I got my first one [vent]

MuppetOverlord · April 2014

CrazyCatLady3 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

CrazyCatLady3 said:

Yes, gauging from the reactions here I decided to keep to the no baby rule. [And I wouldn't "ban her to the bathroom;" I would offer the bridal suite] but in general this is just another issue I don't want to have to deal with.

Feel free to flame me, but I don't think it's polite to BF at the dinner table at an event where you don't know every guest at the table and their level of comfort with that. [Yes I realize that this may be an unpopular opinion, but I feel that courtesy and respect concerning BFing needs to go both ways.] So if there's the possibility that she would be super-offended by that, I'd rather have her be less offended by merely telling her we are not having babies at the event.

I think that would be a very nice thing to offer.

It appears that some would be offended by such an offer because it would be telling them not to BF where they want.

It's a nice thing to offer if it doesn't mean they aren't banished to that room.

There's a difference between telling them to go to that room to BF (offensive) and offering the room as an option if she wants (nice thing to offer).

delujm0 · April 2014

Frankly, most BFing mothers i know would go to another room voluntarily or at least cover themselves up if BFing in front of a crowd. Do you really think your friend is just going to take her top off at your reception with her boobs exposed and start BFing? I mean FSIL does that when it's just immediate family and we're sitting in her living room, but i've never acutally seen a bare breast in public. Women generally at least cover up, even if they would like to feed in a public area. Why is this a problem?

Personally, while we also are having a child-free event, I would allow a BFing mom to bring her baby if she wanted to, because i have plenty of friends that have done that and I know how inconvenient it can be to have to pump for a night. We told all of our currently BFing friends/family that they were welcome to bring their babies if that would be easier on them, but they all declined. Our event hotel is literally across the street from the venue, so most of them are going to get a sitter and run to the hotel and BF during cocktail hour and then come back. FSIL is bringing her 8 month old (we want him there, he was the only child invited), but has a sitter lined up to take him to the hotel to BF and put him to bed around his normal bedtime.

You are totally within your rights to say "no babies" but these people may change their RSVP to "no" if you do - and they are totally within their rights to do that. As long as your confortable with that arrangement, have at it.

a13049 · April 2014

MuppetOverlord said:

CrazyCatLady3 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

CrazyCatLady3 said:

Yes, gauging from the reactions here I decided to keep to the no baby rule. [And I wouldn't "ban her to the bathroom;" I would offer the bridal suite] but in general this is just another issue I don't want to have to deal with.

Feel free to flame me, but I don't think it's polite to BF at the dinner table at an event where you don't know every guest at the table and their level of comfort with that. [Yes I realize that this may be an unpopular opinion, but I feel that courtesy and respect concerning BFing needs to go both ways.] So if there's the possibility that she would be super-offended by that, I'd rather have her be less offended by merely telling her we are not having babies at the event.

I think that would be a very nice thing to offer.

It appears that some would be offended by such an offer because it would be telling them not to BF where they want.

It's a nice thing to offer if it doesn't mean they aren't banished to that room.

There's a difference between telling them to go to that room to BF (offensive) and offering the room as an option if she wants (nice thing to offer).

Exactly. I have been banished to the bathroom, mentioning was not an accusation. When we answer it's to the general (you).

tammym1001 · April 2014

One of my BM's has a baby who will be 4 months old on our wedding day. I asked her if she would like to bring him. She said no they would rather leave him with the sitter. She breast feeds exclusively and said she would have bottles to leave with the sitter (she works full time so she already does this during the day). She did ask if there was a private place that she could pump because she will still need to do that whether the baby is there or not. I told her she could use the villa we rented out as nobody will be in there during the wedding. This worked fine for her. Sometimes you just have to have a conversation with the new mom and find out what will work best for them. They can't really control their bodies and what they need to do. They are on the babies time at that point.

Even if she comes without the baby, if she is breastfeeding she is going to need a place to pump. If you can I would try to find a place for her that isn't the bathroom. Other people are going to need to be in the bathroom and even though I don't have children, I think I would feel weird about having to pump in a public restroom. That's just MPO though.

2leadsingers · April 2014

grumbledore said:

I would think that at 6 months this should be pretty manageable. If the baby was a few months younger I would just let the mother bring the baby if she was breast feeding, but that's just me.

I went to a wedding kid free while I was EBF my daughter at 6 months old. The only "issue" was with me going to the car to pump twice, as the total time was a 6 hour event and it was an hour drive each way. However, I had a pump I could take with me, and a cooler to store milk in, and it was in October in Michigan so I didn't have a real storage or potential spoilage issue. But again, my daughter was used to taking a bottle of expressed milk from other people (grandma) who wasnt going to be attending the wedding and was able to babysit. My son, on the other hand, NEVER took a bottle. Not once. He would rather starve himself for 8 hours until I got home to nurse him than take a bottle. So I couldn't have attended a child free wedding when he was a baby. Some parents will relish the night without a LO and others just won't come. Also, some moms are so adept at nursing, that even if they did do it at the table no one would notice, but I most likely would step away from the table and dj. If the only options were the bathroom or the table though, you can bet your bottom dollar I am doing it at the table.

