• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Reception Ideas

Black Tie Invited Reception

EmedianEmedian member
10 Comments
edited April 2014 in Reception Ideas
Thanks for all the input...
«13

Re: Black Tie Invited Reception

  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    There's no such thing as Black Tie Optional.  Guests always have the option to wear black tie clothing to a formal event.  Please don't put BTO on your invitations.

    While your wedding sounds lovely and very formal, it is not quite Black Tie.

    I love the way your florals sound- love orchids!!!!!!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    doeydo
  • Well, unfortunately, it's too late.  Word is out.  Where I was from formal just means suits and dresses. We wanted to make sure we are inclusive given that we are having a cross-cultural marriage.  Folks I'm sure will figure it out.

    So PrettyGirl, how was your Black Tie wedding?
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    To start with, black tie events should have engraved invitations.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Emedian said:
    Well, unfortunately, it's too late.  Word is out.  Where I was from formal just means suits and dresses. We wanted to make sure we are inclusive given that we are having a cross-cultural marriage.  Folks I'm sure will figure it out.

    So PrettyGirl, how was your Black Tie wedding?
     Then why did you come here looking for advice?  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    PrettyGirlLostAddieCakeclimbingwife
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited April 2014
    "Back tie optional" = ugh.  Too bad you didn't ask us before you sent the invitations.  An event is either black tie, or it is not.  IMHO, black tie weddings should only be attempted by people who are used to going to them.  Being black tie doesn't make your wedding any better than one that is not black tie.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    PrettyGirlLostNYCBruin
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Emedian said:
    Well, unfortunately, it's too late.  Word is out.  Where I was from formal just means suits and dresses. We wanted to make sure we are inclusive given that we are having a cross-cultural marriage.  Folks I'm sure will figure it out.

    So PrettyGirl, how was your Black Tie wedding?
    But formal can also mean black tie if guests opt to.  Why do you feel the need to put it in writing?  It really doesn't make sense.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I'm confused what cross cultural has to do with formality.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    PrettyGirlLost
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I was wondering that as well.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • I didn't ask for advice what to put on my invitation. I wanted to see what else to add in the reception.
  • Its fine to offer constructive criticism. The use of the words should, rude, or correcting a statement is not very nice. It has always been my dream to have a formal wedding and something different. I'm glad some people suggested items but it's not really what I expected from such a forum like this. I'm supposed to find resources not mean comments.
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    What's tropical moderne?
    Sounds like something on pinterest.
    PrettyGirlLostNYCMercedes
  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I just wanted to know what tropical moderne is?
  • EmedianEmedian member
    10 Comments
    edited April 2014
    I'm not attacking you. To each their own. I don't want people that don't respect my values and want to come. If someone shows up in church in shorts and a tshirt you wouldn't care? Why can't we have both a formal event and have a good time. Thanks for adding. I will take those comments and apply. I'm not fighting..a much better approach is suggest what I can do to make it black tie noted.
  • Did you really put black tie optional on the invitations?     I can't imagine anything "tropical moderne" being a black tie event. 
    PrettyGirlLostgrumbledore
  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Do you mean like actual palm trees with modern furniture?
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited April 2014
    Emedian said:
    I'm not attacking you. To each their own. I don't want people that don't respect my values and want to come. If someone shows up in church in shorts and a tshirt you wouldn't care? Why can't we have both a formal event and have a good time. Thanks for adding. I will take those comments and apply. I'm not fighting..a much better approach is suggest what I can do to make it black tie noted.
    Nope, how someone chooses to dress reflects on THEM, not YOU.  And trust me, you'll be so busy and in the moment that you won't even realize what people are wearing.

    ETA - If anyone would even wear shorts to a wedding, they'd probably do it no matter what dress code you listed on the invitation.
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited April 2014
    Emedian said:
    I'm not attacking you. To each their own. I don't want people that don't respect my values and want to come. If someone shows up in church in shorts and a tshirt you wouldn't care? Why can't we have both a formal event and have a good time. Thanks for adding. I will take those comments and apply. I'm not fighting..a much better approach is suggest what I can do to make it black tie noted.
    I apologize for misreading your comment to me- I thought you were being snarky.  My bad!

