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Wedding 911
SmashleyC
member
FMIL and FSIL Rant
in Wedding 911
My fiance and I are planning a destination wedding and paying for most of it on our own. ALL of our friends and family couldn't be more excited except his mother and sister who are both being a total pain in the arse.
FMIL kept telling him no one from his family was going to come because it is a destination wedding. Fast forward and her entire family is booked and excited and she still has not. Even still, she keeps making sideways passive aggressive negative comments to my fiance about the wedding.
FSIL is 21, but is incredibly immature for her age. She keeps freaking out about how is she going to get to the wedding, where is she going to stay, etc. and we have made it as easy as possible for her because she is very sheltered. I sent her very explicit dress ordering instructions today (I basically made it full-proof), link to order, color code, even found a promo code for her to get a discount on her bridesmaid dress and she wouldn't even have to go anywhere or even make a phone call. She sent me a ton of b*tchy texts, saying she was upset that she couldn't try her dress on, and why didn't I find a place for her to go to try on near her home (she lives in the midwest and we live on the east coast). She even went so far as to say we had to help her pay for the dress because it was expensive.(mind you, she has a great job, and doesn't spend money on anything, so I am not sure why she would need our help). Then she started bitching that we decided on long dresses, since it is on the beach, to which I replied, that I had planned on going short, but the reccomendation was to go long so the a gust of wind wouldn't end up sending the maids' skirts flying up and leaving them exposed during the ceremony.
She also doesn't seem to understand that when you order a bridesmaids dress, you can't just walk into a store and buy it off the rack, which I have tried to explain several times. I am fine with helping her, but I could not believe the negative and passive aggro nature of everything she sent me. We have always gotten along and it seemed so out of left field. I am incredibly frustrated as she is clearly being very self involved and not even considering the fact that we are paying for and planning an entire wedding, and that the day is not all about her. I was so angry earlier, I was thisclose to telling her that is she continued to act this way, she could wear what she wants and sit with the other guests (but I calmed down and did not, lol).
Sorry for the rant, but I needed to get it out somewhere that people would understand, thanks! 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: FMIL and FSIL Rant
i would also be annoyed at not being able to try on the dress. Usually even at a boutique where you have to special order the dress, they have at least a sample size dress to try on - why couldn't you find a boutique that sold the same dress line in her home town so that she could try it on?
Additionally, it sounds like she doesn't like the cost - did you ask her for her budget before choosing the dress? If not, I agree with her - you should be paying for all or part of the dress. It's your job to make sure the dress is within the budgets of your BMs...and it's NOT your job to determine what their budgets should be based on their jobs and spending habits. If she had a budget, and you surpassed it, that is on you. So you can either buy the dress for her, hope she buys it herself, or risk her dropping out of the wedding because she can't afford the dress and then having her hold that against you for the rest of your life.
Side note: destination weddings are expensive. Have you thought about what the weding overall is costing her, with travel, etc? Maybe that's why she can't afford to spend as much as she normally would on a dress? IMHO, if you're having a DW, you need to pick up some additional expenses since you're asking your families to spend a lot of money on travel.
Your FMIL is being annoying; have your FI tell her to cut it out and either book her trip and stop complaining, or just not go. The rest of the faimly clearly had no issue with your DW, as they all made their arrangements already. I'm hoping you cleared this DW with your future in-laws before deciding on it? Obviously they are VIPs so if they told you they couldn't afford to go, you should have considered that before booking it. if they didn't mention anything at the time, that's on them.
I would agree with this, except for the fact that the longer she takes, the more expensive it is. And there are travel agents (at least where I am) who will book everything and let you pay it off slowly. Since it's both FMIL and FSIL sounds like they're both just upset about not getting what they want and are making it hard on you. Just try your best to ignore it. If they don't make the appropriate arrangements, so be it. I know it sucks, but at this point, it's their choice if they want to be a part of your wedding.
2. We worked around the OOT BM situation this way: a) used Weddington way showroom and let everyone pull favorite styles and comment on what they liked/didn't like/problem areas. b). MOH and I found three acceptable sample dresses and I photographer her in them. c) we put those final options to a vote and ordered. I covered the deposit to make sure we had no delays.
3. Ignore FMIL's negativity. She'll get over it.
4. Consider offering to cover some of FI's family's travel costs--IF you can afford it and IF they tell him it's a problem for them.
I took this to mean that OP didn't care if the girls like the colour or could re-wear it, because they're not paying for it.
To that end, other than the navy blue dress I wore as a friend's MOH, I have flat-out hated the colour of every BM dress I've ever had to buy. But I've done it and not said, 'Oh my god we look like a pastel nightmare!' because the dress didn't violate my standards of modesty, just aesthetics, and that's not my business. If the bride wants six grown-ass women in matching pastel prom dresses, well, it's her wedding.