ETA : I can't spell on the tablet.

CrazyCatLady3 · April 2014

2leadsingers said:

grumbledore said:

I would think that at 6 months this should be pretty manageable. If the baby was a few months younger I would just let the mother bring the baby if she was breast feeding, but that's just me.

I went to a wedding kid free while I was EBF my daughter at 6 months old. The only "issue" was with me going to the car to pump twice, as the total time was a 6 hour event and it was an hour drive each way. However, I had a pump I could take with me, and a cooler to store milk in, and it was in October in Michigan so I didn't have a real storage or potential spoilage issue. But again, my daughter was used to taking a bottle of expressed milk from other people (grandma) who wasnt going to be attending the wedding and was able to babysit. My son, on the other hand, NEVER took a bottle. Not once. He would rather starve himself for 8 hours until I got home to nurse him than take a bottle. So I couldn't have attended a child free wedding when he was a baby. Some parents will relish the night without a LO and others just won't come. Also, some moms are so adept at nursing, that even if they did do it at the table no one would notice, but I most likely would step away from the table and dj. If the only options were the bathroom or the table though, you can bet your bottom dollar I am doing it at the table.

ETA : I can't spell on the tablet.

Just curious, not really related to the original post, but now that this thread is all about BFing

If a baby refuses to take a bottle, what does a woman do who has to go back to work after a certain amount of maternity leave? Is she basically screwed? I'm learning in case FI and I ever decide to have kids.

Jen4948 · April 2014

CrazyCatLady3 said:

Just curious, not really related to the original post, but now that this thread is all about BFing
If a baby refuses to take a bottle, what does a woman do who has to go back to work after a certain amount of maternity leave? Is she basically screwed? I'm learning in case FI and I ever decide to have kids.

Talk to HR and see what accommodations the company can make for you. They can't fire women for nursing. Also, ask your doctor about alternatives.

banana468 · April 2014

Jen4948 said:

CrazyCatLady3 said:

Just curious, not really related to the original post, but now that this thread is all about BFing
If a baby refuses to take a bottle, what does a woman do who has to go back to work after a certain amount of maternity leave? Is she basically screwed? I'm learning in case FI and I ever decide to have kids.

Talk to HR and see what accommodations the company can make for you. They can't fire women for nursing. Also, ask your doctor about alternatives.

Well, they can prohibit you from bringing your child to work. Most just have a legal obligation to provide a room that isn't a bathroom that you can use to pump.

A lot of moms I know purchased a ton of different bottles until they found one that worked. Those with babies having nipple confusion often found themselves nursing for hours as soon as they got home.

a13049 · April 2014

CrazyCatLady3 said:

2leadsingers said:

grumbledore said:

I would think that at 6 months this should be pretty manageable. If the baby was a few months younger I would just let the mother bring the baby if she was breast feeding, but that's just me.

I went to a wedding kid free while I was EBF my daughter at 6 months old. The only "issue" was with me going to the car to pump twice, as the total time was a 6 hour event and it was an hour drive each way. However, I had a pump I could take with me, and a cooler to store milk in, and it was in October in Michigan so I didn't have a real storage or potential spoilage issue. But again, my daughter was used to taking a bottle of expressed milk from other people (grandma) who wasnt going to be attending the wedding and was able to babysit. My son, on the other hand, NEVER took a bottle. Not once. He would rather starve himself for 8 hours until I got home to nurse him than take a bottle. So I couldn't have attended a child free wedding when he was a baby. Some parents will relish the night without a LO and others just won't come. Also, some moms are so adept at nursing, that even if they did do it at the table no one would notice, but I most likely would step away from the table and dj. If the only options were the bathroom or the table though, you can bet your bottom dollar I am doing it at the table.

ETA : I can't spell on the tablet.

Just curious, not really related to the original post, but now that this thread is all about BFing

If a baby refuses to take a bottle, what does a woman do who has to go back to work after a certain amount of maternity leave? Is she basically screwed? I'm learning in case FI and I ever decide to have kids.

For me, dd reverse cycled hard at first. She was nursing all night and sleeping all day. She would refuse to eat from the bottle. After about 3 weeks she started to come around. It was very difficult.

mysticl · April 2014

tammym1001 said:

One of my BM's has a baby who will be 4 months old on our wedding day. I asked her if she would like to bring him. She said no they would rather leave him with the sitter. She breast feeds exclusively and said she would have bottles to leave with the sitter (she works full time so she already does this during the day). She did ask if there was a private place that she could pump because she will still need to do that whether the baby is there or not. I told her she could use the villa we rented out as nobody will be in there during the wedding. This worked fine for her. Sometimes you just have to have a conversation with the new mom and find out what will work best for them. They can't really control their bodies and what they need to do. They are on the babies time at that point.