    I think your wedding sounds really really nice, and it sounds very formal, and I wasn't trying to pick on it by saying that it wasn't technically black tie.  I just wanted to let you know that black tie is more than just a dress code, but a series of criteria that have to be met.  It's ok to put "Black Tie" on invitations if you really are having a black tie event, but if you are not, no matter how close you come- and you are very close- it's considered rude to write "black tie" or "black tie optional" on the invitations.  But that ship has sailed.

    The only thing you could add to your wedding to make it closer to black tie is valet service for your guests and perhaps add a course or two to your meal- but that is getting pretty nit picky.

    ETA: I hate to bring it up again, but you have to get ride of that 3hr gap.  A true black tie event would never have a gap that large, and you are running the risk of pissing off a bunch of your friends and family.  I'm not trying to pick on you, I'm just trying to warn you that people honestly overwhelmingly hate gaps that long.

    Honestly, if someone shows up to my wedding in a t-shirt and shorts I won't care, because how they dress doesn't affect me at all.  It doesn't make my church any less grand, or the mansion any less of a mansion.  If they show up dressed so informally, chances are they are going to feel very under dressed and awkward, but they sure won't upset me.  Seriously, as long as people show up and have a good time, that is all I truly care about.



     

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    misshart00lc07
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited April 2014
    OP, I have been to a number of black tie affairs when I lived near Washington, DC.  Black tie on an invitation meant that the men must wear a tuxedos, and that the ladies wore long gowns, furs, and lots of expensive jewelry.  The details of the refreshments, venue, and entertainment were understood.
    If you have a black tie wedding, you are telling your male guests that they must wear a tuxedo.  This is going to mean that you will probably get a lot of declines on your RSVPs.  Unless you move in a social circle where most men already own a tuxedo, I would discourage you from trying to pull off a black tie wedding.  You will look pretentious to your guests, who might want to attend your wedding, but send regrets because of the dress code on the invitation.
    If anyone else asks, just say that you are having a formal wedding.  That is much more flexible than a black tie wedding.  As I posted before, there is no such thing as "black tie optional".  It does not exist.

