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Do guests have to be invited to shower?

jenna8984jenna8984 member
5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
This is done and over with, I am just curious as to the proper answer. I was a bridesmaid and the bride doesn't like being the center of attention. She accepted the offer of a shower but said that she'd prefer to keep it small. She didn't feel comfortable inviting all 100 women who were invited to the wedding and she wanted to keep the cost down for us hosting. So she gave us the shower guest list of 35 women (mostly family). Well a friend of the bride saw a picture of the shower on facebook and texted the bride asking "Am I still invited to your wedding because every woman invited to the wedding is supposed to be invited to the shower" (super rude of her to say). I know that everyone invited to the shower must be invited to the wedding but does it work in reverse as well?

                                                                 

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Re: Do guests have to be invited to shower?

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    No, definitely not.  As long as everyone invited to the shower is invited to the wedding, there is no requirement that all wedding guests be invited to the shower.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    That person is wrong.  I had a list of 18 people for my shower.  I don't like big showers so I wanted to keep it small.  Those 18 were invited to my wedding plus god only knows how many other women. So no, it does not work in the reverse.

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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    That person is just plain wrong.
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  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Where the hell did this "rule" come from? It's the dumbest thing. Some of the women on our guest list are invited to the wedding purely as SO's of male friends. I would be horrified to invite them to a shower; it would feel so gift-grabby. 

    Big showers are obnoxious. Inviting 35 of the closest women on the guest list is perfectly fine!
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  • InkdancerInkdancer member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    If I had to invite every woman on my guest list to my shower, I'd throw up from anxiety. At least at the wedding I will only have to make small talk with each of them for a minute or two.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    That's all kinds of wrong. I think people think of the shower guests must be wedding guests rule but forget that the converse isn't true.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    The friend was wrong. There's no etiquette rule that requires all female wedding guests be invited to the shower. 
                       
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  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    When I was planning my friend's shower I actually incorrectly thought that. Well, I asked my friend for her guest list for the shower and she handed me the wedding guest list with the females highlighted. Her mother luckily told us that no, she needed to go through the list and pick out her closest friends and family members.
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  • hyechica81hyechica81 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    edited April 2014
    for my shower we invited all my cousins, my male cousins wifes, my aunts, closest friends, and family, for my fi side we sent invites to his aunts out of state only because its his family his mom whose not attending, his best mans wife, and another friend of his. my sister sent out invites to 50 people and we have about 33 people attending
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  • jenna8984jenna8984 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Ok perfect, that's what I thought!!

                                                                     

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