shower, and the only date that worked for everyone was 2 months before. My shower will be 7 weeks before my wedding.

kitty8403 · April 2014

This is so weird. I've never seen this done at any bridal or baby shower! People at those events just give door prizes for winning silly party games, sitting in a marked chair, etc.

Addressing an envelope to myself at somebody's party would totally weird me out.

kitty8403 · April 2014

hyechica81 said:
first off it was rude to facebook invite you also if her wedding is in august 6 months ahead of time is also kinda rude it sounds like the bride/groom are gift hungry and want to get a lot of gifts and then maybe decide if they will keep them or they were looking more for money to foot some of the wedding bill..

tacky tacky tacky

my mom and sister sent out the invites for my shower. we used my sisters name as the contact but my moms number as my sister is an hour away at college and was easier to use my moms number

I agree. A shower six months before a major event screams gift grabby to me. Anything more than about 3 mos before or after I'd probably side-eye.

levieenrose · April 2014

sarahufl said:

Serious question, because I have never been to a shower that does this, but exactly how long does it take to address your own envelopes?

Ha...mine take forever because I can never just write "thank you" and have tiny handwriting. But if it's not a sincere, warm message which discusses more than just "thanks!" and overflows to the back of the card, it feels undone!! So writing one card usually takes me 7-10 minutes. The polite turn-around is two weeks; these will be just slightly over that.

But I also knew this going in, so I asked who was coming and addressed all of my envelopes ahead of time--I mean, I was at least going to thank everyone for taking the time to come, right? Thank goodness. We are definitely doing that for our wedding thank yous (but we're waiting a bit in case people change residences between now and then).

But I'm not sure what I would have done if people then supplied me with these other random envelopes...

jenniferurs · April 2014

laurynm84 said:

hyechica81 said:

first off it was rude to facebook invite you also if her wedding is in august 6 months ahead of time is also kinda rude it sounds like the bride/groom are gift hungry and want to get a lot of gifts and then maybe decide if they will keep them or they were looking more for money to foot some of the wedding bill..

tacky tacky tacky

my mom and sister sent out the invites for my shower. we used my sisters name as the contact but my moms number as my sister is an hour away at college and was easier to use my moms number

You got all that because the shower is 5 months before the wedding? That's a stretch. There are obviously some faux pas going on, but a shower 5 months before the wedding isn't one of them.

Seriously. Assuming you're close to these people since you're invited to their shower, why would you assume the worst about them? Perhaps the VIPs weren't available closer to the wedding date. Perhaps out-of-town family members wanted some distance between the shower and the wedding for financial/travel purposes. There are a large number of reasons why someone may choose to have a shower months before their wedding and I can't see how any of them include the honoree being gift grabby. Is she somehow now going to get twice the gifts because of the timeframe in which she had her event?

My baby shower is being held 3 months before my due date. I don't foresee myself getting any more or less gifts because it's outside the "6 week window."

Went to a bridal shower yesterday

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