    PS.  Your wedding is in the afternoon.  Tuxedos are not to be worn until after 6:00PM.  How are your guests supposed to wear "black tie" to an afternoon ceremony?  Serious question!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    grumbledore
  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Does "black tie optional" mean that I can wear pajamas to your wedding? I mean, it's just optional.
    PrettyGirlLostgrumbledorecasey8784
  • Thanks for clarifying. I come from a Hawaiian Family but my future husband comes from a family that often has black tie occasions. We do have hosted. valet service, in fact..there's really no option other than just valet at the resort. Our wedding planner suggested that term for our floral design..lots of tropical pieces. The 3 hour gap is not something i can really change since catholic weddings are often in the morning. In fact, the church is making an exclusion by giving me a 1 pm ceremony since we have been regular donors at the church. We are trying to make it easy for our guests. 80% of them are staying at the resort since they are coming from out of state and out of the country. The rest we are offering a complimentary suite for the weekend. I realize that declines may happen because of the unusual formality but it's something we just have to accept. However, we are counting that no one wants to miss a 3 day weekend visit in Newport Beach. Thanks pretty girl..your comments were helpful. I'm also just another girl who wants to make her dreams come true.
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited April 2014
    Neither your guests, nor your wedding party should be wearing tuxedos to your ceremony.  Suits are proper, or even morning coats, the daytime formal wear for men.  Long gowns for women guests are ridiculous at 1:00PM.
    I know it is too late, now, but you should have planned a proper formal morning wedding, followed by a wedding breakfast (formal luncheon) for your guests.  The gap is inexcusably rude.  Expecting your guests to change their clothes for the reception is both rude and inconvenient. 
    You had a wedding planner, and she let you make these mistakes?  Holy shit! I would fire her immediately!  She must have known what is proper, and she let you plan this huge train wreck?!  What the hell are her qualifications?  She has obviously never read an etiquette book in her life!  I am so sorry that you had to learn this from us!
    Is the "black tie optional" actually printed on your invitations, or are you just telling people this?  Just start telling people that your evening reception will be formal.  Do you have a website?  Check it for more faux pas.  I would guess that some of your guests will not attend your ceremony due to the inconvenient timing and necessity for changing clothes.
    Your decor, food and drink are fine, as long as you don't try to hang that label of "black tie" on them.  My daughter's wedding had a lot of Asian guests, too.  Most didn't join in the dancing, and we paid for a lot of overpriced soft drinks.
    As I posted earlier, it is not a good idea to try to plan a black tie event if you aren't familiar with them.  Good luck to you, anyway!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    grumbledore
  • Emedian said:
    Thanks for clarifying. I come from a Hawaiian Family but my future husband comes from a family that often has black tie occasions. We do have hosted. valet service, in fact..there's really no option other than just valet at the resort. Our wedding planner suggested that term for our floral design..lots of tropical pieces. The 3 hour gap is not something i can really change since catholic weddings are often in the morning. In fact, the church is making an exclusion by giving me a 1 pm ceremony since we have been regular donors at the church. We are trying to make it easy for our guests. 80% of them are staying at the resort since they are coming from out of state and out of the country. The rest we are offering a complimentary suite for the weekend. I realize that declines may happen because of the unusual formality but it's something we just have to accept. However, we are counting that no one wants to miss a 3 day weekend visit in Newport Beach. Thanks pretty girl..your comments were helpful. I'm also just another girl who wants to make her dreams come true.
    If this is the case they are going to pick out everything you get wrong starting with "black tie optional" on your invites.  They will probably have too much class to ever say anything to your face but they may talk about it amongst themselves.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    PrettyGirlLostclimbingwifegrumbledore
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited April 2014
    This is where YOU will get to judge your FI's family.  If they are really upper class people, they will never let you know that anything in your wedding was out of place.
    Someday, I will be a MOG.  I won't get to help plan my son's wedding.  I will need to keep my opinions to myself, and keep smiling!  I will thank God that my son finally found a lovely lady who makes him happy, and with whom he wants to spend his life - even if she insists he wears a tuxedo in the daytime.  (Aaaaack!)
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • Wow. Again not exactly the help I was asking for but hey..even in an online forum you can't make everyone happy. People wear tuxes at church. We see it at weddings all the time. It's just not pointed as wrong because the reception is not labeled black tie. Does anyone know a church that marries couples at night? If you know one of one in Newport Beach, please send the info my way. It's easy to criticize when solutions are not readily available. It's a not rude to inform guests of event attire. Meanwhile, we already received 90% of our RSVPs. It's not a big deal on our side. By the way, we are having a 5 am rehearsal at church a week before the wedding and green tie rehearsal dinner with a 6 hour gap. We decided to serve burgers for dinner. Everyone have a great nuptial...thanks for the enlightenment! Again, I was asking for ideas not put downs. Given that I'm not getting the result I was expecting. Consider this my last post in this thread.
  • Wow. Again not exactly the help I was asking for but hey..even in an online forum you can't make everyone happy. People wear tuxes at church. We see it at weddings all the time. It's just not pointed as wrong because the reception is not labeled black tie. Does anyone know a church that marries couples at night? If you know one of one in Newport Beach, please send the info my way. It's easy to criticize when solutions are not readily available. It's a not rude to inform guests of event attire. Meanwhile, we already received 90% of our RSVPs. It's not a big deal on our side. By the way, we are having a 5 am rehearsal at church a week before the wedding and green tie rehearsal dinner with a 6 hour gap. We decided to serve burgers for dinner. Everyone have a great nuptial...thanks for the enlightenment! Again, I was asking for ideas not put downs. Given that I'm not getting the result I was expecting. Consider this my last post in this thread.