Even if she comes without the baby, if she is breastfeeding she is going to need a place to pump. If you can I would try to find a place for her that isn't the bathroom. Other people are going to need to be in the bathroom and even though I don't have children, I think I would feel weird about having to pump in a public restroom. That's just MPO though.

The statement that is often given to people who tell a woman to pump in the bathroom is "would you want your dinner prepared in a bathroom?". Likewise the statement to people who tell women to nurse in the bathroom is "would you want to eat your dinner in the bathroom?"

a13049 · April 2014

mysticl said:

tammym1001 said:

One of my BM's has a baby who will be 4 months old on our wedding day. I asked her if she would like to bring him. She said no they would rather leave him with the sitter. She breast feeds exclusively and said she would have bottles to leave with the sitter (she works full time so she already does this during the day). She did ask if there was a private place that she could pump because she will still need to do that whether the baby is there or not. I told her she could use the villa we rented out as nobody will be in there during the wedding. This worked fine for her. Sometimes you just have to have a conversation with the new mom and find out what will work best for them. They can't really control their bodies and what they need to do. They are on the babies time at that point.

Even if she comes without the baby, if she is breastfeeding she is going to need a place to pump. If you can I would try to find a place for her that isn't the bathroom. Other people are going to need to be in the bathroom and even though I don't have children, I think I would feel weird about having to pump in a public restroom. That's just MPO though.
The statement that is often given to people who tell a woman to pump in the bathroom is "would you want your dinner prepared in a bathroom?". Likewise the statement to people who tell women to nurse in the bathroom is "would you want to eat your dinner in the bathroom?"

Yes, pumping or feeding in a public restroom feels so gross. Plus, its i found it very difficult. If I knew ahead of time that may be my only option, then I wuold have everythign all hooked up and ready to go, but still i had to juggle the bag, keeping the cones on my chest, standing up in some stall, it just felt gross. It became difficult to unhook the bottles that were full and put them away without spilling. It can be done, its just very difficult and awkward. I am very thankful there are now laws the protect womens rights when it comes to bf and appreciate all my mother did to bf me when she wasn't as protected.

thesummersky · April 2014

CrazyCatLady3 said: We got about 2/3 of our RSVPs without any uninvited write-ins, but I just got one where the [invited] couple wrote in their [uninvited] baby on the RSVP. I'm irritated that now I have to send them the awkward "we're sorry we can't accommodate [speshul snowflake]; we hope you can still make it." I'm worried that if they decide to come anyway they will be smiling and nice on the outside but just thinking "OMG YOU EVIL BABY-HATING WITCH" the whole time on the inside.
When I first read this, I was like, "Evil babies? Creepy!" Then I re-read it and laughed. I agree with PP that offering the bridal suite would be a nice gesture, but be prepared that she may not use that, and may instead BF somewhere where other guests could possibly see her. Same thing with the no-baby rule; you can do that, but then you must be prepared for them to possibly decline.

Edited for spacing.

Fezzik42 · April 2014

Just when I though we were in the clear - we got our first reply back with three added children....um yeah no. None of them are infants, I believe they are between the ages of 5 - 13. Happy Wednesday!

Edited because I am raging so hard I can't type.

jalyndani · April 2014

So I've been following this thread since it was originally posted. I've been planning a kid-free wedding myself- we addressed invitations only to the adults and even used the phrase "We have reserved ___ seats for you" on the RSVP cards. I have been adamant about no kids. I been reading all the advice I can on here so that I could properly respond/react to a situation like OP's.

My invites went out Tuesday. Yesterday, I got a text from a friend wanting to "make sure it was ok to bring the kiddos" before she filled out the RSVP card. Some points to make:

1.) Her kiddos will be aged 16 months and 10 weeks at the wedding.

2.) Their regular babysitters are her parents....who are my godparents and have also been invited.

3.) She is literally the only guest on "my" side who even has kids, and I've known her since she was four years old.

4.) FI & I attended her gorgeous, beautifully hosted, kiddos-present wedding a few years ago.

I told her...that I didn't mind at all if she brought her sweet babies. For one, I was touched/surprised/thrilled that she actually asked and didn't just assume. Also, I would rather have my both my godparents and my "godsister" and her family present than to hurt any feelings by exclusion. And if it weren't for all of the fantastic advice I've read around here, I probably would have reacted in a really shitty manner and ended up alienating a family who means the world to me. So...my kid-free wedding will have two toddlers/infants, but you know what? It's going to be ok.

CrazyCatLady3 · April 2014

I did end up sending a message to the effect of "we apologize for any confusion, but can't accommodate babies at the wedding. we hope you can still make it." I don't think that was a shitty response.

jalyndani · April 2014

Definitely not a shitty response. I, however, have somewhat of temper and bad habit of not filtering my opinions or considering how they might come across to others. That's what I meant by "shitty".

I got my first one [vent]

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