    (Stuck in the box)  Sorry, but just because you see people do it (and I know they do) doesn't mean that it is proper. 
    Protestant churches have evening weddings quite frequently.  Unfortunately, this doesn't help you because you need to be married in a Catholic church.
    I think I have at least part of a solution for you.  Ask the church if you can host a simple sandwich and coffee reception in their fellowship room after your ceremony.  You will be greeting your guests and giving them a chance to relax.  Later, you can have your formal dinner celebration with the wedding cake and the dancing.  As long as everyone who is invited to the ceremony is invited to both events, and both parts of the reception are on the same day, you will be OK.  Your guests will probably want to change their clothes for the evening party, but you say 80% are from out of town, anyway.  It shouldn't cost you much.  Get sandwich trays from a nearby Costco or Sam's Club.  Maybe there are some church ladies who can help serve in return for a donation to the church?
    Remember, the amount of money spent does not make your wedding any more proper than a simple, inexpensive wedding.
    I hope I have helped.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Emedian said:
    Thanks for clarifying. I come from a Hawaiian Family but my future husband comes from a family that often has black tie occasions. We do have hosted. valet service, in fact..there's really no option other than just valet at the resort. Our wedding planner suggested that term for our floral design..lots of tropical pieces. The 3 hour gap is not something i can really change since catholic weddings are often in the morning. In fact, the church is making an exclusion by giving me a 1 pm ceremony since we have been regular donors at the church. We are trying to make it easy for our guests. 80% of them are staying at the resort since they are coming from out of state and out of the country. The rest we are offering a complimentary suite for the weekend. I realize that declines may happen because of the unusual formality but it's something we just have to accept. However, we are counting that no one wants to miss a 3 day weekend visit in Newport Beach. Thanks pretty girl..your comments were helpful. I'm also just another girl who wants to make her dreams come true.
    You are definitely not having a black tie wedding if you are having a 3 hour gap. Also, black tie optional does not exist. It is either black tie or not, and you are not hosting properly to have a black tie wedding. 

    You CHOSE to have your wedding in this church, which meant that you cannot have a black tie affair as they can only start after 6 pm. I would be so angry if I got dressed up and had to sit around for 3 hours. Gaps are very, very rude. 

    If I were in your shoes, I would reprint the invitations and move the reception up to immediately after your ceremony. Either that or push back the ceremony to  just before your reception. Those are your only two options here. 

    Also- you do realise no one should be in a tuxedo before 6pm, as this is very gauche and tacky. They should be in morning dress if it is during the daytime.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Emedian said:
    Wow. Again not exactly the help I was asking for but hey..even in an online forum you can't make everyone happy. People wear tuxes at church. We see it at weddings all the time. It's just not pointed as wrong because the reception is not labeled black tie. Does anyone know a church that marries couples at night? If you know one of one in Newport Beach, please send the info my way. It's easy to criticize when solutions are not readily available. It's a not rude to inform guests of event attire. Meanwhile, we already received 90% of our RSVPs. It's not a big deal on our side. By the way, we are having a 5 am rehearsal at church a week before the wedding and green tie rehearsal dinner with a 6 hour gap. We decided to serve burgers for dinner. Everyone have a great nuptial...thanks for the enlightenment! Again, I was asking for ideas not put downs. Given that I'm not getting the result I was expecting. Consider this my last post in this thread.
    Your immaturity is showing.  You might want to cover it up.

    If you are old enough to create threads on online forums, you have to be prepared to accept any and all comments.  You are paying good money for a professional to advise you on how to host a proper wedding.  You are NOT getting your money's worth.

    Your attempt at snarkiness shows your true colors and obvious lack of knowledge regarding weddings.  There would be, in fact, absolutely NOTHING wrong with serving burgers at a rehearsal dinner.  In fact, many brides prefer to host a more casual rehearsal dinner.  

    You are getting the advice that should have come from your wedding planner.  A gap is beyond poor hospitality.  It sends the message that you don't value the time or the comfort of your guests.  You can make changes there, as per the suggestions of PP's.  It is not too late to host something light and casual to fill that gap.

    You did not get the result you were expecting because many of your wedding details are simply not polite.  As this is a wedding forum, the posters will make suggestions that make for a polite and properly hosted event.  If you are looking for how NOT to host a proper wedding, continue throwing your money out the window with your DOC.  She is doing a great job of doing what should NOT be done.


    PrettyGirlLostgrumbledore
  • You're having a 5am rehearsal a week before the wedding ? Don't. Just don't. It's so rude to ask people to set aside that much time for you.

    And what is a green tie rehearsal dinner?
    PrettyGirlLostFran1985
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards